I just laid there. Or lay. You know what sounds good? Lay’s Potato Chips.

Yesterday, I finally relented and called my doctor, because you know how I resist doing that. I'm never one to call the doctor. Or cause a fuss. Anyway, he insisted I get an x-ray of my toe, because apparently if you let it go, occasionally something hellish could happen and all of a sudden Scarlett … Continue reading I just laid there. Or lay. You know what sounds good? Lay’s Potato Chips.

June talks to you while she gets ready for her hot Friday night.

I had two plans tonight: coworkers were getting drinks at 5:00, and then other friends invited me over at 8:00-ish. Don't you hate people who add "ish" to a time? What are we, gay men in the '60s? That outfit is fab, lover. Anyway, I eschewed my right-after-work plans because I didn't work today. I … Continue reading June talks to you while she gets ready for her hot Friday night.

“June, you forgot to add kitten pictures.”

Relationships are stupid. I know I sound like my coworker Griff, who thinks everything is stupid--but who is, in fact, in a relationship. But really, they are. Stupid. This weekend, Ned was helping me walk Edsel, and you're all, What the--WHY WAS NED THERE, and calm down. I will get to it. The point is, … Continue reading “June, you forgot to add kitten pictures.”

Songs in the key of…where the hell are my keys?

Right before you get to my work is a funeral home. In fact, the buildings surrounding my office are doctor's offices, an old folks' home, and this funeral parlor. Because apparently I'm writing to you on a slate, from my log cabin near my potbelly stove with my sassafras and unicycle. Funeral parlor. Old folks' … Continue reading Songs in the key of…where the hell are my keys?

How to Have a Migraine: A Step-By-Step Guide

Yesterday morning, after I'd gotten up early and stressed own self over adding polls to this here not-blog (good participation, by the way!), I got an email. "Can you knock this out this morning?" I wasn't even at work yet, and already I was anxious. It's this big, several-tabbed Excel document that I copy edit … Continue reading How to Have a Migraine: A Step-By-Step Guide

June polls you. And she didn’t even buy you a drink first

Do you remember the other day--like, two days ago--when I showed you that big tower of canned kitten food I bought? There are two cans of it left. Yeesch. Four kittens: Turns out, they eat. But that, my rapt audience ("Talk about fekking kittens more, June"), is not why I've gathered you all here today, … Continue reading June polls you. And she didn’t even buy you a drink first

Just like a movie star, who gets burned in a three-way script

I've been obsessed with a game. I'm not a game person. I kind of hate games, actually, and for this, I blame my childhood. My mother used to have this game night, see, with her friends. My whole life, as far back as I can recall--and I can recall being in my crib*, so it … Continue reading Just like a movie star, who gets burned in a three-way script

Fancy.

I wanted to jump on here, not literally, and thank everyone for your tips. When I started volunteering with the shelter to foster kittens, I just assumed they would provide me with food and cat litter. They don't. But the first time I fostered, it was just one kitten, so hoo care. When they asked … Continue reading Fancy.

Foster update. As opposed to Foster’s Lager.

After a quiet morning, in which I let each kitten come out to play a bit, I put Nancy and her brood in the carrier and took them down to the shelter for their booster shots. I kibitzed with puppies in the lobby while I waited, and Edsel would like you all to know that … Continue reading Foster update. As opposed to Foster’s Lager.