I am a pleasure of life, My pets

Oh, good. June.

Heyyyyy. [Walks in, throws coat on your kitchen chair. Opens your cookie jar.] Goddammit, are these raisin?

I’m tryina think of what I have to tell you, and it’s not much, so read on, won’t you?

We had drama in the comments yesterday, which amuuuuused me, because when I wrote yesterday’s brief post about my love of all things dark and intense, and first everyone was all DON’T KILL YOURSELF JOOON and then I had to come back and say, No, see, I just love–oh, never mind.

But then it got dramatic-er from there, and what’s funny about all that is when I wrote yesterday’s thing, I thought, Man, Ima get like six comments today, because this was so brief. Instead I got…hang on. Lemme look…

One hundred-and-nineteen comments!

You know what’s fascinating? Reading someone’s blog about their blog. But the point is, you never know how things will go. I remember occasionally pounding out what I think is a fabulous post: hilarious, pithy, full of the quotable lines.

And?

Nothing.

“Heh. Nice job, Coot.” Like 14 of those, maybe one old school, “You’re so pretty, June.”

And I’ve answered this 149 times in 714 places, but “Nice job, Coot” was a funny family story Faithful Reader Joy told on “Tell your family stories” day. “You’re so pretty, June” is because one day I put a picture of one of the Alexes up, and everyone was all, “She’s so pretty!!!” and I got pissed off and demanded you all say I’m pretty each time you write me. Because I am a pleasure of life.

You know what’s fascinating? Reading someone’s blog about their blog. Also, when someone refers to their work as “yesterday’s thing.”

Let’s look at m’pictures.

IMG_E0984.JPGOne of the Alexes had her last day of work, and I photographed it for posterity. She was one of the Five Minutes of Glory group. One of the people I work with found this absolutely ridiculous unpublished book, and for five minutes every day, we’d gather at 4:30 and read from it for five minutes. You’ve never known a group of people to adore bad writing more than our Five Minutes of Glory group. This particular Alex, above, has a British accent, so we made her be our narrator. ‘Twas classier that way.

IMG_0983.JPGShe celebrated one last banana o’clock, and off she went, to pastures that couldn’t possibly be green as ours.

IMG_E0986.jpgAlso, I captured on film Blind Gladys Knight and her Pips, over there. Dark As Night and the Pips.

IMG_E1004.JPG
not a pip. resent.

Lily’s eye is getting better, although she still kind of walks around with bitchy resting face. Would you like to annoy me? Call it resting bitch face. THAT MAKES NO SENSE.

IMG_E1009.JPG
edz do lillee impresh. heeeeeeeee…

IMG_E1018.JPGI gotta hang around more actual people and not four-legged beasts. Look how SD is scrunching poor Iris. fuk persnal spayce.

IMG_1026.jpgIMG_E1022.JPGIMG_1021.JPGI let Edsel go with me to the store to pick up more migraine meds yesterday, and what I like about Eds is that he’s always delighted to see me. A five-minute run to pick up meds and he greets me like (wait for it) Melanie when Ashley returns, all lousy from the war.

Have we already discussed the over/under of Ashley gettin’ a little man love while he was in the trenches? I believe we have, as I seem to recall insinuating that Ashley might not’ve needed a trench situation to rustle up a little man love. I believe I suggested that a Wednesday in the library would be enough for Ashley to decide, “Oh, we’re in a crisis. Let’s kneel.”

“I must admit this latest Proust did not meet my expectations. Perhaps a look at your naked bum would salve my literary wounds.”

One thing you have to admire about me, YOU HAVE TO, is my hatred of folk stays consistent. Although I do have to admit to coming around a little on Price Charles.

Camilla can still suck it.

I’d better go. This is my last free night till Monday, so I plan to live it up with a big night of staying in. Not to be pretentious, not to be Ashley Wilkes and his closet, but have you watched The New Yorker Presents? You can stream it on the Amazon. Not a big woman, but the network.

A real woman could stop you from drinking.

It’d have to be a really big woman.

Name that movie, NOT PAULA.

Loftily,

Juan

59 thoughts on “Oh, good. June.”

  1. Arthur, GWTW, the Royal Family, all we need make this a perfect round up of all things we love is some When Harry Met Sally quotes!

    Well done, Coot.

    Like

  2. My workplace is amazing! Funny, smart, beautiful, never any smells I don’t like, constantly entertaining, great stories…

    (btw, I work at home by myself!!)

    Like

  3. my workplace is soooo boring! I can go a whole day and talk to a handful of people (which I kind of like) but also would like a place that plays music to close the blinds. Pure awesomeness.
    Good job, Lovely Coot.

    Like

  4. Not on Team Camilla, but she is solid, like the horse’s face she has (Team Snark?). I DO admire Charles, even though he seems to be a cold-fish pretentious snob. I admire what he’s TRYING to do, organic, environment, and architecture-wise. And I think his watercolors are amaze-balls. And yes, I was up in the middle of the night for both Diana’s and Fergie’s weddings. Andrew should have been MINE!

    Abhor Dudley Moore, so I couldn’t watch Arthur.

    Am now picturing Ashley crawling around trenches in kneepads… That’s gotta hurt!

    Your animals are so pretty, Coot.

    Like

  5. Blind Gladys Knight! Plunk.

    Your workplace sounds like a great place, with lots of interesting people. I worked 35 years with mostly dull, government drones. However, I did have a couple of fun friends, especially one that help me tolerate the mostly miserable days. He was funny, no he was hilarious, and kept me entertained. He would tell the funniest stories of events in his life and you could hear me laughing all over the division (we were in open cubicles). I really miss him.

    Like

    1. I’ll bet he was gay. Most really fun guys in the workplace are gay. Except perhaps in a group of creatives as June is in. That was a great big huge generalization but I’ll stand by it.

      Like

  6. I should probably know this so don’t kill me for asking – What happened to Lily’s eye? Was she the one attacked by the dog? I can’t remember anything today – sorry!

    Like

  7. Your posts make me laugh all the time. I just don’t tell you in the comments, because then I would have the same comment of “this is hilarious” almost every day.

    Like

    1. Like the rest of us don’t say the same old thing day after day and amuse ourselves doing it? I doubt June has ever heard that she is hilarious too many times.

      Like

  8. I read every single day. I don’t post often, because well, intimidated. You have some very clever readers, and well you yourself…Clever isn’t a clever enough word. I think to myself, my piddly little comments will never even be seen, much less appreciated by anyone. So I am writing today just to tell you that just because you may not get lots of comments, doesn’t mean that there aren’t those of us who faithfully read, and cheer you on from afar, every day. Because we ARE here. I actually audibly laugh at least once every time I read your posts. And that’s saying something. I am quite a cynic. There isn’t a lot that will incite me to actual laugh-out-loud-liness. I am continually fascinated by the way your mind works. I enjoy coming here VERY much. Thank you for sharing with us. Lovely post, Coot!

    Like

    1. Right? We also used to have a moment in the afternoon when the sun would come screaming in, and it was The Closing of the Blinds, and my boss, fmr, would play formal Closing of the Blinds music as it happened.

      This is a ridiculous place.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. This is the kind of thing that allows me to keep having faith in the human race. You remain a pleasure of life.
        I got the Dark and smokey thing. It is half of your love of sensual pleasures.

        Like

      2. I am envious of the environment in which you work. It really sounds like a great place where the employees interact regularly and try to throw some fun into every single day. I feel that if you are going to spend 8+ hours with people, there should be time to be silly and laugh together!

        Like

  9. Ohmahgosh STOP IT! “Let’s kneel.” I choked on my coffee over that one. Thanks for chuckle.

    Very nice, lovely Coot.

    Like

  10. Lovely post Coot. I have liked old Chuckie Boy since he did 60 minutes and he talked about his love of farming. He could have been on farmers only.com he could have been Old Mcdonald but instead he is the boy who wont be king.

    Like

  11. …AND Texas Kari. Clearly I just skimmed the comments before posting my first (of three) responses! Why do I always feel the need to WIN?

    Like

  12. You just know Kate can pound the beers away, work up a good swearfest and match every dude on the dirty jokes. Or rather she has the capacity to anyway, being a commoner and all. I know not all common people do that but they’re probably not very fun. Or they’re the redneck part of my family. [pausing] I withdraw my previous statement on pretty Kate.

    Totally unrelated, I am making Pumpkin Cheesecake Brownies tonight. This time of year I always wonder how recipes with just 1/2 cup of pumpkin in them can call themselves pumpkin in the title. Lu annoy. I imagine I’ll stop being annoyed after eating the fifth one, though. Oh. Just looked at the recipe again. ONE cup of pumpkin. Carry on.

    Like

      1. You know, I meant to TELL you guys that last night when I got more migraine medicine, I also grocery shopped, as my pharmacy is also my grocery store and hello convenient. The point is, I got cat food, and I also decided to get an “I’m rather blue” pint of ice cream, to eat directly from the container, while watching Eat, Pray, Love, which is exactly what I did.

        My point is, as I traversed the store with my cat food and my ice cream, I was all, What am I, a Cathy cartoon?

        Liked by 3 people

  13. I might be the only one who doesn’t really follow the royal family from afar. I do think the new kids are cute. I know one is Charlotte, because that is my mother-in-law’s name, and I like it…is the other one George? See? Not googling.

    Enjoy your night off…it is a beautiful fall day here. I love how the yellow leaves seem to glow in the autumnal sunshine.

    Lovely post, lovely June.

    Like

    1. Yes, Charlotte and George, and I love those names and I love those kids. Did you just feel that earthquake? But I do. I love those kids. THEY ARE SO CUTE.

      Like

  14. Oh, but wait. If you’re a bitch and you’re resting then what is your face? That’s right – resting bitch face.

    Good bye to yet another Alex. Oh, Alex we hardly knew ye. In fact we don’t know you at all. You’re like a regular revolving door of employment over there.

    Lovely post, Coot!

    Like

    1. It’s an agency. People come and go so quickly here. She’s been here since 2013, which is like gay men in Hollywood being married for 25 years or something. I’ve been here since 2011, making me OG.

      Like

      1. I guess long-term employment is a thing of the past. I worked in the same office 24 years, was at the same agency 30 years after working five years at another agency. I only worked three and one-half years for my husband, so that fits into the current trend.

        Like

  15. Ohhhh, I’m pretty sure someone was over Ashley in the trenches. Those were cold, lonely times. And you know Melanie getting pregnant was, like, a REALLY TERRIBLE IDEA, so I’m not sure much changed when he came home….

    Like

  16. I really like Camilla. I feel bad for what Diana went through, but Charles should have been allowed to marry Camilla when they fell in love, and not be forced into a marriage with a more suitable incubator. It was good and stinky all round. So it’s romantic that they married in the end. Apart from the Diana splatted bit, obviously….
    See, we aren’t always yes men…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, monkleton, at last we meet. I have been the lonely defender of Camilla in this land. Of course I adore Diana and hate the way she was used as a breeder because she could restore the monarchy to prettiness through her and her progeny. I’m glad Charlie and Cam were allowed to be together.

      Like

      1. Diana walked into the marriage blind, which was a terrible way for a young woman to find out the pain of a broken heart. The boys love Camilla, not as a mum replacement, but as someone who makes their dad happy. They can take the piss out of her & she does it back. I love that! Makes the whole regal crew more down to earth. Diana did so much good in her short life, and I wish she’d had longer. As an aside, my sister told me she’d died as I was having an early morning 💩. I try to dodge the ‘where we’re you when…’ question…. PJ high five for Camilla!

        Like

  17. Woah. I didn’t go back to the comments until now. VK certainly whipped up a frenzyfest!
    I can’t remember who said it yesterday, but this notblog isn’t just about worshipping the Coot, it’s about being a nice place to share daft stories of our own. Some share stories that they can’t talk about IRL. There are SO many witty followers of the Coot, that share, that I hope VK decides to enjoy it for what it is. A supportive environment.

    Nice post Coot!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I’m just here to say I feel vindicated reading today’s post. A friend corrected me and said it is resting bitch face. She’s a bit of a know it all and I assumed she was right. But, noooo! She was wrong! She might not know it, but I do and that’s all that matters.

    Lovely post, Coot.

    Like

  19. I used to hate Prince Charles but a few years ago my husband and I saw a clip of him on Entertainment tonight being a total half-wit and laughing at his own self and I have been enamored ever since.

    Like

  20. Arthur.
    I love the Five Minutes of Glory! What an awesome activity! So, are you nearly out of Alexes? They keep leaving.
    Yesterday’s comments were kind of icky and weird. Fingers crossed that today we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled comments.
    Lovely post/coot!

    Like

  21. Also, I thought ‘I’ was the only person frigging annoyed by people insisting on calling it resting bitch face. IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE. That means your face is bitchy all the time and is now resting!! (Which might be true, but still.) It should mean your face is bitchy when it’s at rest. Aaaargh! You’ve really hit on a major annoyance for me today Coot.

    Like

Comments are closed.