Yesterday, or whenever the hell I last wrote to you, I mentioned a very fake hissing noise that actors make only during dirty movies and no other time. Faithful Reader Steve, who I know in real life, told me he didn’t know what I was talking about. He accused me of watching snake porn.
If that is really a thing, I know for a fact that faithful reader Tee has never ever watched it. For she hates a snake.
Also, I am speaking into my phone during my lunch break and do not have time to go back and capitalize “faithful” and “reader.”
Anyway, behold a video of me making the fake sucking-in-through-your-teeth noise that they make only in dirty movies and no one ever makes in real life.
Also, my nose is so horrendous. Seriously, that thing belongs in a museum. Or the Guinness book of world records or something. Speaking into my phone is almost not even a time-saving device, so often do I pause and see things I want to go back and edit, like capping “book” and “world” and “records.”
I went to see the movie I, Tonya this weekend. Did I tell you that? It’s really good. I have also recently seen the shape of water, which I’m certain my phone also will not capitalize so please capitalize it in your head. This entire process is likely to give me a hive.
Tonight, The Poet and I are going to see Lady Bird. What I’m saying to you is I’ve been seeing a lot of movies lately. Good movies, I think.
I have to go back to work now, although I am taking Edsel to dog daycare for the afternoon. Let’s see if he wants to go…
That’s a yes.
Before I leave you, let me ask you something: Is there anything about yourself that you think is sort of crazy or shameful that you try to hide in the hope people don’t realize?
For me, it’s definitely my screwed-up relationships with men. When I was in my teens and 20s and I was dating, I kind of thought these were normal things that happened in relationships. I would be with someone, and feel obsessed and crazy, thinking that whatever man I was with would stop loving me, or would go away, or was cheating on me in some way.
Then we would break up and I would be obsessed and depressed and hysterical, till I met someone else. Then the whole thing would start again.
At the time, I wrote it off to my youth. And I figured everyone had relationships the way I did.
Then I met Marvin, and I didn’t feel that way at all. I completely trusted him and felt completely sure of myself. So when you all met me here on my blog, I was like a sane person. I was sane the entire time I was married. I mean, I could feel the shift in my head. My thoughts didn’t race or anything.
I think I was under the impression that I had grown out of being a crazy person in relationships, but then I got divorced and here it is all over again. I am the same crazy person, just older.
This is my secret thing that I think is crazy and shameful about me and that I hope people don’t figure out.
The part where I’m just up and telling you about it is the part where I’ve decided that’s bullshit. This is my flaw. If this is the worst thing about me, then so be it.
I’m June, and my love relationships are unmanageable. Hi, June.
But does everyone else feel this way? Do you have a thing that you think is sort of awful about you and you hope no one sees it? If so, what is it?
I have to go. Edsel’s singing songs and carrying signs in an attempt to get me to take him to dog daycare.
When I get to work, I will put the webcam link to him playing in the comments.
See you at the snake porn theater. Where we’ll all enjoy Splendor in the Asp.