When Grape-Up Becomes a Thing

I wish more things could hurt on my body today. Stupid Pure Barre. Also? It turns out? When you get up at 5:20 and you’re used to around, oh, 7:00-ish, you feel really tired all day. Just a little news flash for ye.

“Ye.” Because suddenly I’m in biblical times.

Anyway, Bathsheba, before I forget because you know how I am, let’s delve into my boss, fmr.’s, wardrobe.

My boss, fmr., has an office right outside my open, exposed, raw desk in the open, exposed, raw floor plan that stresses me out on the daily.

“Oh, look, you’re here!”

“Going to lunch?”

“What’s that you’re snacking on?”

“Why you taking antibiotics?”

I’ve no idea who thought making us sit in a huge room with no privacy whatsoever eight hours a day was a stellar idea, an idea that would “inspire” us, because man, do copy editors ever seek inspiration. They don’t at all seek quiet and a place to concentrate. Anyway, whoever thought of it has an office, I guarantee you that.

The point is, my boss, fmr., has an office that she’s never in that’s right next to my exposed-innards desk. I know she’s never there because about 97 times a day, someone says, “Do you know where boss, fmr., is?”

She’s a good boss. She’s the kind who actually answers your emails and takes time out for you and so on, so she’s probably out doing just that, or at meetings, because meetings. There are always the meetings.

Once a month, her Stitch Fix–or is it StitchFix–box comes to work, and as she’s pawing through it, I always take the liberty of stampeding in there to veto her choices. I don’t recall her ever asking me to do that, but let’s face it: she’s in an office. I get like 30 seconds where I’m not exposed, I’ll take it.

This is also why I pee 11 times a day.

Anyway, now a committee of women assault her in this manner when her Stitch Fix–or is it StitchFix–box comes, and that is when I was inspired, in an office and not an inspirational open floor plan, mind you, to

BOSS MY BOSS, FMR.

“What if, every month, you try on all your choices and my readers help you pick?” I asked. And she was all, okay yeah.

Here is her box for this month, wherein she has already decided what to keep and what to get rid of. Ready? Brace yourself. Grab onto the person sitting seven inches from you in your open floor plan.

IMG_E2617.JPGShe is KEEPING the spotty dress!

IMG_E2620.JPGShe said YES to the skirt!!

IMG_E2621.JPGShe is RETURNING the ’80s Forenza-looking sweater with gold thread.

Also, she immediately played up to the camera. For a relatively quiet, unassuming person, it was surprising that you get a camera on her and she’s Princess Diana all of a sudden.

IMG_E2622.JPGSee. This is where we can boss the boss, fmr. next month. Because I wanted her to keep the Blondie Bumstead shirt, totally, for sure, and she returned it.

IMG_E2624.JPGThese boots are cute, but $110. My coworker Poochie, who has 8 million pairs of expensive shoes, was encouraging her to keep them, but I burst in and said, DON’T LISTEN TO POOCHIE. SHE SPENDS 8 MILLION DOLLARS ON SHOES EVERY WEEK.

So that’s a little preview, and next month we’ll actually get to vote. Oooo, ooooo! I can do another SURVEY! We can do a survey for each piece! Is that the best way, do you think? If someone has organizational skillz and can think of a better idea, let me know. LMK, as the kids say. The inarticulate kids.

IMG_E2666.JPGI meant to show you a photo of today’s Clinique Chubby Stick, but instead I uploaded a photo of my coworker’s dog. I took this photo yesterday, as said dog ate A WHOLE BOWL of chocolates, wrapper and all, so my coworker brought him in so she could make sure he didn’t die. If he had, I’d have lead with that.

IMG_2668.jpgHERE we are. This is Graped-Up, and first of all, what does that even mean, and second, it looks like I have no lip color on at all. We have one more boring day of nude-ish colors, then we stampede into some exciting pinks. So.

And speaking of exciting, come back here tomorrow afternoon I MEAN IT. There will be photos of something very exciting. No, not my boobs. Perv.

Before I go, I mentioned this in the comments yesterday but perhaps you didn’t see them, as you were busy asking your coworker who she just called, seeing as she was four inches from you and you heard every word and you KNOW that wasn’t her husband.

My point is, at 6 p.m. today, NedKitty is going to be put to sleep. The vet with the pink hair is going to Ned’s to do the deed. She really isn’t eating anymore–NedKitty, not the vet–and she’s had kidney disease for more than a year.

And yes, I’m going over there while it is happening. And would you like to know what I’m not in the mood for? Opinions re this or anything having to do with Ned. It’s a sad time. And even though we were broken up, when Tallulah died, I called him at 11 p.m. crying so hard he couldn’t understand me and was literally here in less than five minutes. So. I’m going over there for this.

IMG_0716.JPGThis is the very first picture of NedKitty I ever took, in 2012. She gave me that look for about three years before she decided she liked me. Now I’m the only person who’s allowed to pick her up.

Godspeed, NedKitty. May there be paper bags to wear on your head, and much hair to chew in the kitty afterlife.IMG_2585.JPGIMG_1791.JPGIMG_5479IMG_2140.JPGimg_4335.jpg

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

66 thoughts on “When Grape-Up Becomes a Thing”

  1. Poor NedKitty, poor Ned, and good on you for being a friend to both.

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  2. Godspeed NedKitty. Having been there and done that, thank you for being there and doing that.

    Also – Stitch Fix should give you an incentive, especially if your faithful readers sign up after vicariously participating in your boss frmr. ‘s box selections.

    Great post, Coot.

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  3. I am sad about NedKitty BUT she lives on in my weirdo cat Phyllis. We adopted Phyllis in the summer of 2015, so she’s lived with us now for two and half years. (I won’t bore [outrage] you with why she needed a new home.) Phyllis has hated, hates and will hate Albert for her entire life. She tolerates humans and prefers men, the dirty whore. ANYWAY, this morning, for the first time since she came to live with us, Phyllis allowed me to PET HER. I think NedKitty was instrumental because there are no coincidences. Phyllis spends her life in the kitchen window yet this morning she sat on a pizza box on the counter and allowed Human Contact. Thank you, NedKitty for your long-distance kitty karma.

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  4. What an adorable dog! I would have gotten nothing done with that cutie around.

    I feel for Ned, this process sucks. I’m glad he’s got you as a support system.
    We went through it in June with our beloved 15 year old Rottie and I’m still not over it. We almost had a double funeral as the well meaning (very new) vet tech had the absence of brain to say “she’s in a better place now” moments after. The *advanced* vet tech closed her eyes, wished to be swallowed into the ground and ushered newbie away before there was a beheading. But it was close.

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    1. A friend’s daughter died recently and there were plenty of people with the oh so comforting words of, “but she’s in heaven / you know she is in heaven, right? / heaven is a better place”. I wish it were possible to telegraph threats of tongues being cut out via a nasty glare!

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  5. You’re a very good person, June. Much better than I would ever be. I respect you immensely for being there when you said you would.

    Maybe those Stitch Fix items look better in person than in the pictures, but that grey skirt? Ew! Oh well, it wasn’t for me. But you should DEFINITELY get some $$$ for helping boost Stitch Fix.

    And that chocolate-eating cutie pie doggie needs a big ol’ kiss on the head.

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  6. I’m sorry to hear about NedKitty. Not sorry enough to avoid wanting to ask if the vet’s name is Curiosity, but that’s because humor is my coping mechanism. Also? I’m a sick person sometimes. Happily, I’m not sick enough to judge you for making sure that a boyfriend, fmr, doesn’t have to go through this ordeal alone. I mean, who the heck would DO that?

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  7. Sad. RIP NedKitty and peace to Ned. You are really kind being with them while NedKitty crosses the bridge.

    Today’s shade is nice and soft.

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  8. RIP Nedkitty and thoughts to you and Ned during this time. This is never easy and I have done it more times than I want to think about.

    Can’t wait to see what is going on Saturday afternoon!

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  9. I’m sorry about NedKitty but I’m glad you will be there for them both in the end.

    Also, can your boss, fmr. model the clothes before we vote? I mean I know you guys are at work but I’ve gotten Stitch Fix/StitchFix a few times and things that looked great right out of the box looked absolutely horrible on and things that I would never have given a second glance looked so good on that I had to buy it. So if you guys aren’t busy or anything…

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  10. You area good person to be there for Nedkitty (and Ned). Don’t let anyone tell you any different

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  11. Aww, Nedkitty. She was a beautiful girl! I’m so sorry, Ned. You’re a good friend for being there with him. He needs some support, and he would obviously do the same for you.

    I kind of like the Forenza-looking sweater with the gold, but the frumpish Blondie shirt can go!

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  12. I hope all goes well with Nedkitty. Hard day for hearts. Instead of the how it didn’t go well for my dog when it was her turn to go story, I shall say that some dogs just don’t get the chocolate as poison thing. Late Lamented Bramble ate chocolate most days (blame the biological parents – mine, not hers), and lived a long time. Not long enough. But never long enough. My guess is that, like arsenic, a little a day gives you immunity if you want to make a big stew for your bio family. I imagine…. Or she really was too much of a dumbass to know she should have one paw on her forehead & one on her throat before splatting on the carpet with her tongue out. I’m going with the latter.
    Anyway….

    Don’t give chocs to dogs kids.
    Fun & sad notblog Coot.
    Godspeed Nedkitty.

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    1. Can we just give Monkelton some sort of commenter of the year award? For this one and the brilliant comment last week. And all of the other comments that made me laugh in delight?

      In addition to your delightful website, of course.

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  13. Wishing you all peace this evening.

    Are those Kate Spade booties? No wonder they’re expensive. Must tell you about my Kate Spade purchase. I have been coveting her puppy shoes for several years, but they’re around $200. Lo and behold, I was in T.J. Maxx last week and what did I see? ONE pair of those shoes. They just happened to fit, and I walked out of the store with those shoes for a mere $49!

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  14. RIP NedKitty.
    She had a life well lived and loved.
    Condolences to Ned.
    Poochie!
    I still miss her shoe porn photos.
    I’m with her on those boots.

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  15. I am excited about the Stitch Fix sitch. If that blouse wrinkles that badly I wouldn’t have chosen it either. The dress looked really cute.

    Goodbye, Nedkitty. I hope they return her ashes in a paper bag. She would like that.

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  16. I would have voted yes for the blouse.

    Everyone should wish that they have someone in their life as kind as you Joon, that would be there for them during a soul sucking time such as losing one of your kids.

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  17. Nedkitty really was a beauty. That’s about all you can ask for in a cat because they are all pretty much jerks. I’ve had cats my whole life and I can only think of one that was really sweet. Coincidentally, she was a solid white cat who was scared of every one and every thing but me. She would hide under the bed and purr so loud that we would have to turn up the TV. Please let Ned know that everyone is thinking of him and Nedkitty. Stay strong, tonight is going to suck.

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  18. Ahhhhh… poor Ned. And poor NedKitty. But 18! That’s a good life. It’s easy to see why Ned is verklempt. That’s a lot of years shared.

    Currently in 2009, Henry has just made his appearance! Little tiny sweet Henry!

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  19. Poor Ned and NedKitty. So glad you can be there for them both.

    You are really outdoing yourself lately. I love reading your writing. It is everything…funny, sincere, clever, touching…love it so much! Oh, also LOVE all the pics!

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  20. NedKitty is so sweet and pretty. You’re doing a good thing being with her at the end. She will hear your voice and feel your touch and that will help comfort her to the next life. Thinking of you, June. Anne in Saginaw.

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  21. Give Ned a hug for us and tell him we are sorry for his loss. I had no idea she was 18! I really like the lighter colors of the lipsticks the last few days. I agree with the person who said it emphasizes your eyes when the lips are less dark.

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  22. Poor Ned and NedKitty. 18 years is good, but it’s never enough.

    I’m a lipstick failure. If I manage to put it on properly, I lick it all off in no time, except for the edges so I just look like a crazy lady.

    Can’t wait for the Saturday installment.

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  23. I expressed my condolences to Ned and you yesterday in the comments, so I will callously jump to this:

    $110 for boots? Shoes? Booties? SWEET BABY JESUS IN THE MANGER DOES CHRIS HEMSWORTH PUT THEM ON YOUR FEET BEFORE HE GETS DRESSED?

    I love shoes, but I am so damn cheap.

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  24. I’m sorry about NedKitty and how Ned is feeling. It’s good to have someone around who knows and cares for our pets when it’s time to say goodbye. Sharing the farewell makes it a bit easier.

    Do you tell Stitch Fix what color family you want, or do they just pick muted colors as basics? I would love to see some color mixed in with all these neutrals.

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  25. Lovely photos of Nedkitty. You’re a good friend…big heart. My thoughts are with you, Ned, and Nedkitty today.

    I like your new hair style too…vintage Hollywood…bouncy curls.

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  26. After eighteen years with NedKitty as a companion, Ned will be lost without her. Another kitty is almost a must to help fill the void she leaves, although I know he won’t want another one for a long time. Here’s wishing you both comfort and peace with everything today. We will all be thinking of you this evening and feeling sad for you both.

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  27. I am hoping that NedKitty crosses peacefully over the Rainbow Bridge and that Ned doesn’t throw himself on top of her casket, wailing and tearing his hair. Because let’s face it, NedKitty was Ned’s One True Love.

    Okay, I am not a makeup person, heck I rarely wear it these days at all but for some reason, I had to stampede to Ulta yesterday and buy the collection of Chubby Sticks. I also got some Clinique powder foundation. And a Free With Purchase gift that had a sample of perfume in it which I LOVE.

    Anyway, I tried one of the Chubby Sticks. I did not have on any other makeup. One of my son’s friends came over and we were talking and suddenly he stopped and said, “You look really nice today.” And my husband and both kids kept looking at me like “What’s different?” Just a simple bit of lipstick can change your appearance.

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  28. I am in tears about NedNitty, but so happy you are going to lend your support. You are a good friend, Coot.

    The picture with NK on your shoulder she kind of looks like Ned.

    Rest in peace, sweet kitty.

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  29. I’ll be thinking of you and Ned as NedKitty takes her final bow. My cat who was NedKitty’s exact double also had kidney disease and the mobile vet came to our home when it was time to say good-bye. Wishing NedKitty a peaceful transition and strength and comfort to Ned and to you.

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  30. Gah, was NedKitty a gorgeous cat or what? I’m so sorry for Ned…you are a good friend.

    At first, I wondered why Boss, fmr. wasn’t keeping those adorable booties, and then I saw the price. Yeah. In my next life, I hope to come back rich instead of beautiful.

    heh

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  31. I’m a sucker for nude lip products so I love this shade on you. Very flattering. It gives just enough color to stand out but looks natural. I love natural. With a smokey eye, though I personally do not participate in the smokey eye myself. But I digress.

    I love that dog. And I think you are a good friend to be there for Ned. That is all

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  32. Godspeed to Ned Kitty. How could you not be there? You’re a wonderful friend–and person.

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  33. NedKitty was a gorgeous cat, and she was well-loved. To be held by and hear the voices of those who loved her in her final moments is a gift to her from you and Ned. Godspeed, Murphy.

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  34. I’m so sorry about NedKitty. What a dame. She’ll be missed.

    (Is it weird that I totally teared up when I learned the news? And I also teared up yesterday after seeing puppies that looked just like your Tallulah. I guess I’m a sop.)

    Your boss is a sweetheart to give us a keek at her Stitch loot. I could see that skirt looking very 90s (in a good way). Maybe that’s why the Florenza sweater was included?

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