Noon June

It’s Monday at lunch, and I tried to write you all this morning, but stuff kept happening and I never got around to it. But here I am! The one that you love! Asking for another dayyyyy.

In case you were gone this weekend, or trying heroin or the FedEx delivery man, I wrote about my trip to TinyTown this weekend. It’s the post below this one. I also just linked to it. So you won’t have to be all, What happened in TinyTown, JOOOOOOOOOON??? Why didn’t you write about TinyTown, JOOOOOOONN. In my head, the more I write “JOOOOON,” the harsher you sound saying it.

Other than that, here is what else I’ve been up to…

Oh my god, June, NO ONE CARES.

I headed out yonder to visit my friends Chris and Lilly, who are 100% over me but have to tolerate me because they’re nice people.

“Is she gone yet? Don’t look over there. …Did she go?”

They made a nice plate of snacks, which I was indulging in despite my clean diet.


Anyway, there I was, indulging, when we all…smelled something.

“So you smell that?” asked Chris, and they probably worried about the contents of my adult diaper, so old am I compared to them. In the grand scheme of things, I’m Ruth Gordon to their Mia Farrow. Try the mouse.

“It’s just me!” announced their child, Z, from the hallway. She leaned into the room. “I just wanted a little company!”

IMG_E2467.JPGTurns out Z felt the…call of nature, so she brought her…call of nature chair into the hallway, right outside of the living room, to, you know. Answer nature. It was more a social event than a private event, for her. It was the social event of the season, really.

Also, I got my hair cut. I go to a regular hairdresser who colors and cuts my hair, but she doesn’t do the Deva cuts, which is a specific cut for curly hair that you have to get a certificate in and so on.

I could see my hair wasn’t…bouncing as it can, and the curls were getting heavy, so I Googled the closest place that does Deva cuts, made an appointment, and walked in this week…

…to an African American salon.

Okay. So.

I guess I never thought about it before, but once I walked into that place, the only BETTY WHITE in there, the only person who was BEYOND THE PALE, it dawned on me. I saw the light, and it was my skin. Maybe there are salons specifically for women of color, and maybe I just walked into one.

White girl walks into a salon.

But here’s the thing. A, they didn’t kick me out, and 2, they were really nice to me and 12, here’s my new hair:

June. Stop.

No, really, HERE is my new hair:


Here it is on another day:IMG_2458.jpgRight right? She did a great job! As Faithful Reader Fay says, I have gone black and I will not go back. I’ll still go to my color person, ironically, for color. But I’m sticking with this hairdresser for cuts.

Then finally yesterday, I tried getting back on Facebook after a few-week hiatus, but almost instantly, people started messaging me, which of course is why I got off Facebook.

(Just to catch you up, in case this was your season to try heroin, or the FedEx delivery man, a person kept sending me messages on Facebook, messages to do with Ned, and when I blocked her, she created a new profile and messaged me again. This gave me the PTSD any time my message indicator came on Facebook.

I wrote here, and on Facebook, and on the page Facebook of June, asking for people to not send me personal messages, but it kept happening. So, knowing I can’t change anyone, I just got off there. I was hoping when I got back on that I just wouldn’t get many messages, but I did, and they made me anxious again, so I left. Again.) (And shutting off messenger doesn’t help. It still tells you you have messages.)

So that was a long stint back on there. Hey, 12 hours!

And finally. In summation. To wrap up. You will note on the side of this page (if you’re on your desktop computer) or at the bottom of this page (if you’re on your phone) that there is a new feature here. It’s called From the Beginning, and it will eventually list all my categories in chronological order.

I have all kinds of stupid categories from this blog: Ned, my pets, my health, Tracy Quartermaine. But if you wanted to just sit down and read about a particular topic, you’d have to read from the present day and scroll down. Read backwards, as it were.

This annoyed me, which is saying a lot because we all know what a long fuse I have. But there’s a woman named Elizabeth who works for WordPress, who offered me her services when I came over here, and she has been magnificent, and I asked her, “Is there a way we can show some stuff in order, and not backwards?”

So she made the little From the Beginning section, and we started with the …friend/Ned category, dating back from January of 2012 when I met his ass, and ending with whenever I last wrote about him.

As I learn how the hell to add the other categories, I will add them. She did this one for me, because did I mention magnificent?

You rilly sort of dullist person on erf.
do not bor furthir

So that SORT of sums things up, although I have other things to tell you, but I will save them up. Savor them. Build the anticipation.

mom blawg. fale.

Talk to you soon, from the warm supportive bosom of my pet family.


50 thoughts on “Noon June

  1. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the page layout of your blog?
    Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more
    in the way of content so people could connect with it better.
    Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or 2 images.
    Maybe you could space it out better?


  2. I am also livid about the people messeessenging still. WTF? You have asked people to stop, why is that so hard? I swear you could get rid of messenger at one time because I swear I remember doing it. Mine does not work right and I always have messages I can’t see. I had people I blocked and unblocked perhaps they are still blocked on messanger? I am not a huge messenger fan either. People sometimes wanted to tell me their life store just as I was singing off. Ugh. I am incognito on messenger, perhaps I should try that on Facebook too but my need to post too much would go unsatisfied. People would rejoice if I tried that too, I am certain.
    I missed this yesterday, now I have TWO posts to read. I love your diva cut, it looks mahhhhvulous.
    The Steeley Dan speak is great. Cutesty snark makes my day!


  3. Your hair looks amazing, as do you. Great job on finding your new stylist. How ironic that you went to an African American salon since you are always saying you are a strong black woman.

    Little Z and her public pooping reminds me of my sister’s college days when one of her roommates always wanted to carry on conversations while she was pooping. How we laughed at her stories just like we both laugh at your stories. Good job, Coot.


  4. Just finished up my Christmas shopping to the tune of $800 and went through June’s Amazon link (I remembered this time). Merry Christmas, Jooooon.


  5. Your hair? Amazing! What a great cut, makes me want to fly to wherever it is you live and visit that salon myself!


  6. Your hair looks great. I burst into laughing when I saw the first hair picture. I love how many times you make me laugh, just like your readers do. The Frieda picture made me laugh too. You have such an ironic look on your face. When you publish one of those pictures with fake hair it emphasizes how much you look like Grammy (the one you’re turning into). You are way funnier than she was, but she was a good writer. Maybe she would have been happier if there had been an internet in her life. Thanks for the laughs tonight and always. I love you.


  7. You look gorgeous!

    She just wanted some company while pooping… OMG. That’s hilarious. I am child-free and have never been around any. Mostly I’m glad about that, but she is adorable.


  8. Fabulous hair! There are two African American hairstylists where I get my hair cut, but I’ve never seen them work on a Caucasian before.


  9. I just love your song references. And your pet pictures. And…well the whole darn thing!

    Your hair looks fabulous!

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  10. Joon! I think I went to that same hairdresser last week . I LOVE the cut she gave me – the Deva cut. I will definitely go back. She was great and your hair looks good!


  11. Your hair looks so good!

    I am with the folks who think you should out the messengers. Who does that, when you have politely asked people not to? Crazy.

    Nice post, Coot.


  12. Your hair looks so good!!!

    It’s so weird, but after I read your TinyTown post, Chris and Lilly popped into my head, and I thought to myself didn’t they have a farm and a pretty house to look at? So I searched through your tags or whatever, and found the “Friends” category, and then started reading and then my boss walked by so I had to pretend to be working but OH! Here you are writing a post about both Chris and Lilly AND your blog categories! I must be psychic.

    Sorry that Facebook is annoying. I feel the same way about it. Lovely post!


  13. Jooooone! Your hair!! It is beautiful. I wish my hair was still thick like yours. I have the “June hair” but mine has gotten thinner as I get older. I keep it short now for that reason. That book cover made me laugh.


  14. OMG, your hair looks amazing!!! The Deva cuts have made a huge difference for me. They’ve also made a huge dent in my wallet. Ugh. But worth it.

    That kid and her potty are hilarious!


  15. Your hair is stunning!
    Also, love the yin/yang of Lilly and Edsel.
    Your trip to TinyTown brought back memories of my dad’s side of the family. Thank you.

    Great post, June!


  16. Ok ok ok. I just can’t. You kill me. At the ripe old age of 51 I am a hardened old crone and I find it is more and more rare I can laugh out loud at something …not LOL puleaseeeee. No really laugh out loud. And I did this over & over while I read this post. When I got to the Afro June picture I laughed extremely loud and I’m sure my co-workers were stunned by my rare burst of mirth. You June Gardens are a gem. I hope you know that. I will read you to eternity. I’m waiting on the Book of June to be released. It could be all your fave posts with the best comments and then some background/photos and it would be a NY times bestseller. I swear it would. You write the way I think in my head and I love that. There’s not enough of that wit and sarcasm in the world we live it. I love you June Gardens. I do.


  17. Your hair is absolutely beautiful. Little Z is so cute and the social pooping cracked me up.

    WHAT is wrong with people? I vote to out the nondirection followers, then unfriend them.


  18. Your hair looks BEAAAAAUUUUTIFUL! It’s so perfect!

    IRONICALLY I started re-reading this here not-blog from page 1 this very morning. Oh, how I am loving recalling all the wonder that is June. I am only up to May 1, 2008, when you were still pretending this was a health blog. You have just moved from TT, leaving Marvin behind to finish the school year. I had to stop reading the comments or I will never get anywhere, but early on someone commented that it would be funny if the next year you named your blog “Bye Bye Guy” and got rid of Marvin… yeah. The story about you choking on a nut after you and Marvin bought the running shoes and then went to the candy store and Marvin was annoyed because he thought you did it on purpose for the attention – CLASSIC.

    Gotta run – June and Marvin just bought a new computer and it has a VEEDEEO CAMERA! And baby Tallulah is struggling at doggie day care. Basically, my story’s on – smell ya later, heifer!


      1. The whole “like I would jump up from the Heimlich and shout TA-DAAAAAAAH” had me rolling. Oh my god. Too funny.


    1. My daughter-in-law is a woman of color and she says she has 3 different kinds of hair growing on her head. Says it is always a challenge. She always looks lovely and perfectly coiffed, so I guess she has learned to tame the monster.


  19. I hate Facebook messenger and wish they would allow people to TOTALLY opt out. Just let me not have it, please! Whatever happened to not being able to contact every person all the time?

    It completely makes sense that the black hair care salon could and would give you a magnificent cut. Have you seen black hair up close? It’s every variation from stick straight to so thick and curly you can’t comb it (thus, the Afro pick). Keep that hairdresser for sure, she did a great job!


  20. Years ago I went to a salon where they did all kinds of hair. It was fascinating to watch the stylists do the African American women’s hair. I could watch that for days. My hair has always been stringy and straight and flat and it was amazing to see all the things they could create! Sorry about Facebook!


  21. Your hair is fantastic! For the life of me I do not understand why people cannot respect your wishes. I am thankful you have not closed up shop. I cracked up reading this.


  22. Your hair looks amazing! A+ for finding that salon.

    I, too, think it’s time for a public shaming on those individuals who can’t follow directions. Not to be mean, but to allow you to return to Facebook. I’m sure it’s no fun always worrying about sinister messages.


  23. Your hair is gorgeous and what in the NAME OF PLUPERFECT HELL is WRONG WITH PEOPLE? A simple request. OH, I am IRKED now. Ok, I’m almost always irked at something. Maybe this is a PEEVE. I’m PEEVED.


  24. Your hair is bangin’! I guess if anybody would be an expert about cutting and getting the most out of curly hair, it would be a salon of color. They did a great job!

    Z and her communal pooping cracked me up.

    Boy, that SD is a tough critic!


  25. You hair looks FABULOUS, darling! When I was looking for a Deva Cut salon in my area, every salon I called either wasn’t accepting any new clients or just never bothered to return my call. Butt heads. Luckily, I did find a salon I really like and I really need to schedule an appointment.

    We’ve been having single digit humidity levels and my hair has gone limp and given up even to try and have some curl in it for now.

    I dunno, maybe it’s time to out the people who seem to think that your request/demand that people NOT message you doesn’t apply to them. Public shaming might get through their thick skulls.


  26. You should do everything in your power to keep that hair cut person. She did a bang up job. Way more important than keeping a doctor.

    I am really sorry about the Book of Face and the shits who can’t seem to follow a request. I do miss you over there and hope you will be back soon.

    2 weeks till Christmas, people!!


  27. Your hair and you are gorgeous.
    See ,you have Chris, Lily and Z who wish to share their good life with you and their bathroom as well. Take your bathroom where you go, can you imagine feeling so at ease with folks you would bring your bathroom to them. Love little Z. One good thing about little people like her is they are SO not worried about a single thing but being loved and loving.
    Also , pets are that way to …..unconditional love.
    Lovingly , Beth


  28. Ah! No mention of icky migraines. I am hoping that means migraines have left the building. Good post/non-post. Now I’ll be chewing my nails waiting for the rest of the stuff you have to tell me(us). And, too, also…great hair cut!!!


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