I hate everything · June's stupid life

Auditioning for an indifferent audience

June

img_9941-e1504267490737.pngI had a very bad day at work yesterday, and now my spirit is crushed and I am Our Lady of Doom.

I kind of feel like in every walk of my life, I’m auditioning for indifferent producers. You know how you watch a show where someone goes to an audition, and he or she is singing with gusto, or shuffling off to Buffalo or whatever, and you watch the person giving it his all, and then you look at the auditioners and they’re all totally bored?

Is “auditioners” a word?

Like, I just keep failing everywhere I go. EVERYWHERE I GO. Even here. God. It gets discouraging.

Just now, Steely Dan walked by, and he looked so cute and gray, so sleek and catlike, so I picked him up and kissed his noggin and put him on my lap.

He jumped off.

See? Failed the audition.

I’ve always heard if you feel dreadful, you’re supposed to go help someone else, so it’s good we’re gathering funds to go to the animals affected by Hurricane Harvey, which by the way is a dumb name for a hurricane.

I thought of this idea yesterday and here’s what we’ve got so far…

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I wish I knew who “Karen” is. Anyway, yesterday in the comments I came up with the idea that we should raise money and send it to one of the animal shelters where the hurricane hit. I picked Brazoria County cause it seemed further down on lists when you Google “How can I help the animals,” so I thought maybe it needed the most help.

My PayPal button is always on the right side of this not-blog, but here it is for your convenience: paypal.me/JuneGardens. Just copy and paste that into your browser.

I’ll keep collecting today and this weekend send you another screenshot from the animal shelter, once they send some kind of acknowledgement. And I tried to write all of you back yesterday to say thank you. If I missed you, I do apologize.

So, other than trying to fix my doldrums,

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(here’s me being doldrummy, and I have OFFICIALLY BECOME MY GRANDMOTHER) (although in a million years she’d have never splayed across the couch. She liked to sit in her wingback chair, the one that’s back here, and smoke her More while she looked out the window and sighed.),

the only other news I have for you is I got good mail yesterday. My StitchFix came and it had PINK SHOES involved, and Edsel’s new Martingale collar arrived right on time as we have our personal trainer tonight.

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Old collar on old yeller

…And here is where my computer crashed. WHY. I’ll show you Edsel’s new collar tomorrow, or whenever, and now I must sign off abruptly, but look at Edsel’s back old-lady foot. Kills me.

Doom, despair, and agony on me,

Juan

54 thoughts on “Auditioning for an indifferent audience”

  2. It was the first week of last month that you felt overwhelmed, maybe there is something to the hormone thing.

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  4. You are so good at loads of things. Let the other crap just roll off your back like water off a duck, or however that saying goes. Thank you for showing up today. I needed it. It’s pretty sucky over here, too.

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    1. “It’s pretty sucky over here, too.”

      What an understatement! So sorry for what you all are going through, Lisapie76 and everyone else there.

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  6. Hey Joob, don’t make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better.

    Seriously, I hope you get the reassurance you need soon. You’re great at your job. I know this because, if you weren’t, so many people wouldn’t rely on you. You’re a great pet mom. You’re a great blogger/websiter. Plus you’ve got nice hands and a pretty class ring.

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  7. What a wonderful thing to do! Thank you for organizing this. Our beloved local animal rescue group is also collecting. The need is sobering: two- and four- legged alike. (Apologies if that no needed hyphens.) Everyone coming together to help though…at least that’s a beautiful thing.

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  8. Ditto what Amish said. Normally, I would give a hug for comfort, but you know. Here’s a soothing glance from the doorway.
    I am going to preemptively start the gramma stories. My grandmother is currently 97 and keeps her hair jet black. I started to go gray when I was in my late twenties, and my father (her son) also went gray pretty young, so about twenty years ago, I asked her if she started to go gray early, thinking it might be hereditary. She gasped, all taken aback, and said “What do you mean? I never went gray!” Right. I dropped that subject, even as I was looking at a tiny line of white roots.

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  9. Work can be a, big old load of suck ass sometimes. But you are usually the rock star of your work with your deadlines and last minute edits and being in high demand. And loved by your tens of readers. Take heart. I think the whole world is off kilter right now. I’m on tenterhooks to see your new shoes and hear about Edz’ adventures in obedience. Black suits you, did you ever go through a goth phase?

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  11. Dear Juan,

    You are loved by your panderers and that will never change.

    You are so pretty.

    I wish work wouldn’t have crushed your spirit. You look so pretty in your doomy picture though. Like, really really pretty.

    I hope work gets better. Something good will happen this weekend. It just may be a new delicious ice cream flavor you find at a shop or maybe you get paid a compliment out of the blue or maybe you’ll get laid. The weekend is young.

    Thanks for writing even though you’re feeling bluesy and thanks for raising that money for the animal shelter. You da best.

    Love,
    AA

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  12. My grandmother had a hard, a damn hard, life and GodDAMNit if she wasn’t always sunny and cheerful, happy and welcoming, nothing ever brought her down. I will never turn into her and that is unfortunate. I never knew my other grandmother as she died young. I’ve only seen very old, staid, Patrician photos of her. It’s entirely possible I’m turning into that grandmother, sucking the fun right out of everything. (And then there was my step-grandmother, but no genetics there, so I don’t think I can turn into her.) But if we go a generation earlier, I am totally turning into my mother. Or possibly already have.

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  13. Sorry that you are down, although emo girl looks hawt on you. Sounds like everybody is having a rough week, so we’re not in it alone. I broke a tooth on Wed. Yay. Speaking of teeth, I heart Edz’s underbitey face.

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  14. Oh man. I understand. I feel like a failure every day of my life. I’m sure things are fine. People get shitty when they’re under stress so it was probably just a bad day. Fingers crossed. You look lovely, pretty Juan.

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  16. Sorry you had a bad day. It seems from an outsiders view that you work very hard and always are in “what else can I do” mode for your employer so I’m sure they are smart enough appreciate you and understand a slump is temporary.

    On the bright side, what a great picture of you!

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  18. I’m sorry you are Doomy Juney today. Psychological pain is the pits and hurts bad.
    Oh the lives you touch. I was looking at the picture of Edz when Distinguished walked by and I said I was just looking at my minimum daily requirement of Edz. He said, he actually said, he literally said, “I’ve been wondering about Edsel. I was thinking of him when I went to bed last night and wondering how he is.”
    Also, I wish smoking wasn’t bad for you. I would so excel at smoking, looking out the window and sighing. It feeds my deepest longing.

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  19. But you look so YOUNG in your doom! You are doing a wonderful thing raising the money for the rescue effort in TX. I heard on the news Atlanta has received all the animals that were already in the Houston pound before the storm hit and these animals are ready to be adopted. Lots of abandon animals during the storm. I don’t understand that. There are so many people suffering right now because of Harvey. I hate Harvey. Next storm’s name is Irma.

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  20. So sorry for the s*cky situation. I used to have regular down days and blamed it on my crabby astrological sign, but it was probably more hormonal or a combination of the two. Hope tomorrow will be much better. In the words of the curly-haired-eyeless cartoon character,
    “When I’m stuck with a day that’s grey and lonely
    I just stick up my chin and grin and say, oh
    The sun will come out tomorrow
    So you gotta hang on
    ’til tomorrow, come what may!
    Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow
    You’re always a day away!”

    You’re welcome. Now off to donate to the Harvey Hordes.

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  21. My Dickensian life has seen me waiting for ennui & consumption to take me for about a year. Or a Blimp. There’s always something appealing about death by Blimp. I hate your doldrums & glad you have the furry derps to at least take the piss out of. Inspired thinking about Texas Joon!

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  22. we are just finishing up w/ mercury retrograde. full moons and mercury always have an affect on me. my daughter and i also discussed that we felt wonky during the eclipse. lots of solar stuff going on. all to say, if any of those mess with your psyche then you will get a break soon.

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    1. YES!! I have been hearing about that damn Mercury and his retrograde. And things have gone to hell in that hand basket around here. I am hopeful after reading your report that it is finally finishing.

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  23. This has been an off week for me, too. All of those around me are dealing with their own issues amd I can’t help them – I hate that feeling of helplessness. I’m thinking that some chocolate is gonna make it into the grocery cart later today! Hang in there and good luck with the dog trainer!

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  24. I know nothing about your work or job really, ok really really, but it sure seems like they call on you for a lot of stuff and you are in real demand as a freelancer. I hope you pull out of the personal demonland or whatever. I get that way too sometimes.

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  26. Oh Junie! Yes, you lookie a lot lot your Grandma! haha… The first time I met her… she was sitting in that chair…in the corner where she could see out that big front window… and see the TV and the front door… and even the window that looked out over the driveway…. She was truly in the Matriarch position. I felt a bit intimidated… but not for long… She was nice enough to me while all along deciding that I could never be could enough for her son…. you captured her expression to a T! ha ha

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  27. Stitch Fix is a wonderful thing! Can’t wait to see your new shoes.
    Edsel looks like he could tap that foot impatiently like an old lady.
    In your grandmotherly transformation, I’m glad you have not taken up smoking.
    Lovely post, June!

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  30. You look lovely in doom mode if it is any consolation. I feel like a failure too. I am having cataract surgery this week and freaking out so badly you’d think it was an ampuration. The eyes is just creepy but I’ve had worse and billions of people do it. I am also a failure at eating right and getting my blood sugar under control. Next on the list to tackle, am not a total disaster but still far from where I need to be. I hope the gloom passes soon. I know it is hell while it lasts

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  32. I hope today is a much better day for you. Thank you for taking the initiative to raise money for those sweet animals at the shelter. Oh, Edsel, how I love your teefs.

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  33. But you look so cute in your doominess! I hope things turn around for you soon. I think it’s a great idea to help others when you’re in a funk .

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  34. I think the weather is at fault. I have been in the old pit of darkness for two weeks. You, however, have been on top of the game……saving lots of precious animals, taking your credit score to new heights, wow! Oh, and weight loss, hardest demon to conquer! You rule!!

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  36. Oh Juan, I am so sorry you feel down and blue. You are doing a GOOD THING for those animals in Texas though and just think how many will be rescued, fed and hopefully adopted thanks to your good idea. I, too, have bouts of dark and stormy feelings brought on by who-knows-what but knowing my sweet little Augie kitty loves me and depends on me keeps me going. Even when he doesn’t want to get in my lap. We love you June!

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  37. I’m sorry you are filled with woe. It sucks when that happens. I can not be woeful today as it is my daughter’s 23rd Birthday. My birthday was Wednesday so we are deep into birthdaypalooza. I have some cupcakes. Wish I could send you one! Maybe that would make you feel better!

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  38. I can’t even begin to say how incredible I think you are. Everyone goes through tough times. Don’t be down on yourself. You have so many people who love you. Not even going to try to say something funny. Because right now you just need to be lifted up.

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  39. I am glad I decided to read you today. I have been in a gloomy mood lately and now I feel normal, sort of. I blame it on the lack of sunshine because our state is burning up. Yes, I am in Montana. I can’t even feel good about the long weekend coming up. My momma used to say, this too shall pass. pfft it sux now though.

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  40. I’m sorry you feel doomy.. .doom-ey? I know they say things happen in threes but it seems like when things go to hell it just piles on a mountain, not 3. Please know you’re delighting billions on the notblog here!

    Lovely post, pretty Juan.

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  41. Well Juan. I had a deep roll in those feelings last week. It’s hard and I’m sorry.

    It lead to a very very dark place. I needed to reach out earlier than I did.

    Fingers crossed on training sesh.
    Oh. And boobs!

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  43. OMG, I hate when I go through those periods where I feel like I’m failing at everything. I hope it passes soon for you. But you’re not failing at helping puppies and kittens.

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