401 kitten

Last night, I had a dream that Steely Dan was wandering the hallways at my work, which isn’t out of the realm. It’s only three miles from here. But anyway, when the alarm went off in real life, I opened my eyes to discover him standing on my headboard, peering down at me.

I managed to discuss my dreams and my cat all in one sentence, thereby becoming the most boring person on earth®, officially. Maybe next I’ll tell my stories with, “Wait, was that Tuesday or…?” And my giant favorite, “Let me back up.”

NO ONE EVER WANTS YOU TO BACK UP. FOR THE LOVE OF LEROY, CAN YOU NOT BACK UP.

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literalee can not back up, fozter mom

Other than work, cats and REM, I’ve got nothing more to tell you. Tonight I celebrate my love for you, and I need you all to go out today and light a candle and pray to our merciful god that I stop thinking of that damn song.

Tonight, I meant to say, a bunch of us from work are going to happy hour at someplace called the Crowded Goat or the Bleating Goat or the Got Your Goat. I don’t know. I’ve been there before. It’s got goat in the title. Other than that, the weekend yawns before me. Bleats before me.

Tomorrow morning, I take the kittens into the shelter for their booster shots, and I suppose there’s a chance people will tell me I’m the lucky one. And we’ve just begun. Think I’m gonna have a son.

Sigh.

They’ll tell me my little kitten heads are ready for adoption. Could they not? Could we just not yet? Please note they’re still pretending to eat titty dinner, even though Nancy is not bringing any milkshakes to their yard at present. But isn’t that reason enough that they should stay with her? Shouldn’t they stay with her until they’re not doing that? (June glues each kitten to mom.)

While I stared at my kittens, I also spent a long time on the phone last night, with the spouse of a friend. With the wife of a close friend, wife of a close friend.

I’m being intentionally vague not because I am having an affair with my friend’s spouse, but because I don’t want people to inundate him the way I inundated him. But to be fair, my friend called me after I wrote a post about how I worry about retirement, and she said, “Do you, you know, know what my husband does?”

“He works at a bank, right?” Turns out he’s a retirement guru.

She totally picked him up at work, by the way. She was in his line every Friday, depositing her check, and when she was ready to make her move, he asked her out. A truly GOOD boyfriend would have added a zero to her check before depositing it, but whatever.

Why is it I never get jobs at the bank?

So anyway, he and I made a plan to talk on the phone, old school, and when my phone actually rang, all four kittens and their mom startled.

IMG_4409.jpgFor, you know, like a second.

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wate. do kidden liff with bag laydee? why she talk retire?

Anyway. We discussed ad nauseum my income, my four oh wonk (Oh, look. Another reason to scream out and light a stop-doing-that candle for June) and my expenses.

He added things, and estimated things, and he did it like he enjoyed it. In the end, he said I wasn’t in that bad a shape, but he said what would really help is if I’d pay off more of my mortgage each month. With all my extra cash.

So, I’ve canceled Stitch Fix. I KNOW! I loved Stitch Fix! But–and here’s where you probably won’t feel sorry for me if you live in, say, California or New York. But my house payment is $870 a month, and I’m tryina pay at least $1,000 a month for now.

“Then, if you can manage that, in a while, just add $20 more, see if that’s okay. It’s just twenty dollars, right?” said my friend’s spouse.

So that’s the plan. I already plop 15% of my check into my four oh wonk each paycheck, and I AM DYING OF LACK OF FUN, but I also don’t want to be babbling to myself with a shopping cart at 80, which let’s face it is (a) Nine minutes away and (b) probably gonna happen anyway.

I’ll just be blogging out loud, to myself, under a bridge. “Oh my god, how did I get on this tangent?” I’ll croak.

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serrryuslee, lady, you got cash to feed kidden, rite?
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can wee get new ritcher fozter mom?

Note that I don’t have to sit on the floor anymore, because everyone has learned how to get up on just everything. It was literally one day they couldn’t, next day they could. Oh my god, having kittens is the most funnest thing you could ever imagine.

All my chins and I agree.

Okay, I gotta go. I’ve got to get to work so I can get everything done in order to free up my schedule to get drunk like I’m 27 or something. Back when I was 27, we had a bar in our building at work, which was convenient AF, and then we had free bus passes, so getting home was a breeze. Man, those were the days. The says of busses and chablis.

Oh! Crap! Before I go, here’s an Amazon link. That extra mortgage payment isn’t gonna pay itself.

Six cats. Pfft. Amateur.

48 thoughts on “401 kitten

  1. Oh my god. Those kittens. So kitten-y!

    Good job on your retirement talk. There’s no time like the present to talk about the future. Tonight this old world will seem brand new…

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  2. I refuse to comment on your mortgage payment or the fact that I am still having commenting issues, since I have found a work-around, obv.

    I love the two-headed pushmi-pullyu cat picture (remember that from Dr. Dolittle? of course you do. you remember everything). The ORIGINAL Dr. Dolittle, not the Eddie Murphy remake, which was delightful on its own merits, but he is no Rex Harrison. (Did you know Rex Harrison was married six times? All to women. Innnntttterressssting.)

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    1. I was going to post about the pushmi-pullyu cat, too! But now I don’t have to, thanks to JPH&B. I will mention that my sister is the only person I know who actually read the Dr. Doolittle books.

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      1. I mean I was going to comment, not post. “Post Comment” at the bottom of Leave a Reply confused me, not an uncommon occurrence.

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  3. The new pic is so 1966 with that maribou trim. The cat is looking at her, wondering if he/she will be getting scalped for her next sewing project.

    An idea for your mortgage. Will your bank allow you to make bi-weekly payments of $435? That helped me knock down a mortgage quicker and saved on interest.

    Enjoy your work family at The Goat.

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    1. My bank tried to get me to do the bi-weekly mortgage payment thing but what they didn’t tell me is that instead of paying whatever fees just once a month, I’d get to pay those fees twice a month! Yeah, no.

      What I do instead is divide my monthly payment by 12 and then add that amount to the Principal each month. It’s similar to the bi-weekly thing but the extra amount paid goes straight to the principal and not interest. I’ve knocked a couple of years off of my 15 year mortgage this way.

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      1. That’s crazy. I guess I’m fortunate living in a small town and dealing with bankers I know. There weren’t any extra fees for setting up the bi-weekly, nor paying extra towards the principal when I could.

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  4. See, this always confuses me. You’re paying, what, 3 or 4 percent interest on the mortgage? But you can probably earn 5 percent or more on that same money if you put it in your four oh wonk. I question your friend’s spouse’s judgment, is what I’m saying. Also, Larry and I are having this same argument RIGHT NOW. Ask that guy for me, will you? I have no idea how to find someone to advise us who isn’t selling something.

    Ugh, why so serious with the comments, suburbancorrespondent? Also, I have more chins than you. I win.

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    1. Paying extra on your mortgage works because most of your normal payment goes towards interest, but the extra payment goes towards principal. By paying off the principal balance quicker, you save a LOT on interest.

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      1. Thanks, Steve. I obviously didn’t explain what I actually meant. Yes, add the extra amount to your existing monthly payment. Do not make a separate payment. Like June said, she will increase her monthly payment from 870 to 1000.

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  5. Well, there is a ray of sunshine in your retirement future. I’m bummed to hear you cancelled your stitch fix. I just paid for another attempt. This might be my 4th and I have not had any success as of yet.

    Chins up, Joob!

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  6. I have TONS to say about the food and nothing to say about the finances, almost nothing good anyway. Very telling. Great plan with the mortgage. When we refinanced we got our mortgage reduced to a shorter term one and paid our house off sooner. It was the eighties, mortgage interest was high when we bought in 1985. One of the few good financial things we did.

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  7. Come for the cats. Come for the jokes. Stay for the financial retirement lessons, stray music phrases but most especially kitten heads. I bet that when you turn these kittens in, some cat will have made more. More! Get more kittens, June! We need more kitten pictures. Shut up, Hulk, who seems to have pretty much shutten up anyway, sorry to say.

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  8. Wait a minute. I work in a building that has a bar and I have a free bus pass. Why am I not getting drunk more often? Oh right, getting old sucks.

    One way of looking at the mortgage is how many years does the extra money give you. I think I figured out that my extra $100 cut 5 years of mortgage. That was motivating to me.

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      1. One word of advice, which I know you love and you probably already got told this. Make sure you specify with the mortgage company that all of the extra payment goes to the principal. Otherwise they may try to apply it to other fees, or say “Since you paid this much extra, your payment next month is reduced by that amount.” Which is not the same thing at all and doesn’t save you money. Which is what our crappy first mortgage company kept trying to do to us.

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        1. Good advice, Gretchen. Verify with the mortgage company that the extra amount is applied to the principal.

          If I remember correctly, I always wrote on the memo line of my check “extra to principal”. Yes, I actually mailed a check with the payment coupon back in the dark ages. Who am I kidding? I still write checks to pay bills.

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            1. I know of no such utility buildings. I think we can now pay our power bill at the grocery store, but the post office gets my business.

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        2. That happened to us! We were paying extra on our mortgage – sending a check every month – while the regular payment was on auto-pay from a checking account they made us take at their stupid bank that we only used for that purpose. We would put in enough to cover a year’s worth of payments in the beginning of the year so we didn’t have to worry about making transfers. (Small second mortgage –
          we aren’t rich for goodness sake!) We figured by paying an extra hundred bucks a month we could pay it off in two years vs 15 – well worth the sacrifice. Every check said “apply to principal”.

          About six months in we realized they had stopped withdrawing the automatic payments because we were paid in advance – NOOOOOO WE ARE NOT! It was the biggest mess EVER. We had to sit in some asshat’s office for HOURS waving amortization tables in their faces to convince them that THEIR mistake was costing us thousands. We finally pretended to call our lawyer from their office (I mean, seriously. We didn’t actually HAVE our own lawyer!) and they made the proper adjustments. I still left there convinced they had screwed us over somehow. The very next day my husband refinanced with a different bank. That taught me to be one of those people who calls the bank every month to check the balance. Be a pain in their ass.

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          1. We had to make them fix it every month until we refinanced. Eventually I used a veiled threat – it seems like you are not allowing us to pay extra on the principal. Oh no, no, no, that would be illegal. Just an honest continuing mistake on our part! When we refinanced the lower interest rate was just a bonus. Getting away from that company was the best part.

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        3. Gretchen is correct. Be sure to specify that the extra dollars is to be applied to the principal of the loan. I wrote a note to the mortgage company every single month reminding them that the extra was for the principal and even at the end of the load they TRIED to say we still owed them money. I was able to refute that mistake.

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  9. I paid extra on every single mortgage payment since we bought in 2003. I used two year-end bonuses to top it off and paid off the mortgage in 2016. That first year, I plum forgot to pay the property taxes on time. I pay off all debt like this. Since 1995, I’ve paid off every loan early. Never mentioned it before because in print, it sounds snotty.

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  10. I added extra to my mortgage in the same manner, and then added $25 or $50 every time I got a raise or paid something off. It works! I was able to have it paid off when I retired. You need far less to live off of without that mortgage hanging over your head. Even with taxes and insurance, and those pesky repairs, my housing expenses are about 25% of my former outgo, and far, far less than what it would cost to rent in a decent area. It’s very motivating to see the balance drop.

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  11. Paying a little on your mortgage monthly is a great idea. The extra goes directly on the principal. Can you keep the gray kitten? And the Mom?

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  12. Noooo! The tiny kittens want to stay a little longer with you and mama. (June glues each kitten to mom.) This line killed me.

    Paying extra on your mortgage will save you a boatload of interest. We were able to do that and our mortgage was paid off in half the time. What a relief that was. And soon this old world will seem brand new.

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  13. We keep trying to do the pay extra mortgage thing and get stymied by…life I guess. Or kids with college expenses. Whichever. I’ve got some gorilla glue that should work just fine for you. About the picture above, is this one of the random stranger picture collection? Or someone you know? I always want the story behind these images.

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    1. Amarabray, have it come out of your account, ours comes out twice a month, I would never have the discipline to do it on my own but I have no choice now and I don’t even think about it anymore. We will pay our 30 year mortgage off in 18 years.

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  14. When I read your title I thought that Ned was going to take one of the kittens. My brain is off its rocker today. I really need to go home and go back to bed!

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  15. I met with a financial advisor after I sold my former house last summer and bought my new one. I told him I’d have a little extra to do something with each month and asked him what the most beneficial thing would be. He also told me to pay extra on my house. I should get my house paid off in 8 years instead of 30 and will save $50,000 in interest payments. Like you, I was already putting more than my company match in my 401k so he said to pay the house off as soon as I can. I figured I was way behind on my retirement crap but he told me if I keep doing exactly what I’m doing now, I should be bringing in my current income after retirement with no mortgage to pay out each month. Now if I can just keep doing what I’m doing….

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  16. You mean you don’t just save for retirement so you can take chunks out early to cover your ass? Who knew?

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  17. Good grief, you get so many comments! How do you wade through so much email every day?! *boggles* It’s because you’re the Last Blogger Standing, isn’t it? Ha! Anyway, I am delurking to just squee about how much CUTER those kittens are after such a short time. They have so much personality in their little kitty faces!

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    1. Not only do I get a lot of email in the form of comments, lizard on a deck, but some people, rather than comment, use the Contact Me thing every day, and essentially leave me a comment there. It’s not a personal note or anything; it’s just a comment but it’s just for me.

      I think the implication is that I am to answer those, and I apologize to everyone who does that. They all come to me as emails, and I often don’t notice that I’m getting a real email rather than a comment disguised as an email. But even when I do realize it, I’m never quite sure what I’m supposed to do. Am I obligated to reply? Is the person drumming her fingers waiting? I DON’T NEED THAT KINDA PRESSURE, MAN.

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  18. When we bought our house in 2001 our interest rate was around 7%. We refinanced with a credit union a few years ago for a much lower rate and it chopped years off the mortgage. Your mileage may vary. Nice job, Coot!

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  19. I drove the lady at our credit union crazy asking once a year if we should refinance. But at the rate I was paying down the mortgage, there was no need to pay the fees associated with a refi. Everytime I called she would laugh. She was so very patient with me.

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  20. Please ignore the typos in the earlier comment)

    Those kittens are so cute. You are preparing them to make really great pets.

    Back in the dark ages, when we had a mortgage, we paid off a 30 year loan in 10 years by paying extra on the principal. When I did the math on how much the loan was going to cost over a 30-year period it was shocking and it made it easier to apply that extra money to the principal ($870 x 12 x years left on loan = actual cost of paying the life of the loan). The $30,000 you are going to save by paying extra on your loan can be invested in your 40wonk. This is a win/win for you.

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  21. Today’s comments have been helpful for me to think about paying off debt! Thank you all of you knowledgeable people!

    Oh, those kittens. I want to squeeze them! I hope they leave them right where they are for another week at least! They are adorable!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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