The other day, a friend of mine told an absolutely hilarious story about his mother, and then as soon as I was done drying my tears of mirth, he was all, “You can’t tell that on your blog.”
If you ever wanna bug me, go ahead and tell me something fekking hilarious that I can’t use for material. No, go ahead.
But it lead me to today’s inspiration: It’s Tell Your Family Stories day.
I’m fairly certain we’ve done this before, because we’re coming up on the 11-year anniversary of my first blog post, so we’ve done everything before.
I’m not sure if it was tell family stories day or what the deal was when one of you told me my favorite story, though. Is this person still out there? The faithful reader, her mom and her sisters were all at the hospital. I think the faithful reader’s dad was ill.
The priest took the women in the family into the hallway of the hospital to pray, and they all knelt down, and why the hallway I do not know. The point is, once they all stood back up, mom may have had an issue. An issue with the gas.
And it wasn’t a silent issue, either.
In desperation, poor mom began twisting her patent-leather shoe this way and that, in the hopes they’d squeak.
“These darn shoes,” she said.
Oh my god, I love that story. That faithful reader’s probably gonna write in and say I can’t tell that story like my annoying friend. TOO LATE.
Anyway, what are yours?
I think I’ve told you before (see above. Eleven fucking years.) about my Aunt Kathy having an Important Phone Call with an Important Person. I think this was back in the days when she was very angry about a nuclear power plant, and it may have been a reporter or an attorney or some fancy figure like that.
Anyway, they were wrapping it up, which by the way is not Aunt Kathy’s strong suit, and she wanted to finish by acknowledging that they’d meet at 3 o’clock and then she’d say goodbye. A crisp, professional goodbye.
“Good o’clock,” said my Aunt Kathy.
I have another aunt who greeted someone fancy (maybe even a priest) with, “How do.”
So there it is. Thank heavens I am a paragon of dignity and nothing humiliating has ever happened to me. (If one person mentions that maxi pad in my back, I’m come snap your neck.)