June polls you. And she didn’t even buy you a drink first

Do you remember the other day–like, two days ago–when I showed you that big tower of canned kitten food I bought?

There are two cans of it left. Yeesch.

Four kittens: Turns out, they eat.

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so wutss?

But that, my rapt audience (“Talk about fekking kittens more, June”), is not why I’ve gathered you all here today, into uncomfortable folding chairs, with your paper plates on your laps. No.

I’ve gathered you here because as you may recall, from your worn, sacred Book of June Events, my boss, fmr., gets Stitch Fix. [Everyone begins flipping pages back.]

We’d decided–and by “we” I mean me and my brain–to force her into trying on her Stitch Fix in front of me and my camera of death, and then we–and by “we” I mean you, me and my brain–get to vote on what she keeps.

In case you don’t know from Stitch Fix, it’s a service you can sign up for where every month (or less, if you choose) they send you clothes and you return whatever you don’t like in their giant addressed, stamped pouch that is a pain in the ass to mail because you have to cram it into a narrow-mouthed public mailbox somewhere and try not to jam up the whole damn thing so all the office workers in that particular complex whose parking-lot mailbox you’re using won’t detest you.

Yesterday, the golden day was upon us, wherein my boss, fmr., got her Stitch Fix. She pointed it out to me excitedly.

“Oh, god, Ima have to remember how to do polls in my blog,” I kvetched, as she tried on her first piece. And that is why I’m sitting here now, kittens climbing my socks (“Talk more about fekking kittens, June, REALLY”)

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eben WE ober you, fozter mom

AND THAT IS WHY I’M SITTING HERE NOW, the sun not up yet, having gotten up early just so I can struggle with doing polls in the body of my damn blog. So please vote. As I worked hard today. She works hard for the…oh, hell, I don’t even make money doing this.

Okay, here is the first piece… The first item. Her threads. Her duds.

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Wrap dress with hydrangeas and shit on it

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Okay, ALLEGEDLY I added a poll button. If it didn’t work, rather than drive me BERSERK while I’m at work with “THE POLLS DON’T WORK!” emails, just say what clothes you like in the comments. But according to my preview button, it worked.

Am sweaty.

Okay, on to the next one!

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Black blouse and green shirt. I should really write a fashion blog. I describe clothes like I’m a dude.


Oh my god. Polls! Embedded! I think! Am internet guru. Maybe.

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Black shell sleeveless top thing

Okay, the necklace was my favorite part…

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Ten thousand spoons when all you need is for June to leave you alone

“You can have cocaine parties!” I enthused.

So those are our clothing choices for my boss, fmr., this month, and please vote early and often. Actually I think I have it set up so you can vote only once, but what do I know.

Meanwhile, kittens.

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This one found Steely Dan’s stash of mouses, and walked around growling at everyone else, lest they take her treasures.

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#&$@, how you find?

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Son of BITZ
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now yuu play wif fire

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Meanwhile, Ned did not get Nancy yesterday, after all. He’s the boy who cried Nancy. Her little kitty operation was harder than they thought it would be, so they just wanted to monitor her for another day or so. So now MAYBE it’s today that he gets her and MAYBE it’s tomorrow.

“I’m supposed to go to dinner with my mom and uncle tomorrow. What if I get Nancy tomorrow?” he fretted.

See. This is the kind of dilemma that flummoxes Ned. He never cancels things. It’s, like, an impossibility to him. “They’ll understand, Ned,” I said. He still wasn’t sure.

As someone once said to my Uncle Jim, peoples is funny. I know I’ve told you this before, but Ned is a pit bull about plans. Once he makes them, they cannot be unmmade. Once, in maybe the first year I was dating him, we had plans to go see Pulp Fiction at the old theater. But Edsel had to have surgery that day, and the night of the event, there was no way I was leaving my dog.

Ned went to the movie anyway. I was so mad. I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want to seem difficult.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh. That’s rich. But I was tryina keep that part under wraps. But in reality, I was all, Jesus, how insensitive is this guy? Why can’t he just come over and hang out with the dog and me? He’s gotta stampede to some old movie we could just rent here?

But see, now I know how he is with plans. The plan was made. He had to go through with it, whether I was going with him or not. Because he made that plan.

He also is forever the last to leave anything, a trait I’ve heard him complain about in others and on my insides I’m all, OH MY GOD YOU WERE THE EXACT SAME WAY ALWAYS. All the credits have rolled. Everyone’s left the party except the hostess and her mom who is staying for the week. The waiters have clocked out. THERE’S NOTHING LEFT. YOU AREN’T GOING TO MISS OUT ON ANYTHING BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO MISS.

Don’t you hate people who say “exact same”?

Anyway. We’ve covered a lot today. We traversed the world, with our polls and our spoons and our rehab and our kittens.

Oh, and one more thing (JESUS JUNE WE GOTTA GO). Edsel has never liked it when cats fight. Whenever Steely Dan rolls his shoulders and hunches, staring down one of my innocent flower cats, Edsel leaps over to break the whole thing up.

IMG_4907.jpgYou can imagine his angina with four seven-week-old kittens and their play fights. Good lord. He’s Sister Mary Agnes, breaking up all the fun.

That picture where Lily is glaring at you, me, the Guilford County Animal Shelter for drumming up this plan, kittens in general and anyone who isn’t her, in that photo, Edsel is back there breaking up frolic. What a Dog Downer that dog is.

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eyeriss side wif lillee on dis one

38 thoughts on “June polls you. And she didn’t even buy you a drink first

  1. Oh how I love Lilly’s stare of bitterness and you can just see the stress in poor Edsel’s face while that kitty plays with blue.
    I used to be a bit like Ned with the plans. Like if someone invited me to dinner on say a Tuesday and I was planning on doing laundry that night, I would say no. Whatever with me…..that all changed when my mom died over 10 years ago, now I am all HOOO CARE, I will wear pajamas to work. In other news my house is never really what I would call clean as HOOO care, life too short!

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  2. Lovely post, June. I can’t get enough kitten pictures. I volunteer at my local humane society and kitten fosters are always needed. I have a dog that doesn’t like kittens and I work long days so I have always passed on fostering, but you are inspiring me to want to give it a try, at least once. By the way, my HS gives the fosters everything they need for the kittens, food included. It is too bad that yours doesn’t offer the same. I mean, if you insisted, the HS would allow you to purchase all the stuff yourself, but it is one of the selling points to get people to try to foster. I wish we could vote on Stitch Fix every day!

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  3. I wanted to vote on that raspberry colored skirt and then I realized maybe that actually already belongs to Boss, fmr.

    My husband is the EXACT SAME about plans. He drives me crazy with the need to PLAN.EVERY.DETAIL and then god forbid anything should stand in the way of The Plan. Me – very loosey goosey. We are so made for each other.

    Love love love Edsel’s pack o’kitties. It amazes me that he can be so gentle with them and yet kills all the puppies. Animals is funny.

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  4. Voting was fun! My heart dropped two feet when I read that Ned didn’t get Nancy yesterday. I thought maybe he changed his mind until I read the rest of the story. Silly me. He had a PLAN; he would never change his mind. Was Edsel drunk in that one picture? I’m off to get an oil change and new front-end brakes. Good times.

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  5. What a fun post. Please thank your boss, fmr. for allowing us to vote. Eds patrolling the kitten fights is actually sweet. He’s being protective of them in his role of Kitten Whisperer.

    If Ned gets Nancy on his I-already-made-plans evening, maybe he’d allow you to keep Nancy that night. I hope she recovers completely from her surgery.

    The kittens are adorable. Thanks for sharing their cute pictures.

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  6. After 30+ years with my husband, I have learned to be less strident – or is it stringent? – about plans. I’m a planner, he’s a fly by the seat of his pants guy, and we’ve both learned to get somewhere in the middle.

    Additionally, some of the gifts of mid-life, for me, have been the ability to just say “no” without explanation, and changing my plans, whether last minute or not.

    P.S. I loved this wandering post and its various topics.

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  7. I, too, voted and am thrilled that my choices were consistent with the majority of votes. But in all fairness in voting, some consideration has to be given to how much each item costs. For instance, I loved the spoons necklace (especially after your comments), but if it is expensive, it can go back! I can’t get enough kitten pictures, and I love that Edsel has become “nana.” We are all going to be very sad when the kittens go back to the shelter UNLESS YOU GET MORE IMMEDIATELY!! Do you think Ned took Nancy because it provides a “hook” to pull you back in? I am suspicious of his motives.

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    1. Ned loved his cat. I mean, he LOVED that cat. He had her for 18 years, and he misses having something greet him when he gets home, other than whatever skank he maybe lets stay over. See how I couldn’t just be nice? Anyway, he took one look at Nancy and fell in love. He loved that she beat up Edsel, defended her young. So no. I don’t believe a nervous, no-decisions guy like Ned would take on A WHOLE CAT just to lure me in. Anyway, ANY cat would lure me in.

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  8. Loved this post. I’ve always wondered about Stitch Fix, particularly if things come in my ginormous size. Fun stuff, though a little dark for my taste and need for cheery at this time of year. The whole thing reminded me of the website “What Kate Wore” which follows HRH Duchess of Cambridge (not her kittens). You don’t always get to vote on outfits, but it’s fun to look and ponder and kvetch in the comments.

    Lovely post, Kitten Whisperer.

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  9. Those kittens! Love, love, love. Edsel is over there clutching her pearls when the kittens fight. Some of those fights get rough, they mean business. I use that term, exact same. Voted. Thank boss, fmr. for allowing us to participate in her fashion choices. I hope Nancy has an easy recovery after the hard surgery. Ned is first born, we have difficulty being flexible. Ask me how I know.

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  10. I loved voting on the Boss fmr’s Stitch Bitch stuff. The shirts looked too baggy on her and would have received my vote, had they fit better. I was diggin’ that flowery black dress though.

    My Mom is like Ned in the last one to leave regard. And she expects the rest of us to stay to the last minute with her. I’m always “Why do we have to stay so long that we’re the ones either helping the host clean up the mess or the only ones cleaning up every time, while everybody else just happily goes home without having to pick up even one dirty fork?” I mean, I’m all for helping,out, but every time?!? Why can’t we be the ones who happily leave early and don’t have to do anything? Mom!

    Fuzzy little kiddens = so cute! Edz refereeing the fights is too cute, also.

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  11. I love pointy kitten tails.

    Voting is fun, I hope Boss, fmr. lets us continue to see her picks. You WILL let us know what she decides, right? And that necklace has enough spoons for all of us to have our own at your next cocaine party. Can’t wait.

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  12. You should think of something to poll us on each day since it sounds like you enjoyed it so much!

    I bet those kittens are going to be adopted so quickly. They’re too adorable.

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  13. My male dog is the “fun police” at the dog park and frequently breaks up fights and play wrassling. He can’t tell the difference. He is a bit clueless, but adorable. Your house is a great foster situation because the kittens are learning how to get along with dogs and a variety of cat personalities. I love the antics you have captured in the photos. The mouse thief is adorable – I can just imagine the itty, bitty growl.

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  14. I loved getting to live vicariously with the stitch fix. I want that green skirt but I can’t wear shorter skirts or large prints like in that pretty dress. Your boss has a good figure. Color on black is a favorite of mine, the hydrengas are lovely. Not big on the spoons but different strokes. I tend to like animal things for my touch of whimsy. It was unique though and that is highly desiresble.
    Sister Mary Agnes, ha! I called our head disciplinarian cat years ago Mother Superior. The annoyance of all the grown cats is highly amusing. The kitten who found the mice stash is growing on me but I don’t expect you to keep anyone. Whoever said you have the perfect set up for fostering is so right. They should supply you with food! Our shelter has a group of volunteers who do quite a bit of fundraising. The dog we fostered to adopt years ago came from a tiny rescue with very limited funds.

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  15. Love your kitten pictures too, June, and lately your Edsel pictures are the best ever. I don’t know about other voters, but I need to know the price of some of those Stitch Fix items, especially the accessories, if I’m going to have a solid opinion.

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  16. OHOHOH [raising hand like Horshack] OH that polling was fun!!! Thank you Joob and Boss Lady fmr!!

    I can not get enough of these kitten pictures!! I go on the UPS Dogs FB page whenever I want to cheer myself up but I’ve been checking back in a couple times a day on this here not blog Edsel Cats page, to lift my spirits too! They are soooooo cute and they look different every day. They’re growing so fast.

    Thankfully husband isn’t structured, he’s always up for changing plans or making spur of the moment plans or cancelling plans, he just doesn’t care, goes with the flow. Works well with my proclivity to fly by the seat of my pants in most situations. I think we both probably have ADD.

    Fuck You, Joob! (Are we still signing off like that per your request? I always make a disclaimer when I do that cause I don’t want people to think I’m actually saying fuck you.) If we’re not saying that anymore, then I’ll go with you’re so pretty, Joob! But then so are those itty bitty witty kitties too!!

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  17. I agree with Beverly that you should do polls daily until you’ve committed the process to long-term memory. Relearning how to do something is a bitch.

    I voted keep on both the skirt and top but wouldn’t wear them together. I think I’d like the swingy black top with fitted slacks or nice jeans. Thanks to boss (fmr) for letting me see what current fashion is, since I never have to dress up and like seeing pretty clothes.

    I love seeing all the kitty pictures. Did SD get his mousie back? Love Nanny Edsel.

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  18. I loved the stitch fix experience through Boss Fmr, so thank you June!

    Also, Eds. I love him more every time I see him with kittens and I already loved him a ridiculous amount for a dog I’ve never met! That photo of Iris and the brilliant caption was hilarious!

    I’m so glad Ned is getting Nancy. I’m glad he’ll have someone to greet him and care that he’s home – I bet he misses Nedkitty horribly.

    June – the one photo of the kittens on you – your colorful necklace is MAGNIFICENT on you! I love your style!

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  19. The kittens with the mouse look like they are preparing for Kitten Bowl. Black kitty looks like she’s preparing her winning strategy.

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  20. Voting was so fun! Boss fmr. has a darling figure! She is brave to basically shop by committee. Some of those clothes are really flattering, and some didn’t do her any favors (slant eyes to the two tops). I can’t wait to see what she chooses. I got a Stitch Fix box yesterday, too. I kept a navy dress that I will be able to wear a lot, so yay!
    Great post, June!

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  21. Those kittens are growing up so fast, yet they are still teeny tiny! It was nice to see Lilly and Iris today. It has been a while and they need some love from me too! I think it is so funny that Edsel is the fun wrecker of the household…ha! Debbie Downer!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  22. I loved voting on the clothes but then I wanted to keep voting for my favorite kitty. It’s Matt in case you didn’t remember.

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