Ion the greatest

Photo on 9-21-17 at 7.57 AMI’m blogging (not blogging) at you while I’m drying my hair with my new Laila Ali ionic bonnet dryer! Oh, June, will your riveting ionic adventures never end?

As you know, I have hair. And my choices before work are: run some kind of water through it and look vaguely okay, if looking like King Charles II qualifies as “okay.”

Also, Nair.

And we’re talking that’s if it dries well. Because let’s say I don’t add enough gel, or I drive to work with the windows down, or I ACCIDENTALLY TOUCH IT STOP DON’T TOUCH IT STOP DON’T TAKE THE CAR, YOU’LL KILL YOURSEEEEEEE…

You touched it. You touched your hair. Now Peter Frampton knows you’re imitating him, and he has to show you his junk. And borrow a shirt from Strawberry Shortcake.

Also, “Don’t take the car, you’ll kill yourseeeeee” is from my favorite public service announcement:

Just one iota of a second. That’s all they needed to do, was cut this one iota of a second later, and I wouldn’t have spent the rest of my life obsessing.

Anyway. My other option is to wash my hair entirely, which means my coworkers have to watch in horror as I arrive to work with completely wet hair, even though it’s usually been two hours between the time I’ve washed it and when I actually arrive.

They’re still watching in horror at noon.

Or, I could blow it dry.

Troy-Polamalu-gets-hair-insured-1million-dollarsBut Faithful Reader Beverly, who is in the same Women With …Hurr support group on Facebook as me, uses a bonnet dryer, and because I must BE Beverly, and live in her skin, I decided to get one, too.

Behold the Laila Ali Ionic Soft Bonnet Hair Dryer, below. I’m glad it’s ionic, because I enjoy irony as much as the next person.

And of course this is a link to Amazon. You know what a marketing genius I am.

When I first got the idea to live in Beverly’s skin and be her hair, I got on Amazon (not through my blog, because who has time for that bullshit?) and searched for bonnet dryers, and the first one to appear was this one above.

The fact that Muhammad Ali’s daughter was hawking hair dryers was kind of funny to me. Would this make me tough? She’s also pretty–would I be pretty if I used it? That’s generally my question for everything, though. If I use this/spend all my money on this/withstand this horrific outpatient procedure, will I be pretty?

But something came over me, something adult-ish this way comes, and I said, No. I’m not just going to impulsively purchase the very first bonnet dryer that the Ali family trots out, like some kind of willy-nilly bonnet purchaser. Ima be more like Ned, and research, and take my time, and never commit to just one.

Bitter? The Bitter party? Your table’s ready.

So I looked at reviews and read up and researched, and?

It said to get the Laila Ali Ionic Soft Bonnet Dryer. I got it on sale, somehow, and I see the one I linked you to is $45, and I’m sorry. It’s the only one they gave me to give you. Clearly Laila Ali and I are in cahoots, and we are fist bumping as I speak to you, and also, were you aware that sitting under a bonnet dryer makes you sort of sweaty?

When my grandmother, the one I have officially turned into®, used to sit under her bonnet dryer, one of her many cats would come sit on her lap, next to the dryer, I think because it was warm.

She would always have on her zip-up robe during dry-the-hair time–my grandmother did, not the cat–and always, always with her open-toed slippers.

Those kinds of slippers are exclusive only to grandmothers, as are zip-up robes, for that matter, along with those hard candies that have the strawberry wrapper on the outside, Pond’s Cold Cream, and disposable rain bonnets.

il_570xN.354520724_3iioI adored these, and my grandmother had them at the ready, inexplicably, because it was important that y’do stay fresh when you are 3. Maybe my grandmother didn’t want to sit around till noon watching my hair dry.

Also, try cramming that cute rain bonnet back in that container. No, go ahead. I’ve been trying since 1968, but go ahead.

Okay, it’s been half an hour…

Photo on 9-21-17 at 8.32 AM #4Oh my god, m’hair’s dry! And it’s cute-ish!

Thank you, Laila Ali. Thank you and your whole overachieving family. You are an ionic family, is what you are, and my hair appreciates your efforts.



69 thoughts on “Ion the greatest

  1. Somehow you gotta figure out a way to make those amazon images/links work when someone reads your not-blog on an iPhone or whatever. It annoys that one can’t, plus you will make more money if you can straighten that out. Helloooo impulse click/purchase. That is all.


    1. @Sleeping Beauty, I am not June but I wonder if you have to have the Amazon App on your phone? I’m saying this because when I click them on my iPhone it opens up the item in the Amazon App. Hope your impulse purchase was something so fun like a tiara to wear while you get the mail!


  2. Clicked over a couple of times today looking for a new post and only through that did I notice the absolutely knock-you-dead brilliance of this title!!


  3. My mother would whip out her rain bonnet at the first signs of rain. And occasionally she’d use a plastic bag. Anything to keep the rain off. I was always so embarrassed.


  4. Your titles always slay me. You are The Greatest at the clever title thing. This one though…well, I’d give you a Excellent! or Awesome! sticker if I could.


  5. Yes, my grandma loved her a rain bonnet. She even had a special one to use with the wig she wore when she had a bad hair day. I do believe dusters (not the things with which you dust, but the wearable “house dress” things) are exclusive to grandmas too! Your hair looks particularly beautiful after spending time in that ionic hood.


  6. Peter Frampton: Just like those disposable bonnets, both come in small packages.

    Oh YOU shut up! You were thinking the same thing!

    You’re so pretty, Joob!


  7. Ok, I never comment but this time I must. Every time you talk about your grandma I know she must be from the south. I can’t believe that someone that sounds EXACTLY like my grandmother AND my mother is from Michigan. We are from the south and that is the way southern women behave and talk. The only thing I would add is besides the hard candies with the strawberry wrapping my grandma and mother always had those hideous orange slice candies that had sugar all over them and would keep them in glass candy dishes with the lids. Oh lord, those nasty orange slice candies!


    1. OMG, my Grandma had the orange slices too! And wrapped up caramels. What freak ate the dark ones?!? She’s from PA.


  8. Beautiful hair!
    My mother’s hooded hairdryer, in sepia days, had a carry strap, so you could move around… Well, within four feet of the electrical socket. It did mean I could play it like a guitar as my hair dried, or at least until the adult hood would slip past my child ears & I’d get a toasty face. This may be why I shun warm air heating… Hash tag child*hood* traumas.


  9. That’s so funny with all the new technology, that people are going back to bonnet dryers. I think ionic dryers have something to do with positively and negatively-charged particles; your hair has both, water is positive, ionic dryers emit negative, blah blah. The bottom line is that ionic dryers divide water particles on your hair and dry your hair more quickly than a regular hair dryer, which means less heat damage.

    Bottom, bottom line is your hair looks beautiful, June! No frizz at all! I’ll be interested to hear if it holds up all day out in the weather.

    I don’t even have enough hair to worry about drying time. In fact, I have to run to my bedroom after a shower, no distractions, because if I do, my thin, fine hair will start to dry on its own and will become a huge fugly mess.

    Those rain bonnets are so dorky, but we were all obsessed with them as kids. I rarely see women with them on anymore.


  10. Grandmother’s rain bonnet purses, pffftt…I’m old enough that I used to get them as Christmas gifts from the Beautician who did my pixie cut as a child!!! I have thin, straight hair and I highly doubt the Junehurr would even fit under those bonnets!


  11. I’m going off topic. Please forgive me in advance.
    Does anyone else have an indoor/outdoor cat that insists on coming in to use the litter box? Also, why does she do this?
    Lovely post, Juniper.


  12. Well, darn. Now I think I *need* a bonnet dryer…or a hair cut. One or the other. Or maybe both. I need help.
    But your hair looks amazing!


  13. Rain bonnets!! As a Catholic, we also had “mantillas,” I think they were called, in our purse, to put on our heads in case the urge to duck into a church and pray or light a candle overcame us. I also remember some women just tossing a (clean) Kleenex up on their head in desperation. I guess it was a bigger sin to show up in church with nothing on your head at all, than sporting a tacky tissue wafting about up there.


    1. I was just telling Mr. Sadie the story of going to a family friend’s Catholic wedding when I was a child and all the females in my family had to borrow mantillas to cover our heads before we went inside the church. Had we only known about the Kleenex trick back then. We would have been just a hit parading in with our tissue-covered heads.


    2. We saw a lady leaving the Cheesecake Factory take her leftovers out of the plastic bag so that she could put the bag over her hair to keep the rain off. I would have been much more worried about keeping my cheesecake dry than my hair. Might explain why she had better hair and wasn’t panda bear shaped.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Your hair is adorable! Well done. Also, we used to have a dryer like that when I was a kid. 🎶 Memories, light the corners of my mind 🎶 Oops I used emojis. My bad.


  15. Your hurr does look fabulous.
    I’ve never seen those teeny rain bonnet purses. So cute.
    I keep a stash of boring comes in a plastic envelope bonnets for my senior clients.
    Also hairnets.
    They’re always thrilled to get a freebie.


  16. I sleep in a silk bonnet (until I find a man who wants to sleep next to me because I don’t think I can pull off the sexy bonnet look at all). On a silk pillowcase (which is also supposed to be better for your skin and supposedly helps prevent wrinkles). Sometimes I just clip my hair up on top of my head with jaw clips if I don’t want to look like Strawberry Shortcake meets Chef Boyardee with my silk bonnet.

    But I don’t use this kind of bonnet to dry. I have a hooded dryer like the ones at the salon. The hard helmet looking thing on a stand with wheels. Mine takes about 15 minutes to dry because I don’t have much hair to dry. But dang, this bonnet dryer is working for you!! Your hair looks great!

    Do you also have 65497896131 bottles of different gels and curl activators and conditioners you’ve tried out? My shower looks like 148 people take showers in there with all of the products. But nope…just me.


  17. We were JUST TALKING about those rain bonnet things at my knitting group last night. Someone mentioned she was cleaning out her mother’s house and came across approximately 64 of those, stuffed in a drawer. I guess her mom liked to save for a rainy day.

    Thanks, folks, I’ll be here all week.


  18. So how long did it take to dry and can you walk around and do stuff while wearing it? Or maybe you stand still and do makeup and brush teeth while it’s on? What’s the deal? I can also research it if you don’t have time to fill me in. I really didn’t know this existed! And since you haven’t seen me in awhile, you don’t know that my hair is now long. And turns out it’s pretty darn wavy. And if I try to dry it, it turns into a frizzy mess.


  19. Your hurr looks fab. Is that a word I’m not suppose to use? Fab? Anyway, my grandmother had all those items, except for the hair dryer. I had the bonnet hair dryer along with the brush curlers that just killed my head, 1960s calling. I did eventually get a hard top hair dryer that I thought was uptown. I haven’t thought of those rain bonnets in decades.


  20. Who knew the bonnet dryer was ALL you needed. There sure is a lot of upkeep to your hurr. It looks great. I hear the whirr of the bonnet dryer as I read as you typed.


  21. So so pretty!

    (Jinkies! I’d forgotten strawberry wrapper hard candies! And you’re right, I’ve never seen them in the wild. Just at Grandma’s…lounging under glass.)


  22. My gramma loved a hair bonnet. And she had a silk pillowcase to sleep on, because she said it made her wash-and-set last longer. I don’t know about the Ponds cold cream, but she did have a squirrel candy dish with the hard candies in it. The candy dish is at my house now.


  23. That photo of the rain bonnets made me swoon! Oh, I wish some of those types of things from my childhood would come back. I mean, they probably ARE somewhere down south, but I’m up north, so.

    Your hair looks fab. Whatever will your coworkers think!


  24. My mother also too used the plastic rain bonnets. (I have the purse she was using when she died. I bet if I go look in it I’ll find a rain bonnet.) Anyway, I used to make fun of her. Sorry, Mom. I hope there’s still a place in heaven for me.


  25. I have an ionic blow dryer that will dry my hair in half the time of regular blow dryers. I don’t know what it is about those ions but they truly make a difference!


  26. I carried my grandmother’s little rain bonnet containers as purses! I could never decide which color I wanted. My four-year-old self would slowly walk around her house and find tiny little treasures to put in my purse(s), and she had LOTS of treasures. Still does! I was what you’d call a “spirited child”. She probably would allow anything that made me still, slow and quiet. Thanks for this sweet memory!
    That hot hair bonnet is going to be handy on winter mornings.


  27. Your hair looks great. My daughter is also a member of the Women With …Hurr group. She will wash her hair at 9pm and it will still be damp at 7am. I’ve considered getting her a bonnet dryer. I guess I should… and use your Amazon link.


  28. Thanks to Laila Ali and your desire to BE Beverly, you found the secret to cute, dry hair. Oh, how your coworkers will miss your wet hair. They probably made bets on how long it would take to dry and now you and Laila have spoiled their fun.


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