June wraps up her trip; bored nation rejoices

If you’re just getting back from your Thanksgiving holiday, and I say “holiday” like we’re all British, there are several days of my posts for you to catch up on and I wish you luck. I wish you luck mucking through all my ins and outs.

For the rest of you, who kept up with me like good readers, here’s the rest of my trip back to Michigan…

IMG_E2204.JPGWhen we left each other yesterday, saying, “No, YOU hang up,” Gus had been doing tricks in my mother’s yard, fmr., and then I might have kissed him with my red lipstick. I remember back in the ’90s, kissing my mother’s fluffy white Samoyed with my then-fushia lipstick, and my poor beleaguered stepfather in the kitchen, patiently washing it off that dog’s head.

Oooo, speaking of lipstick…

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Both on the way to Michigan and on the way back, I may have looked with rapt interest in the Mac store at Chicago airport, noting these lipsticks were all for sale as one unit, a unit someone might like, if someone were trying to determine what June Would Like For Christmas, a query that’s burning in the brains of just er’one.

I’d look like an asshole in the second-from-the-left one. That burnt orange look does not appeal. But speaking of needless purchases, isn’t it Cyber Monday? Wouldn’t this be an excellent time to link to Amazon, so you can purchase like a mo?

Oh, look! A book about how we shouldn’t consume, that if we click on it takes us to Amazon so we can consume. Oh, June, you’re so ironic. Don’tcha think. A little too ironic. Yeah, I really do think.

But I digress.

On Friday night of my trip to Michigan, my Aunt Kathy had us over for tacos, and by “my Aunt Kathy,” I mean my Uncle Bill made tacos.

IMG_2211 2.jpgSome families form a conga line. We form a taco line. [Insert taco/Katie-the-lesbian joke here]

IMG_2212.jpgMy Aunt Kathy, who is a Virgo, had already decorated for Christmas. Like, that day. She started the day with no Christmas, and by the end of the day she was swinging on her North Pole.

Do you remember that guy Ward who I went out with like three times or something, and then it didn’t work out? He texted me over the holiday (British), and I answered him, telling him how all the women in my family prattle endlessly and all the men are sort of quiet and introspective. Okay, not my Uncle Leo. But the other men. Anyway, below is yet another piano-playing video, this time not horrific like the last one, where one of the men is being deep and yet you can hear women prattling in the background. I recorded this for his listening pleasure. I think it was around then that he stopped texting.

In summation.

IMG_2217.jpgAfter dinner, my cousin Big June and her husband Hill came to surprise me, and it was so cute to see them. She gets migraines, too. Is plagued by them, actually.

Maybe had I not been named after her I wouldn’t have migraines. Maybe they could have named me after a tennis star or something instead. Step one: Get tennis star in family.

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fukking schtopz

Also, here is my aunt’s cat, Tom Thumbs. Did not at all follow Tom Thumbs around like an idiot, scooting across floor with phone out like a moron. That would not be fittin’. Did not at all call him kitty head or sweet kitten or kitty hitchhiker kitten face wif thumbses.

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Finally, it was Saturday and time for me to go, but not before Hulk rejected me for sports. Also, Dear June: *of.

IMG_2239.jpgI returned home without incident, late Saturday night. It was too late to get Edsel from daycare, so I slept with Lily, who was beside herself that I’d returned, and if you look carefully, you can see an extremely indifferent Steely Dan down the hall.

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hooo gif shit

IMG_E2246.JPGThe other, more normal, cats were happy to see me, in their cat way. “wee not say hi, but we sleep on you a lots.”

The cat-sitter told me that every day, SD and Lily would come blinking down the hall, like, O, do someone bee heer? And every time, Iris was asleep in the dog bed.

Speaking of my cats, I was writing you in my regular fashion, not that I’m pooping, when I saw this shadow…

IMG_2264.jpgHere’s the annoying part: I’ve already let him in today. But there he is, mysteriously on the other side of the door, as he is wont to be. And yet, he still wishes for me to get up and let him in the traditional way right now. Sneak out whatever way he’s figured out? Sure. But inconveniencing me to come back in? Oh, HELL, sure. So many sures.

IMG_E2274.JPGIMG_E2275.JPGAnd he wasn’t hungry; he’d already eaten. He wasn’t sleepy. Evil rarely sleeps. He just wanted to be sure to remind me that my coffee repels him. My coffee should be stopped. As soon as he can gather funds, he’s going to bribe a lobbyist to get coffee outlawed.

IMG_2278.jpgAsshole. Why do I love him so? This sums up all my relationships.

I’d better get to work, which I am actually looking forward to doing. Tomorrow is my mammogram, which has not haunted and terrified me since I made the appointment or anything. Do you all know from EMDR? It’s a kind of therapy they do for trauma. I really think I should get EMDR so I’m not so

EFFING

INSANE

during mammogram week. Am considering.

Meanwhile, here’s an Amazon link again, in case it inconveniences you to scroll up. I want to make it was easy as I can for you, so that I will become a millionaire. Also, I got my new credit score today, and it’s in the high 700s.

You know, at the beginning of the year, I made the New Year’s resolution to fix my finances, and I actually did it. I worked freelance jobs ALL YEAR LONG. And I got my debt cleared. And I upped my contribution to my four oh wonk.

I still don’t make a lot of money, but at least I don’t have debt haunting me. Just mammograms.

Anyway, here’s your second Amazon link.

Resent. Also, wish Crazy Cat Lady ornament did not look so much like self.

Sanely,

Juuun

P.S. Someone will ask, so I will assure you I got the Eds from daycare Sunday, and he was…enthused about seeing me.

IMG_2249.jpgI had a migraine (thanks, world), so he spent the entire day with his snout up on my berobed self. No, seriously. THE ENTIRE DAY.

IMG_2254.jpgSteely Dan made barf sounds from across the room and rolled his orange cat eyes.

1136 words, dear god,

Jooon

41 thoughts on “June wraps up her trip; bored nation rejoices

  1. I just noticed the “Hulk’s sex life” tag. I’m afraid to click on it to pull up other blogs that may have mentioned this! Ha ha! It sounds like you had a nice holiday! Yay!

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  2. Am I the only one who thought Ohio St= Ohio Street, a real show about kittens? This is why iI could never get the little pie wedge for sports when we’d play Trivial Pursuit at the turn of the century. Bah, sports.

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      1. …but now I love Hulk’s explanation of TV sports in kitten terms. I imagine them sitting silently watchful, with occasional bouts of mewing and jumping around and rassling each other and carrying on. And those are just the ones on the couch.

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    1. No, you’re not the only one. And I graduated from a Big Ten school so should have known it was Ohio State. I kept scrolling to find a photo of SD knocking the coffee from the table. No such photo — doesn’t he knock things from tables, counters, and the refrigerator? Thanks for sharing your holiday photos with us.

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  3. That’s the best kind of homecoming, snuggling with the kids.
    Aunt Kathy’s home looks lovely, all dressed for Christmas. I’m holding off until next weekend.
    The taco tub looks like the turkey roaster I bought for our Thanksgiving. It’ll come in handy if I need to make tacos for 30 people.
    Hope your migraine is easing up and the mammogram is uneventful.
    You are not alone, Stacey.

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  4. It’s the best feeling when the pets show how much they’ve missed you while you’ve been gone. No human ever shows their feelings by lying on you for hours at a time.
    I have actually undergone EMDR. It is a very emotional therapy. The results are worth it, but it can take bat shit crazy turns.
    There is something that may help your migraines. I’ve used it to help my chronic pain. It’s called Light Stream Technique. I’m sure there must be YouTube videos. Please don’t slap me with a liver. I know it’s unsolicited advice, but you mentioned EMDR, so I thought I could get my foot in the door.
    I love it when you go home. Your family is so close. It’s nice to see them in your photos.

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    1. I second what you said about EMDR. It’s been really helpful for me, but it’s no walk in the park. It’s particularly helpful for PTSD. *meaningful eyebrows*

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  5. Why is it that we love the jerky pets so much? My gray girl is both aloof and bitey and a big (well, she’s actually the littlest) stupid bully with the other cats. And I adore her. She always sticks her face in my food/drink and buries it when it meets with her disapproval. Well thanks, honey, but i never offered it to you.

    Awww, Edz and Iris missed their Mama.

    I’m never afraid of my mammograms. I guess I’m pretty meh about them after having one every 6 months for several years after my bc diagnosis. Sure, they’re pinchy and uncomfortable, but I just hold my breath and get through it and it’s over in about 10 minutes. The women where I go at the breast cancer center are so very nice, that they make it as pleasant as it can possibly be. I love how they just sling your hoos around like they’re sacks of flour and stuff them into the machine. “Oh ho hum, another boob, like I haven’t seen a bazillion already, today.”

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  6. I checked on Edsel while you were gone and he was getting comfortable there. He went outside on his own and peed. He made a few new friends and even lay down a couple of times.
    Believe it or not he tried to play with at least one and was rebuffed, turns out smaller dogs don’t mind in the least acting like Hulk .

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  7. Awww! It’s a good thing Tom Thumbs is in Michigan, because I want to steal him and his adorable little paws and stubby little legs and coloring like the illustration of a pompous little man from a Dickens novel! And he would probably hate me after I tried to hug him and kiss his little head and called him pompous.

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  8. Thank you for the pics and stories about your Thanksgiving weekend. Love that Edsel wants to be close to mom after being in daycare all week. He is such a sweet goofy boy. Well, “boy”. We, too, had a good holiday weekend and I am extending it today to celebrate my birthday wherein I am turning 60 and stampeding to old age. Who am I kidding, I am already smack in the center!

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    1. Happy Birthday bamacarol !!!
      I will be in that club in 10 months so skooch on over when I get there and we can share cake or something.

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      1. Happy Birthday Bamacarol, and Tee on Saturday. I passed sixty like it was standing still. It seems like I went from zero to sixty in .8 seconds.

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  9. Ooohhh more Holiday with June! I can’t believe Hulk rebuffed you. Looks like his team won, so good for him.

    I had EMDR to treat situational PTSD after a car accident. I was so skeptical, but it worked! I was amazed. I thought it was a total scam but I was so desperate to be normal again – well, you know what I mean. Talk therapy was useless. I recommend it to anyone who is dealing with any kind of trauma.

    Lovely post lovely June!

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  10. Loved this post and the ones before. The pictures, funny captions, stories, Aunt Katie the Lesbian, family, food, shopping, mannequins, decor. Your British holiday posts had everything but Bronner’s Christmas Wonderland!

    You’re so pretty, Joob!

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  11. “No YOU hang up” …giggle-snort! Thanks for sharing your trip. Reading about and seeing pictures of YOUR holiday was infinitely better than my own, you know, REAL holiday.

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  12. Thank you for sharing your holiday with all of us, June. It was wonderful to see all your lovely family members again. They are all adorable and their homes are beautiful. So are their pets. I love Gus and Tom Thumb. I’m so glad you had a good time. You work so hard and you deserve some time for yourself.

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  13. First, I love your kitchen with the Tiffany blue back of the shelves. So pretty!

    Second, I think that is AMAZING what you have done with your finances this year. You set a big goal and you persevered. Just wanted to make sure that someone is validating your hard work (I hate when I work hard at something and no one recognizes the effort!). I took Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University classes in 2015 and they were really helpful. Ironically, I was laid off during the middle of the class. Note to Alanis Morisette: that actually IS ironic, not just plain old crappy.

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  14. Thanks for sharing your trip. Hulk killed me for turning down the chance to see you because, “Sports!”. Your welcome home from three out of four pets was sweet. Obviously, Edsel was beside himself to be with you. I’m sure his mantra all day yesterday was, “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom…”.

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  15. Loved this post! Thanks for sharing your holiday with your lovely family. I love Aunt Kathy’s home. All the traditional furniture (the young people call it brown furniture), which I do love. I KNEW that text was from Hulk when I read Ohio St. Snort.

    Congratulations on your hard, earned credit score increase. Few people actually carry through with New Years resolutions, but you sure have. Way to go!\

    I’m right there with you freaking out about the mammogram. I had one just a couple of weeks ago. All was fine. Sign.

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  16. No doubts at all that pets have personalities! Wow. Even your little kitty friend is radiating his unique self out in that picture. So glad you are home with your buddies. Of course they missed you. S.D. just hides it better. Much better!

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  17. OMG it was hard to go to work this morning. That aside, lovely post, June! I’ve been Amazon shopping! Way to go on the finances. That’s a HUGE accomplishment! If you keep it up for a while longer, just think how much $$$ you could stockpile. Wow!
    Hope your hurty head was better today.

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  18. I am so sorry about your migraine. Bummer. I hope you feel better today.

    Nothing is better than a warm greeting from the pets after you have been gone!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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