Aging ungracefully · Fuck natural · My pets · Other people's pets

June talks to you while she gets ready for her hot Friday night.

Photo on 2-16-18 at 6.11 PM #2.jpg
6:09 p.m. and I just showered.

I had two plans tonight: coworkers were getting drinks at 5:00, and then other friends invited me over at 8:00-ish. Don’t you hate people who add “ish” to a time? What are we, gay men in the ’60s? That outfit is fab, lover.

Anyway, I eschewed my right-after-work plans because I didn’t work today. I took the day off to go to the doctor in Durham about m’nose. I’ve waited TWO MONTHS to get this appointment to see if I can actually get it fixed, and how much would it be, and so on.

And? Migraine. Woke up with it in the middle of the night. ‘Twas a bad one. Had to cancel my damn appointment.

So, I spent the day instead sleeping till 10:30 and then trying to clean the smell of cat bodily fluids out of my bedroom. Fmr. Because cats.

IMG_5393.jpgI had taken 839395945 books and surrounded the bed, so they couldn’t crawl under there and poop, and instead all I did was make it so they could still go under there and poop, but I couldn’t get under there to clean it. So. Good work, June. Efficient! You can smell my German roots. They smell like cat shit.

IMG_5391.jpgSo I took the opportunity to scrub the empty bookshelves, which is a pleasurable way to spend one’s day off, and then I put the books back up but cannot recall how I organized them with all their gee-gaws and doo-dads that I also have up there.

Last time I arranged my books, my neighbor Peg was here to help me, and we drank wine and she ordered me around and it was a typical evening with Peg.

Now she’s in hospice. HAPPY FRIDAY!

IMG_5402.jpgAnyway, here’s the first bookshelf, and it really needs Peg’s touch, plus also I should always leave that clothes hamper right there. Hot.

So that’s done, and my afternoon of scrubbing the bedroom floor with vinegar, and then drying it by mincing around the room with a beach towel under me, and opening both windows, and turning on a fan, and Sharking it, all that resulted in guess what.

It still smells cat.

IMG_5401 2.jpgSo while the rest of my household, not including Steely Dan because please. It’s Friday, bitch. But while the rest of my household plans them a hot-in-the-city-tonight evening, I’m drying my hair

Photo on 2-16-18 at 6.28 PMwith my GODDAMN UNFIXED NOSE and then Ima put on some makeup and before my plans Ima head to PetSmart

and them Ima come back with some enzyme fluid and see if that works. If it doesn’t, I’m going with Faithful Reader Tee’s suggestion of uninitiated alcohol or whatever she calls it. Indentured servant alcohol. What the hell does she call it?

Also, I need lamps. I have no money for lamps this pay period, but lamps I need. I need one for next to the bed in the guest room, and now one for next to the bed in my room BECAUSE IT GOT POOPED ON, and a stand-up one in the living room for comedy, and maybe one back here because the one back here has no knob–it fell off–and now it flickers and I can’t do anything about that. Because no knob.

I have the hardest time finding lamps and clocks. Every clock I’ve bought for this house has ceased working eventually, and the Lenox clock they gave me at work? The fancy crystal one for 5 years of service?

Stopped working.

I think it’s my nose. It can stop a clock.

Seriously, was looking forward to this nose appointment for TWO MONTHS.

Photo on 2-16-18 at 6.33 PM.jpgIs this dry enough? It isn’t, is it. Goddammit.

Photo on 2-16-18 at 6.37 PM.jpg
Insert Jeopardy theme

So, other than my plans tonight, half of which I skipped out on, my only other big exciting thing Ima do is get my chakras read tomorrow. Of course I will report back to you. What are you, new?

The first asshole to point out how many lamps I can buy with a chakra reading gets cloudy chakras.

Photo on 2-16-18 at 7.07 PM #2.jpg…Okay, dry enough, man. PetSmart won’t shop itself. That made no sense. As opposed to the sensical smelling of my German roots.

Your number one. And two,
Nosily,
Joon

37 thoughts on “June talks to you while she gets ready for her hot Friday night.

  1. I have no trouble finding lamps, but the shades !! I bought lamps at a thrift store, but new shades are often as much a new lamp. Why ??? Best deals for me were at TJ Maxx and Tuesday Morning.

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  2. I got exhausted just seeing all those books on the bed and all the cleaning. I miss Peg. The hair dryer pictures cracked me up. And for Pete’s sake, you look gorgeous in blue!!

    I also dig P!nk.

    You’re so pretty, Joob!

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  3. Here are the lyrics!

    ROSE: (a) The Slacks were a mistake. Too
    late now. Brazen it out. Look him in the
    eye, make him see what you want him to
    see. It’s not about how you’re dressed, it’s
    about who you are, and who I am right now
    is a woman who wishes she wasn’t wearing
    slacks. Weren’t wearing slacks. Wasn’t
    wearing slacks. Weren’t. Wasn’t.
    Whatever!
    God, I hate that expression. What if he uses
    it all the time? I’ll kill myself.
    Meeting a blind date at the statue of Venus,
    wearing black slacks. Way to go, Rose.
    (b)What were my options? The yellow
    dress? Too cheerful. Black is so severe.
    The blue Chanel was perfect. But it looks
    expensive. It was expensive. Why am I
    suddenly so embarrassed I can afford my
    own clothes?
    I’m too old for this. I haven’t felt this way
    since high school. I’m being judged for all
    the wrong reasons. What on earth possessed
    me to wear slacks?
    (c)It was a sexy voice. “I’ll meet you at the
    statue of Venus. Let’s say five-ish, shall
    we?”
    I liked the “shall we?” The “five-ish” not so
    much. Don’t gay men say “five-ish”? My
    friends would never do that to me. “You
    two should meet. You’re really perfect for
    each other. He’s a Pisces. You’re a
    Scorpio. You both love the
    ballet.” Another warning sign? No. Lots of
    straight men like the ballet. Name one,
    Rose. Name one. If he’s gay it won’t
    matter I wore the slacks.

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  4. Last night, we went to a short opera performance called “At the Statue of Venus”. It’s about a woman in the 1950s who has been fixed up by friends, and they arrange to meet at the statue. My point is, that the l the man, who has a sexy voice sings “I’ll meet you at the Statue of Venus at 5-ish”. The woman goes on to sing about how she loved his sexy voice, but the 5-ish thing was really concerning. Who says 5-ish? That perhaps he was gay, but that was ok because she felt she made the wrong choice about wearing black slacks and he probably would hate her because of her clothing choice. ANYWAY, I can’t believe this is basically what you said in this post, and it had me shaking my head for the entire show.

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  5. No advice here on cat stink. But, your nose is fine. I know that doesn’t change your mind, but Maybe it will help you get through the wait until your next appointment.

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  6. When you were getting ready, I was falling asleep to the Olympics so I can miss more of the excitement!

    Hope your night was fun!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  7. I just found some great lamps at TJ Maxx & HomeGoods. I’ve also seen some good ones at Target.

    Your hair looks wonderful & my pin straight hair is jealous.

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  8. I’m so sorry for Peg and her family. If you look through your Big Book of June, I believe you’ll find multiple pictures of Peg-directed-decorated bookshelves.

    Sorry about your migraine and missed appointment, but you looked pretty for your evening with friends. As one with German roots to another, your nose is fine.

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  9. Sorry to hear about Peg. Hospice is a wonderful thing for people who need it. They are just as helpful for the family as they are for the patient. I can’t stress enough how grateful we were to have them for my dad. You might want to try Wayfair for a lamp. Be careful though, because that website is an abyss. I would like to apologize because I use ish all the time. Sorry-not sorry ( A phrase I don’t particularly like but all the cool kids are using it so there you go.)

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    1. Oh, Cheryl. So 2014-ish. The cool kids are using phrases that make zero sense – like “hundo-P” and “sip tea” and “skurt” and “thot”. I work with teens – they are incomprehensible. I never know if I’m being complimented or insulted anymore. “You’re the GOAT!” Uh… thanks?

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      1. My son is 13 so I’m just learning all indistinguishable mumbles and acronyms! Sometimes I answer him with mumble-speak so he will see what I am dealing with. He was always so well-spoken that this new phase is a real thorn in my side!

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      2. My son’s love language is memes, and sometimes I wish the internet didn’t exist.
        Most of the time I actually like the anthropological study of the wild teen, but “thot” makes me insane with rage.

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  10. I’ve been getting migraines in the middle of the night lately. I do this super smart thing, where I move, and the inside of my skull lights up with pain. Strobe lights of pain. Stadium lights of pain. It hurts.
    Anyway, instead of getting up and gobbling drugs like a sensible person, I convince myself that if I just don’t move and go back to sleep, it will go away.
    By morning I am exhausted and tense from head to toe and when my husband wakes me up I cry.
    Don’t be me.

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  11. Cat pee is the worst. One time we had to take our cat to the vet and could not get her in the carrier, so my mom put a leash on her and just held her in her lap. Well, of course, because she was nervous, she peed all over my Mom’s lap and on the velour carseat. Remember velour? Oh, it was lovely trying to get that smell out of the car. Thankfully, it was a small used car my Dad had picked up for my Mom to use around town, so it was eventually sold to someone who must have had lost their sense of smell.

    Sorry about Peg. Hope you have a swell time tonite!

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  12. Unsure if the area under your bed is carpet or hardwood. If carpet, saturate in vinegar and let soak in for at least a half hour, followed by a heavy covering of baking soda sprinkled with hydrogen peroxide. Scrub that mixture in and allow to dry, then vacuum. Might work on hardwood floors if you slosh the vinegar on followed by the baking soda/hydrogen peroxide, scrubbed and then wiped up. Worked for those times that the Cat from Hell chose to punish me.

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    1. Vinegar and baking soda WILL remove odors. I use that in my wash water and use white vinegar, without the baking soda, in the rinse water. It works.

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  13. Just nostalgically thumbing back through The Big Book of June. We’ve been here so long we’ve made new friends and seen them pass on (Dick Whitman’s mom), go into Hospice care (Peg), have seen babies born (Chris and Lily), divorces (Marvin you were such great material and a favorite), faithful readers disappear (Siren), love affairs come and go, friends be in life-changing accidents (Charlie), family age and move…my gosh. As the World Turns. And now the possibility of watching a nose job? For real?
    I’m sorry those cute little kittens turned out to be such a horrible mess. That’s more than annoying. But thanks for all the entertainment you provided us.
    And Peg, dear Peg. I hope you are being lovingly cared for.
    You look beautiful in that last picture.

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  14. I waited for 2 months for my tummy tuck consult and wild elephants could not have kept me from that as it takes so bloomin’ long to get in to see a plastic surgeon. I’m sorry you missed your appointment. Effing migraines … Geesh!

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  15. SHE DIDN’T GO SKIM-DANCER! You’re welcome June.

    This was like when I used to sit and watch my older cousins get ready for their dates. Hair rolled on orange juice cans, frosted eyeshadow, REAL BRAS… the whole shebang. I was so jealous. Then I got old enough and thought “who the hell has time for all that?” Plus I didn’t really need a bra.

    Cat pee. Smells worse than goat. I took care of my sister’s cat while she was living overseas – that beast peed in all my houseplants and along the bottoms of all my drapes. The. Worst.

    Have a great evening June!

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  16. Depending on your floors, the denatured alcohol could damage the finish. Maybe enzymes will be sufficient. Do you have a black light to check things out with?

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  17. I was laughing so hard at this post, THEN Peg is in hospice. I am so sorry.

    I’m with Gretchen up there, I’ve learned to take photos of things before moving them, otherwise, it takes way too long to get them back and then they still aren’t in the right place.

    DENATURED alcohol. You find it in the paint department at Lowe’s. Just smear it all over the floor or surfaces used by the kittens. If they peed on the floor, you might want to allow the alcohol to soak into the cracks (I think you have hardwood floors) and just wipe up the excess after about ten minutes.

    You look beautiful. Enjoy your evening out and your nose looks fine. I know that sounds like your mother.

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  18. I’m one of those who adds ish to a time. That way I don’t have to be right on the dot, although I am prompt. Prayers for Peg. I didn’t know she was in hospice. Have a great time tonight, and don’t worry too much about my adding ish-es to times.

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  19. Peg in hospice makes me sad. Poor Peg.

    Have you tried thrift stores for lamps? Sometimes you can find some cool ones there for cheap.

    Have fun at your 8-ish thing. Your hair looks great!

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  20. I have finally learned to take a picture before I take stuff down or apart if I want to put it back how it was. Learned that when we had to prep my mom’s place for new flooring and she has about a million knick-knacks sitting around, a curio cabinet, and a hutch. Wow that was fun. Sorry to hear about Peg.

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  21. Migraines!!!!! I had one yesterday and the whole day was wasted! I’m still on shaky ground today as well.

    Have fun tonight! Can’t wait to hear about all your plans including the chakra (spelling) readings: I’m going to a medium on March 24. Super psyched. I’m bored AF right now and need to shake things up.

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