Here's what I like about myself. I mean, other than the obvious "everything." I recently got matched with a cool-looking dude on the Bumble, there, and with that particular dating site, they give you 24 hours to write the person after you've been matched, and the woman has to write first. This cuts down dramatically … Continue reading Chicken parm for the marm
Back when I first became a blogging person, in eighteen aught six, someone told me about another funny blogger named Miss Doxie. What I just did, there, was call myself "funny" again, and that's twice in a row, now. But I've only called myself funny twice since eighteen aught six, so that's saying something. The … Continue reading Kahlo of the wild. Or Fridatlanta. What do you want from me. I’m hung over.
Awhile back I chatted with a very funny person online, who got weird at the last minute so we never met. This, by the way, could be the title of my life story: Things Got Weird at the Last Minute. Careful readers may recall I've already named my life story I Turned the Camera on … Continue reading Hey, where’s June?
You know what I don't like? Yes, June. In fact, I have a comprehensive list. It's really more of a scroll at this point. No, there's a new one. Sigh. [turns scroll sideways to write in the margin] Packet oatmeal that makes you work for it. You're buying DRY OATMEAL in a foil PACKET. Clearly … Continue reading Sowing my wildly expensive oats
That's really my favorite line from a song. WHAT is, June? We aren't actually there in your head. And clearly half the time we don't read your title. https://youtu.be/ymmRnKaTEr8 "With her fog, her amphetamines, and her pearls." Love that line. Also, do you ever do this? If anyone says to me, "I hate Bob Dylan. … Continue reading With her caffeine, her Ritalin, and her pearls. Of wisdom.
Yesterday at lunchtime, I stampeded across town to the damn dance store, which is its official name. Greensboro's Damn Dance Store! We're open stupid times! When I got there, I realized I'd tensed up, in the worry that they'd be closed Mondays or some other similar irritating thing. But they were not! There they were, … Continue reading Dancing queen. Old and mean, only 52.
It was inevitable, I suppose, that during a pertinent conversation with my friend Hamlet, in which we were extolling Patty and Selma from The Simpsons, that I was struck by HOW MAGNIFICENT it would be to name cats Patty and Selma. It's these epiphanies that make me say, Well, I could just jaunt off to … Continue reading What is wrong with this emu?
I'm trying very hard to not talk about my 404 Error, because my hope is that I can just, oh, continue on with my life, and if I make him the topic of my posts, he's still in my life, a bit. So I'm trying to write about other things even though I really just … Continue reading Ruins
Heyyyyy. [Walks in, throws coat on your kitchen chair. Opens your cookie jar.] Goddammit, are these raisin? I'm tryina think of what I have to tell you, and it's not much, so read on, won't you? We had drama in the comments yesterday, which amuuuuused me, because when I wrote yesterday's brief post about my … Continue reading Oh, good. June.
I just realized my coffee is a metaphor. I like everything intense, smoky and dark. What the hell is wrong with me?
They've changed how they're doing things at my job: I used to work on just one account, but now they've split it, so I'm copy editing for a bunch of different groups. This is kind of more exciting, and also more scary, because every client has a different style, and things they like and hate, … Continue reading My Friend Flicker
It's raining today; at the most, it's going to be 64 degrees. They also call that "the high." Am become familiar with language of peeple. Anyway, after Edsel's a.m. constitutional, and by "constitutional" I mean he peed, he stampeded back inside, as he does. "Edsel, wait," I said, and he screeched to a halt. That's … Continue reading Because we need more oompah bands.
I'm at the bookstore. I'm in the window. I'm speaking like I'm Dick and Jane. Oh, see. See June work. See June work on her fucking freelance. I'm sitting in the window of the bookstore again. Also in this window is sort of a hipster man, approximately my age, I think, but then again I … Continue reading See June kvetch
I did something I wish I hadn't. I agreed via email, while at my regularly scheduled job, to take on a freelance project. I didn't pay enough attention to the deets and dear June, please say deets, because please see above ref to regularly scheduled job and distracted. They offered me a flat rate, and … Continue reading I ran out of Ritalin. You can totally tell.
I stood in my backyard just now and watched several leaves fall from the branches of my tree and sway all the way to the ground. It was so pretty that I got the phone so I could show you, but of course once I got the damn phone, the leaves stayed tight. weee not … Continue reading My 404 Not Found Error
I've gotten up, fed all the animals like I'm Fern in Charlotte's Web. Not that she really fed that many animals other than Wilbur. With a bottle. Now I want a baby pig. Anyway, then I showered and ventured in here, to put on my Laila Ali dryer cap and write to you. But I … Continue reading June peruses old Avon ads because her Ritalin hasn’t kicked in yet today
Amazon is being a dick. They sent me this long email that said nothing, about how I need to have "qualified sales" and that I don't, and I don't know what "qualified" could mean, seeing as you guys buy a lotta stuff. (Say, thanks!) I wrote back, and they answered with another vague email ("Once … Continue reading Qualified June
I did many things this weekend, but one thing I did not do was much sleeping. Internet: Why, Joon? Joon: Noneya, Internet. On Friday afternoon, I was toiling at m'desk when the phone rang. "WHAT." I thought, as I am cheerful and elegant about being interrupted when in a flow. It was my doctor's office. … Continue reading Me and you and a dog with Blu
I did something bad, and I feel bad about it. Say "bad" one more time. Who am I, Michael Jackson? In 2011, I briefly dated a guy. Let me think: We met in late May, first date in June, and by July it was all over. We gave it about a month of no contact, … Continue reading Bad
Yesterday, I wrote about some, oh, personal stuff, and then I felt bad about it being so public, so I deleted this post and pasted it to (Face)Book of June, a secret page on Facebook. For awhile, (Face)Book of June was just a closed group, meaning no one could wander over there and see all … Continue reading June picks a bad day to stop sniffing glue