Give June a doll box from 1972, and you’ve given her the world

I just heard myself tell the dog, “I just washed that floor,” as he skidded in with muddy paws, and now I have officially become my mother.

Then I realized that no, I actually did not wash this floor this weekend, making me officially my grandmother when the dementia set in.

I did wash a lot of floors, though, as folk were traipsing in and out of this abode all weekend to peer at little cats. And I’ve noticed a lot of willy-nilly use of the word “catten” around here, lately, so let’s review.

IMG_4243.jpgThis is a kitten.

IMG_4225.jpgSo is this.

IMG_4231.jpgNot a trick–also a kitten.

IMG_4274.jpgCAT. Now with catnip!

IMG_4220.jpgKittens with a cat.

IMG_4278.jpgKitten. By the way, if you don’t want litter every fucking where, don’t get that Feline Pine. I’ve already replaced it, after spending 394949394 hours sweeping, including sweeping the dog bed, an indignity I did not foresee.

Anyway, back to our review.

IMG_4258.jpgKittens.

IMG_4275CAT. He truly enjoyed his first foray into the ‘nip. You’ll be stunned to hear he’s kind of a mean drunk, with the swinging at me, a behavior that he does not usually indulge in, except with Ned. He always swung at Ned.

Anyway, none of what you just saw were cattens. CATTENS, which I believe is an official made-up term, are almost-grown kittens, like when you have, say, an eight-month old kitten. They’re almost there, in full-grown bitchy catness (see directly above) but not quite there. They’re still a bit gangly.

To sum, my house has a lotta fucking cats in it right now. And yes, I swept up that catnip along with the eleventy pounds of Feline Pine.

This is a video that Alex took, when she was here this weekend, and you will note the Feline Pine ON MY BOOTS. I was Feline-n-Boots.

IMG_4239.jpgAlso arriving this weekend were Chris and Lilly and their offspring, which the kittens were fine with and Edsel wasn’t. At one point, he leaped behind me to hide when a child had the nerve to look at him.

I haven’t had this many visitors in my room in one weekend since college.

I’ll be here all week.

Note I spent all that money on fabric propped up, there, and have never recovered my chair. What the hell is wrong with me?

I left the house only sporadically this weekend, because kittens. Dragged self to that Daniel Day Lewis movie, the one that’s nominated for Best Picture. What the hell’s it called? Anyway, it was good, and weird, which are my favorite kinds of films, but DDLewis annoys.

It just bugs me how everyone goes on about what a fabulous actor he is, and how for three months he just was Abraham Lincoln and so forth. Oh, shut up. Stop being fucking Abraham Lincoln. Just pretend. It’ll have the same effect. No one wants to deal with you going around being Abraham Lincoln, you self-important twit who plays house for a living.

Oh, your craft. Fuck you.

Anyway, so I went to the movies. Saw Daniel Day Lewis. He was a dress designer this time. Do you think he went around making dresses all day, like when we had Fashion Plates?

Screen Shot 2018-01-29 at 8.03.42 AM.pngThat’s some outfit she’s designing. “Yes, I envision a patchwork jumper, with a fine school-bus-orange scoop-neck T under it.”

3ed464f129504811f4c56ecbbdcf791f--childhood-toys-childhood-memories.jpgAlso, while I was up, Googling, “What the hell was that dress-designing toy I had when I was a kid?” I came across this motley crew. I think I had that box, and I’m not sure why, because my Free-to-be-You-and-Me-As-Long-As-You’re-a-Feminist mother was not all that keen on me having Barbie-esque things, which made them all the more tempting. But first of all, which one’s Dawn, and where did she get these jakey friends?

3ed464f129504811f4c56ecbbdcf791f--childhood-toys-childhood-memories

We’ve got the Hungover, Walk-of-Shame friend.

3ed464f129504811f4c56ecbbdcf791f--childhood-toys-childhood-memories-1

Cross-Eyed, Dude-That’s-a-Shirt-Not-a-Dress friend.

3ed464f129504811f4c56ecbbdcf791f--childhood-toys-childhood-memories-1

Slept-With-Santa-Souvenir-Belt-n-Boots friend.

3ed464f129504811f4c56ecbbdcf791f--childhood-toys-childhood-memories-1

Experimenting-With-Lesbianism friend, whose wellies I do admire.

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Cockeyed-Boobs friend, now with parentheses hair.

3ed464f129504811f4c56ecbbdcf791f--childhood-toys-childhood-memories-1

Could this be Dawn? Because she looks like someone who’s rethinking her choices.

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“Jesus, what cockamamie sorority am I even in? Fucking Ken and his goddamn roofie.”

I like how the girls on the box have nothing to do with these yahoos out front. And who’s the fruitcake on guitar? Oh, I see. He’s eyeing up ol’ Snappy Dancer, on the right. Ascot flying. You know you got a live one when his ascot goes flying.

I’m sorry. I may need to reenact all the girls’ dance moves.

Photo on 1-29-18 at 8.17 AM #3.jpgphoto-on-1-29-18-at-8-17-am-4.jpgPhoto on 1-29-18 at 8.18 AM #2.jpgOh, by the way, I couldn’t find the pajama bottom that matched this top, nor the top that matched this bottom, so I said fuck it and wore this to bed. You’re welcome.

Also, the webcam reversed all the moves, which I guess I should have figured out, but spatial relations. So.

Well, it’s been a pleasure, and I’m glad I stuck to one subject and did not at all get distracted. That’s what matters. Also, I kept my dignity.

Your friend of Dawn,

June

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

57 thoughts on “Give June a doll box from 1972, and you’ve given her the world”

  1. It’s funny you should mention it because I had a Dawn doll with that same pink dress. I came across it Saturday in my old Barbie house while we were emptying out our attic. I also found my Malibu Barbie (the coolest one ever!) which is the only thing I kept out of the whole bunch.

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  2. “Jesus, what cockamamie sorority am I even in? Fucking Ken and his goddamn roofie.” Dang, spit out my tomato juice on that one – so funny. What’s not funny is now having t clean up the mess.

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  3. I’m a slow learner. I’m going to need to see many more pictures of kittens before I learn the difference between kittens and cattens.

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  4. I am dead from giggling. Jesus Christ on a Triscuit, this was one funny post.

    (Having commenting issues. I won’t bore you with them unless you ask.)

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  5. I’m laughing so much I have tears. I’m only glad I didn’t have a mouthful of coffee while I read your post. First, the cutie, cute, cute kittens with Chris, Lilly and their cutie, cute, cute kids. If that wasn’t enough, your description of Dawn and her friends killed me. Thank you for starting off my Monday morning with laughter.

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  6. You’ve inspired me to put up blackout curtains I bought a month ago. My husband had really annoyed my coping mechanism: bitching and moaning when the sun disturbs me every day.

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  7. DDL comment made me think of Olivier and Hoffman.

    “Dustin Hoffman has long been known as one of method acting’s most earnest exponents. A showbiz story involves his collaboration with Laurence Olivier on the 1976 film Marathon Man. Upon being asked by his co-star how a previous scene had gone, one in which Hoffmann’s character had supposedly stayed up for three days, Hoffmann admitted that he too had not slept for 72 hours to achieve emotional verisimilitude. “My dear boy,” replied Olivier smoothly, “why don’t you just try acting?””

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  8. This entire post gave me the giggles. I loved Dawn and her friends. I was surprised to learn that Steely Dan is a mean drunk. I hope he doesn’t get high on the ‘nip and start smacking you around. Because that’s not cool Steely Dan. Not cool at all.

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  9. Oh how I loved Fashion Plates. I was just thinking about those recently for some reason.

    I almost peed myself at “Slept-With-Santa-Souvenir-Belt-n-Boots friend.”

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    1. I loved the Fashion Plates too, I was thinking about them recently as well. I can still hear that sound….

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  10. Fashion Plates! My sister had them and I used to love them so. I still remember what the plates sounded like when they clicked against each other.

    Thanks for the memories and the hilarious post, Coot.

    P.S.
    Nice dance moves.

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  11. I LOVED Fashion Plates. It’s amazing how badly I dress now when I had all that excellent practice.

    Those kittens are the cutest! I enjoyed all the kitten-ish crotch shots on the Face all weekend, too.

    Lovely post pretty June! And good dance moves, to boot!

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    1. I know. More people saw my girl bits this weekend than they did in college, even.

      To be honest, I really didn’t tramp around that much in college. I mean. Well. Okay, I did.

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      1. You were Puss-In-Boobs this weekend, Fuck You.

        I am laughing so hard at this post. Your descriptions were redic, but “parenthesis hair” put me over the top. Now I have to mop up my floor.

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  12. You had the Dawn doll first, what are the chances? I never had them but I know fashion dolls of all kinds. I scoffed at fashion dolls that were not Barbie, though. Never had any, except child characters.
    Oh, the kitten pics and veedio! Fabulous! I loved the feline pine on the boots, so real. You are generous to share your guests with friends. I bet the kids were in heaven.
    Thank you for the mismatched PJ dance. Hilarious!

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  13. My cat Earl is also a mean drunk on catnip and you are the only other person I’ve ever heard say that. A friend recently gave us a sisal catnip “kicker” toy so I decided to try again, see if he had mellowed. Within 5 minutes he had torn that toy in half, spilled out the stuffing and catnip, and rolled in it. Then proceeded to try to kill the other cat. Just say no to drugs!

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    1. Right? Steely Dan is usually such a sweet, kissy cat. I mean, he allows pets and kisses and so on. He doesn’t adore them the way, say, Lily does. The cat, not the person.

      But you give him a hint of the nip and he’s cold-cocking me with his pistol.

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  14. Dawn dolls, that’s a blast from the past! Mine was blonde with a groovy pantsuit and sunglasses. Dawn, along with my Malibu Barbie and Quick Curl Barbie, were left behind my former life. I hope my ex is having fun with them. At least I have my Chrissy and Kerry dolls.

    Cute kittens!

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  15. June’s mind on catnip is a wonder to behold. Those names of Dawn’s friends made me pee myself.
    I love the kitten and cat pictures. I thought the mother WAS a catten. Did she lose that designation with her virginity?
    Lovely post, Joon.

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  16. My one cat is a mean drunk as well. She’s the Maine Coon with the big bear paws. Even though she is declawed (not my doing – she came like that), she can hit hella-hard! And she bitch slaps you when she’s on the nip. Also bitey.

    I loved Dawn dolls and had a bunch of them. Not parenthesis hair though, because I lived in extremely white world when I was a kid, and I’m not even sure that we had beautiful women of color dolls at the stores. I thought Dawn was the one with the Strawberry blonde hair. I dunno for sure. I loved Dawn dolls. They were smaller so you could shove them in your pockets. I think my original Dawn might have come with an orange jumpsuit with sheer sleeves and a purple suede vest with long fringes.

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  17. I never had those fashion plates. I feel so deprived. My life could have been so different if I had them. I could have been famous. I certainly could have helped Dawn and her homies with their fashion choices. The belt under the boob is not a good look for anyone.

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  18. I had that exact doll case and had completely forgotten about it until you posted this! I am an insane purger and have exactly zero sentimental items from my childhood, although I did order those lip balm tins with the slide top for all my girlfriends this Xmas from some retro cosmetic site

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  19. The “This-is-a-shirt-not-a-dress” girl is the gussied up version of Winnie the Pooh.

    Nancy the mamma cat looks like a tv Teen Mom annoyingly nursing the babies she *thought* she wanted when really all she wants to do is go to a bar.

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  20. “…I’m not sure why, because my Free-to-be-You-and-Me-As-Long-As-You’re-a-Feminist mother was not all that keen on me having Barbie-esque things, which made them all the more tempting.” Duh. It was an integrated play group. That’s why your liberal-leaning, left-wing, chardonnay drinking, long-haired mother let you have them. Geeze.

    Great post, June. You’re prettier than all of those dolls put together.

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  21. I loved my Dawn dolls as I recall, but I don’t remember them being so totally dorky. Also, your names for them were HILARIOUS. Laughed out loud more than once. Bravo!

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  22. Hilarious post. Who would guess SD is a mean drunk. Love all the photos of the teen mom and her babies. That first photo reminds me so much of our Sweet Pea when she was a kitten. They all are so cute.

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  23. That abandoned fabric you have never used to recover your chair caught my attention. I was purging fabric this weekend and found a bag full of all of the stuff to make a lovely dress, including fabric, pattern, interfacing, thread, zipper and shoulder pads. The receipt in the bag was dated 19-freakin’-89! I hope that particular look will never come back in style. Like Parenthesis Hair. Har!

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  24. I never had Dawn Dolls, only the Barbie variety. But with those names, I am sure they could sell themselves! The pictures and tutorial for the kittens and the cats were precious! They are adorable–all of them! Have they been sprung from the back room yet? Are they getting along with the permanent residents?

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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