I ran out of Ritalin. You can totally tell.

I did something I wish I hadn’t.

I agreed via email, while at my regularly scheduled job, to take on a freelance project. I didn’t pay enough attention to the deets and dear June, please say deets, because please see above ref to regularly scheduled job and distracted. They offered me a flat rate, and I already agreed, and it’s not nearly going to be enough for the volume of work Ima have to do.

Crap. Contract is signed. Work is already with me. Crap, I say.

In the meantime, it will keep me out of trouble, and there is SOME money in it. Just not much.

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Me, at work. With Molly, of the at-work Mollys. Shown for no reason other than this photo kind of amuses me.

We had our annual pumpkin painting contest at work yesterday.

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I never participate, except to go out there and eat the snacks, and judge everyone’s work. I have no visual skillz. Like, seriously none.

Yesterday, when my day of judging pumpkins and pumping kin and so on was done, I meandered to our bustling downtown, which is sort of bustling, actually, and is generally pleasant other than the occasional crazy guy “Excuse me, ma’am”-ing you as you walk by. Maybe it’s because when I’m downtown, I drive all the old men crazy.

A guy asked me if I could get him something to drink. Someone had bought him a plate of Middle-Eastern food, and I could just see this white person, all proud of himself, not thinking OH MY GOD THIS WOULD MAKE YOU THIRSTY, and the point of my story was I ended up buying this man some very pretentious $2.50 water at the local bookstore.

But yesterday, I went down there not to drive all the old men crazy, although that’s a given, but to get my red coat.

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I’d admired said red coat at my friend Kit’s store, which you’ll be stunned to hear is called Design Archives. It’s a ’50s, swingy coat, a red-orange color, and I almost bought it but didn’t, because I already HAVE a winter coat, so why do I need another.

“Oh, hell, I’ll give it to you for [insert absurdly low amount here],” said Kit, when I messaged her later. “I’ll tell them to put it on hold for you.”

And that is why I was downtown, driving all the old men crazy, and Dear June: You are not Thin Lizzie. Stop. Love, Readers.

“I want to see your new red coat,” my friend Hamlet wrote me, because everyone must know my everything, so when I got home last night, I slopped the hogs, fed own self, drove all the old men crazy and finally came in here to take a webcam photo of said red coat, to not only give Hamlet the exciting sneak preview, but also to show all y’all today.

The goddamn webcam takes 87 hours to pop up on my computer. There have been plenty of times I’ve wanted to webcam you during a blogging not blogging moment, and said fuck it cause it takes too long. So last night I clicked on the icon for it, then prepared to wait the hundred hours for it to finally work.

When I DID see it was up, I noted that instead of the camera being on, the video thing, veeeeedeo thing, was on, and what I enjoy about myself is my rapid ability to show off.

I am reminded once again of my grandmother saying, “Look at her. She doesn’t need anybody else. Just sits with herself and laughs.”

Photo on 10-12-17 at 8.04 PM #2.jpgAnyway, here’s the coat.

IMG_0909.jpgAfter I got my designs from the archives last night, and before I came home to show off for company, I headed back to the bookstore to sit in the window and watch people. Judge their pumpkins. I like how I show you instead a view INSIDE the store, but whatever.

IMG_0906.jpgOooo, also, I forgot to mention that when I took a walk with m’coworkers yesterday, I saw a KITTEN, a black-and-white KITTEN, under a car. “KITTEN!” I said, racing toward it.

“How did she see that?” I heard someone ask.

Anyway it ran away from me, and into these woods, and after work I returned to said woods and “kitty-kittied” myself hoarse and no kitten. Annoy.

The rustling through the woods and the walking downtown in the rain and Dancing This Mess Around and driving all the old men crazy resulted in end-of-day hair that looked like this:

IMG_0915.jpgDear God. Yes, I DID have that shirt on inside-out. You know how I am.

So that about sums it up. I got a weekend yawning before me, as I do, and that’s just fine. I don’t know why no one will dance with me.

I ain’t no limburger.

June, driving all the old men crazy, since whenever I became obsessed with that line.

58 thoughts on “I ran out of Ritalin. You can totally tell.

  1. Cute coat, Coot!

    p.s. just saw the Coot Easter Egg in your header – I love that you are frequently changing that, it’s like extra icing on the funny cake!

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  2. Oh My GOD.

    I like so few people – like really like them. I love you so much right now for that video. You are THE BEST.

    I can just hear someone say “how did she see that?” You have animal-seeking eyes, you do.

    That coat is divine. I would have been a crime for you not to own it.

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  3. I’ve been reading you forever, but rarely comment. All the events/discussion as of late have made me want to try to comment more, because you really are great and reading your posts are the highlight of my morning. That video killed me dead. Thanks for always entertaining us with your wonderful writing. You really deserve all the best and I want you to know how much we readers appreciate and love you!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love the new coat, Coot.
    “Look at her. She doesn’t need anyone else. Just sits with herself and laughs.” My husband says almost the exact thing about me like it’s a bad thing. I’m never lonely, am often amused, and am perfectly content to be alone in my own company. I prefer my own company to that of others. Is that a bad thing?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. First the cute picture of Molly and you, then the artistic pumpkins, Kit’s shop, the bookstore, and the Where’s Kitty photo. Finally, as icing on the cake, the talented June models her new coat in a video that makes all other models envious. Very nice, Coot.

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  6. I loved the pumpkins, even if I do hate Halloween. Did that even make sense? Well, it did to me. Love the coot coat, too. Great color. Your veedeo was awesome! It really was. You should get some kind of a prize for it.

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  7. I want to snatch that coat right off of you it is so amazing! Of course it looks great on you, you skinny thing. And your curly hair looks wonderful even after all day at work and dancing for us.

    Too bad about the kitten, it would have given you a new color scheme to work with.

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  8. Well hell girl, what’s not to love about you? Nothing I say, you are all over lovable. Thanks for the veedeeo made me smile during the whole thing. Love the coat, good purchase, I see you wearing it everywhere and more. And look how thin you are under the coat, woohoo. Way to go. Losing those 195 pounds has done you wonders!

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  9. I am jealous of your end of the day hair. I would so totally rock it, if I had it. The coat is super cool and the video was fun as hell. Lovely post, Coot.

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  10. Cute coat! I love the sleeves. Something about a red coat makes you feel good.

    I never find any animals. Well, there was that time a fluffy dog was sitting on my door step when we pulled into the driveway and I screeched at my husband, oh you shouldn’t have! But, sadly, it was my neighbor’s fluffy dog and I had to give it back.

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  11. The video made my day. Love the smile as you turned camera off, you looked so pleased with yourself. And that coat? Perfect for you.

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  12. Love the coat Coot. You crack me up. I have the big hair today because it is moist outside. I woke up and thought my hair is going to be Junish today because it is so moist. I would post a picture of said hair but i dont know how to post a picture in the comments. Also and too my kahuna went to a meeting with some clients in Beverly Hills last week with his shirt on onside out. All day he schlepped around the Hills of Beverly with his inside out shirr and no one mentioned it.

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  13. Super cute coat. I approve. Also too, that song is quite catchy. I’ve never heard it. What is it? I usually don’t recognize your music and that makes me sad. I feel like I missed out on some living.

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  14. Very nice, Coot.

    I love that coat on you. I was watching your video and laughing a little bit and right then is when my HR manager decided to walk up to my desk to give me something. Between that and telling one of my bosses yesterday that he doesn’t look like Steve Bannon, I’m perched next to you on the same rung of the corporate ladder.

    That book store looks so cozy.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. I’m also in love with the red coat. The cuffs, pleats and button details are gorgeous.
    And the veedeeo was a hoot, Coot.
    You have the best workplace. I’d be all in with the pumpkin painting, although it’d probably look like my one and only attempt at painting ceramics. It may have won the Fugliest award.

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  16. Well. I thought I couldn’t love you any more than I already did…but after that I do. I love the mischievous look you get when you glance up and realize the VIDEO is rolling…the smirk, the removing of the glasses and the half turn away ….pure genius. You are what the worlds needs now June Gardens. And I’ve always loved that song HARD. I wish we could have a JuneFestalooza and all your people could come to the Festival to hang with you and worship all that you are. I’m serious. I’d pay admission. I would.

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  17. WTH?!!
    Why did I not see this glorious veedeeo last night? It would have been so much nicer than lulling myself to sleep with cat videos.
    Again.

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  18. Love the new coat! It looks perfect on you. The video cracked me up. I would have never noticed that your shirt was wrong side out if you hadn’t brought it to our attention.

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  19. Very nice coot, I mean coat! And oh, how I loved that video! Made my day. And June, I have always been jealous of your hair! It’s got sass and attitude, just like you. It would be just wrong for you to have plain old straight boring hair! That’s what I have and it just sits on my head all day long, not doing a thing. Which is why I could never pull off making a video like that. But I’m damn sure gonna try anyway! Some day. Thanks, June!

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  20. It sounds like yesterday was a wonderful day. New coat is so pretty–especially on you–especially while dancing! Sorry you have to do not-well-compensated-work. That sucks.

    Hope your Saturday is as good or better than your Friday!

    Nice work, Coot.

    Like

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