Faithful Readers · I like cats · Other people's pets

IRL

I feel like no one reads me anymore.

I mean, “no one” is a stretch, but there are definitely fewer people around here, at least comment-wise. I know back in this not-blog’s heyday, like 2011-2012-ish, I’d get hundreds of comments, and around 2,000 readers a day.

But then sitemeter died, and we in the not-blogging world were all left bereft, because that thing was excellent. It told you how many people were on right then, it used individual IP addresses with cities, so I saw when Ned’s ex-girlfriend started reading me. I saw when NED was reading me.

It was a great stalking-who-stalks-me technique. But it died. And I’ve been without sitemeter for at least a year.

Then this year I switched over to WordPress, PressingWords, and the meter is either a lot more sensitive (like, if you look at me twice in one day, it knows your IP address and won’t count you as two readers) or else no one likes me anymore.

What do you think it is? Is it that no one blogs anymore, so they don’t come over here in hopes I come over there? Is it boring that I’m single and not all that ready to mingle? What gives, do you think?

This also leads me to to ask this question: If you know me  in real life, leave a comment today. I mean, really, leave a comment. You don’t have to leave an email address to leave a comment even though it says to.

I was wondering who, in real life, still reads me. Because when you write about your everyday life every day, it can be awkward with people who really know you.

Like, you meet up with a person and start telling one of your better stories, and you get the sense they want you to wrap it up because they’ve already read this. “Oh, did you read about this already?”

“Yeah.”

But see, how do you know? You can’t ask every person, “Do you read my stupid blog?” cause that seems like pressure.

But then, like, you’re talking to your grandmother or someone and they say, “Oh, you and Ned broke up?”

Or, “You have a dog?”

And it’s like, DO YOU NEVER READ ME OH MY GOD.

So, two things: Why is my blog boring now, or else why are my numbers down, and (2), if you know me, please really leave me a comment today. You don’t have to say your name, just how we know each other.

“We had a one-night-stand at Michigan State, June.” That sort of thing.

Meanwhile. And don’t you hate people who say, “Meanwhile, back at the ranch.” Oh, har har har. HARRRRR de HAR.

Meanwhile, back at my ranch-style house…IMG_2879.jpgI present you with Mega Melon. My lipstick, and also m’boobs.

IMG_2881.jpg
not in MUUUUUD

I was taking a selfie, when a little orange sprite caught my eye. She really is a little sprite. So full of the vim. Look at her already learning how to reject my advances.

I am the Harvey Weinstein of kitten.

IMG_2882.jpg
Every cat. Always, with that window to the kitchen.
IMG_2883.JPG
Where is the kitten? Has anyone seen the kitten?
IMG_2887.JPG
THERE she is! Say, guess who’s an asshole around kittens?

IMG_2859.JPGAnd because we don’t talk about animals enough here, someone else brought her dog to work. Nothing says “dedicated to her work June” more than someone trotting an animal past me.

BLUE EYE AND BROWN EYE!!!

IMG_2862.jpgI love you so BAD.

IMG_2857IMG_E2853

Also, Faithful Reader BamaCarol sent me a leopard coat that happened to be on June Gardens’ Amazon Wishlist! Oh my god, I was so excited. I didn’t think anyone would actually GET it for me. It was a pipe dream! I was dreaming of pipes.

IMG_2871.jpgI better go. Last night, I closed myself in the bedroom to do my freelance work and hang with Jodie Foster, and maybe an hour in I thought, Hey, where IS that kitten, anyway?

She’d slipped under the door again. Was hanging with the big pets. I WAS IN THERE ALONE.

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heeee. jodeeee foster kind of a dik.

Talk to you later. And don’t forget to comment if you actually know me.

Really, how well can you know another person?

Deeply,

Juan

218 thoughts on “IRL

  1. I used to read you every day, but now my manager is a total witch, so I binge read you about once a week. (Alex No. 754, are you reading this?)

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  2. Thanks to who ever explained where to comment. Now that I know how, I will try harder. The comments really do seem to take on a life of there own.

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  3. I had the pleasure of meeting you once when I visited my sister, and started reading your blog daily soon after. I just finished a really rough year and Bye Bye Book was a welcome bright spot those days; still is. Thank you.

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  4. I read every single day and have for many years. I don’t comment that often because I don’t want to presume that you give a darn about what I think, although I care a lot about what you think. Even though we have never met (YET), I consider you a dear friend because I have been through SO much with you. I’ve laughed, cried…and then cried some more. I actually worry about you…a fact that my husband declared a true sign of my insanity. I actually think we should have a JOON-CON so we can all meet you and drink copious amounts of wine.

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  5. I’m a day late and a dollar short, but I live in the same town and occasionally see you out. Sometimes I take pictures of the back of your hair at the theater. If I didn’t have a dog that would eat Jodie Foster in 2.5 seconds I would be stampeding over to get that kitten.

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  6. I don’t know you IRL. I can’t really tell the difference between the lipsticks—do they look distinctly different in person? Linear comments suck. The new coat is cool. I want a foster kitten. My thoughts are short.

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  7. I read every day that you write and post. Sometimes I come back and read the post again, along with the comments which often have a life of their own. Most of the time when I don’t comment it’s simply because someone else has already said what I would have.

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  8. I don’t know you IRL. I think people aren’t reading blogs anymore. At least my friends aren’t. It makes me sad. I tbink the attention span of people is shorter now so Instagram is all they can handle? Whatever. I like to read, and I like your stuff so I am here.

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  9. I mostly read your posts in my email now. You are my favorite, and the only one who posts every day. I don’t comment often, but I read faithfully. I don’t know what I’d do without my daily June laugh.

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  10. I knew you virtually once. Does that count? It probably shouldn’t.

    It is amazing to me that you can fill up a lengthy blog post with some of the most banal and mundane details, and still make it readable. It’s like some kind of perverse gift. If Seinfeld was the TV show about nothing, yours is the blog about nothing.

    I can only speak for myself, but I found your blog more interesting when Ned was around. What an interesting character — someone who seemed alternately noble and weak, generous but withholding. The best literature contains characters who are “complex” (which usually translates to “likable but broken”). Ned is that kind of character.

    I am often baffled by the fact that I so faithfully read your blog. I could usually care less about things like pets or lip gloss, but there is a force of personality behind everything that you write that is compelling. Which I suppose is another way of saying that YOU are interesting. Unlike other commenters, I don’t necessarily find you all that likable, but I do respect your honesty, wit, intelligence, and occasional vulnerability. Perhaps that’s why I continue to read.

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  11. I love that I can now get an email telling me there’s a new June post. Maybe there was before but I never could figure it out so I would binge read. Now we’re seeing each other more regularly. Yes, I believe we will grow old together.

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  12. Ugh, I feel so bad that you thought I was saying you are obligated to share your entire life with us. This is why I don’t comment. I’m an accountant. I don’t do communicating. I do maths.
    We probably wouldn’t be friends irl but I love your humor and wit!
    (Big puffy heart emoji here)

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  13. It seems like I do know you in real life because I have read your blog forever and now feel as if you are part of my circle of friends. It brings me great joy to read about your exploits and courage, and to follow the responses of your Greek chorus of commenters. My comments have been few; I’m quiet. But I do want to let you know that you and the community that you have fostered here are a part of my daily life and are very appreciated.

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  14. I knew you IRL when you were a student at Michigan State University. I don’t know how many years now I’ve been reading you, but you are the bright spot that starts my day. I read all the news and crap first so I can finish up with a pleasant post from you. And the linear comments? Sorry, but I like it when the new comment is with the old comment to which it is responding. It about drove me nuts reading all the comments today. I liked it when you had the comments numbered so I knew where I left off. And I go back through the comments at least once a day checking the time they were posted so I can find any replies.

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  15. As it’s been said, I don’t know you IRL. But I feel we could be great friends IRL. I’m 56, been married for 5678432 years. All of the people I teach with are youngens, so I love to see the 70’s references and songs. I have one cat (the other cat went to FL to live with my daughter, just packed his bag and left) and we had to send our 14 year old sweet Lola yo doggy heaven last week.

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  16. I don’t know you in real life, but have been reading since Bye Bye Buy, first with Google reader, now a very out of date version of Feedly. You are the only read left that posts regularly. I’ve commented once or twice over the years, hit the tip jar when moved, but was never able to keep up with the speed and wit of the regular commenters. Also I get comment anxiety that my grammar or spelling might offend, so I here I lurk. On the rare occasion I read the comments, when it sounds like some shiz is going down, I mostly scroll for your name then fist pump the air if you give a zippy comeback to a commenter.

    I hope for the continuation of your notblog for the rest of time. Thank you for your service.

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  17. HI! Long time, no comment to. I don’t REALLY know you either but I’ve read you since Methuselah was in middle school. I read you regularly although sometimes when I’m traveling for work I don’t make it here ever day. I do go back and catch up though, promise.

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  18. I don’t know you IRL. I was going to wait until tomorrow to comment since you asked people who do know you IRL to comment but then everyone broke the rules and commented anyway. I have read you since the Bye Bye Buy days. I wish I remembered how I found you. We have nothing in common. I am allergic to cats. I teach kindergarten and I have 2 children. I also have straight hair. But I love your not-blog. I love to cheer you on and send you nice thoughts and light or whatever when it seems you need it. I am grateful that you keep the not-blog updated. I have been known to ignore my class while I read you since you usually post after the bell rings. You are blocked at work since changing to this format. I love you so much I switch my phone off WIFI to data to read. I have also dated love avoidants and I recently got my first migraine- so there’s that.

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  19. It’s not like I haven’t tried to know you IRL – I am constantly inviting you out to visit (well, at least once) with the promise of fabulous gay bars and wine country visits, but you just don’t come. Probably smart on your end.

    I would love to see more “Ask June” posts, but that would involve you having to give us even more of your already precious time. So, maybe when all your freelance work is on pause, you can throw us a bone.

    Your hair STILL looks incredible. Never looked better.

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  20. I don’t know you IRL but feel like I do! I read every day but sometimes it is through Feedly and so I don’t necessarily click through unless I want to comment. For some reason, photos are bigger on Feedly than they are on the blog so I like reading it that way better. Depending on what you’re talking about that day I might not pop over if I don’t have anything to add.

    I have loved all the lipstick colors and may need to visit the Clinique counter!

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  21. Can I comment even if I don’t really know you in real life?

    Comments are down all over the not-blog world, no one seems to know why. Out of all the not-blogs I visit, yours seems to have the most, if that helps at all.

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  22. I don’t know you in real life, but there are times when I feel like I do. I don’t comment often because I’m boring. Your not-blog is the best part of my morning, and also gives me a good excuse to put off reading the news. Plus I can be the vicarious owner of three (four?) beautiful cats and one (ahem) handsome dog. (I think he is, anyway.) Plus also I am addicted to the comments and come back to read them at least once a day.
    Thanks, June.

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  23. Dear June,
    I feel like I know you IRL but I have never met you. (I was fortunate enough to have received an email from you IRL so that counts as close enough for me!)

    You are my daily breakfast companion. I laugh or cry depending on the content of the day’s selection of witty comments on life from you.

    May you never stop not-blogging! Viva la June!!!!

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  24. See, I’m checking back in real quick cause I know kind of where I left off in the comments and can read all the new comments since I last checked and there’s a crapload!

    LisaPie, we were like twinsies until our paths took different directions on the comment/reply topic. It’s like I don’t even know who you are anymore. Malcolm would be very very sad at this division. Therefore, we must get together on tamale day at your house and play AC/DC really loud and drink whatever you have in the house and reaffirm our oddly compatible tastes. Heeeeeeeeeee. Love ya!

    Actually I understand how folks like the reply feature. I wasn’t saying it’s bad, I was just saying I think it maybe could play into less commenting. But I could be wrong.

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  25. I met you at Renee’s baby shower for Charlotte. Now I am living back in Australia and it’s fricken summer and it’s fricken hot. Sweating much Linda? I want to come to your house and frolic in the snow.

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  26. I love reading your not-boring not-blog because even though you might not think it’s been an exciting day, the way you write makes it sound interesting and funny. It makes me wonder how my very unexciting life would seem if you were to describe each day. Since 2007 I’ve read several blogs, but yours is the only one I still read, mostly because you’re not telling me what to cook, how to decorate my house, or what crafty thing I should be doing to improve my life.

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  27. I don’t know you IRL but I started reading you earlier this year so am fairly new to the experience! I was not going to post since you said only people who knew you IRL but then I saw all the people saying they didn’t know you IRL (I’m enjoying typing that acronym) so I thought I would jump in. I don’t post often but did post when you quit blogging earlier this year and was happy when you restarted.

    One of my favorite things about your blog is that since I’m only a few years older than you (IRL for real) I love it when you post things I had forgotten about. Like Ten O Six! or other fun things for us gals who were teens in the 70s.

    I was glad when after you quit the blog you came back. I hope you keep blogging even if your numbers are not where they used to be. Thanks.

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  28. I do not know you IRL (and I think that will probably irk, as you clearly said to leave a comment IF we knew you IRL.) However, I wanted to point out that a lot of people now read blogs via readers (like Feedly), and never click over to your site. So those aren’t being counted in your numbers, right? I rarely comment, and always read your blog via the blog reader instead of clicking over. And I still find you as interesting and entertaining as I did when I started reading you years ago!

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  29. I am a faithful lurker who has commented a few times in the past. I don’t know you IRL (3000 miles away) but we have coffee every morning – when you’re not on hiatus, that is. I’m following Steely Dan on IG (if he were human, I’d want to date him – must be a low self-esteem issue here!), and you’re the only person I’ve allowed into my private IG that I haven’t ever met. Recently, there has been an underlying sense of peace in your writing, especially regarding TinyTown. I think 2018 is going to be your year, Joon.

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  30. I read every day – rarely comment. I feel like there needs to be a certain level of wit to comment that I usually don’t have.

    I think you’re a brilliant writer and look forward to every post.

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  31. I read your notblog every day (do I get bonus points for not writing everyday?). Many times I don’t comment as I’m not very clever but I always read. In fact, when I first found you (no idea when that was) I went back and read every single post. So yes, dedicated. I enjoy your writing and the content is secondary to your style, which IS clever.

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  32. Sadly, I do not know you in real life because I’m way over here in Texas. I’ve been reading since you lived in Tiny Town. I didn’t comment for several years, and now I can’t keep my trap shut. Clearly, I love this whole set-up you’ve got going. I love that you’ve created a place where all sorts of people can contribute. I’ve learned a lot, and I love reading different people’s perspectives. However, I don’t like it when the comments take on a rude tone. It makes me feel icky, so, luckily, it rarely happens. As I’ve mentioned before, when life sucks, I read your archives. They perk me right up!
    Those Christmas pillowcases you are sleeping on? I’m pretty sure I sent them to you years ago. They look comfy and perfect for you!
    Thank you for writing and for just being you!

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  33. I’ll add that while I love Amish to pieces, I don’t like the linear. I like being able to figure out who is replying to what comment with the reply option. If you’re taking a vote, my vote is for reply.

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  34. I hate to disagree with Amish, as she and I usually agree on most everything, but I like the reply to a specific comment to be connected to that comment. Makes it much easier to follow the conversation.

    Also, too, that melon lip chubby is the BEST ONE SO FAR!!!

    I do not know you IRL but I feel as if I do. And I can’t believe you think you are less funny, less interesting or whatever. Your posts lately have been on point. Excellent. Please don’t stop writing.

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  35. I only know you through your blog life, but I usually read you through Feedly, so I am reading you daily, but it’s probably not “counting” with your sitemeter. Maybe others use blog feed readers too??

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  36. I tried to comment previously, but it fell into the abyss before it posted. What I tried to say was that I look forward to reading your everyday post and everyone’s comments every day. I never find you boring and appreciate your gift of humor and writing. After reading BBP for several years, I had the pleasure of meeting you IRL and, lucky for you, I didn’t turn out to be a murderous nutbar. At least, not on that occasion.

    Mega Melon looks pretty on you. Personally, I think it’s the best so far. And may I say, way to go BamaCarol! The leopard coat is fabulous and you just made certain that June will have a happy Christmas.

    And also too, Nancy in CA, to change your rockslide icon, make up a different email address. Apparently, it’s the email that determines the icon.

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  37. Does it count as knowing you in real life if we are facebook friends? No? Then I don’t know you IRL, but I act like I do. “My friend June said the funniest thing the other day…” It’s easier than saying “this funny person whose NOT blog that I read every day and have been reading since just after it changed to Bye Bye Pie, but now is the Book of June said the funniest thing the other day!” So for all intensive purposes we are friends. *insertsmileyfacehere*
    You have a writing style that I envy. You make all your stories so interesting and fun to read. I am THE worst story teller, so I admire you for your story telling skills.
    PS: I agree with Amish re: linear comments.

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      1. I don’t comment much because I always mess it up. Like saying that I named my cat Steely Dan. Anonymous! No, it’s me! Plus everyone seems so much more articulate in their writing. Straight male? Sagnasty education? Not sure why, but I will really try harder in the future.

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  38. PJ, girl you said it for me and better than I could have.

    I FEEL as though I’ve known you, June, for years. However, we have never actually met. I love reading your not-blog and usually read every day. I don’t usually comment because someone has already said it better or I am in the hermit-don’t-want-to-talk mood. Reading your posts make me feel like I do get out and live a “normal” life. Also, too, you all keep me up on the latest slang. I love it when I can slip something up-to-date into a conversation with another “mature” person and they get that *WHAT * look!

    I usually read your posts in my email so maybe I’m not counted as a reader most of the time. But I am here! Yours is the only blog I read anymore. Please continue. Please. And give my love, and a skritch, to your housemates.

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  39. ***writhing around NOT writing around!!!***

    See, if I had a reply button this comment could appear directly under my fucked up comment and make sense but now if other people comment after my original comment and before this one is posted, this will seem random and nobody will know that I’m not writing around prone on the ground!

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  40. I totally disagree with @Amish about removing the “reply” – hate it! But, you love Amish more than me so my no reply hatred will be ignored (imagine me prone, writing around, pounding the ground and the injustice of it all!)

    I don’t know you in a real life, I don’t comment regularly but I read you regularly. You used to be, without deviation, the first place I visited on the web every morning. All that changed November 2016 and now I check the news first to see what new catastrophes are looming and then I read you. First I make sure the sky isn’t going to fall too hard and then I read you for my touchstone of normalcy and lots of laughter!

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  41. I read every day and have for many years. I read through my email, too, now.
    I miss you when you miss a day. I used to comment a lot but more like occasionally now. I think Amish up there had a clue to change in comments. We used to riff off one another a lot but that goes on more on the FB page which I do not regularly visit because Facebook time sucks.
    I’m with Paula, life kicked the shit out of my funny two years ago and it’s not all the way back yet. I tend now to make too many serious comments so I have backed off so as not to offend.
    I love the way your blog is maturing/changing with you. I hope you keep blogging because you offer us so much in example, humor, perseverance, good heartedness, escape. I admire your heart and soul.
    I think you are still funny and allowing room for authenticity and growth. Win Win Win. I love the cast of your life and adore pet pictures because my days of dog diarrhea and cat hair balls are over. I find you every bit as interesting as ever. Life changes.
    If you stopped blogging I would feel like a favorite friend moved away. I don’t know you IRL but I care about you just the same.

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  42. I don’t know you in either the biblical sense or in a casual way in real life. But I do read every day. I comment when the spirit moves me, which is not often.

    And now, based on itsmistybitch’s comment above, I’m going to start describing myself as half pot-bellied pig and half full grown hog.

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  43. Hi June, I read every day but rarely comment. I look forward to reading and panic when there’s a suspicion that you’re gonna quit not blogging. I love that coat!!

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  44. I don’t KNOW you in real life, but I am commenting anyway, because I have been a Faithful Reader for something like….8 years? I have a BBP t-shirt that has holes in it from wearing it so often. So. I don’t read EVERY day but I try to read most days. You were blocked at a place I worked at for several years so it got harder. Does it register your readers who are reading you via a blog reading app? I have no idea how those things work. Anywho. We have spoken on the phone…does that count at all?

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  45. I know you, and I really like your website or whatever it is now. I read you every day. I like the idea of adding the Facebook comments because those of us to on Facebook don’t know what’s going on over there. Now that I think of it, I’ve known you longer than anyone else has.

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  46. I love how you invited all those who know you in real life to comment and 99.9% of the comments begin, “You don’t know me in real life, but…”

    So, you don’t know me in real life, but I did speak to you on the phone once. I was at work, and you had just found Lottie. I STILL feel privileged that I knew before anyone on this hear not-blog knew. I also still hold a special part in my heart for you (and all you others) who were missing me when I was gone for a while when my dad passed away. That email meant a lot.

    Anyway. You already know that I love you.

    Lovely post, lovely June.

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  47. I don’t know you IRL even though I’ve met a number of your readers IRL through your not blog and my not-at-all-weird-thing of hosting birthday parties for you at my house even though I’ve never met you. I read every single day but sometimes I’m swamped at work and my mind can’t focus enough to write a comment.

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  48. I don’t know you in real life, but I wish I did. Maybe one day. I get your blog/nonblog on my e-mail that pings on my phone, so I don’t know if that counts on the counter or not. I have read your blog since almost the beginning with Bye Bye Buy. I have laughed, cried, been horrified and educated reading. You are an excellent writer! I love your long, rambling posts. Thank you for sharing your life with us on a daily basis. I look forward to your posts each day, they are part of my routine and since I get them on my phone I often read them while I’m walking in the mornings. It helps to make that boring walk enjoyable. You are an amazing person, you have created a community of people that would never meet or be friends in life. I talk about you often as “one of my friends” sharing your experiences and pets. My husband knows you as June and he loves Jodie Foster. He even asked me about her this morning. Keep on writing. I used to read lots of blogs, but only follow a few and check them about once a week, but you? Every day! I do miss you on FB, but I understand why you aren’t there. WHAT is WRONG with people?

    For those of you who feel intimidated, don’t let that stop you from commenting. If you are new, it will be well worth your time to go back and read the blog from the beginning AND the comments. Both are worth the time. I must admit, it is a tad harder to follow the comment (I’m like AA), I like linear, but I usually come back during the day to make certain I haven’t missed any of the comments. I’ll continue to comment…I have to keep my numbers up, you know. June Gardens, you have a heart of gold and that’s why I love you.

    That coat is beautiful, the melon is a good color for you and those last two photos of you and JF just melted my heart. Her licking your face!

    Paula, you are always funny.

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  49. Not REALLY IRL, but we have e-mailed, so that’s close.

    Actually, if we were friends in real life, I would neglect you horribly because I’m a hermit who wants to stay at home with my cats, so you’re saved from that.

    I read you every day and most of the comments, too. Unless the thread gets long, like today. I’ll probably come back later, when it will be even longer. I LOVE how you write, though. Witty, informational, poignant, and even when you’re writing sad, you are FUNNY. Waiting for the damn book.

    Did you see the hat picture I sent you? Please have Amish Photoshop it onto your head in the leopard jacket photo.

    Fun post, Coot.

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    1. In fact, Ima tell y’all the truth. One of my friends is logging on FOR me, making sure there’s nothing nefarious, deleting all messages, and THEN I go on Instagram or even Facebook for whatever. So if you’re sending me something that way, she is deleting it first and I will never see it. Because apparently I can’t get people to stop contacting me on social media, and this was the only way I can get on without having 40 panic attacks.

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  50. June, I’m a faithful daily reader except when weekends come, and I am busy at home and not sitting in front of a computer. Even on weekends, though, I usually sit down on Sunday afternoon or night and look to see what I’ve missed all weekend. I always look forward to your stories, and I think you are very open. I’m usually amazed that you have time to tell us anything about your busy life. When I hear that you’ve been criticized or treated badly I wish I could do something to stop that kind of behavior because I’m afraid it will make you want to stop writing and entertaining those of us who enjoy your blog. Don’t sell yourself short on your talent and your likability. I think you are a badass. I’m a bad bad comment-writer because I’m usually so busy at work, and I read you when I get a little break, but I do leave a comment every once in a while. If you said, “Hey y’all, I’ll only write if everyone comments every day,” I’d make damn sure I commented. I love seeing your pets; I don’t have any, and I enjoy seeing their pictures. You’re not boring; you’re funny and very very cute, and I’m hoping you find the greatest love in the world soon.

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  51. I don’t know you in real life, though I like to think if I did you’d be over a lot to pet my pig. That is not a metaphor. She’s half Potbellied (aren’t we all) and half full-sized hog (aren’t we all). Her name is Murphy.

    I used to ready daily but my schedule is much different now, so I usually read several posts in one day. I use Feedly (which I hate. I miss Google Reader.) to see new posts but I always click thru to the the website to see the comments. I don’t know how that affects your statistics or if it makes any kind of difference.

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