How do

The other day, a friend of mine told an absolutely hilarious story about his mother, and then as soon as I was done drying my tears of mirth, he was all, “You can’t tell that on your blog.”

….!

If you ever wanna bug me, go ahead and tell me something fekking hilarious that I can’t use for material. No, go ahead.

But it lead me to today’s inspiration: It’s Tell Your Family Stories day.

I’m fairly certain we’ve done this before, because we’re coming up on the 11-year anniversary of my first blog post, so we’ve done everything before.

I’m not sure if it was tell family stories day or what the deal was when one of you told me my favorite story, though. Is this person still out there? The faithful reader, her mom and her sisters were all at the hospital. I think the faithful reader’s dad was ill.

The priest took the women in the family into the hallway of the hospital to pray, and they all knelt down, and why the hallway I do not know. The point is, once they all stood back up, mom may have had an issue. An issue with the gas.

And it wasn’t a silent issue, either.

In desperation, poor mom began twisting her patent-leather shoe this way and that, in the hopes they’d squeak.

“These darn shoes,” she said.

Oh my god, I love that story. That faithful reader’s probably gonna write in and say I can’t tell that story like my annoying friend. TOO LATE.

Anyway, what are yours?

I think I’ve told you before (see above. Eleven fucking years.) about my Aunt Kathy having an Important Phone Call with an Important Person. I think this was back in the days when she was very angry about a nuclear power plant, and it may have been a reporter or an attorney or some fancy figure like that.

Anyway, they were wrapping it up, which by the way is not Aunt Kathy’s strong suit, and she wanted to finish by acknowledging that they’d meet at 3 o’clock and then she’d say goodbye. A crisp, professional goodbye.

“Good o’clock,” said my Aunt Kathy.

I have another aunt who greeted someone fancy (maybe even a priest) with, “How do.”

So there it is. Thank heavens I am a paragon of dignity and nothing humiliating has ever happened to me. (If one person mentions that maxi pad in my back, I’m come snap your neck.)

Good o’clock,

June

99 thoughts on “How do

  1. You know what I hate, June says, being FIRST. I hate it that now WordPress mocks me by giving you “related stories” below my posts, and they’re all links that show I’ve told these stories before. Why not just call that section “June Repeats Herself Here.” Motherfuckers. Word Pressing motherfuckers.

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  2. How do is very Yorkshire, so I can’t imagine it in an American accent, just a man with a whippet saying it.
    Family story – When my Grandfather was deathly ill in hospital, my parents were there round the clock. My mother hadn’t eaten since breakfast, and the snack bag she had filled for everyone was empty, and the hospital shop was closed. They were on a break outside of his room, and she remembered that there was an egg butty next to granddad’s bed, so she excused herself to go and have a moment alone with her father-in-law, and everyone nodded sorrowfully as she opened the door. She did glance at the old man, but darted to the sweaty egg sandwich with glee. She was nearing the end of sandwich one, when he flat lined. Panicking she threw the packet in the bin, just as a nurse & the rest of the family came through the door. Everyone was focussed on gramps as he was declared dead, so it took a few minutes for the mourners to turn to see the half slice of egg on her chin…

    For equality, at my father’s wake, the only veggie food was a bowl full of cherry tomatoes, which I worked through like grapes, and had the shits in a small house with one toilet. People went from teary with grief, to looking like they’d been mustard gassed.

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                1. I have never been to England, but I lived in Santiago, Chile which has a HUGE British community and ate regularly at a cafe that did the full on British Breakfast thing that was amazing. Didn’t have to eat for days afterwards! And yes, I know the reputation of the British food is not great, but I stand behind anyone who makes trifle, beef wellingtons, Yorkshire puddings, bangers and mash. I could eat that stuff all the time. Maybe my British, Scottish, Welsh, Irish genes are showing?

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  3. We had a graveside funeral for my mother (way to start off a rollicking good story!). It was February in NJ, so WINTER. I guess we were just trying to kill off all the other old people who came to pay their respects, I don’t know. Anyway, the rabbi said some prayers, uttered a few platitudes, and then said, “Perhaps her husband of 50 years would like to say a few words?” and looked at my dad. EVERYONE turned and looked at my confused hard-of-hearing father, who had no idea why he was suddenly the center of attention. “Get on with it, then!” he yelled at the startled rabbi. “It’s COLD out here!”

    God bless that member of the clergy. After a moment of startled silence (during which I considered just throwing myself into the open grave), the rabbi said, “Ah, a practical man!” and continued with the service.

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  4. I think I’ve told you all my best one – when the neurologist told my mom, brother and I that my dad’s brain scan showed some irregular activity. If it weren’t for that, he said, the situation would be a no-brainer. I trained my eyes on the kleenex clenched between my fingers and repeated silently to myself “don’t look at Brother. Don’t look. Don’t make eye contaaaa…” and then it happened. One glance at him and it was all over. We laughed until we fell off our chairs. My mother was absolutely out of her mind with anger. WE COULD NOT STOP. And the dumb doctor had no idea why we were laughing. Which is probably how he managed to fuck up that surgery and kill my dad in the first place – not so smart, that one. Oh and his last name was FUCHS. Pronounced “FEWKS” but really?

    Another funny one – when I told my sister “did you know you can turn a Dairy Queen blizzard upside down and it won’t fall out of the cup?” She tried it. It fell out. In her lap, in my mom’s brand new car. It got even FUNNIER when I peed myself from laughing so hard. In my mom’s brand new car. Again – my mom has NO sense of humor.

    Repeat yourself all you want June – funny is funny!

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      1. LTNL, those were great stories! Your poor Mom. Sounds like my sister and myself. We tend to laugh at horrible, inappropriate times too.

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    1. I greeted the CEO of one of our clients at a non-work event by saying, “Hi, I hear you’re known as Tripod!” He looked me right in the eye and said, “Well, actually I’m known as Two Gun, but thank you for the compliment, ma’am.” I almost died.

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  5. When I was in my early teens, I visited my cousins in Florida and they attended an Episcopal Church. I had only attended my own Methodist Church, so I had no idea what to do when everyone knelt on the kneelers in the pew and each row went to the front to receive communion. So while my aunt and cousins were praying, I was watching people as they left the priest and walked down from the altar, through a side door and then back into the sanctuary. One man, as he walked through the door, got the pocket of his jacket caught on the doorknob and it jerked him back into the room. Both my cousin and I saw it happen and we fell over, we were laughing so hard. Of course, my aunt didn’t see it, didn’t think we were a bit funny, and the more we tried to stop laughing, the funnier it got.

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  6. This is not as funny as all the other stories, but after I had surgery I was sitting in the recliner still feeling the drugs when I announced to my husband and daughter “Just XYZ, my head really hurts”. Now they both say XYZ instead of FYI. That was 8 years ago.

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  7. My sister and I were teenagers when our father died. (He was in his 70s,but that’s another story.) At the graveyard, a couple of his elderly friends removed the flag to fold and present to our mother. They started folding in opposite directions, stopped, restarted, and did it again, both having changed directions.
    My sister and I made eye contact and instantly went from sobbing to uncontrollable laughter. I like to think he would have understood.

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  8. My mom and her sister were sitting with my sick grandmother in the hospital. She had dementia and had taken to talking about her husband, my grandfather. All of a sudden she sits up and shakes her fist and says “Burt, if you don’t leave me alone I’m going to just sew it shut”. So that kind of told them how she felt about sex with their dad.

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  9. My husband is the youngest of six and the only boy (his mother’s parents immigrated from Ireland). We’re scattered from Wisconsin to the Pacific Northwest now but we show up for weddings and never miss a funeral. After cancer took one family member way too soon we gathered in Denver. Neighbors and friends brought so much food that we had deli trays and potato salad stuffed in the fridge and overtaking every flat surface in the house. Jim’s sister decreed no more going out to eat until it was gone. Brother-in-law Harv whined, “Don’t you have any friends who are Chinese?”

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  10. TOTALLY UNRELATED but important none the less…for my PBS friends, POLDARK starts this Sunday night. So excited. If you have read the books, they are even better.

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  11. When my step-daughter was about 10 years old, we were waiting for her to get herself ready to go to a school event. She didn’t want to go and was doing everything she could to procrastinate. My husband had already told her to hurry up about 5-6 times. He was frustrated and finally yelled at her that we were going to be late, so she needed to “get her ass moving, and make it snazzy” instead of make it snappy.

    We still use the phrase today, and she’ll be 30 next week.

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  12. Many years ago my family and I were out for dinner and the server asked my mom if she wanted soup or salad and my mom replied with yes. A very confused server asked again soup or salad and my mom said yes please. We looked at my mom questioningly and she said “The Super Salad sounds wonderful!” I don’t know why we thought that was so funny but to this day we still laugh and tease her about it.

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    1. My ex-husband did the exact same thing! It’s probably been 50 years ago, and a friend who was with us still brings it up today.

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    2. I was at a restaurant where my now-husband was working as a waiter. I ordered the soup and salad combination. He asked “do you want a salad with that?”. Umm…… yes? I teased him about that for a long time. So smooooth.

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  13. When my dad was in his last year (age 91) and suffering from a little dementia here and there, he – Lyle- would often blurt out things. My mom Margaret who was 89 at the time- had to have Lyle sleep in a guest bedroom as he would constantly get up in the night and wake her. It was Thanksgiving and the house was full – my daughters and a couple of their cousins and Dan and I had come up the day before. All the grown up kids were sleeping that night on the sofa and living room floor- while Dan and I had the other guest bedroom next to Dad’s. Our mission was to keep him from waking up Mom – redirect him back to bed at midnight and again at 3 in the morning etc. and finally at about 5:30 a.m. we gave up and I got dad dressed and got him his walker while Dan made coffee. The whole house was dark and quiet- everyone else still sleeping. I was directing my dad with whispers into the kitchen for coffee- “In here Dad – in here to get some coffee – we don’t want to wake anyone yet – it’s very early!” In hushed tones. As I tried turning him and his walker into the kitchen he slipped from my grip and went right for the living room – his grandchildren all peacefully sleeping. “Dad!” I whisper yelled. “Dad!” He looked at me as he hovered over the back of the couch and at all the sleeping bodies – looked back and then yelled at the top of his lungs , “MARGARET! WE’VE GOT TO STOP SCREWING! WE HAVE TOO MANY KIDS!!!” Needless to say, all the grandkids woke up at the same time that day.

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  14. These stories are killin’ me. Here’s one that didn’t happen in my family, but I read it somewhere (maybe here?), and it still slays. A family was sitting at the dinner table. The dad was somewhat hard of hearing, and his daughter told him he needed a hearing aid. He said, what would I do with a hand grenade?

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    1. My parents both got hard of hearing in their later years. There were some hilarious conversations around the dinner table. Wish I’d recorded some.

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  15. I’m dying, reading these.
    After my dad died in the winter, my mom had planned to scatter his ashes the following spring.
    In the meantime, she didn’t have anywhere to store them, so they rested in the trunk of her car.
    I was visiting my best friend a few months later and she asked if mom had scattered them yet.
    “No, he’s still riding around in the back of the car with her, complaining about her driving.”
    We looked at each other and totally lost it, laughing and crying.
    Her SIL , also visiting and a snotty bitch, was NOT amused.
    Which of course made us laugh even more.

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  16. When my brother got married for the second time, his soon to be second wife asked if my sister and I would read a poem at the wedding. She emailed the poem to both of us and right then we knew that we’d never be able to get through reading the poem without busting out laughing- it was the cheesiest, sappiest poem that has ever been written. Neither of us could even read it out loud by ourselves without going into hysterics.

    So the day of the rehearsal came, and my sister (who was to read the first half of poem) got to maybe the second line and then her face turned bright red and she doubled over with laughter. I dared not look at her because I knew I was doomed if I did. The entire room (consisting of mostly the bride to be’s family) was looking on in stunned, disapproving silence as my sister tried over and over again to get through the poem but could not hold it together. I was sweating all over and wanted to die. My future sister in law looked like she wanted to jump up on the stage and kill both of us (understandably).

    My sister never did get through her half of the poem, and on the day of the wedding I had to go up there by myself and read all of it. My sister was instructed to not even think about making eye contact with me or even cracking a grin. Somehow I made it through the poem, thankfully. I’m pretty sure sister in law still hates us because of the whole fiasco, though.

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  17. My aunt-by-marriage’s mom had a stroke. My aunt had a conference in Seattle to go to. As she sat by her mom’s bedside, not knowing if she would recover, she was pulled in two directions. Stay or go ahead and go to the conference. Her mind is reeling and she can’t decide what to do. A nurse came in to check her mom’s vital signs. My aunt looks at the nurse, and in a very matter of fact voice asks, “How long is this going to take? I have a plane to catch.” After it left her mouth, she realized how it must have sounded to the nurse. We’ve never let her live it down.
    So fast forward ten years or so. We’re at the bedside of my father, who is dying after a protracted illness. My sisters are there with me, as is my aunt and uncle. We’re telling stories and go from laughing to somber in a split second and back again. Dad is hooked up to the monitor and we can see that his heart rate and respirations are slowing. My sister, the teacher, is watching the monitor and looks to my other sister, the nurse, and says in a whisper, “How long is this going to take?” And I, the smart ass, quip “Why, do you have a plane to catch?” We all exploded with laughter.

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  18. At my beloved grandfather’s funeral, my grandmother asked a friend of theirs I’d never met to sing. My sister and I were looking at the wedding program, when she pointed to the soloist’s name and said, “Read this and don’t look at me.”
    Her name was Coot Hare.
    I did so well not looking or laughing until the pastor took the mic and said, “Very nice, Coot.” And we both lost it. Fortunately, we were quiet and laughed into our tissues. People thought we were just crying really hard.
    COOT!

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  19. I have many stories from after my mom lost herself with Alzheimer’s, but my favorite is when her caretaker took her to church, and the plate was passed to my mom, she realized that she didn’t have any money, so she reached down, took off her shoe and put it in the plate. I’m pretty sure if I were there I would have lost it!

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  20. My father-in-law regularly took his black lab with him on Saturday mornings to get sausage biscuits at Hardees. One for himself and one for the dog. One Saturday he did not get one for the dog. After he had eaten his biscuit and got back home, he took his false teeth out and put them in the middle of the dining room table. Then fell asleep on the couch. A little later he woke up to the sound of crunching. He looked over and the dog was eating his teeth.

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  21. I’m trying to work out but every third rep or so I think of one of these stories and start giggle-snorting. My husband thinks I’m crazy.
    My Mom was she of the ” these darn shoes.” She was so prissy and proper that it makes it that much funnier. The story is known far and wide and people even loved talking about it at her funeral. Im honored it made the not-blog.

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  22. I almost wrote my family story on FB and then thought, “My mother could maybe see this” and I would be in BIG trouble.
    My story takes place in Home Depot a few years back. I was with my mother and my step-father looking for materials for a project my step-father was working on for me. I said something that made my mother start laughing, and as she’s gotten older, activities like laughing, sneezing, coughing often lead to another activity….hoping you all catch the implied meaning.
    So, she’s laughing and I added another comment which opened the floodgates and right there in aisle 4, my mother emptied her bladder. At which point, I yelled, “Clean up in aisle 4.” and walked away.

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  23. One year my dad brought down the boxes of Christmas decorations from the attic. My younger brother was just learning how to read so we were all asking him to read what was written on the sides of the boxes. One of them was labeled “Miscellaneous.” My parents let him struggle for just a bit to read it and one of them finally told him what the word was. He smiled big and said, “Oh! I remember her!” He thought that was the name of the angel on top of the tree. We’ve never let him live it down.

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  24. The only story I can think of is when we were at Disneyland back when I was in high school. Please note that is irrelevant to my story. We were eating brunch and I said, “I can’t believe it’s 11 o’clock” and my dad replied, “you want a taco??” And that is when we knew he was developing a hearing problem. I don’t know why I still find that story hilarious.

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  25. My uncle is 83 and not quite as together as he used to be. He recently changed all the locks on the house because he was convinced that one of his sons had broken in and stolen his Saran Wrap.

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  26. My uncle, Stan, was a bit of a ribald bloke. He was probably about 83 when I spent a year taking care of him. We had a real problem with nurses not wanting to come back with all of his invitations to bed and his comments as they bathed him! At one point I thought he might have a bladder infection so a nurse came over to check. This nurse was older and she thought he was hilarious. Try as he might he couldn’t produce any urine for a sample. So, we took him to the dining room, she sat him down in a chair, got down on her knees and tried to “help” him pee. His eyes were like saucers overjoyed with how this day was turning out! He kept looking at me with a giant smile on his face and then back at her solemnly when she would ask “do you feel anything?”. He would reply, “no but I think almost, keep trying” and then back to me with sheer delight. After she left, setting up an appointment for the next day since he was “unable” to produce a sample, he thanked me for whatever I had done to arrange that visit and wanted to know if she would come over every day to help him try to pee!

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  27. We were at our Aunt Jean’s funeral in Pennsylvania. My mom’s twin had flown in from California. My dad insisted we all drive much to early from New Jersey to get there. We all went out for pizza to kill time. California aunt ate a lot because she missed East coast pizza. Right before the service when most of us were seated she had stomach problems. She bent over to get something from her purse which was in the row in front of us. She farted in my brother’s face. He said through gritted teeth, “I can taste that.” My youngest sister and I were hysterical. My other sister, sitting at the other end of that row with my parents hissed, “What is going on back there?” Two of her grandsons who were seated across the aisle got the scent too.

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  28. Why is it that so many of the funniest stories happen at funerals or deathbeds? Maybe that is when we need something funny the most. I have no stories to compare with these, but I think I clicked like on over a dozen of them!

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  29. I was 10 years and and my sister was 19. I always thought she was so sophisticated because she was older. On one occasion, she had a gorgeous friend visiting from out of town. I was allowed to tag along as she and a group of friends took the friend to the airport at the end of her stay. Of course in saying their goodbyes, they are all hugging her. In an awkward moment I approached her for my goodbye hug, but instead smacked her full on the mouth with a kiss. I have no idea why. She stood there stunned, and my sister gasped in embarrassment. I still feel my cheeks burn when I think about that stupid kiss!

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  30. When I was about 9 and my sister 16, we got into a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad fight. I am not the kind of person who forgives and forgets. You cross me and it boils inside forever. She left for school earlier than I did, so every morning I would hide pieces of tuna fish in her room where she couldn’t find them. Suffice it to say that within 2 weeks, my sister’s boyfriend broke up with her, my mother and sister made 3 trips to the gyno and an exterminator was called in to address whatever may have died in her wall. They never did figure out what happened, and I never told them.

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  31. My family is not nearly as funny as most of yours! I suppose our direction-giving skills can be funny – about thirty years later. There was the time an aunt told my father to turn left at the mailbox on the corner to get to her house. Unbeknownst to her the postal service had removed it and he walked about two extra miles before he figured something must be wrong. My mother also loves to give “landmarks” to navigate by – the RV parked behind the house on the corner, the bright green house you can only see after you’ve gone through the intersection, the yard with the pink flowers. You get the idea. Then there was my ex-husband who apparently couldn’t read highway signs at 60 mph. One time he missed the turn-off for Charlottesville (an hour drive) and didn’t realize he’d gone wrong until he read “Welcome to West Virginia.” He had been following signs to Charleston, WV for three hours.

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  32. One time my uncle was visiting from out of town. We went out to our favorite Chinese restaurant and decided to get a sampler appetizer. The one we chose was called the Happy Platter. When it arrived, there was a little blue flame in the middle, but all of the items were fully cooked so we were a little confused. My uncle sheepishly asked the server what the blue flame was for. She replied with a shrug, “Is the happy platter, is just for fun!”

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  33. Years ago, there was a commercial for Arm & Hammer Baking Soda where a woman stood in front of her refrigerator and said, “I’ve got a secret in my refrigerator. It’s there, way in back” and she opens the fridge and points.

    Well, one time we were at a sailboat regatta and my mom needed to use the portapotty. She asked my sister to stand guard because the latch didn’t work. My sister is standing there, looking at the line of people waiting and says, “I’ve got a secret in my refrigerator. It’s there, way in back” and she flung open the door of the portapotty and there was my mom, sitting on the throne with a crowd of people staring at her.

    It’s been probably 40 years and we still laugh our asses off at that story.

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  34. I posted this story here years ago, but for those of you who didn’t see it here you go!
    My family is a blended one and there were way more girls than boys. And counting my mom there were 6 of us who all had periods and buying supplies was a gigantic affair. This was the days before Costco. My step-father ordered the giant cardboard case of tampax from the Safeway and took it to the checkout counter and the poor embarrassed teenaged checker looks at him and he says with a straight face “I smoke ’em”.

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  35. These stories are amazing!

    My story takes place at yet another funeral. My (now) husband’s grandmother died of Alzheimer’s. She lived in a small town in south central Minnesota. She had eleven children, all of whom attended the funeral with their extended families, so the church was packed. It was a lovely service. When it was time for the solo, I was surprised when a woman crept from behind the organ to sit at the piano. She was very shabbily dressed and being from the cities, I was appalled. I glanced at my (now) husband. He made a “WTF” face. I felt the smile begin to spread onto my face and turned away quickly. I was watching her, seated at the piano, fumbling through the music. She finally found the piece and began to play. My smile was kept in check and I kept my eyes on her. Then she started singing–if you can call it that. I couldn’t help it, my eyes snapped back to my (now) husband. His face looked as though he had witnessed a murder. I made that noise when laughter wins over the suppression…a rush of air escaping from your mouth…and snapped my eyes away from him. My (now) sister-in-law was sitting on the other side of me. She whispered something about being quiet. I am not sure if she was being serious or not, she is kind of iffy at times. Thank goodness I could keep the laughter at bay. I didn’t think anyone really heard it, furthermore it could have been a sob, right? The soloist was still only on the second line of the song, but she stopped playing. I thought, OH, my god. She is going to call me out! She proceeded to take a piece of gum out of her mouth and stick it to the side of the piano, and then she resumed her awful singing right where she left off. My (now) husband, my (now) sister-in-law and I lost it. We were trying so hard to be quiet. I do believe we failed. I still feel bad, because I love my (now) mother-in-law. I never meant any disrespect, but COME ON!

    Very nice, Coot.

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  36. My husband and I were playing Password with my parents. My dad, a notoriously bad speller and not the most politically correct guy, was giving the same clue as I was (if you’ve never played, our partners have to guess the word based on the clues we take turns giving). The word was “hostel.” Thinking of backpacking and youth hostels I said “Europe.” Maybe not the best clue, but my dad looked at me with this expression of confused disgust which seemed unwarranted until he shouted his clue, “Indians!” I laughed until I cried because that’s when I realized he thought the word was “hostile.” We still make fun of him too.

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  37. Two weeks ago, I was talking to my 83 year old father about how my daughter was overwhelmed with worry over the two 4 week old kittens she adopted. I told him how she was trying to show the kitties how to use the cat litter box. He said that he too had a problem teaching his dog how to go out side to pee. As he had to train him “but the dog learned by watching” and was completely trained in 3 weeks.

    His dog is a 7 year old male Australian Heeler. I said “Are you talking about when he was a puppy?…and how did the dog learn by watching??”

    He explained that his dog slept in a dog house up to the age of two and only came in the house for a few hours in the day time, so he didn’t know how to “ask” to go outside. When my step mother died, the dog was almost three years old. The dog immediately got to sleep on the bed at night and live a bachelor’s life. But he wasn’t very good at asking to go outside for a pee break. My father began intensive training by taking him outside, pointing at a tree, giving the order “Pee Blue (whistle ) .” Blue sometimes would just stare at him in confusion instead of hiking his leg.

    He began demonstrating to the dog what to do. Yes, he gave the command, and then peed on a tree (or bush). The dog immediately caught on.

    Disclaimer: Man and dog live on a ranch, not in a urban setting. Never in my life did I ever see him do such a thing. I about died when he told me.

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  38. When my children were around elementary school age, we were driving on a busy 4-lane highway when my daughter asked her brother, “Who are those people on the side of the road?” He replied, “Those are prison convicts. They are cleaning up the trash.” My daughter replied, “Well, isn’t that nice of them!”

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  39. When I was about 7 or so, we went to Florida for a winter vacation. We had gotten our pictures back from the developer and were all sitting at the table to go through them. There was one picture, taken from the balcony of our hotel room, of my brother and me swimming in the pool. My dad smugly said “I took a good picture.” My mom got irritated and insisted that she has taken the picture. My dad looked at it again and said “Well, who’s the bald guy?”

    And that is the story of how my father learned he was going bald.

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  40. At the beginning of 2017 my mom was pretty sick from chemo and radiation treatments and ended up in the hospital. The doctors weren’t sure she would make it so we all (7 kids) showed up. The first morning my older sister went in to the room to see her and she came out peeing her pants laughing. My mom had said that in the middle of the night there was a man offering her $100,000 for oral sex, she was mortified! We asked why she didn’t accept, we could have split the money! She repeated it numerous times to us and every time we couldn’t stop laughing. She ended up rallying and is still hanging in there!

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  41. My best laughing at a funeral story is during my fiancee’s funeral, 5 years ago. It was a traumatic, tough week, of course, before the funeral, and my family had been wonderful in seeing me through such a difficult time, but we were all so tired by the time the funeral was held. First, I have to explain for the story, that I am white and my fiancee was a hot man of color. My church experiences were all Methodist, so they were pretty formal and conservative. His church was very charismatic Methodist Episcopal, so his funeral was very awesome in many ways – full of soloists and music and very joyful – and very confusing to us in other ways. At one point, they did a thing called “The Reading of the Cards and Condolences”, which is where the family picks out some favorite sympathy cards that they received from people, and someone is asked to stand up in front and read the cards from cover to cover, including what is printed on the card and the written thoughts and signatures of whoever sent it. It was just so weird to us that they would do it, that it just got funnier and funnier to me as it went on. I started chuckling to myself, trying to keep quiet, and my sister was sitting right beside me and realized that I was laughing. Of course, she started laughing, and then my niece beside her, started. So we’re all sitting there, silently giggling. All the people behind us could only see our shoulders shaking. I’m sure they all thought I was crying, and the other 2 were crying in sympathy as well. After the service, my closest girlfriend, who was sitting directly behind me and knows me very well, is telling the story to my family and says that she sees my shoulders shaking and thinks at first “OMG, she’s crying, I have to comfort her……wait a minute…… she’s not crying, that bitch is laughing!” Oh well, it might have been disrespectful, but I know my fiancee would have enjoyed it, and it gave us a good relief from all the sadness.

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  42. My Grandma suffered from Alzheimer’s in her later years. After my Gpa died, Gma went to live with my parents. My Mom had taken my Gma shopping one day and as they were in the store, Mom saw a lady they both knew well, who lived in the same town as them. Mom says to my Gma “She looks like Helen Black!”, and my Gma quips back “Yeah…and she doesn’t look that great in brown, either.”

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  43. These are killing me!

    My grandma once walked into a mirrored pillar in a department store. Afterward, she exclaimed “I thought that lady looked familiar!”

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  44. My family deals with grief and most other circumstances with humor. A lot of it might be dark, but it works for us. When my mom died, her funeral was the day before Thanksgiving. My grandmother, uncle, aunt, cousins were in for the funeral from another state. Together with them and my siblings, we were just doing what we do. My sister’s husband’s family is not known for their joyousness. After taking in our festivities for a little while, my sister’s husband told her, “Your family is more fun at a FUNERAL than mine is at a PARTY!” We will take that as a compliment!

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  45. Thank you to everyone who shared their family stories. I spent a few days visiting my mother and siblings. You should have seen us laughing so hard we had tears when we read your comments.

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