Qualified June

Amazon is being a dick. They sent me this long email that said nothing, about how I need to have “qualified sales” and that I don’t, and I don’t know what “qualified” could mean, seeing as you guys buy a lotta stuff. (Say, thanks!)

I wrote back, and they answered with another vague email (“Once you’ve had three qualified sales…”).

There is an ad for Amazon either on your sidebar or at the bottom of this blog, depending on if you’re on a phone or a desktop. If you’re on a phone, you have to scroll forever to see it–I don’t know why. I asked WordPress to help me, and they did get it so the ad’d show up, but you have to REALLY MEAN IT to see the Amazon ad on a phone or tablet.

The point is, maybe they’re going to cut me off. Without a cent. And they won’t speak English and tell me why. Why aren’t my sales “qualified”?

Oh, look! A link to Amazon! IS THIS A QUALIFIED SALE if three people click on it and buy something on Amazon today? I DON’T KNOW. Because they WON’T GIVE ME A SPECIFIC ANSWER.

Lu annoy.

In other news, I was rejected three different ways yesterday. I can’t go into specifics, but three. I was doing okay with rejections one and two, but once three hit, I was all, COME ON, GOD.

I didn’t even INCLUDE Amazon threatening to reject me.

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Also, this happened. My friend Hamlet and I often send each other images from our thwarted attempts at love, by texting each other the sad/offfensive messages and photos we get from our online dating swains. I recently sent him my nice message from Luv2PutItInU. Which is still not as good as my all-time favorite, G-Spot Hunter.

Hamlet’s latest was a clearly crazy woman in a tiara. Sadly, I happened to have a tiara right at my desk, on top of my Hello Kitty coffeemaker, so I could reenact said photo. There is really no telling which be-tiara-ed woman was really crazier yesterday. Say “really” one more time.

Also, I am sorry to tell you this, but Ward and I did not work out. I know the tone of this post makes it seem like he was one of the rejectors, but he was not. It was me. It wasn’t him, it was me, literally.

But look. It was a short-lived thing, and that’s too bad, but that’s what dating is. You see how it goes with people and you make informed decisions before you get too caught up. I might know from caught up when you shouldn’t be. I might know from that.

I might.

So I may be erring on the side of caution a lot these days. Sue me.

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wat hell, mom? hooo you to be pickee?

Note most of the photos of this creature are when he’s about to eat. This is because it is the only time he is home.

Other than my rejection and my annoyance at Amazon and my slight sadness that it didn’t work out with Ward and my deep and abiding affection for my friend Hamlet and also Steely Dan, because I choose the wrong mencats, I got nothing. I’m not really blue, per se, just sort of stung.

Mencats is totally a thing.

So let’s just scroll through old photos and clap ourselves out.

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Awwww. This is at the very top of my photos. Roger.
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heeeeee

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MISS DOXIE! I should probably not pose with her.

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Seriously, June, stop posing with the Dox

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Kitten Iris

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Lu. Delighted about Violet since never.

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Marvin and Henry in their early-divorce bachelor pad.

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heeeee (again)

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I’ve plowed through a lotta pets.

Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Try not to reject me today, would ya?

Luff,

Joooooon

 

 

54 thoughts on “Qualified June

  1. Kitten Iris! And Violet Sparkles and her puppy rolls! I’m sorry you were thrice rejected. I won’t reject you. I’ll keep checking back here until you call me a stalker and tell me to get my own life. (That’s not creepy at all.)

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  2. Retrokits & retropups are always a welcome sight. Site? I dunno.
    I’m sorry Ward didn’t work out, but he lives on in SD’s voice.
    Bloomin’ nice post Joon for someone who the judges lit their no crosses for. Judges know shit.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I don’t “need” anything from Amazon today so I’m not making any purchases, but… I did some quick Googling and I think a qualified sale might be one for which shipping is paid — so all of us Prime customers? who don’t pay shipping? are not qualified.

    Of course, I could totally have misread the Google and be all sorts of wrong here.

    Also, I am sorry you and Ward didn’t last.

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  4. I really enjoyed the pictures today! You look fantastic in your tiara. I find that if I’m feeling a little down, wearing my tiara perks me right up!

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  5. Well, if the Google is correct, then I am a qualified sale, I don’t belong to Prime. So sorry Ward didn’t work out, but keep on being picky. For some reason I can’t see the photos on my phone, I’ll have to see them later on my laptop and report back. Rejection, never from me. Love you, Coot.

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  6. I will never reject you, and I say this having this weekend been rejected ….. never mind, but I hope they all ….. never mind. Also? EFF Amazon. QUALIFY THIS.

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  7. Dear Joob,

    You look terrific in that picture! You will always be a pretty princess. Reject you? Ha! You can’t get rid of us even when you want to. You are our Rob from High Fidelity. “I can’t fire them. I hired these guys for three days a week and they just started showing up every day. That was four years ago.”

    Love,
    AA

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  8. I am giggling like a mad woman because a) I just read your blog and b) I just read Amazon’s qualifying purchases and disqualified purchases policy page for affiliates. There’s a whole lotta a) and b) and even iii) and z) but heck if I can understand what the fritto they’re trying to say. Does very well as dry humour though.

    One of my fav billboard signs was:
    Jesus Saves George’s Used Cars
    It works on so many levels.

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  9. Somebody told me once if a guy says he doesn’t deserve you, you should probably believe him. So you probably had good instincts and let yourself out of that one while you were ahead. Cut your losses. Good job! And I am not at all surprised you have a tiara at your desk.

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  10. I think by qualified sale, they mean the item you are posting is the item we need to purchase. For example on cooking blogs, the blogger uses the item and puts the lonk up and people buy the item that the blog owner touted.

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      1. I am also an Amazon affiliate, and I get commissions for products people buy even if what they buy is not what I linked to.

        I hope you get it straightened out, June.

        Lovely post, as usual, and you look very pretty in your tiara.

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    1. Here’s an idea. Ask us what we’re looking to buy and then put the links for those products in the next day’s post. However, that might take a lot of work. I don’t know. Maybe a once a week thing?

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      1. That’s a great idea! Set up an email address just for that stuff so it doesn’t inundate your inbox perhaps.

        I’m sure you already have this June but just in case here’s the contact page with a phone number (1-800-372-8066):
        https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/home/contact?_encoding=UTF8&pf_rd_i=assoc_footer_content_newlogin&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_p=&pf_rd_r=&pf_rd_s=assoc-center-1&pf_rd_t=501&ref_=amb_link_359035362_7&rw_useCurrentProtocol=1

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  11. Visions of Brokeback Mountain come to mind. I can’t quit you, June! You are too hot, too funny, too interesting, and too good for Ward. NEXT…

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  12. I just read through the Amazon Affiliates program qualified purchases doc (https://affiliate-program.amazon.com/help/operating/policies) and I see nothing about paying shipping. Only that we, gentle readers, click Karen’s link to get to Amazon, and that we put something in our cart to be paid for and shipped within 89 days, lol. Or that we click & pay within 24 hrs. It is a fascinating read, really. There are so many ways to help a gal out, digital purchases, signing up or gifting Prime or Fresh or whatever the hell all those options are. Wow! Go get something!

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  13. This might be an excellent time to say that if I say something over on (Face)Book of June, we should not allude to it here. In public. Which I why I go over to FB of June and say stuff. See.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Thanks for the scroll down memory lane. Nice to see Miss D, DW and the petses.
    You were born to wear a tiara. All the rest are just wannabes.
    Sorry Ward didn’t work out but glad you found out early.
    I just can’t quit you June. You’re like my daily dose of sunshine.

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  15. Love all the pictures, especially you in your tiara! Maybe that should be your pic on dating sites. Guys are sort of slow sometime but that will let them know you are a princess, and need to be treated as such.

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  16. I loved the pet flashbacks – there’s always time and room for those as far as I’m concerned.

    That is a BRILLIANT tiara – it should be big and shiny (that’s what she said) and it is!

    Also, about Ward – good detection. I wasn’t committed to him or any him in your life, I just want you to be happy (and invite us to your house to hang out with Eds and wait for a Steely Dan sighting and … well that’s where I’m going to end it in case I get too creepy).

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  17. I half expected to see RUSH album covers on the wall above Marvin’s bachelor bed. Or a big poster of Geddy Lee.

    Oh my God, Francis in his little hat and glasses. Was that the day you kept dressing him up while he was too stoned to care?

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  18. oh june. since i am an empathetic soul i have tears pricking (ha!) my eyes. seriously.

    and i’ve been rejected twice already today and i want to CUT A BITCH. and sad.
    effity eff eff eff.

    i hope you get lots of good things coming your way today.

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  19. Love all the photos June. Thanks for the memories. Oh, and I don’t know why, unless it was the way you wrote him but Henry was my favorite mancat/mankitten.
    Hang in there, Your man is still out there. He’s probably searching for you as we speak. Write.

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  20. Ohh, the photos bring back so many memories of your life. I look at your photos more than my own because your life is infinitely more interesting, Coot! I had to stop and giggle at Frances’ pose. Francis’?? I never get that one spelled right. Anywho, I hope today is better and that you got rid of all those uckies yesterday. (Side note: auto screw didn’t want me to say “uckies”. It changed the words to “I lied” ??? What the flibbidy gidget?!)

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  21. June, we will never reject you. You have broken up with us like THREE TIMES and we still keep driving by your house and ducking, and asking your guy friends if you mentioned us, and cramming notes in your locker. We’re pathetic. AND WE LOVE YOU!

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  22. Man, now I’m pissed at Amazon. I’m trying to remember to come here and click their link whenever I have to buy something, and now they’re saying this work is all for nothing?!?

    What is the point of letting you create a jump to Amazon from your blog if later they come with this stupid and opaque rule of “qualified purchase”? What about making your rules clear, Amazon?

    I’m almost wanting to boycott them if they don’t fix this stupidity asap.

    June, I was one who was hopeful about Ward, but I’m glad you ended the relationship early if it wasn’t the right thing for you, because the more we wait the harder it gets. Enjoy your days as a single person. The right man will show up sooner or later.

    As for the three rejections, practice saying, “NEXT!”.

    Stephen King’s first big novel, Carrie, was rejected 30 times. He tossed it in the wastebasket but his wife fished it out. He earned $39 million in 2012.

    John Grisham’s first novel, A Time to Kill, was rejected 12 times, and he unsuccessfully tried to sell copies from the trunk of his car. He earned $26 million last year.

    Judy Blume, who has sold 80 million books, got nothing but rejections for two straight years.

    Steve Berry, 10 million books, collected 85 rejections over 12 years before breaking through.

    Rex Pickett’s Sideways was rejected 16 times and received an advance of $5,000 before being picked up for a film.

    J.K. Rowling, the first author billionaire, had Harry Potter rejected by a dozen British publishing houses and reportedly got into print, for a £1,500 advance, only after the eight-year-old daughter of a publisher pleaded for it.

    Other rejection counts: Gone With the Wind, 38 times; Dune, 20 times; A Wrinkle in Time, 29 times; Lord of the Flies, 20 times; Kon Tiki, 20 times; Watership Down, 17 times; Jonathan Livingstone Seagull, 18 times; Chicken Soup for the Soul, 33 times; James Joyce’s The Dubliners, 22 times; Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, more than 100 times; MASH, 21 times.

    Source:
    https://www.huffingtonpost.com/william-dietrich/the-writers-odds-of-succe_b_2806611.html

    NEXT!

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Hi June,
    I still have a mountain of work to do tonight, but I am taking a break just to sit with you for a minute. I am sending you peace and love and the request for NO MORE REJECTION….jeez!

    Carry on, Coot.

    Like

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