Goodbye, Beige Earl

Dear June:

Tell us about your weekend. We await, riveted. Signed, No one.

FRIDAY

IMG_0449.JPGWe had our work picnic Thursday afternoon, which I realize is not Friday, and I just gave this section a “Friday” subhead and WHAT THE HELL with this blog. The point is, I’m this weird combination of an extroverted introvert, where I sort of dread having to be around people, then I get there and it’s OHMYGOD PEOPLE YAY! and I sort of dash about frenetically visiting this person and that, and then it’s time to go home and I’m drained.

All this to say that Thursday was a lot of socializing, and then Friday I had A Thing. My work sponsors this foundation, and said foundation was having a dinner and a speaker at the country club, and I had to get dressed up and dine at the country club and so forth, and if there’s anything you’re sick of, it’s my “June’s Tales of the Country Club” stories.

IMG_0467
Me–did you know this was me?–after, in my go-to polkadot dress. Sadly, I own three polkadot dresses in varying sleeve lengths. Polkadots are big with me. Less big now that I’m down 10 pounds. Bah. I should stop talking in the caption now.

The man who spoke at our event had been Harvey Milk’s right-hand man, and he was there when Harvey Milk was killed. Then he watched all his friends die of AIDS. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like to be a gay man in San Francisco in the ’80s. I mean, it’s close, given all the action I get. Still.

SATURDAY

So that was kind of a sosh two days, and now that I’ve said “sosh” you will wash your hands of me and I understand. I do. I hope one day we can be friends. M’point is, I was all social activites-d out.

IMG_0482.JPGIt was bitty boopy blindy-boo Iris’s 6th birthday Saturday, and if you didn’t wash your hands of me before

Somebody at work put cans of cat food on the “anyone can take it” table, and they were fancy expensive cans of things like buffalo and pheasant. I thought I’d give one to Iris, seeing as most of the time she gets cans of “whatever dregs were in the meat murder room” flavor.

She didn’t even used to EAT cans. I read somewhere that canned food was good for kittens, and I guess that’s true because look how big Steely Dan got, and once she started sniffing cans, and who doesn’t like to do that, she got a hankering. So now I give adult cans to both of them, and I don’t mean that they are somehow dirty.

Lily doesn’t like a can. You’d think she wouldn’t be picky, but she is. She’s like one of those 250-pound women who run marathons and the world judges and it’s like, But you don’t know her.

Anyway, I gave a can of, like, wild boar and sweet potato to Iris, and she was all, “Ware delish dreg fud?” So.

My point is, after I took Iris to Chucky Cheese and she ate the mouse, I spent my Saturday shopping for fabric.

IMG_0511.jpgAs you may already know, because your hand is up in June’s life, I have this old chair that belonged to my grandmother, the one I’ve turned into. It used to be this burgundy Naugahyde, and then my mother owned it and gave it these baby-blue flowers, which Lottie, my dog, fmr, quickly turned into mud flowers, and I act like “mud flowers” is a thing.

The spring and summer I had Lottie was a rainy one, and my yard is aching for grass the way I am for a martini at 8 a.m., so she brought a lot of mud to the chair situation. And one might think one could tell her puppy to just NOT leap onto the chair, but clearly you have not attended June’s Iron Fist of Dog Discipline yet.

I’ve wanted to recover this poor chair for awhile, but it costs, and funds were tight, but then this year I pretty much took on a second job doing freelance work, and you guys are shopping on Amazon by clicking through my not-blog, and boom. All of a sudden, and it really did seem all of a sudden, I got caught up. I’m not a millionaire, but I’m out of credit card debt and I don’t have to live on four dollars till payday anymore.

IMG_0491.JPGSo, in a sense, when I recover this chair, it will be the recovery that you built. And I thank you. Most heartily, I do. My point is, I’d never gone to the fabric store before, and hey, overwhelming.

The good news is they’re moving, so every single piece of fabric was on sale, at least 50% off and some as much as 80% off. I tried to like any of the 80%, but it was all “Brady Bunch Plaid Orange” or “Smells Like Grandma” or “Gay Man in the ’80s” patterns, and I just could not.

The man who owns the store helped me, and was very kind, even though he was having a huge sale on a Saturday and was the only person working there. “If you have a dog, don’t get any silk fabrics,” he advised.

Naturally all I wanted after that were the silk fabrics. It’s like dating. I’m trying hard not to be drawn to another love avoidant, and I start chatting men up and after date number two, they’ll be all, “I really want to live alone for the rest of my life” or “I like to be in touch once every nine days” or “I was married once, for 8 months” and WHY DO I KEEP BEING DRAWN TO IT.

IMG_0487I liked this silk love avoidant flowered pattern in the middle, but who am I, Diana Ross? What do I need with a black flowered chair?

IMG_0488.JPGGreen one’s pretty, and oh, look, silk. This fabric just wants to hang out, nothing serious.

IMG_0493.JPGUltimately, I did get a green pattern, not silk, that wants to take things slow and maybe see other people. I love love love this pattern, and my whole goal while I was shopping was I’d pick a pattern that made me gasp because it was so pretty. This one did. It’ll probably keep texting its ex-girlfriend after we move in together.

IMG_0502.JPGThe rest of the day was pretty quiet, and I binged Leah Reminy’s series exposing the Scientologists. When I lived in LA, I lived near one of the big Scientology buildings, and they bought up pretty much all the apartment buildings on the blocks around their big building, and I’d see people walking to work, from their Scientology apartments to their jobs at the Scientology building, and now I wish I’d have dragged them into my Bug and saved them all.

SUNDAY

They didn’t make Sunday. Because of God. (When Harry Met Sally)

I had to work Sunday, because my work has changed recently and I’m not just on one team anymore; I copy edit for whoever needs it. It’s kind of exciting, but also, each account has different styles and needs and so on, so it’s more intense. I didn’t have to take my work home, but I wanted to so I’d do a good job.

I hope I did a good job. Next thing you’ll hear is me saying, Remember that thing I took home and fucked up?

IMG_9992.JPGMy hallway was always beige, part of the Beige World Fan Club that the previous owner founded and lovingly ran. It was a labor of beige love. A couple weeks ago, I noted that one wall had annoying beige WALLPAPER, not just paint, so I peeled it off and this happened.

My casual peel cost me eleven million dollars in Alf repair (Alf is my ridiculous handyman), and then yesterday I painted that bitch. Goodbye, Beige Earl.

Sometimes I make zero sense.

IMG_0517.JPGSo now it’s Sherwin Williams Quietude, the same color I’m painting my spare bedroom, you know, eventually. I still have to paint the trim in here, and that door that is not at all scuffed up from me throwing shoes down there at the end of the day because God forbid I walk all the way in there and put them in the closet I’m pressed for time, you see.

Also, I did not screw up and get paint on the ceiling. That’s where it’s peeling. Nother effing project.

IMG_0444.JPGI leave you with two things: My coworker Ryan’s dog, whom he brought to the company picnic. Look at his boopy half a face!

IMG_0439.JPGAnd this. When Ned and I broke up, I tried to unfriend all of his friends on Facebook, because I didn’t want any jarring reminders of him. I forgot about one of his friends, though, but that guy put up this old photo of Ned, and here’s the thing.

Usually I’m okay. You know. Ish. Usually I understand that it didn’t work with Ned, and that it’s sad but it’s okay. But then this photo just hit me, hit my stupid newsfeed, and it knocked me over.

I loved him so fiercely. I forget that sometimes. I’d like to forget it permanently. But oh god, did I love him. And it’s not at all sad that I downloaded this photo and kept it.

I guess that’s all my news that’s fit to not print. The chair guy comes next week to take my chair away and recover it, and I need you to know that when I left that store with my big roll of fabric, I said, “Well, I’m gonna bolt.”

No one likes me.

Well, I’m gonna bolt,

Joon

Advertisements

Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

75 thoughts on “Goodbye, Beige Earl”

  1. But YOU love you, and that’s The Greatest Love of All.
    (If I had come up with “I’m gonna bolt” while exiting the fabric store, I would have repeated that for the enjoyment of everyone I saw for the next 14 years.)

    Like

  2. Even though some days are really tough I feel like you are having more good days than bad. Eventually it will be all good ones. You are moving in the right direction.

    Like

  3. That is some seriously fabulous fabric you selected. You have great taste. Also, that picture of Ned makes me feel sad for you and Ned. I will duck and cover if liver needs to fly, but jeesh, I think you love each other! It’s hard to find somebody you actually like enough to want to spend time with. But finding love? I know, I know. I’m ducking now. Lovely post, lovely June.

    Like

    1. I think , of course without knowing the whole story, because not FB informed, that he does love you and is scared to death of that.

      Like

  4. Hey…I was invited to take someone’s ticket to that event Friday, but was afraid I wouldn’t know anyone else there, and then got worried it would be too much for my introvert extrovert self since I had another event on Saturday. 2 events in 2 days are just too much for me, especially the older I get. So I understand your hesitation and joy! Love the paint color and the fabric choice! Nice bolt!

    Like

  5. “I’m gonna bolt” makes me want to buy fabric so I can use that line. Now I want to research everything I can buy it and use this line. I am friends with my first loves wife- we all went to the same school. I drool and my heart goes pitter patter when I see them. I still can’t talk to him coherently. Thank goodness I only have to see him every ten years at high school reunions. I have been married for 20 years, but I know he will always have this effect on me.

    Like

    1. Oy. That’s the worst. That’s how I used to feel about my high school love Giovanni Leftwich. Then I got over that after 30 years, and had two relatively quiet years and boom. Ned. So.

      Like

    2. The term “bolt” is also used to describe plants that have gone to seed. I think it’s used in reference to herb pants.

      Like

  6. Fab fabric choice.
    Oh , look, June went big on the wall color choice.
    I do think it is best to stay beige , everything goes with it , so you can be bold in your other room color choices.
    Introversion is very draining. It takes me forever to get right after an occasion.

    Like

    1. Forgive me please, I thought the walls were beige, till I looked up Quietude as a color .My monitor colors sometime elude or add to my poor vision.

      Like

    1. I feel like it is better to have loved. Sure it can lead to excruciating heartbreak and pain, but love is always a chance you take. It may turn out to be the most beautiful thing in the world, but unless you make yourself vulnerable and take the chance you’ll never know. And I’ve always learned a lot about myself and relationships even when love bites me in the ass. I always take those lessons to the next chance I take and I hope it helps me grow.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I’m going to say no, it’s not better. If you have never loved that fiercely, you can still dream and have hope. When you’ve loved that much and lost…now you know how much it sucks and you have to live with that suckage for the rest of your life. I would love to be the naive, hopeful girl I was before I became jaded and resentful. But that’s just me.

      Like

  7. I LOVE that color in your hallway!! Are you looking to make more money by hiring yourself out as a painter? I’m in the middle of a kitchen remodel and will need paint soon. And by “soon,” I mean sometime in the next five years. Don’t ever start a remodel. It will drain your soul.
    ANYWAY, love the paint, love the fabric – hoping you find someone you love more than Ned.

    Like

  8. That fabric is GORGEOUS! I can’t wait to see your chair.

    I hate those unexpected photos that pop up randomly and shatter your heart that you’ve carefully cobbled back together. I’m sorry you had that happen.

    Like

  9. Iris ate the Chucky Cheese mouse.
    (Is there a humanitarian award for that?)
    The bad-relationship fabrics. The shoes thrown down the hall.
    Move over, David Sedaris!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I am drooling over that black fabric with the flowers. Being lousy with the Polish and part Amish (truly) it is no wonder, they groups like that stuff. I adore the green you chose and the hallway color. Banish the beige!
    I too dread two events in two days time. I need a recovey period in between. I was not always like this.
    My first love began in August and blossomed in Autumn. It has been 39 years and I have been with my husband 37 but it still comes to mind every Fall, my season of introspection and melancholy, which I rather enjoy. Not every day is that way, thankfully.

    Like

  11. Well that picture was pretty hot so I don’t blame you. I am friends with one of my exes on facebook, and it is odd how although I am happily married for over 20 years to someone else, that emotional investment in this guy from years ago doesn’t go away. I think it has got to be a good thing overall, that love means something in the long term, but it is unsettling sometimes.

    Like

  12. Was last week Social Week? Didn’t you also have a Chris and Lilly dinner on Tuesday and something else on Wednesday? Or was that the previous week? I’m sorry I didn’t bookmark it in my Big Book of June (now in smaller print) or I’d already know the answer.

    Like

    1. GOD, Sadie.

      Anyway, yes, I did. But Lilly got sick the day of our romantic dinner, and she texted, she text, to say she could only lie completely still and prone without being engulfed by nausea, but that soon she’d get up and start cooking. I was all, yeah, no. No you will not. So that dinner did not happen, and I have a rain check, a nausea check, for later.

      Like

  13. I’m gonna bolt! Best line ever. I love the new fabric, but it’s really been bothering me that I don’t know how you knew how much to buy. Did someone come to your house and take measurements for you? This is weighing heavy on my mind. Can’t wait to see the recovered chair.

    Like

      1. A lot of fabric stores have pictures, actually sketches, of furniture and they will help you determine the style and size of the piece you want to recover so you get the right amount of fabric.

        Like

  14. I laughed and gagged at the same time, as I read “Smells Like Grandma”. I sit here having a olfactory flashback and realize that I’m of that age. Do I? NO! Hopefully the eau de dawg covers it up.

    Like

  15. Loved this column. I really like the hallway – well love your whole house really! Fabric is delicious! And that Ned pic! Wow, I think I would make it poster size and have it done in black and white…when I saw it…it screamed, “James Dean”
    hugs to you

    Like

  16. Extroverted Introvert. Your description describes me perfectly. I spent all weekend recovering from being the social butterfly at a cake decorating class. I’m obsessed with polka dots. I had planned to put polka dots on my cake but it’s a whole story as to why that did not happen. I love the fabric. Can’t wait to see the finished chair. I inherited the world’s most comfortable Ethan Allan chair from my mom and I need to recover it. It’s currently pretty low on our list of things to spend out money on. It’s a big ole comfy thing. Also, I loved seeing where you write. I don’t remember seeing your desk but I’m sure I have. Lovely post, June!

    Like

  17. The Country Club event would’ve done me in. I’d probably sob through the entire speech.
    I’m obsessed with sage green. Guess which bolt jumped out at me.
    I have so much of it in my apartment, I’ve had to do an intervention on myself.
    Happy to see those gorgeous walls and the fabric you chose.
    My heart still twists when I look at old photos of my first real love, even after 40 years.
    Happy belated birthday to Iris.

    Like

  18. The realization that someone would go to all the trouble of wallpapering but choose plain beige has my mind spinning. Why.Bother?

    Fabric stores are my second favorite spot in the world – bookstores and libraries being tied for number one – so I envy that portion of your weekend. I had that Scientology show on my list of must-see, so thanks for the reminder. My must-sees drift out of my musty-brain with regularity.

    And this might sound weird, but I have seen old photos of my husband (to whom I am still blissfully wed) and have been hit with that same gut-punch. I guess I miss the him that he was and the we that we were – youth is fleeting. The love we had for each other then was different – not better, just more… visceral I guess is the word I’m looking for.

    Lovely post lovely June! And good call on avoiding the nauseated Lilly. Or is it nauseous? I can never remember.

    Like

  19. Also too – my admiration for you grew by leaps and bounds with your “Well, I’m gonna bolt” line. My God. You are a wonder. I can only dream of one day hitting such pun-derous heights.

    Like

  20. Bad relationship fabric. Snort.

    All those fabrics are lovely, just like you but I do love love love the fabric you chose. Can’t wait to see the chair recovered, squeeeeeeeee!

    Like

  21. That chair will be the bomb when it is finished! I think you will have to cover it with some ” Don’t anybody jump up here or else they are gonna get it” spray when it arrives back home, though. I have a feeling it will be Lily’s fave, it’s so pretty like her. I appreciate the work that goes into reupholstering but I wish it wasn’t so expensive. The new walls look great. As always, thanks for taking time out of your busy life to talk to us!

    Like

  22. I have that same pattern on very lightweight fabric! The background is beige-ish (!) with brown, blue, and green vines & flowers. I bought it in spring to make curtains and haven’t made them yet. Maybe someday.

    Like

  23. I grew up in Clearwater FL and remember when the Scientologist came and bought up all of the downtown area. All of it. It was sort of creepy. We’d compare them to Invasion of the Body Snatchers.

    Like

  24. I have seen some episodes of Leah Remini’s show and it is RIVETING! Wow. Every time I watch, I think: John Travolta?! Reallly???! He seems smarter than that.
    I too love the paint and fabric. Your chair is going to be darling!
    After all these years (23!) of being married to Mr. Texas, I don’t wish for my life to be different. I’d marry him all over again. I’m so delighted with my husband and my life now that it’s hard to imagine it any other way. That said, I had a college boyfriend who broke. my. heart. He was awesome. I pined for a long, long time. What I really want for him is that his wife absolutely adores him. Loves, loves loves him! Thinks he is the BEST! Is so very happy she married him! Can’t keep her mitts off of him! He was intelligent and hilarious and thoughtful, and he deserves a wife who thinks he absolutely hung the moon.
    Lovely post, June! I think your weekend wrap-up posts are my favorites.

    Like

  25. I’ve told my husband I think I’m a shy extrovert whereas he is a non-shy introvert. I love meeting up with friends and going to parties with lots of people, but I like to just listen and hear about everyone else’s drama. My husband DREADS going out with other people, but he is very charming and can easily be the life of the party and afterward he is just totally drained.

    Also, lovely post June.

    Like

  26. I love everything about this post. I hope your “bolt” joke got the appreciation it deserved. Did he laugh? Guffaw? Smile?

    Like

  27. I’m commenting because I’m one of those people who rarely comment and I feel bad about it. A little. But, I promise to try to be more present. Love the post, as always, June.

    Hmmm. I can’t remember my name on the old not-blog, since I only commented once or twice. I’ll just be Library Amy.

    Btw, I know you have it set up to not require a login, but it DOES require a login if you use an email address that was previously used with Gravatar. It just happened to me, and I couldn’t remember the password, so I changed the email address.

    Like

  28. Beautiful fabric choice, and I love the paint color. Thank goodness for Alf and his ridiculous handyman skills.
    Looking good, Iris!

    Like

  29. OK in the last hour or so this website got a makeover. Thought I was lost for a second.
    Your headline made me laugh. 🙂

    Like

  30. There is something about your first love that never completely goes away. I have more feelings for my first love when I was in high school (he was dreamy then and is still dreamy today) than I do for them guy I dated for 6 years and thought I was gonna marry.

    Great post, lovely June.

    Like

  31. Love your new format and header! Get to commenting PEOPLE! Alf did a great repair job on that wall. You did a great job on the paint. The paint color is lovely, but I’m sure Paula is in shock with it not being beige. That chair fabric is beautiful. It looks like crewel. I’m so glad my first love dumped me. We see each other at social events from time to time. I’m sooo glad he married Doris. I married the right person, we have been a good team for 51 years. Ned smoked? I was surprised.

    Like

  32. I think there are some loves that are like that. You move on, or you know it’s for the best, or it happened a long time ago, but then a photo or memory hits you. You get knocked sideways by the intensity of the passion you felt, a remembering that you experience in every cell, and you want it all back.

    I like your quietude and your fabric and to hear of your social life; all of which is much more than mine.

    Like

  33. Your hallway looks awesome! You really are good at the painting task. I still have color on my ceiling. I painted this hear interior 12 years ago, and it is in dire straits to be painted again. NO TIME for that. I feel like I have been a bit sub par in my commenting lately. It’s only because my job sucks every moment of every day from me. I love my job, but some days I just want to be able to come home and NOT work.

    Happy Birthday to Iris!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

  34. Hey, I love the new look of your not-blog. That fabric is so lovely. It will make a very beautiful chair. Iris is adorable with her little deformed eyes. Have you seen the cat called Lil Bub? She is a rescue and has a deformity of her mouth or something. Anyway her little tongue hangs out all the time and she is so cute!! you can see her videos at lilbub.com .

    Hilarious post today. I don’t know which part I liked best.

    Like

  35. I checked regularly for a new post so I was thrilled with the recap! I would use emoticons to show you how much but…

    I adore your choice of fabric. Sadly, there’s a limited amount of sewing humor out there and most craft stores have heard them all. Beautiful photos of the 4 leggeds!

    Lovely post, pretty Joon!

    Like

  36. Great post, Joon, now that I am guilted into commenting. I love the hallway color choice.

    I married my first love, was married for a very long time, 32 years, when he left me. His pictures do nothing for me. Hmm.

    Bolt, too funny!

    Like

  37. I love your new chair fabric. I have to say that when I saw those round pink things, I first thought they looked like little Pac-men.
    I still have those moments when I think about my old love. I get a little bit piney, but mostly am glad I am not with him. I always knew I wanted him more than he wanted me, and that doesn’t do good things for your ego or self-confidence.
    I love your new header. II’ve been slacking on the comments lately, but I’ll pick up my game if it’ll make you happy. Because if June ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.
    Lovely post, pretty June.

    Like

  38. I picture that chair in a white and light violet wall paint. Beautiful fabric.

    I always wonder if we were to meet one of our loves at a different point in our lives what would be.

    Like

  39. You know, it USED to be that you could break up with someone and never have to see a picture of them EVER AGAIN, unless they became famous or some shit just to spite you (at least he’s not famous?). Social media is such a scourge when it comes to breakups. I really feel sorry for younger people, who will probably be assaulted by unwanted updates on their exes FOR LIFE.

    I got my heart broken in my 20s, and I remember lying in bed thinking, “This was not worth it. IT WAS NOT WORTH IT.” It does help to remember that ALL relationships are temporary, even the ones that are happy when they end. xx

    Like

  40. I’m a day late here. When I saw your paint color, I liked it, so thought I’d save the name of it. I went to notes, typed in Sherwin, and the rest of it, “Williams Quietude”, popped up in the shortcut suggestion box on my iPhone. How did my phone know my eyes had focused on that color name?

    Like

Comments are closed.