Going Ham

Remember the guy at work who gave me the eagle calendar last year? I’m tryina find a picture of him but OH MY GOD with this slow computer, which is my other news.

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Here he is. He’s had several funny lines on this here not-blog through the years, and anyway my point is, he brings the same lunch every day.

EVERY

DAY.

Peanut butter on whole wheat, a baggie of tortilla chips, an apple, and a depressing glass of water. “I don’t know why you say my glass of water is depressing,” he said when I was inevitably remarking on it.

It’s depressing because it’s a glass, see-through John Deere mug, which should be used for coffee, that he’s using for water. Drinking water out of a mug says, “I have no available dishes.” Drinking water out of a mug says you’re clinically depressed, or 20 and in your first apartment.

Which he is not. My coworker is far from clinically depressed. Or in his first apartment, as he is elderly like me. He just likes a routine.

Anyway, the other day I had a work question for him, but there was that sad mug o’water. “I hate to bother you during your exotic lunch…” I began. And really how much did I hate to bother him, since I was forging ahead with my query.

“Actually, today I have a ham sandwich,” he announced.

What the Mama Cass?

“Every so often I’ll bring in a ham sandwich instead. My kids call it ‘Going Ham.’ ”

Going Ham.

And that is why I like my workplace.

Also, he wandered over to my desk yesterday to say that he “sort of” reads my blog, but lurks on it just enough that he didn’t feel justified commenting yesterday. “Besides, me commenting defeats the very notion of lurking.”

Speaking of yesterday, let’s discuss a few things regarding our discussion at hand. [Arranges her papers like Walter Cronkite]

At the bottom of every post are little icons. Those are so you can share my brilliance with your friends. Ima go out on a limb and assume you have friends.

Someone said my blog was “hard to share” so I wanted to point those out.

Also, I’ve yet to go to my survey from yesterday about how to arrange the comments (scroll down; it’s under this post) but last I looked you seemed to be voting for the comments to be in thread form, which means you can reply to someone, and that reply will be tucked up under that person’s comment.

The other option was to just splat them out there chronologically, which some like because then if they return that day, they don’t have to scroll up and down to see all the new comments.

But PLEASE NOTE, when you leave a comment, there is a box you can check so that if you want, you can get all the comments delivered to you via email. So you can read them all that way if you want eleventy emails.

And finally, at the bottom right of each post you can click “Follow,” and you can get emails that tell you I’ve blogged, so you don’t have to come looking for me, ever.

That is all. And that’s the news today, Wednesday, December 20, 2017.

Except there’s other news. But that was the news re my stupid blog.

The other news is that I had to buy a new goddamn computer. Like, I started this post right at 8:00, and if you look up and see that photo of my coworker? Getting to Safari, getting to this website, starting a post, then going to Google to find his photo?

Took until 8:13. I timed it.

It’s not even fun to write anymore, because this machine just GROANS along, and spools, and doesn’t move, and sometimes I wrote a particularly pithy line, if you ask me, and I look up and it didn’t type. It just didn’t type! Because the machine hasn’t caught up with me yet. Which is the title of my new book.

Heh.

Anyway, this computer is more than six years old, and I hope you all remember my excitement when I got it, and how delighted I was to use the webcam. Let me take 49 minutes out of my morning to fire up the webcam and find the very first picture I took on here…

Photo on 9-24-11 at 4.48 PM #3Oh, June.

This photo is dated 9/24/11 at 4:48 p.m. There are two videos that precede this photo because I didn’t know I was making a video rather than a picture, but god help me if I try to upload a video. I’ll miss my whole day of work, waiting.

Anyway, the convenient part about Apple is I was able to call them and get pretty much the same computer, just the 2017 version, delivered right to my workplace next week. It’ll be faster, but the same size. Which is what she said.

Did I WANT to spend my hard-earned cash on a new computer? I did not. But I literally could not really use this one any longer, and careful readers will note that week back in the early fall when AppleCare and I spent forever trying to get this old lady speeded up.

It didn’t much work.

Also, I traded this one in. So.

IMG_2903.jpgToday at noon I take everyone’s favorite foster sister back to the shelter to get her booster shot and to have her cold checked out. You can see it has not slowed her asshole level down even a bit.

IMG_E2928.jpgAlso, someone is quite pleased to have a kitten friend.

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it not tru. steeeleee dan haf dignitee.

I leave you with today’s lip color: Broadest Berry. Lu resent.

IMG_2941.jpgToday we have a Christmas party for the creative team, and then after I am screaming over to my friend The Other Copy Editor’s B&B because last week she was too busy to talk to me and allegedly this week there will be time for us to make out.

Then allegedly I am getting up for 6 a.m. Pure Barre tomorrow, and “allegedly” is a big word with me today.

After Pure Barre, I am totally Going Ham.

Luff,

Juan

P.S. Two things that are already irking me: Your comment yesterday did not “disappear.” The comments only go to 100, then you have to click “See older” or whatever it says, at the top of the comments.

At the top of my not-blog I’ve changed the photo. Earlier, the tag line below referenced my Aunt Kathy, whom you’ve all seen a millioon times (go look at Thanksgiving, for example). She was having trouble finding this page so it was just a joke.

However, that woman in the photo is clearly not her. I changed the tag line today so as not to keep getting OH MY GOD IS THAT AUNT KATHY? WHO SUDDENLY IS AN OLD LADY IN A 1957 PHOTO BUT STILL A VIABLE NOT-ANCIENT PERSON TODAY? WE JUST SAW HER THANKSGIVING BUT IS THAT SOMEHOW HER IN THAT 60-YEAR-OLD PHOTO? So. Yeah.

 

 

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

66 thoughts on “Going Ham”

  1. Oh, my goodness! I love the going ham! That is hilarious, and seems familiar in my love of routine…so.

    Steely Dan has met his match there. He is still adorable, but Jody Foster? She is a kitten! I am glad they are pals.

    My computer is also weird and slow, and then inexplicably normal, then weird and slow. I am hanging on with dear life. My desktop is even older than this elderly machine. I am toying with a new one from Santa for our family. But UGH. The $$$$.

    I have to start Christmas shopping today. Yesterday was the day, but my husband’s mother passed away, so that took precedent. She had been battling Alzheimer’s for many years, so it is a relief, but so sad.

    Have a wonderful time making out at the B&B!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. So sorry about the loss of your mother-in-law. It is never easy to lose someone, but I think this time of the year magnifies the loss. Prayers for your family.

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    2. Megsie, I am so very sorry to hear about your mother-in-law. My husband’s mother died this past March after having “lived” with Alzeimer’s for 20 years. It is a horrible slow death for the living family. My thoughts are with you and I say nothing takes precedence over what you need to do regarding that.

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      1. Thank you Helen. You’re right it is horrible. There is just nothing positive to be said about it. I feel bad that you also had to endure that hardship. NO FUN!

        I appreciate your well wishes!

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  2. Fufu, as the kids say. I totally understand coworker’s mug love. I drink water out of Heath mugs, quirky Asheville pottery mugs, colorful Polish pottery mugs… I love mah mugs.

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      1. Did not mean to irk you into upper case. Honestly she doesn’t look old to me. Just campy and a wee bit tired of hauling grandpa around.

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  3. We could all hit the tip jar to help with the Christmas computer.
    I like today’s color, but yesterday may be my favorite so far.

    June, I know you give, give, give to us, but I should ask this at the risk of flying livers, are we doing a RAoK post this year?

    Lovely post, Juan

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  4. That chubby stick is the best one yet. I love it.

    Do you think Steely will stay home more often now that he has his little sidekick?

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  5. So many things! Going Ham should definitely be entered into the urban dictionary. Or at least used here and on the Facebook group when someone is doing something particularly awesome.
    Do old computers slow down, or do they stay the samat and I become less patient? Because mine is 4 years old and I feel like it is on dial up.
    SD is having so much fun with that baby kitty! He must think Iris and Lilly are such fuddy duddies! (Is that the plural of fuddy duddy? Autocorrect thinks it is not)
    Being a part of something called “the creative team” sound and wonderful. I bet all the other teams are jealous.
    And finally, I wish I was capable of makeup. Fashion and makeup are both beyond me and I cannot get them right, ever.
    Fun post!!

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  6. Hai! I did comment yesterday but it disappeared, sooo…are you sure Jody can’t stay? Especially since they all like her. But I do realize that you may want to keep the number of pets down to a reasonable number. I love the coat. I have a short leopard jacket that I adore. I think leopard just makes people happy. I like the lipstick. Glad to see we are moving away from the burnt sienna pot-o-gloss spectrum. Very cute, Coot!

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    1. To everyone who’s gonna say their comment “disappeared” yesterday: When there are more than 100, they go to the next page. You have to click “See more comments” or “Older comments” or whatever it says there.

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    2. Going Ham already IS in the urban dictionary, and it means “going hard as a motherfucker,” like when someone starts an argument and you just go nuts on them. HAM AS A MOTHERFUCKER SANDWICH.

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  7. SD will be so bereft if Jodie leaves him, just saying, and yes, I remember you warning us that you would NOT be keeping her. I like all the lip colors so far, but, can we do a lip color side by side comparison at the end of the chubby reveals? It is hard for my pea brain to recollect the subtle nuances of each color day to day. It sounds like you have a wonderful day planned,

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  8. I like this color the best so far. The nude-y colors were fine, but this one zings with your eyes. I was always told to emphasize 2 our of 3 areas (eyes, lips, cheeks), so this one on your lips makes for a winning combo.

    ~signing of from my SAD light time in South Mpls

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  9. What the Mama Cass?

    I laughed so hard I would have choked on my ham sandwich. Good thing I read this before lunch. Broadest Berry looks pretty on you. You’ve definitely moved into your colors.

    You and SD both have a fun day planned. Individually, not together as I can’t see SD enjoying Wine Wednesday.

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  10. Really like this color lipstick. Honestly, they all look good on you. Guess it depends whether you are featuring your eyes or lips on any given day. Sympathies for the expense and congratulations for the faster machine on its way to you. My (PC-type) laptop was about the same vintage as yours and it had gotten so slow I wanted to heave it out the window. I like my new one a lot, except the screen and keyboard are smaller. I miss the dedicated Home, End, Page Up, Page Down buttons. You have to hit a function key. Lu resent. But it’s blazingly fast, so I am glad for that.

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  11. Love this post. My dad took a peanut butter and Miracle Whip sandwich to work every single day. To this day I am disgusted by thought of this and haven’t been able to bring myself to even try it. I am getting kind of woozy right now just thinking about it. The only exception came when we had meatloaf for dinner. Then he had a meatloaf and Miracle Whip sandwich. I guess those days were considered going meatloaf but that does not have quite the ring to it that Going Ham does.

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    1. My mother grew up having peanut butter, Miracle whip and lettuce sandwiches. They are actually delicious,

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  12. Going Ham. Bah! Also, I can just imagine the blurry bat-bat-bat of Jodie Foster’s little paws as she plays with SD. Hope the checkup and shots go well!

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  13. First- Love the way the chubby stick brought out your eyes. Second- My girlfriend (who is crazy) brings PB&J, get this- every day for lunch for over 15 years! And Joon, this same girlfriend has 5- yup, 5, cats and a dog. I don’t know what my point is besides the fact that your eyes looks great and I really want some chubby sticks now from Santa. Do you think Santa has a chub- nawwww, forget it…

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  14. “Ima go out on a limb and assume you have friends.” Snort laughing.

    OH! That berry is a really good color (best one so far) for you, it makes your eyes pop, so to speak. And the coat. And you hair. You look lovely, darlin!

    SD is the big brother, I’m sure he taught JF how to escape from the back room. She is cute, cute, cute. You are so kind to foster her and your are extremely strong being able to let her go when she is adopted.

    I always took my lunch when I was in school. It was an egg salad sandwich with pickle relish, chips and cookies. That was most days. If my mom ran out of eggs it was pimento cheese, which is delish if you put corn chips on the sandwich giving it great crunch. I’ve made myself hungry. I would love to have some pimento cheese, and corn chips, right now.

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    1. THAT ALL SOUNDS DELICIOUS AM DYING OF THE HUNGER. And I have to take Jodie F to the shelter at lunch, which means I won’t really GET to HAVE lunch. Someone send me some Jimmy John’s to work.

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  15. I think you’re one of those lucky people who have good color in your natural lips so pretty much every lipstick/chubby stick looks good on you. I’m jelly.

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  16. Ham is my lunch of choice so it would be going liverwurst for me, not quite the same nuance as others have noted. Light Mayo on both. We got a new grocery store again finally and I can get my beloved Boar’s head lunch
    meats (Philadelphia name for cold cuts) five minutes away again. Small things thrill me!

    I want to see all of the chubby sticks pics all together too. You are reminding me I can do my eyes and lips both! I am pretty much a rule breaker any way.( I lived with my husband for 7 months before we got married in 1980, a bold move at the time. Really ticked off the older generation. My mother called me her maverick. I wasn’t always boring). That color is gorgeous on you. I love a good berry hue!

    JF is good for SD too. I hope she gets to stay for a while!
    I am so sorry that people are giving you social media PTSD. That is awful.

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  17. I wonder if Steely Dan is thinking he is grooming kitten to be his asshole buddy. Love the lips.
    Great post Coot.

    Oh and congratulations on new computer. I LOATH getting new computers because updates and such. Yes I am a stick in the mud and old and grouchy! GET IFF MY LAWN!!!!

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  18. I’m commenting today, rather than yesterday, because I only know you in fake life. Loving the haircut and today’s chubby berry flavor. Really brings out your eyes. Glad SD has a new friend.

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  19. I am intrigued by the thought of having the same lunch every day. It would speed up my morning routine considerably, as it is now I stand in front of the fridge trying to think of something creative and tasty and it takes forever.

    June’s not-blog: come for the chubby stick, stay for the ham.

    Lovely Coot, post.

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  20. I’ve been at my job for 11 years. A lady I work with ate the same lunch every single day for my first 5 years here: a can of green beans, topped with a can of chicken, topped with mozzarella cheese and heated in the microwave. It made me almost barf looking at it every day.

    She then switched and for about 3 or 4 years she had something else every single day: a bowl of grits with ramen noodles mixed in it. Also barf.

    Now she’s been on a different kick for the past few years: a bratwurst and some steamed broccoli.

    She’s thin so maybe she’s onto something. But I couldn’t eat any of those things more than one time I don’t think. She said it’s the Suzanne Somers plan of only eating heavy amounts of carbs together and not mixing them with protein or something. Suzanne Somers can bite me if that’s what she expects people to eat.

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    1. I haven’t eaten all day and am starving right now but after reading your comment, I want to barf! Your co-worker sounds like she hates food so she’s “hate mixing” it all together in spite. Seriously WTF with those food choices?!

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  21. Awesome lip color today!

    I love the going ham story! I am also a same lunch every day person. I ate a peanut butter sandwich for lunch for a year, then ravioli for a couple of months because it was always on sale. I tried steamed vegetables for a couple of months while I tried to get healthy. Now I’m in month two of tuna salad. Some days I add relish to shake things up a bit. I do change it up on the weeekends.

    Congratulations on the new computer! Does this mean there will be all sorts of new and exciting photos? No pressure!

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  22. That lip color is a MF keeper. (mf= mother f*ckin’).
    The pictures of SD and temp kitty killed me dead with their cuteness.

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  23. I didn’t think yesterday was ONLY comment if you know June in real life… I thought it was business as usual PLUS comment if you know June IRL. But I’m directionally challenged, so there you go.

    Lovely post lovely June! Nothing says “June” like leopard!

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  24. I am a day late, because missed your blog yesterday, but I declare the condition of knowing you in real life.

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  25. Oh, wow, I’m “someone”! The someone who said it was hard to share! Even if you did only write about me because something I said annoyed you, I feel…oh, I don’t know, IMPORTANT.

    Obviously, I have a really uneventful life. Maybe I should consider going ham.

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