Monthlies

Let’s talk about people who don’t have full-time jobs, compared to those who do.

“Why aren’t you calling me back?”

or

“Why didn’t you answer my myriad texts where I sent you a cartoon of myself waiting by the phone?”

or

“Did you watch that video I sent you?”

When you work full time, you get home to a luxurious “catching up on everything” time, like, oh, eating and feeding/walking the animals and paying bills and mopping the muddy-footed floor. Then you fall into bed.

And I even have an easy commute!

And weekends? Well, that’s when you do the laundry and the groceries and the cleaning, allegedly, and I DON’T EVEN HAVE KIDS. I can’t imagine what the childfull people do, which I would be if I weren’t barren. Or hadn’t gotten my tubes tied in 1996.

So if you’re reading this, with your “retired” or “part time” or “independently wealthy” or “vagabond in a library” self, please know that is what we 40-hour-a-week people are doing when we don’t jump to observe your every move or watch your every cat video.

SO THAT IS WHY UNWORKY PEOPLE SHOULD NOT CALL AT 7:00 PM AND EXPECT A REPLY BY NOON THE NEXT DAY.

What mood?

I really do hate how people are making themselves into cartoons now, by the way. First of all, you weigh more than your caricature, who are you kidding, and second of all, most cartoonists aren’t even funny, and now you come along and think YOUR cartoon will amuse us? I got two words for you: Marmaduke.

What mood? What angry phase?

IMG_1729.JPGI had to leave rather abruptly yesterday, after I slammed my hands down in the desk and stalked out of here, or alternatively as I had to head to work and ignore the 29394931 IMs and texts and calls I received.

What mood?

Anyway, up there is a photo of a store I’d like to try, a new store downtown, but THEY ARE CLOSED SUNDAYS AND OH MY GOD THAT BUGS ME.

WHY do stores close on the weekend? Close on fucking Monday, when we’re all at work except for the people who have time to send me cat videos and then wonder why I haven’t written back.

Who keeps saying “mood”?

IMG_1733.JPGHere’s that time we ran into Steely Dan while he was at another house, and who always pretends to be glad to see us? Is it that phony Steely Dan? I wonder what the other houses call him, what shit-ass names he’s been given that aren’t nearly as cool as the name I gave him. “Oh, here’s Smokey, back around for his dinner.”

IMG_1750.jpg

IMG_E1753.jpg
Smokeee go home wif you. it…dinner time, rite? yeah, he go home wif you.

I also never had time to tell you the thrilling news that I bought a hat this weekend, at my hair place. This woman came in while I was there, to drop a bunch off that she’d knitted, and guess who made a sale 14 seconds later.

IMG_1763.jpgIt has a hole on top, in case you have your hair up, so you can stick your hair through. I would, like, break the hat if I tried that. “Hat, you’re dilated to 10.”

img_1804.jpgI’ve got no reason to show you this other than to say Lily is pretty. Her caricature would be a lithe, sleek gray cat.

So, there. Now I’ve shown you all the photos from my riveting weekend.

I worked like a demon yesterday–you know how they work–and then I came home and did some, oh, work, and I don’t know if I’ve made this clear or not, but every second with my phone last night. PING! with a text and BLOOP! with an email. Finally I just turned the sound off and plugged that thing in in the back room, so I could sit catatonically on the couch for awhile.

When I was at the eye doctor last week, I said, “Do I HAVE to wear dailies?” and the doctor gave me monthlies. He didn’t give me a period, because please see June, old.

So he gave me a pair of monthlies, and stop saying “monthlies,” and I’ve been wearing them, and frankly I hated them. They took forever to put in, which is what she said. They were very uncomfortable, is my point. As monthlies are.

At some point last night, while I was catatonic, I realized I had no contacts in. That the room was, you know, blurry. I must have taken them off and thrown them away at some point without thinking about it.

So, those are gone. Guess I’m back to dailies. And I don’t know if you WEAR dailies, but there’s one brand I abhor and one brand I’d marry, and they both come in blue boxes and they’re named Daily Aqua Moist Daily lenses or something.

What I’m saying to you is half the time I order the wrong brand, and then I have a whole month of dinner plates in my eyes.

…Wait! I just found some of the contacts I HATE, in this desk drawer. PLEASE REMEMBER FOR ME that I hate Dailies Aqua Comfort Plus.

Rolls off the tongue. Also, “comfort.” If by “comfort” you are the Marquis de Sade.

I realize that made little sense.

IMG_1809.jpgSo that brings us to today, which so far seems pretty typical, except that I feel like I’m getting a cold, which it may have been pointed out to me is something I think about 14 times a week, so. Anyway, behold the Shining twins, waiting for breakfast. Also, bonus: Steely Dan trying to claw his way in through the window.

IMG_1811.jpg
sheeee going to let Smokeeee Steeleee in, or he hunt that hawk back there?

IMG_1813.jpgIMG_1814.jpgIMG_1815It’s very leapy at House of June.

And perhaps you’re enjoying THE MUDDY FLOOR, which Edsel just brought in. I have that damn towel by the door, and two mud rugs in the back, but he ran in without me noticing the depth and breadth of his muddiness and now I have to Shark the damn floor again.

IMG_E1820.JPG
edz deepplee sorreee. he get cownsleeng.
IMG_1825.jpg
not meen he don’t want owt again

IMG_1827.jpgIMG_1828.jpgHe’s off to bark at the gaybors’ greyhound. I hope that bugs the shit out of them.

IMG_1835.jpg
weee go bark too?

All right, I gotta go. I got an extension on my freelance work, because they said I could and yay, so naturally once they told me that, tonight I’m going out with Kit. We’re gonna see someone do a reading, and that someone is a person I dated a few times, which, scandal.

Really, hooo care? I think we’ll both be, like, oh hayyy.

This does not mean I won’t be in full makeup, however.

Talk to you soon. I hope it’s during the workday, via text or IM or call or email or tagging me on Facebook or…

What mood?

Joooon

37 thoughts on “Monthlies

  1. I promise I won’t bother you via text or IM or call or email or tagging you on Facebook or by any other means other than commenting on your not-blog.

    Lovely, cranky post, June. Thanks for the action-shots of your pets. Wonder if ol’ Smokey lets himself into to the other homes he visits. Enjoy your evening out with Kit. Hope all the PINGing and BLOOPing doesn’t distract the I-dated-June-that’s-my-claim-to-fame reader tonight.

    Like

  2. I’m with PJ. Not commenting because MOOOOOOD.

    I have an avatar. She is way thinner than me, but it’s because “I live for donuts” chubby doesn’t exist on the bitmoji choices.

    Love you JOOOOOOON. On the daily.

    Like

  3. 40 hours? Been 50+ for me lately. And I get up pretty early which is why I DON’T UNDERSTAND my friends who text me after 11pm!! I swear I am going to start texting them when I get up in the morning. Which is before the sun. Me cranky? no way!
    Love the waving grey paw in the background…HEY GUYS!!!

    Like

  4. lasik. the best gift i gave myself. i can’t even remember waking up ding dang iris blind for my whole life. (hey, exaggeration). almost my whole life.

    dailies we’re my go to as well.

    Like

  5. Oh, you are hilarious when cranky! Me? Just cranky! Snorted at the view of Steely Dan trying to Jack Nicholson his way into the house. “Here’s Steely!”

    My belief is that my phone is for my convenience. Leave me alone. People suck. See? Cranky!

    Like

  6. I have a slightly oblivious friend who took forever to grasp that I have a full-time job. We’d get together in the evening and she’d ask “So, what did you do today?” (She didn’t mean what did I do at work.) Me: … I worked. (In my head: “Like I do every single weekday!” ) Her: Ohh, okay!

    I may just be an overly irritable jerk.

    Like

  7. I have a Bitmoji and I made her FAT because I am FAT and it just didn’t seem right that she gets to be skinny while I am not. So now we’re both fat but at least we’re fat together.

    Say “fat” one more time.

    Fatly,
    Geeky Girl

    Very nice, Coot.

    Like

    1. Your “fat” must be different than my “fat” because I picked the chubbiest figure I could find and yeah… not even close!

      Like

  8. Yes! I’ll share this mood with you, Coot. There are friends of mine that are either stay at home peoples or work normal hours Monday through Friday. I’m over here killing myself trying to rally after being up for 14 hours already just so that I can hang with them on a Saturday at their leisure. Screw that. Never again. Hit me up on Tuesday or Wednesday. Again, what mood?

    Like

  9. I have a neighbor who doesn’t work and really doesn’t do anything and she drives me nuts with the random texts and calls and messages and the tagging in the Facebook. If I don’t answer she’ll message me to check Facebook. Or Facebook message me to check my texts. Or leave a voicemail to check my email. Oh my god they all go to the same place can you not tell I am trying to ignore you.

    Like

  10. Having quite the mood at work today so the pet pictures were very appreciated. Oh that Steely Dan is quite the cat about town!

    Like

  11. Try having people who just “drop by to chat” because they know you’re home all the time. It doesn’t register with them that you’re WORKING from home. Sometimes I hate people!

    Your animals are beautiful and healthy. They should do pet care commercials. The picture of Eds made me snort. He is so goofy. I love that sweet dog.

    Hope you have a quieter day, June.

    Like

  12. If we had had cell phones when I was working mine would have been turned off. My husband almost has heart failure because I DON’T answer calls I don’t recognize. They are solicitors. I’m not interested in talking to them. Some of the numbers I do recognize I don’t answer…because I’m not in a mood to talk.

    Loved all the photos of the animal. That hat matches your eyes so well, they (your eyes) look more blue than usual. Enjoy your night out with Kit.

    Like

  13. Love the Grrrlz waiting to be fed and Edz screaming across the yard. The photo of his hind leg kneeses killed me.

    I’m not sure WHY I have a phone since no one calls, dings, or otherwise annoys me, mostly because I really want to be a hermit, so I turn the ding dang thing off. Totally missed a rare visit from my sister because my phone was in one room and I was in another while Sistah was dinging, calling, and wondering WTF. I live in an area where I fall off the grid at the drop of a hat, too. And I’m okay with it.

    Moody post, Coot. Or is it Cooty post, Mood?

    Like

  14. I laughed out loud at the picture of SmokeeD (sounds like a rapper name), all arms in the air like he just don’t care, behind the Shining twins. He is definitely a caricature in real life!

    That hat is bangin’ with your blue eyes.

    All the women in my family (none of them work but me) always look totally SHOCKED when they ask me every month if I want to meet them for Friday “Girls’ Day” lunch and I’m all “Uh…I’m working on Friday”. I mean, I know I’ve only worked for something like 35+ years of my life. I haven’t ever NOT worked. I totally understand that’s a hard concept to grasp for you all. Bitzes!

    Oh great, now I’m in a mood.

    Like

  15. I am a terrible friend. I forget to email back, I forget to answer calls, I forget birthdays…I could go on. Too busy. I hate that my life has become “just trying to catch up” all the time. I will say, that your not-blog is the only gift I give myself on the daily. Sometimes it takes me a couple of tries to get through the whole thing…like today…but it is something I do for my self. So thank you for my one break per day, June!

    Very nice, Coot.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s