Friends · Health

Sufferin’ Juneotash

I hate to burst in and destroy your 2018, like Godzilla stomping through your city, but I have a cold.

My throat hurts, I’m all achy, my ears have that thing where they itch way on the inside and you can’t scratch them cause it’s really your brain that itches or whatever.

IMG_3289.JPGIMG_3291.JPGYou’d think my cats would be holding an eternal vigil, but they are not.

You know, sitting here, the floor and the washer don’t LOOK dirty, but I take a photo and I’m all, wow, that washer needs to be, like, wiped down or whatever.

Plus, there’s a spot on that linoleum that’s just forever stained. See it, the second blue square in from Jodie Foster? It’s just permanently sort of brown. I blame Lottie.

Good lord, this house has hosted the animals.

IMG_3265.jpgAnyway, despite my raging cold, I schlepped into work yesterday and the first person I saw was the mailroom guy. “Oh, I have a package for you,” he said, and handed me a box. It’s this great clock from a faithful reader! Isn’t it magnificent?! It was on my wish list, my Amazon Wish List. Oooo, I should link to Amazon.

“I want a clock just like Hune’s! If I click on this green clock, I can be on Amazon and buy just anything, and Hune gets rich! Maybe if she gets rich enough, she’ll stop saying ‘Hune.'”

Do you know anyone worse at remembering she’s an Amazon Associate? Anyone?

Bueller? You know what that is? ‘Nother link.

Oh my god anyway, I love my clock, and I put it in the living room because I never ever know what time it is in there, like it’s Las Vegas.

Then at night, despite my killing-me throat and my general aches and pains of having a major cold, I —

Just now, Lily, whom I’ve already let out and back in again today, asked to go out again. I opened the main door, then stood at the screen while Lily pondered the meaning of going outside, and considered if she really meant it and so forth, when

BOOM

Steely Dan burst past us, got on his hind legs and pushed the door open, and ran out, all in one smooth gesture.

Lily kind of waddled after him.

Anyway, because trouper, last night I drove to this restaurant I’d never been to to get up with Kit and Jo. Ko.

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Kit
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Jo
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Me. I never let on I wasn’t feeling well.

On the way there, my friend Beige called me. Her name isn’t actually Beige, but I’ve always called her that and that’s how she’s in my phone. “I’m right near this restaurant, but I can’t find it,” I told her. “I’ll call you later.”

As soon as I sat down, Faithful Reader Happy texted me with a video of that white cat she has, that Ned might like. Then after the video she sent two more texts. “Boop!” said my phone, then “boop!” followed by “boop!”

“At dinner, talk later,” I wrote hurriedly, as gifts were exchanged among us. Jo is a real gifty type.

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heeeeee

Then my father called.

Then Miss Doxie texted.

Then Fay texted.

Not to mention my blog comments were blowing up last night.

Then TinaDoris answered my earlier text about how I was feeling ill and wasn’t going to Pure Barrrrre Thursday morning. She texted three times.

Then Ned called.

Then I got the World’s Longest Email from a new reader, which, Dear New Reader: I haven’t read yet.

Then I SWEAR TO YOU, someone I went to school with in fourth grade wrote me to say she had an old photo of us, and where should she send it.

Seriously, that all happened within the first 30 minutes I was there. It was like all of a sudden everyone I’d ever known wanted to speak with me between 7 and 8 p.m. on a Wednesday. I like how I said “30 minutes” then “7 and 8.” Maths.

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Old photo my classmate sent me.

Okay, this is the greatest thing ever. The “R” is for “Redeemer.” There’s religious June, gettin’ her Redeemer on. (I went to a Lutheran elementary school. Yes, I did.)

I am the top girl (I sure am) on the right, in the pigtails. I was able to name everyone else in this photo except I can’t remember the girl in the middle’s first name. Doreece? Dorrena? I know her last name was Hopeck. Her mom was our Brownie leader. Her name was…Mrs. Hopeck. You’re welcome.

Hell. Or, Redeemer. I wish I could recall that girl’s name.

Anyway, after my Hour of Popularity, and after Ko and I discussed everything from talking dirty to Dick Whitman’s mom–fortunately we did not combine those subjects–it was time for me to go. Jit, over there, the Kit and Jo combo, were gonna move on to a bar, but I was in need of an IV drip, so ill was I, and plus also it was 9:30 already, so.

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“Orange you glad our mom izzn’t a puzzy?” “Orange you thinkeeng maybe she DO be a puzzy?”

As I drove home, I told my phone to call Beige back.

“Calling Beee-aaage,” said my phone, who can’t speak fucking English. If you’re gonna be in this country, man. English is our language, man. (I love people.)

My phone also tells me to take the exit toward the airport sometimes? But it pronounces it “Peedmont Inter-na-seeeee-on-all.” Kills me every time. Why doesn’t it know “international”?

I realize it’s, like, miraculous that I can take my phone with me and not have to drag the cord onto the stairway like I did circa 1982. I realize that the fact that my phone can TALK to me and CALL PEOPLE FOR ME is also, you know, exciting.

Still. Get it right. Beeee-age. Pfft.

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She’s so sweet WHEN SHE’S UNCONSCIOUS

Actually, while I’m thinking of it, you know that cool photo my old schoolmate wanted to send me? She’s not the first person to email me via the “Contact me” feature on my blog to wonder how to get in contact with me, so let me just say now that the contact me feature is just an email address, so anything you want to email me, that’s where to do it.

I think if you’re gonna attach a photo, you might have to write me once, then I write back, and THEN it becomes just a regular email between us and you can attach a photo.

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o edzul god. shut upz, mom.

I’d better go back to work and martyr through my day. Probably I should be certain to bring a giant box of Kleenex to really drive the point home. Perhaps I could even arrive in slippers, for added effect.

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Portrait of a cold sufferer

Here is our Clinique Chubby Stick of the day in Plumped-Up Pink. This will look good when I’m in my casket.

Stoically,

Joon

57 thoughts on “Sufferin’ Juneotash

  1. So glad SD is enjoying his kitten playtime. Lovely post, pretty June. I managed to remember to click by for your link before placing my Amazon order. I really hope it counts if the item is already in the cart but not paid for yet? I also hope that sentence required a question mark? I’ll go sit in my vicious cycle now.

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  2. Also, I had a similar CF with my bluetooth hands free today while trying to call my dentist to tell them I was running late. In the car, and ask my hands free to call my dentist: Martin Pastucka, DDS. It then says “OK, you want to call Edward Brillo, DMD, right?” “No.” Ask it again, enunciating Martin Pastucka “OK, you want to call Leontyne Woodford, CRNP, right?” “NOOOOO!” Ugh! The names it was getting out of what I said were almost hilarious – nothing even close to my dentist’s name.

    First world problems, right? Now I’m pissed because my auto dial in my car doesn’t get the right name. Boo hoo.

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  3. So sorry that you feel like Death eating a cracker. (I have no idea – my Grandma used to say that when someone was really sick). But we all know you are the definition of stoic and will persevere, even if your face falls off from the snot behind it.

    I love that SD and JF are buddies! They both have a playmate and hopefully, that keeps them from annoying the older girls.

    Feel better!

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  4. I’ve been giggling at the comments, but without going back and rereading them, I can’t reply individually so just know I appreciate them all. June, you can get even with Alf by texting him all night, but I’m afraid he would actually answer or text you while you were trying to sleep. So, in the words of Emily Litella, “Never mind.”

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  5. I also have a cold that has dragged on since Dec. 15th. Enough already! I did discover that Ny-Quil severe cold and flu (the red berry color) works marvelously to put me to sleep so that has helped. I really dig the chubby stick of the day, my favorite so far. I work for the university so I don’t go back to work until Jan. 2nd, but the bad part of that is that I am spending too much time eating the goodie leftovers! I don’t have the ability to watch The Crown, however my daughter bought me the new biography of the Queen and I was so thrilled. Started reading it immediately and it is so good so far! Hope you feel better soon Joon!

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  6. I have to say that I’m recalling digging these Chubby Sticks. There was only one color that was meh. I really liked the one a couple of days ago that you said was orange. It didn’t look the slightest bit orange to me. Ugh. Anyway, I got caught up on the past week of your not blog last night and left some messages that I’m sure you got alerted to last night between 7-8 while you were at dinner. I’ll try to be more respectful about your socializing window next time i comment.

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  7. How does it feel to know you can live to 104 and never, ever have to buy another pair of socks again?

    I was feeling fine until I read all the comments. Now my throat is scratchy.

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  8. I love that chubby lipstick color! That’s a keeper for sure.

    I am trying to be a cheerful and not grumpy pants person. This time of year sucks for me. The let down of the holidays being damn near over. All the decorations look sad and superfluous. It’s cold and grey and gross outside. It’s been the exact same temp 38 degrees for the last 3 days straight. No warmer, no colder, just the same. It’s unnatural, I tell you. I am thinking of making and eating a whole batch of Chex party mix and watching something crappy on t.v.

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    1. I get around that by focusing on the fact that Advent is a season of its own and that the Christmas season begins on Christmas, it doesn’t end on Christmas. So I have some Christmas enjoyment after the holiday is supposedly over.

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  9. I am so sorry about your cold. You are so brave.

    I love Jo and Kit. How fun! My phone also knows when I am too busy for it. I am not one who is tethered to m’phone. I leave it home accidentally all the time, which is annoying. I also leave it in other rooms with only the buzz, buzzzzz feature that lets me know that someone texted me or the buzzzzzzzz of the phone ringing. I never hear it. However, when I leave home and remember my phone to actually meet someone in person, I tend to put my phone on the table. And then all it does is buzzzzzzzzzzz. Annoying.

    I hope you feel better soon!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  10. Sorry you have the mung. It’s been thick here in the Midwest for the last month. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

    Love the vintage clock, and the socks are great! I love it when friends know the perfect gift to help pass the time or rock your socks.

    You’ll have to make one of those nasty old fashioned stinky poultices to hang around your neck when you go into work–that’ll chase the coworkers away. Speaking of old fashioned, make yourself one of those to drink. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere…

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  11. I LOVE THAT CLOCK I LOVE THAT CLOCK I LOVE THAT CLOCK I WANT THAT CLOCK SQUEEEEEEEEEEEE CLOCK CLOCK CLOCK!!!!!!

    No, I haven’t had too much coffee. YOU’VE had too much coffee! I just may have to order that clock.

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  12. Oooooh I love that Plumped Up Pink. I may need to investigate that one for myself.

    There is a cold going around my area that is so bad someone said they were getting ready to snort Drano. I sincerely hope yours is not like that.

    Also all you not busy at work people, I am having the week from hell trying to get things done. And my boss is out of the office all week which is so unfair. I want to finish watching the Crown, not do stupid work.

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  13. Wait. You mean if anyone who does not have your actual phone number wants to contact you, all we have to do is click on the CONTACT button right up there at the top? The CONTACT that’s in CAPITAL LETTERS SO YOU CAN’T MISS IT? That’s so simple there has to be a catch. Maybe I’d better just contact you via FB Messenger instead.

    Okay, I want those Resting Bitch Face socks.

    My daughter tried to teach my husband how to use Voice to Text and that was a hoot because you can’t understand him when he talks anyway because he runs his words together so his texts were pretty much a bunch of nonsense. I think his phone started smoking because it was blowing a fuse in frustration.

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      1. Ok, people of The Crown!! I watched the first season, I’m trying to watch the second season, but I keep getting busy / falling asleep. I read a recap online about one of the episodes where young Prince Charles is just MISERABLE at school and Prince Phillip is a dick about it. I will never get through that episode if it’s half as sad as the recap was. Your thoughts, Hobson?

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          1. I really enjoyed season two. I didn’t pay attention to the Royals until I lived there for a few years. I lived there when Diana died. Man, was that an event. Anyway, I had to brush up on my history because I did not remember that the Queen had other children besides Charles! Dur.

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            1. I have every intention of taking my tablet to work tomorrow and binge-ing season two of The Crown since Law School Grad won’t be there!

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      2. I too am watching The Crown, then looking up the real people to see what became of them. One question……………..what does the Queen carry around in that ridiculous pocket book of hers????

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    1. I just started season 2 of The Crown a couple of nights ago. It is so good. I keep Google-ing the real life people as I watch it and they did a great job with casting. The monarchy is fascinating to me.

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  14. I don’t remember seeing the cheerleader picture before. You are so cute! If you took advice I would say that a handyman who shows up when he says he will and doesn’t charge an arm and a leg and who actually fixes things should be tolerated. It’s worth it.

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  15. What’s awesome is that someone can buy you something on your wish list while using your affiliate link, so you get the present PLUS the miniscule percentage of the sale. It’s the gift that keeps on giving! Well, twice, anyway – it gives twice.

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    1. Suburban, was the gift from you? Here’s my problem: I have forgotten who sent it to me, and the box is recycled already. I am the worst. I was THINKING it was from you, but am I wrong?

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      1. Well, you have a better memory than you think. Yes, it was from me – just a small thank you for hours of amusement and distraction this year. Believe me, I needed it!

        Also, now I want one of those myself. Maybe Larry will get me one for Valentine’s Day, to make up for the snow shovel he gave me on Christmas.

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        1. Just had my MIL order two of those clocks for me, squeee! One for my bedroom and one for the guest bedroom. She didn’t use Joob’s link though as she goes through another link and is not on this here blo-website.

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  16. Today’s chubby stick is very pretty!
    I’ve had a cold, too, since BEFORE Thanksgiving. The dr told me it would last about 6 weeks and various symptoms would come and go. She was right. I’m sick of being sick, but I think I’m almost over it.
    On a brighter note, I’m looking forward to saying hello to 2018. 2017 was a weird, anxiety-producing, loooong year. It’s because 2017 is a prime number.

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    1. We’ve had that same WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS. Started right after Thanksgiving and morphed through all kinds of symptoms. Right now I feel OK, I just can’t hear a thing. My daughter finally broke down and went to the doctor (well, she video conferenced her doctor- how is that a thing?) and he told her exactly that. It’s viral. Nothing you can do but wait it out.

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      1. Yep, I got the same story – viral, have a nice day. The two things that have saved me are the Super Secret Behind the Counter Sudafed DM 12-hour pills, and saline rinses (gross, yet so incredibly helpful!)

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    2. Jesus, 6 weeks, I pray I don’t have that one. My husband always says, 3 weeks for a cold, which is what Grampy always said. A week coming, a week here, a week going.

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  17. Fay, what color ribbon should we be wearing? Sorry you are sooo very ill. I read your statement that you talked dirty to DW’s mom. Thank you for the clarification. That is a nice color, more pink, looks good. I go days, weeks without any texts and then when I’m in a situation (in the dentist chair or at the doctor) my phone explodes. How do people know?

    Being bored at work is the worst and then if you HAVE to look busy. Can you play computer games?

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  18. You accomplished more communicating in an hour than I do all week. Also, you should hear my phone give me directions with all of these streets named after Hawaiian chiefs and what not. Kamehameha. I die. Have you heard of Piggin Siri? This local comedian pushed Siri to her limit.

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  19. Jesus. I have 8 articles to copy edit in three days, plus “whatever else” comes up, as I’m pretty much the only copy editor here. And Alf has texted me about 46 times. “You get my message? You up? You up?” Ima kill him. Seriously, this might be the end of Alf as my handyman.

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  20. So much to comment on with today’s lovely post. I laughed at the perfect socks and the cute cheerleader photo. It looks like the girl doing the splits is sticking out her tongue. Maybe that helps her concentrate.

    Thanks for all the cute photos. Even on your deathbed, you look pretty in your lipstick color-of-the-day. Pretty in pink.

    Sorry, LNTL of the long comments LNTL, I don’t have experience with two dogs to give you advice.

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  21. Me tooooo! As in, I have a cold too. I skipped straight to the coughing and nose-blowing phase (extreme, both of them) so I’ve been working from home to avoid spreading my bodily fluids everywhere.

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    1. I thought of you this morning. Defrosting refrigerator and such. Why? Why must they torture us?

      My phone – a friend with the last name of Mundt. My phone says “mooont”. Cracks me up.

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      1. Because we’re a small office and who’s going to do it? Mrs. Boss? Not on my watch. It wasn’t a big deal. I emptied it, unplugged it, stuffed some towels around it and kept an eye on it. Still, we’re moving to another office suite in the summer, with a full-size fridge, and I plan to insist on FROST-FREE.

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  22. I am bored out of my MIND at work as I have done everything that needs to be done, including defrosting the refrigerator. And I can’t bring in things to read because Law School Grad is here. BORED. So what I’m saying is I have time to do a novena for your recovery.

    One of our phones, when we were using the GPS to find a restaurant called Peter Pratt’s Inn, and there is no way I can type out the way the GPS said the restaurant name, but I will try, said, “You have arrived at Peter Prattzin.”

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  23. I am sitting vigil June. Thoughts and prayers. I will start a prayer chain on the Face which will threaten everyone else with a dreaded disease if they don’t forward to everyone on their friend list. I know all of this will result in your miraculous recovery. Or conversely, in 5-7 days your cold will be gone.

    That picture of Edsel – he’s living my dream life.

    Here’s a question for all you dog people? (Unnecessary question mark.) We have two dogs – a little fluff ball who is somewhere between the ages of 11 and 100. (She came to us 9 years ago but we had no idea how old she was – SHE’S A RESCUE.) And a mid-size dog (not a compact, not a sedan) who is 3. They have lived together for almost two years now with no issues. The 3 year old has suddenly (and I mean like in the last two weeks) started harassing the older dog CONSTANTLY (she is all over social media with her #METOO). The younger dog acts like she wants to play – she does that crouching thing and pounces around her – but the older dog is not interested. They have NEVER played, for the record. When the older dog responds by snapping and barking, the younger one persists. She will sneak up behind her and put a paw on her back or paw her head – friendly like, but still super annoying to old granny grouchy pants. If I don’t intervene this would go on all day long. The younger dog keeps looking playful and friendly and the older dog loses her shit every 30 seconds. I think she would actually die of annoyance if there was no relief from the harassment. We have resorted to keeping them separated, which basically means my sweet Bella is living in my foyer. She doesn’t seem to mind – in fact she asks to go in there and has a bed in there that she snoozes in all day long – but it seems so sad that she has to be kept away from all of us. Am I just projecting? Imagining myself in the nursing home while everyone else is having all the fun? Anyone else ever dealt with this?

    Sorry for the long comment – everyone feel free to ignore. I did flounce on yesterday’s post when Kim PRETENDED like she didn’t know who I was. THE NERVE.

    LOVE YOU JUNE!

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    1. Oh, cripes. That looks even longer than I thought it was when I was typing. I should just get my own dang not-blog.

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    2. We have a similar situation with the dogs, we have one who is between 12-100 as he was adopted and his age guestimated and a 4 year old lab. The older one has wanted nothing to do with the younger one but the young one just LOVES him. He is always putting his paws on him, trying to get him to play. Eventually about 2 years ago the older one will play only if he thinks we aren’t home. Like he is too cool like Erika Jane and doesn’t want us to know that he plays with the puppy. Have you ever pretended to not be home? For me if I go in my office and shut the door, after about 30 minutes they forget I am there. If I open my office door to spy on them the older one immediately lays down and acts like they weren’t playing although I just heard them clearly playing.

      Also nothing to do at work today….well a few small things but that is it. This place is dead but at least I can work from home tomorrow….

      Not to scare you June but my cold started with a sore throat 2 weeks ago and I still flipping have it. It got progressively worse every day for a week and then I got a bit better and that is where I have stayed. Head congestion and cough but not bad enough to stay in bed all day. Annoying is what it is.

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  24. Sorry to hear about your critical illness. Hope you feel better soon. I like today’s lip color. So, Ned called to tell you he is going to take the kitty (Or just debate the issue endlessly)?

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  25. I like today’s color. Stoically…snort…

    I don’t understand how life is all like feast or famine with events. Can’t life just spread it out? To the edge of the bread crust?

    I’m sorry you are ill. But you did warn us. I’m at work with only one stupid task to do. Otherwise I HAVE TO BE AT THIS DANG DESK sucking time. Yes, I know I get paid to do nothing. Here’s the thing. I hate being bored.

    Anyway, Happy New Year Joob.

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    1. Same here! I’ve got one thing to do at noon. I’ve been helping other people who have one thing to do all morning. I’m on call tonight or otherwise I’d ask to go home early.

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