The other day, a friend of mine told an absolutely hilarious story about his mother, and then as soon as I was done drying my tears of mirth, he was all, "You can't tell that on your blog." ....! If you ever wanna bug me, go ahead and tell me something fekking hilarious that I … Continue reading How do
As I was watching photos upload to my molasses-slow desktop, I realized I took enough pictures yesterday to pretty much tell the whole story of September 27, 2017. A day where nothing much really happened. Riveting, June. We're compelled. Read on! For the seven minutes he was home yesterday, Steely Dan took time to let … Continue reading Hint of beleaguered
I've turned my not-blog boring before by mentioning this,* but again, you do NOT have to add an email address to leave a comment. I set up the commenting to be as easy as possible, and just because it SAYS "email" in one of the lines, it is not required that you put one in. … Continue reading June re-creates her neuroses via her animal kingdom
There was a bug in the bedroom. I don't mean a mosquito, or a pesky fly. I mean there was a huge, black, antenna'd, angrily protesting bug in my room whose sole purpose was to terrify me. If I were to make an educated guess, I'd estimate he was about 16 feet long. I first … Continue reading R3sid3nc3 W!th ACK L@dy
Dear June: Tell us about your weekend. We await, riveted. Signed, No one. FRIDAY We had our work picnic Thursday afternoon, which I realize is not Friday, and I just gave this section a "Friday" subhead and WHAT THE HELL with this blog. The point is, I'm this weird combination of an extroverted introvert, where … Continue reading Goodbye, Beige Earl
I'm blogging (not blogging) at you while I'm drying my hair with my new Laila Ali ionic bonnet dryer! Oh, June, will your riveting ionic adventures never end? As you know, I have hair. And my choices before work are: run some kind of water through it and look vaguely okay, if looking like King … Continue reading Ion the greatest
Last night, after binge-watching several episodes of the most excellent Masterpiece Theater's Victoria (June? Turning into a spinster before our very eyes? What?), I went to the door to call in that blight on my very existence, that gray bastard of a cat, Steely Dan. Often one finds oneself referring to Queen Victoria and a … Continue reading Steely Determination.
I just took my last prednisone that I was prescribed in order to try to break up my current cycle of migraines, and what's more interesting than hearing about someone's latest round of meds? Anyway, maybe a month ago, the doctor also put me back on Topamax for migraine, June says, continuing her riveting diatribe … Continue reading Be happy
Something woke me up last night--I can't even remember what, now, but it was something I should probably be planning or preparing for, but what I did instead was roll over, thinking, "I'll worry about that when I get to it," and realized that will likely be my epitaph, which, by the way, June, nice … Continue reading I’ll worry about that when I get to it
Two-and-a-half months I been a-dietin', and I have no idea why I just launched into Junior Sample–speak just now, especially considering my new svelteness. Because as of this week, I have officially lost 10 pounds on said a-diet. My dramatic weight loss--and let's face it. Any weight loss with me is going to be dramatic--is … Continue reading June loses 10 lbs., gains insufferable personality
I got an early-morning-meeting notice at 9:00 last night. Nothing helps you unwind at night like a work email at 9 p.m. telling you to get in early. Anyway, as I always do when I have to go in early, tell me what I should blog about when I come home at lunch. Then when … Continue reading Have to go to work early
I know you wish I'd refer to this more often, but oh my god, I'm Ashley Wilkes right now, returning from war. I've limped in, all tattered and worn out and possibly lousy. At least I don't have that anemic Melanie hanging on me. There's that. Do you think when Ashley was off at war … Continue reading June has danced into the danger zone, when the dancer becomes the dance.
Right now, everyone is outside except for old Steely Dickly, here, and it occurs to me that if he were my only pet, I'd be miserable. He's never HERE. He comes in to eat, maybe sleep with one gray arm strewn across his eyes, chew a few of my beloved clothing items, then leave for … Continue reading It’s a pretty good crowd for a–oh, shut up.
Where do birds go to die? Do they just fall out of the sky in mid-flight? If so, why aren't we hit more often by expired fowl? Or smacked by bird carcass once they've lost their death grip on a limb? These and other useless queries burn in my brain. I also spent an inordinate … Continue reading Why do birds suddenly appear
You know what's annoying about autumn? "It's not autumn yet, June." You know what's annoying about you? What's annoying about autumn is that, at least here, you wake up one day and it's sunny and 85 degrees, and then you wake up the next day and it's cold and raining your ass, as my old … Continue reading Two ADDs walk into a bar
Three entire days of a holiday weekend. Twenty thousand climbs up m'stepstool. Five trips to the paint store. Nineteen inappropriate advances made on young paint salesboy. And? My back room looks the same. Yes, I DO realize I need to fix that chair. IT'S ON MY LIST, OKAY? It's on m'list. Meanwhile, makes a great … Continue reading Cream. Get on top. Cream.
I just realized that I might be able to blog from my phone! Perhaps this is more exciting for me than it is for you. Yesterday I went to the paint store two times, and today I went back again. This is not such a bad thing, because the world's cutest man works at the … Continue reading Shady
I had a very bad day at work yesterday, and now my spirit is crushed and I am Our Lady of Doom. I kind of feel like in every walk of my life, I'm auditioning for indifferent producers. You know how you watch a show where someone goes to an audition, and he or she … Continue reading Auditioning for an indifferent audience