When social media gets a little too social

Last night, my aunt sent me a private message on Facebook. Y’all know how I love IMs. But my Aunt Kathy is one of my very favorite people, so I opened it. It was a cartoon, a political cartoon, favoring, you know, my side.

When she sent it, I was trying to herd the cats back in, so I just wrote her back with the thumbs up sign, put the phone back down and went about my day.

This morning, I went to stupid Facebook, because if I don’t look at it every hour or so during the day, I’ll have at least 20 notifications. FB is a full-time job, man. Anyway, I had ANOTHER IM from a reader, who somehow (and this creeps me out) saw that I’d clicked Like on that cartoon, when in fact I didn’t, I just clicked the thumbs up sign in a personal message with my aunt.

Apparently, that cartoon was somehow linked to a public page, and my thumbs up to my aunt became a thumbs up on the cartoon. And this person sent me several paragraphs that I frankly didn’t read very carefully, but the gist was how dare I.

Dudes. It has become acceptable to not only look at what someone’s doing online, but to admit it and then speak to them about it.

Can someone tell me how the hell anyone can see what I’m liking in general, not to mention in personal chats with family? Do some people have a feed or something that shows other people’s activities? I don’t. There used to be one on the side of my Facebook page, but that was back in 2008 or something. (Disclaimer: I just got on FB and looked around, and saw the “Ticker” thing at the top-right. It had been turned off.)

My point is, I was in a private conversation with my aunt, and I should be allowed that privacy, at least. I kind of blame Facebook for setting it up that way. But also, why is anyone concerning themselves with what I do on social media anyway? It was supposed to be where I unwind.

Marvin dated a woman briefly who found my blog (not blog), or maybe Marvin was foolish enough to inform her I had one, but she of course found it, as all women would do, and then had the nerve to tell Marvin to tell ME not to mention him anymore. They had been dating maybe two months.

It didn’t last.

At the time, Marvin and I’d been apart four years and I was living with another man. If he came up in my writing, it was because I was telling a story about 1997 or something. And even if I’d set up a whole sad Miss Havisham Ode to Marvin blog or something, she STILL would not have had the right to tell Marvin to tell me ANYTHING.

What I’m saying, my point, is having the internet is making it not only possible, but seemingly acceptable, to stalk. “It’s not stalking! It’s, well, it’s being interested!” That’s what we say, right?

If stalking is a dramatic word, we can at least safely use obsessing. It’s weird, and we’re all doing it. Stalking is the new black.

You think I haven’t stalked/obsessed/been interested? I did it plenty when I was first with Ned. He’d mention one of his 68 old girlfriends and I’d stampede to his Facebook to see if I could see them.

Ned had good taste in women. They were always pretty. WHICH DIDN’T HELP.

And what good did that do me? Oh, great, he used to date pretty women. Now he’s stuck with old Chubby Von WitchHurr, of the Bulbous Nose Von WitchHurrs. I mean, it did nothing positive for me, our relationship or even for the women in question, since now they had someone hovering just like a spider on their pages.

And this not blog invites a sort of intimacy that isn’t there. I mean, I sit at this computer morning after morning, for 10 years, typing into a void, and while of course I’ve gotten to know a few readers in real life (Chris and Lilly, for example), mostly I do not know you. But you feel like you know me, because you’ve read my every stupid thought for 10 years.

Which, you know, is kind of great, right? I love that people think I’m a friend even though we’ve never met. But it also fosters a…familiarity that sometimes makes me uncomfortable.

In the years I’ve been doing this, I’ve had women go on OKCupid to look at my profile, I’ve had women take pictures of Marvin at dinner with his parents and put them online, I’ve had people leave stuff on my front porch without me telling them my address, I’ve had people approach Ned to say, “I know you’re Ned.”

I’ve gotten long, impassioned notes from people about their personal woes, people I don’t know and have never met. I’ve gotten long, drunken hate messages. At least I hope they were drunk. And more than once I’ve gotten a “HI, JUNE!” as someone drives by my house.

There’s also, on Facebook–and say Facebook one more time–a page called (Face)Book of June, where people who read this godforsaken not blog gather to exchange memes and pictures and comment on things having to do with this place, or things I’ve talked about before, or each other’s woes, and so on. I didn’t invent the space–the woman who did left years ago. She got mad at me about something I said on my blog and I can’t even remember what, now, made her mad.

The point is, I thought that page was a safe place. I liked that page. I told secrets there sometimes. But then I saw those two not-fans-of-June threads online where people were talking about my writing, and me, and so on.

And believe it or not, I wasn’t stalking myself! When you’ve written about every day of your life for 10-plus years, this place serves as a great reference for when you did something. When was my last mammogram? When did I last go to that restaurant? When was it I painted the living room?

So I was Googling byebyepie + whatever it was I was trying to remember, and saw one page that wasn’t my blog address, and that is how I found the first nonJune one. The FuckPie one. The Throw the Book at June one.

I totally stalked myself to find the second one.

And that’s all well and good. Not everyone is gonna like me. I’ve even see people have the nerve to not like The Nester, whom I have met and who is the most genuinely sweet person, ever, so.

But what freaked me out was it was evident that one of the people who doesn’t like me was (maybe still is) on that Facebook page, and she was reading stuff I’d written there and reporting it back to that page. I’m too stupidly trusting. I thought everyone on that page liked my blog (not blog). And, mostly, me.

So, I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this except to say that what was supposed to be a pleasant diversion is ruined, and it’s, I’m sorry to say, furthering my position on why I don’t hang around many women, because we’re the ones who do this, and just yesterday I was all yay, us and today I’m all, booo, us. So.

I’ll talk to you tomorrow. I still love you and hope we can be friends. I hope we can come back stronger than ever. I hope with time and therapy, we…okay I’ll stop now.

Stalk ya later,

June

104 thoughts on “When social media gets a little too social

  1. Boo! I hate fucking bitches. And how does she have the nerve to how dare you about ANYTHING that you say, or do, or like or don’t fucking like?? And, AND I hate the bitches that have ruined it for those of us who genuinely enjoyed your occasional interactions with us on Facebook. GOD. We just can’t have nice things. Love you, June.

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  2. Bummed out by this. Why can’t people who are unhappy with their lives just leave the rest of us alone? Think before you speak…or write. You’re not the boss of Jooon!

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  3. I hate when assholes ruin it for the rest of us. I mean, c’mon.. If you don’t like the writing, stop reading.

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  4. I was going to say maybe it’s mainly younger people doing that, who haven’t grown up with the privacy and boundaries we are used to. But it’s probably just snoopy people who have always been snoopy and now have all this access to more info on the internet. I’m snoopy, too, but I have boundaries. And it might be OK to FIND info to satisfy your curiosity, but it’s not OK to use that information for anything.

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    1. For me, it seems as if it’s the older generation who has boundary issues. Many of them feel that their age automatically gives them permission to ditch the filter and impart their “wisdom” whether it’s wanted or not.

      On the other hand, there seems to be a generation who feels that they have special rights and privileges and are very quick to take offense when people don’t cater to their whims.

      Now get off my lawn!

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  5. mmm…i blame fb as well. i don’t know what they’ve done but i had to inform my aunt that her ‘likes’ were showing up on my page…and, as expected, she ‘liked’ somethings that i did not ‘like’ (let’s say ‘like’ one more time) and even brushed my fur the wrong way. i believe i know if your said incident, because, fb, duh, i did see it — but, then, i chalked it up to you and i having difference of opinions. LIKE DUH PEOPLE. this goes back to guys wanting to date themselves. people ARE different and have the RIGHT to be different. or, so of which we have been told here in ‘muricia. i am ranty this morning. anyway. sometimes people don’t know their boundaries are loosey goosey – or nonexistent and the other person is then in charge of enforcing their own boundaries. as with my mother, i jokingly, say, i have to hit her over the nose with a newspaper. everyone who knows my mom completely understands. again, anyway. your dearest, and closest friend…

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  6. I’ve made the same mistake with liking, thumbs up, smiley face on what I thought was a private message. If your aunt sent you the cartoon and it was a link your thumbs up probably posted to the comments of the original site, not your private message. After doing this a few times I now check and double check that I’m replying to the actual person who sent something to me and not the original site.

    Other than that, and apologies to any readers who may offended by swearing, FUCK PEOPLE. While I am passionate about things and issues I never foist my opinions/theories/attitudes on anyone else. Mostly because I HATE when people do that TO me. For example, June, I know you do not enjoy the children’s movies. I love (most) of them. I would never take you to task because you do not wish to watch them and me telling you how funny, cute, etc. I find them is NOT going to change your mind.

    When did having differences with people whom we like and admire become such a deal breaker? As a society? I don’t understand it. Being friends with someone who is {GASP} different than me will only make both people better. At the end of the day, if I like a person that means I think they’re a good person.
    I think the majority of us are here because we like reading about your life and like one another, too. Fuck the rest who just come to get offended.

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      1. Yes, but didn’t it make you cry? I remember watching it and trying to cry discreetely so my whole family wouldn’t see – what a mess!

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        1. Are you talking to me? About Up? I can never tell in email if someone is responding to someone else here. If you are talkin’ to me, YES OH MY GOD YES I cried like an idiot.

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  7. I think some people get mired in the high school mentality and never grow out of it. Facebook fosters that like an ugly fungus.
    We don’t do FB at all in this household and while it’s annoying if a business only has a FB page and no website, usually I can at least find a phone number.

    Lovely post, pretty June.

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    1. I agree with all previous comments- the whole thing is so unfortunate. Our family has never has been on Facebook either. I always felt a little left out when I heard people talking about their page, how they are connected with loads of friends, etc. It seemed like everyone but me was having so much fun. But when you hear about the ugly side of it all, it just validates my decision to avoid it. The haters can just slink back under their rocks as far as I am concerned!

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  8. Why people have to be two faced or sneaky really is a mystery. I just remember what my father used to tell me, “Honey, fuck those people, you’ll never see them again.” Probably why I washed out of the diplomatic corps.

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  9. To quote a favorite Faithful Reader, “SCROLL, BITCH.” You don’t like what you’re reading, don’t read it. No one is holding a gun to your head and making you read it OR forcing you to comment on it.

    Oh, I am FUMING. Frigging people.

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    1. That was my first thought–to respond with, Please don’t read what I’m doing on social media. It’s odd. But I just blocked the person. But also, I’d like to mention that sometimes when you all write me with your problems, not for advice but just to tell me, I think, I don’t always respond. It’s just a boundaries thing. I’ve got my friends with their own problems, and I listen to and get involved in that, but I can’t go getting into everyone’s woes. I just can’t.

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  10. It upsets me that someone would do this to you. For anyone who doesn’t like this not-blog, please go read something else. Why obsess over June and her life? I just don’t get it.

    June, I’m truly sorry this is happening to you. If I remember correctly, it seems like a ton of readers joined the FB of June’s World back when you had drama and were going to discuss it there. Sadly, it appears that a few unhappy ones slipped in with the good ones and then decided to stay and stalk.

    And, Tee, forget about me ever joining FB.

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  11. I read this with a lump in my gut the whole time. Thank you June for not quitting us. Honestly, what is WRONG with people? Can we not have differences of opinion anymore and still like each other? And that goes for both “sides” – or all sides or whatever the case might be. Everyone is so on edge and primed to be offended. We had a fight on our neighborhood Facebook page the other day about where kids stand to catch the bus. It got nasty. But I guarantee you in real life these people wouldn’t have the guts to say any of the ugly things they said to the face of a neighbor.

    You’re a brave woman June Gardens. I love you for that – plus you’re pretty and interesting and funny.

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      1. Yep. Went right to the end first, to make sure she wasn’t flouncing, breathed a sigh of relief and went back to the top to leisurely read and enjoy, as usual..

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  12. Oh my, this is scary! Rethinking any likes I might have posted. I hope I have never offended anyone here or elsewhere. It is a sad state of affairs when every word is picked apart like a Thanksgiving turkey.
    So sorry June. Hope your loyal fans make up for the dung in the bottom of the people pool.

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      1. I think there might be something you can do in Settings that might help. I know that people can read in their ticker when I “Like” something and I can see when they have “Lked” a post that doesn’t appear on my timeline, but I have never seen any messages in my ticker that tell me what people “Like” in a personal message. That’s weird. Maybe someone has already talked about this, but I’m very busy dying of a stomach virus right now and can’t sit up long enough to read all the comments.

        Yes, I dragged my dying self to the computer to read Book of June. Ain’t nothing wrong with my priorities…

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  13. Those no-June people seriously have nothing else to do in their lives. And it isn’t just you–they’re are entire groups, pages, etc created simply to tear other people down. Why? And who has the time for that? It’s sad, really. So light a candle or say a prayer, and write on!

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  14. This makes me sick! We are here because we like/love you and enjoy your writing and sharing your life with us. I think, for the most part, we share our life as well. We are all different, we have different opinions, different values. Who has the right to challenge what each individual wants and values. These people just need to go away. If they don’t like what you write, don’t read it! I am so sorry this has happened. It is crap like this that drives me crazy about FB/social media.

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  15. Not again! I love that I am able to see glimpses of an everyday life here; but it is a privilege, and I know it. I appreciate the vulnerability it requires. I hate that the vulnerability also makes you….um vulnerable. So sorry.

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  16. I think I’m still randomly blocked on your Facebook from a year or so ago. So I’ve missed all this. I know I get sporadic notifications from friends saying they like things, or that they are interested in going somewhere. I’m waiting for Facebook telling me when they’re taking a dump. Which would be more interesting than knowing they like Asda. I’ve been known to cyberhunt info – not on June – for people I suddenly remember from my past, or people who hurt friends, but it’s all for juice for slagging them off in the pub, not to contact them to say I don’t like how they fold their socks. That’s just plain creepy. So sorry that some people are weird. Bad weird, not good weird. Sad noblog June x

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      1. I don’t know. It was another time that someone was being a dick – I stress it wasn’t me! You just disappeared from my timeline, and I couldn’t find you again. It was odd, but because I’m not an aggressive stalky type, I shrugged & just carried on reading your blog (not blog), instead of getting Inch High Private Eye on the case.

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        1. Sometimes I think someone has been mean when maybe they haven’t. There was this nutbar who’d friend me with different names, then wait awhile to start saying less and less subtly bitchy things to me in comments. So I get paranoid. You might have said something that made me think you were she, with a new disguised name.

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          1. Ah. I think I said something about the abuser being a horrid human. I don’t think I added FU Joon, but, when the fugue blinds me… Anyway, I’m not creative enough to be owt other than Monkleton (here), Monksnaps (Insty), Purpleprimate (Twits) or, more boringly Gillian (FB) on any SM. I’m also in another country & lazy, so your doorstep is safe from me. I’ve not been on my own doorstep in 3 days. I’m hoping to be reclassified from human to monument.

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  17. I think those people who want to act like they hate you and look down on you are really just jealous of you. They probably have a really boring life and you always have stuff going on so they decide to talk smack about you because they don’t have anything of their own to talk about. I’m sorry people are such huge motherfuckers.

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  18. My husband just retired from his fishbowl job, so I totally get people thinking you’re friends just because they are familiar with you. It’s an odd feeling.

    I would be very annoyed if somebody sent me a message over the thumbs-up button on any post. That’s insane.

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  19. This just reinforced my decision to keep my Facebook page deactivated. I hate to miss everything on Face Book of June but it all just got to be too much. The internet is creepy and I’m sorry people are boundary-less weirdos.

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  20. WordPress ate my other comment.

    The gist was that I saw that like on Facebook, thought it was odd, and moved on. But also, we are on the same side so there would be no reason for me to get upset. And I have friends on the other side, and I just scroll.

    Eff that bitch. Move along trolls.

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    1. She really wasn’t being a bitch. I mean, she was kind-ish (I just went back and read her IM), but it’s so goddamn intrusive and she didn’t seem to recognize that at all. Like I’d gone into her home and painted a peace sign on her dog or something.

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  21. Yes, the internet and Facebook have ruined the way people think it’s acceptable to interact. Combine that with the self-absorbed, get in your business personality type and it can be a real shit-show sometimes. And then there’s the hating trolls which you almost, ALMOST feel sorry for because they must be such miserable people.

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  22. I’m not on FB or Twitter or Insta or blah blah blah for all the reasons you’ve just described and more. And my friends aren’t either. The invasion of privacy by those sites is horrifying. Heck, this site if probably being scraped and the data aggregated and put up on commercial stalking sites. Yay modern times! It’s not just a movie anymore.

    Also how do people have the time to FB, et al and stalk? Like, I’m just trying to keep up with the ever loving lawn and mulching my flowers….

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  23. I’m here if you ever need me!!! Call on me, when times are strange. Or just come over and lie in my above ground backyard pool and have a glass of wine. My son calls this my redneck riviera, but it makes me happy.

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  24. For balance – I’ve moved around the UK a lot & lived in Plattsburgh, NY, so Facebook is wonderful for staying in touch & real time chats with mates across the universe. And I can bomb all my friends with my latest life disasters in one hit, and then turn my phone off. So, the dickish app has its uses.

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  25. I spent time recently Blocking, Hiding, Deleting Posts because of stupid people. I’m perfectly fine with people having a different opinion/view, whatever, but don’t be a dick about it. Those are the jackasses I blocked. But that’s on my personal page; I think Group pages are different. Hashtag StillAnnoyed.

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  26. I can’t comment on things on Facebook because my mother stalks me. One time I commented on Dooce’s status and it was something about my childhood AND MY MOTHER WROTE SOMETHING SHITTY on my comment. That’s just one of the times, there have been dozens. So I have to be super careful. AND she found my blog and told the entire family about it and how awful I was. So, I get the violation thing. I also understand the excitement of being included in what is technically a strangers life. But then when an opportunity presents itself to either say hey I’m part of the cool club or hey I’m in this club let me show you how awesome I am by sharing secrets so you become totally dependent on me to provide you with stuff to snark, that I don’t get. Other than it’s a way to validate ones self and disguise inadequacies in that person’s personality. Maybe they have some terrible shit going down and this makes them feel batter and because it’s an Internet person it’s easier to forget about feelings. I hate that this happens, it’s a specific kind of trolling that seems to be primarily driven by women and it hurts everyone.

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    1. That’s terrible @kphillips0823!

      I don’t think women are the only ones that engage in this behavior. Men do it too – if you start reading comments on news/opinion pieces, men are happily calling for the death/murder/rape of people (and their mother’s/daughter’s/children), while they gleefully reveal things they’ve learned about that person via online stalking. Men harass women, dox them, stalk them in real life etc. – a perfect example of this was Gamergate.

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    2. I hope you blocked your mother. This way, she can’t see anything you post, including what you post on anyone else’s page. I think that’s how it works. I could be wrong.

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  27. I was listening to a radio documentary, in the early aughts (I don’t know why “aughts” makes me laugh and not the fact that I was pathetic enough to listen to a documentary?!), about the havoc that predictive search will wreak on our lives. It was covering how machine learning results in it learning about our online behavior and then only puts in our search results things that it thinks we will like, nothing that we won’t. Basically it becomes an echo chamber of our own viewpoints. They posited that this would result in people becoming more & more entrenched in their own beliefs and becoming more and more vehemently opposed to even listing to different perspectives. The prediction was that politics would become the boiling point of all of it. It was so frightening that I can remember where I was when I was listening but unfortunately I can’t remember the name of it.

    I also think that when we disagree with someone in real life we see them, we know that they are a real person but there’s something that happens online where people forget that there are real human beings on the other side of the interaction. Side note, I recently started listening to a podcast, “Conversation with People Who Hate Me”, where the host and someone who spewed online hate toward him have a phone conversation – riveting.

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    1. Ooo, that WOULD be riveting. And you’re right. Recently I met a person IRL whom I knew was racist. I don’t mean she’s a Trump supporter and I made unfair judgements about her. I mean that her relative is dating someone of a different race and she cut that person out of her life. A racist. But golly, she was nice. I mean, I really liked her! Her beliefs stayed at the back of my mind our whole exchange, but I could see her positive qualities.

      Now, had I seen her leave a comment online saying, I no longer speak to my mom cause she married an Asian, I’d have hated her guts, no questions asked, and possibly left her a comment of my own. So, the internet. It one-dimensions us.

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      1. This was my favorite episode so far: https://play.radiopublic.com/conversations-with-people-who-hate-me-8gJ0xp/ep/s1!fa8a5dcb9d390a5cc1bbdd40e2d3ccbc9f5ef4ff

        I also remembered a Fresh Air episode that was shocking about harassment of reporters – this stuff is not only coming from the “other” side, it’s coming from their own side as well. Again, this was so upsetting to me that I can remember exactly what I was doing when I was listening to it!: http://www.npr.org/2016/10/26/499440089/harassed-on-twitter-people-need-to-know-the-reality-of-what-its-like-out-there

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  28. The fact that someone felt compelled to send you an email because you liked something is such bullshit…people can be such idiots. I still can’t get over strangers who always feel compelled to lecture parents on pictures that they post!

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  29. I do not understand people who go on other people’s FB page and complain about what they post, comment or like. I don’t go into your house and complain about your decor. At least not to your face.

    When I was a teenager, a family friend would often wear a shirt that said “What you think of me is none of my business.” It took me YEARS to understand what that meant.

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  30. I agree with everything you and everyone else has said so can’t really add more.
    I AM pissed for you though.
    I’d like to know how the hell to stop seeing everyones “likes” on posts they’ve read. Some days I see more of those than regular posts. I do want to see their posts, just not everything they’ve ever liked, FFS.

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  31. AND I’m irked because sometimes I’ll hit “like” just so the person will know I’ve at least read what they’ve had to say. Clearly I won’t hit “like” if I don’t fundamentally agree, but sometimes a “like” is just a nod, an acknowledgement. HASHTAG STILLPISSED.

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  32. Ugh. I hate/love people. I hate/love the internet. I had to step wayyyy back up off of Facebook, because the over-sharing and stupidity was getting to me. I un-followed certain gossip pages because they were causing me to want to stalk and I’d end up on some B-list actor’s boyfriends’ brother’s page at two am. Also, having my extended family on my Facebook has caused me to censor what I post, in a good way.

    I cannot imagine being you, or worse, being an actual famous person who gets so much ugliness and negative energy thrown their way for every post and picture they share. If I were you/famous, I’d just ruthlessly block any person who wrote me with something negative to say. Life is too short, man. Don’t let these haters get you down! This is still a safe space.

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  33. I’m sorry that you’re feeling that the internet sucks today. Sadly, the internet allows assholes a forum to be mega assholes. But, on the other hand, look at the wonderful peeps in your little not blog community!

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  34. Why don’t people just move on? If you posted something on your not-blog or facebook group that made me cringe, I’d just scroll on. And if it got to where that bothered me more than I enjoyed your other posts, I’d just go off and live my life.
    With all the discourse in the world, why add to it by getting yours (or anyone’s) hackles up by calling them out on their opinions?
    This is why we can’t have nice things.

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  35. I think someone early on the comment thread here got it right. She said that if the picture your aunt sent as a private message was linked to a other page, then what you say/do about it will be seen either by the public, or friends of friends, or just friends, depending on your privacy settings. I’m guessing she saw it on fb and then shared it to you via messenger. But just a guess cuz I’m not a huge techie.

    The thing I really wanted to mention is my “rule” about fb and that is to only say what I’m ok with anyone seeing, even my mother. But sometimes even with that I feel like I’ve just taken off all my clothes and run around on fb no matter how carefully I’ve said something. The thing that helps me relax about it is to realize no one is thinking about me, almost ever, as I am almost never thinking about them because I
    am obsessed with myself. Also, i rarely remember who said what on a post of mine. I remember a few comments but I often forget who said them (especially if the comments say the same sort of thing which they often do). I think it might be a similar experience for others. So when I think about it that way, I feel a little less naked.

    I realize for June, comments are a lot more pointed and individual but for people like me, well, no one thinks about me beyond the second it takes to read my comment and that has helped me relax. I hate worrying about what other people are thinking of me. It’s exhausting and so I had to figure out how to stop. No one is thinking about me! They are thinking about themselves. Yay!

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  36. Rather rude favorite saying of my Grandfathers “Opinions are assholes, everyone has one” Do I want to see your asshole? No. Don’t want to hear your opinion either. 🙂 June you do you, forget about the assholes. There are so many of us that adore you, focus on us!

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  37. There are a couple of people whose blogs I love that I follow on Facebook and it does kind of make me feel creepy so I just stick to liking stuff and keep the comments to the blog.

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  38. I can’t add anything unique except to say Be Brave June and Carry On. The internet is full of a-holes for sure. My husband, why I love him? A) he is not on FB and B) he says if he were, he would write stuff like “went to bathroom today, feel better”.

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  39. Well now I’m pissed. I just don’t even know where to start. I can’t believe the balls that someone obviously has to confront/chastise someone about their position on ANYTHING. I feel pretty damn strongly about my political affiliation, as we all do, but I wouldn’t dream of confronting someone who had a differing opinion. I would privately feel differently about them but wouldn’t say anything to them. Completely unacceptable. And the real-life stalking thing? Fucking crazy. And downright creepy. I love our little group but I wouldn’t dream of crossing the line and I think the people I’m “FB friends” with wouldn’t either. We all seem relatively sane. Insert wonky face here. I’m so sorry that you’ve dealt with that. You are right that the lines get blurred. And don’t get me started on the snake in our midst. That is such a violation. This was not the happy start to my morning I usually get but I’m glad you threw down and put it out there. People need to hear it occasionally.

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  40. “SCROLL, BITCH!” just made my day. I have to admit, I have done searches for old boyfriends, but I don’t FOLLOW them once (or if) I find them. And old boyfriends have contacted me, wanting to reconnect, but I’m all “nononono” with my fingers making the sign of the cross to get them away from me. I don’t accept all my friend requests, I’ve unfollowed people (sorry BIL, but you’re annoying!), and I’ve cleaned up who I do follow because my mother won’t get her own account and uses mine to follow my sister. It’s really too bad that people can be such gawdawful asses. I love reading your blog, June, and if I ever got to meet you in real life, I would be tickled to death because you have had such a huge impact on my days. Seeing the world through your eyes (and the eyes of your readers (and the eyes of your animals!)) has changed the way I look at things and react to things. And it’s all good. Please put up with the asses, for your readers’ sakes, and don’t quit us! Namaste, bitches!

    Like

  41. Way up in the comments, June said, “…it’s a boundaries thing.” That is IT. People no longer have any GODDAMN BOUNDARIES. Well, I do, of course, heeee. My daughter, her boyfriend, his mother and sister are all on FB. You can be damn shitting sure I careful about what I post and where. Not to mention my own circus freak family, a good portion of whom have been blocked, and high time for some of them. I should’ve blocked them out of my lives years ago … ok, getting off topic here. BOUNDARIES. GET SOME, PEOPLE.

    Liked by 2 people

  42. Sometimes I will make it a point to not share a link from FB but to go to the original source and share from there. I’m not positive this makes a difference but I’ll be doing it more often just in case.
    And it always freaks me out to be commenting on a friend’s post and see my family member post a comment! I think that has to do with my friends settings and nothing I can control. People need to set their setting to friends only.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My BIL does that. I’ll see he commented on one of MY friend’s posts and it throws me off. I’ve had to let people know he’s my BIL and not a troll and if they don’t want strangers posting on their pages, maybe they should adjust their privacy settings.

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  43. My nephew was born of sperm donor and he has always known this. My sister somehow found half siblings he has and then figured out who the bio dad was. (long story how she did this) Once she found out the sperm donor name naturally she stalked the facebook page of the whole family. She showed me at one time though the whole thing felt creepy and I did not look too deeply. Recently I looked up his bio aunt again (extremely interesting person) At one point she came up in my feed as someone I should friend. Anyway social media is weird sometimes.

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  44. I commented on a casual friend’s post one time (political) and was aghast to see my differently-political nephew comment on the same post. Totally freaked me out. I pm’d the original poster about the situation and warned her that he loves a ‘lively’ political discourse. It’s nice to know that it wasn’t my settings that caused that to happen, but it still made me cautious about responding to many of the posts I read other than Liking them, and now it seems even that could have ramifications. I loved what someone up above posted about predicitive searches and how it is enabling people to live in their own little echo chambers. And the anonymity of the internet makes it so much easier/safer to be rude. There are times when I really think I should give up fb, but sometimes it is the only interaction I get with someone other than my husband and kids all day. I really need to get a life.
    I’m sorry someone felt audacious enough to call you on anything, June. You are still so pretty and entertaining. Your nose is perfect.

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  45. I found a perfectly sensible way to react when I don’t like what people are posting or writing. I just stop reading that page or that person’s posts. I wish it would catch on.

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  46. If anyone figures out how to get their “likes” from showing up on the FB feeds of their “friends” who aren’t connected with the original FB’er who posted what they “liked,” please do let me know. It is most irritating. I don’t give two shits what my FB friends “liked” and I don’t want them knowing what I “liked” either.

    Also, June, longtime readers I had no idea were there do sometimes tell me they’ve been reading regularly (and never commenting, not once) for a long time, and it’s flattering but, like you say, they do feel they “know” me — and while in one way it’s nice because it’s an affectionate “knowing,” it’s also kind of disconcerting.

    -Kate

    Like

    1. Yeah, it IS disconcerting. “I’ve been reading you for years, here’s every detail of my fertility issues.” I completely understand it, I do. But it’s still jarring. And to get a whole diatribe about how I shouldn’t have clicked Like on something I DIDN’T REALLY CLICK LIKE ON was intrusive at best.

      Liked by 1 person

  47. JOOOON!!! Giving a thumb’s up to something someone doesn’t agree with is POISON to pets!

    Seriously, that person who crossed all sorts of boundaries about you giving the thumb’s up to a comic is a self-righteous, sanctimonious turd and God don’t like ugly.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. I utterly DESPISE Facebook for ALL the reasons. And am rarely on it. Until Hurricane Harvey…since I am from Houston, it has been useful for finding out who is safe and what’s going on without having to inundate people with texts while they are…ummm, otherwise preoccupied.

    And that website, that I believe you are referencing is vile and unbelievable. The same for people who make tactless, demeaning and ugly comments, in general.

    Ignore the haters, June. We think you are pretty and love to hear what you have to say; even if we may not necessarily agree with it…because we are adults. And not small-minded, tantrum-y children.

    Oh, and sorry I don’t follow you along on FaceBook…but as mentioned before, I despise it.

    Like

  49. Technology insane. My cousin was showing her mom a picture of a spice rack she ordered. On my aunt’s phone…when she got on Facebook on her own phone she had tons of ads for spice racks. How the heck?!
    I find it odd that people think that just because you know about something you are justified in ranting and raving and being mean to people. That’s strange.
    Remember a million years ago when President Bush had to issue a public statement about the fact that he didn’t like broccoli? I thought the world was intrusive back then! Now look at us.

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  50. It USED to be a Facebook setting where YOU controlled who saw your likes. Now it the other way around and the READER determines what they see in their newsfeed. Dislike!! Facebook changed his several years ago.

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  51. I’m so glad you addressed this and I appreciate your side of the story. I had a similar initial reaction as your emailer. The cartoon showed up at the top of my feed and said “June liked this”. My feelings were hurt because, in my opinion, the cartoon and commenters had it all wrong and were very nasty. I’ve been reading you for 10 years, and am occasionally guilty of assuming I know the real June more than I do. I know what I like about the June you put out is that you are powering through life the best you can, and I think your humorous, caustic, stoic or emotional responses are exactly how I would handle every one of your situations if it was my life, so I relate. And probably because the current situation in my beloved city makes me exceptionally raw, thinking you were participating in that forum stung. I considered writing you an email to point out the inaccuracies in the cartoon & comments. I wanted to share my counterpoint and the truth from someone who is actually living through this hell. But thank goodness I was also rational enough to realize that would be equally inappropriate considering I don’t know you and the internet is full of knee jerk drivel.

    Carry on! I am a tremendous fan!

    PS Also, now you know the email writer may not have actually been snooping or searching, it might have just popped up at the top of her page and boy are our emotions raw down here!

    Like

    1. Yes, the whole scenario, with me responding to my aunt and not actually clicking on that cartoon at all, was very strange. And I realize now that’s what the emailer probably did, was see it in her ticker, which I didn’t even know existed till yesterday. She reacted emotionally, and so did I.

      I’m sorry for what you’re going through down there. I cannot even imagine.

      >

      Like

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