To Reader. Love Always, June

51JRcnwcwyL.jpg“I’m just calling to let you know the Russell Stover eggs are available,” I said to my mother, although in truth it was more: “Uh ussel oer eggs are aaailul.” As I was, of course, already eating mine as I pulled out the Rite Aid, there.

“I have four in my cupboard already,” said my mother, and it must be genetics that make those stubborn pounds stay on.

I’d gone to Rite Aid because I’m a glamor girl whose real-life adventures are not to be believed, but also because my coworker, Lottie Blanco, had brought me some soup that her wife, Lottie Blanco, had made, and

it

was

delicious

and I wanted to put something in the soup container when I returned it, to be a nice person. Yes, I did just feel that shift in the universe. Anyway, I thought candy would be sweet

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

so I went to the Rite Aid. Which takes fewer steps for the parking and the hobbling to the door, because in case you forgot, my toe is broken.

Oh, and speaking of which, speaking of my major injury, the doctor told me I had to wear hard-soled shoes, and this is where we left off yesterday, promising to write and leaving each other with framed photos of ourselves. “To Reader. Love always, June.”

downloadThe cute pottery-making-lesbian-folk-dancer shoes I’d planned to buy, that I showed you yesterday as you slipped your 8×10 colorized photo into a frame for me, were, in fact, not going to be available till MARCH FUCKING 8, and by then I will be over the novelty of my broken toe and onto something else.

Screen Shot 2018-02-21 at 7.59.15 AM.pngSo I got these Doc Martens instead. Aren’t they MAGNIFICENT? They will be here tomorrow. Oh my god, I will never be sad again.

…Good lord. Here I am, tryina have my morning and write to you about all the pressing news of the day, and I keep getting “Can you do this today?!?” emails from work. I worked last night, as well. What’s with the busy all of a sudden?

So I guess I’d better wrap this up early, so I can hobble to work, but I wanted to mention something that dawned on me: My grandmother–the nice one, not the one I turned into–was widowed when she was my age.

And she never dated again.

Maybe that’s me. Maybe I’m gramma. Maybe my days will be filled with having my grandchildren over, sewing and crocheting. Making big dinners that involve boiling potatoes.

…Oh. Well, crap. Hey, I can at least boil potatoes.

Anyway, it’s weird to think about, because at the time it never dawned on me that she’d want to get on a 1969 version of Match dot…well, there was no com. What the fuck does “com” mean, anyway? Communications? Commoner? Composed? Book of June dot commoner. No, I have NOT taken my Ritalin yet. Why?

The point is, maybe if there’d been online dating, she’d have been all over that.

“Five-two, brown hair that won’t go gray and why didn’t my granddaughter inherit THAT, loves Days of Our Lives, Cremora and covers for the Kleenex.”

f58da13663db52db04529696367ae7b4--tissue-box-covers-tissue-boxes.jpgBut I don’t think so. I think she was pretty much over men. And maybe I’m following in her arthritic footsteps. See, I DID inherit her knee arthritis.

Speaking of which, my elbow hurts like a motherfucker all the time now. I know I have a trapped ulnar nerve. I mean, I say I know that because I am a medical professional, and by “medical professional” I mean I Googled it.

And I do the exercises I find online, but I don’t see much change. You’d think with all the solid scientifically proven medical attention I’ve paid to this injury that it would be improving. I guess I could phone my beleaguered doctor, who’s probably already worried sick about how many ToeGate phone calls he’s going to receive.

All right, I’m out of here. Off to copy edit something.

IMG_5515.png

Naturally,
June

62 thoughts on “To Reader. Love Always, June

  1. I am not a Russell Stover fan. Do we have to break up now? But give me a Reese’s Peanut Butter Egg or 26 any day. Every day as matter of fact.

    Those pink DMs are beyond. I don’t know what that means, but it was all over the Olympics last night. “Lindsay Vonn is beyond”. I kept waiting for them to finish the sentence – Beyond… what??

    My mom was widowed when she was YOUNGER than me. Never dated. It seems weird now that I think about it, but I don’t think she was ever all that happy being married. Two great parents who weren’t the best partners.

    Lovely post lovely June. You’re looking younger by the second.

    Like

    1. I came to say this too. Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs are the best!

      “So I got these Doc Martens instead. Aren’t they MAGNIFICENT? They will be here tomorrow. Oh my god, I will never be sad again.”

      I have never in my life (yes I know that was redundant) thought this about shoes. I can’t remember ever feeling an emotion about shoes. Am I emotionally crippled or just a guy?

      Like

      1. Well, when my hisband needs new shoes, he feels like shopping has been an enormous success if he is able to go to the same store and buy the exact same pair of shoes.
        I have never felt THAT way about a pair of shoes. Ever. Draw your own gender stereotype reinforcing conclusions.

        Like

      1. I am a girl, and I have never felt that way about a pair of shoes either. I have shoes I’ve really liked. Or shoes that I haven’t liked. That’s about it.
        And those shoes are magnificent, which is why I’d never wear them. I’d look at my feet and freak out. Those shoes have more going on than I do.

        Like

  2. Those pink shoes are so gorgeous. Just slipping them on my feet would make me smile every single time.

    You’re so pretty, June! And so damn young looking!

    Like

  3. I love those Russell Stover eggs and Reese white chocolate eggs…..why so beefy??

    I have a question, how much coffee does everyone drink? I am starting to think I drink too much. I buy a large daily on my way into the office which is probably 20 ounces and then I usually have 2 – 3 large k-cup mugs throughout the day. I LOVE coffee but I hate that if I dawdle in the morning before getting a cup that I get a headache.

    Like

    1. I usually drink four cups of coffee in the morning before I get ready to start my day. If I feel pressed for time, I cut it down to three. No more coffee until the next morning.

      Like

    2. I usually have one cup when I get to the office. On the weekends, I may or may not drink any depending on my mood. But my mom has been living with me for four months now and she drinks at least a pot per day. So now I’ve started drinking one cup at home because it’s just sitting there calling my name, and another cup when I get to work.

      Like

    3. I only have one cup in the morning when I get to work, because blood pressure. And jittery. If I go out for dinner someplace nice, I might have a 2nd cup after dinner, but that only happens once in awhile.

      Like

  4. I am full of envy over those DM! I LOVE THEM SO BAD. Please post a photo of them just as soon as you get them. The VERY MINUTE you slip them on!

    Isn’t that the way of aging? It dawned on me recently that my mother-in-law was the same age when I got married that my sister is now. We looked at pictures- my mil appears to be 25 years older than my sister does now. I think back to my older relatives and various points of their lives and realized I’m older than that now. It’s bizarre to me.

    Like

  5. I have never had a Russell Stover egg before. But that is going to change. Looks delicious.
    And those shoes might be some of the cutest I have ever seen.

    Like

  6. Where is the love for Cadbury Creme eggs? They are being advertised but there were none in the grocery store last night. I wonder if all the old, plump people have already stampeded to the Publix and bought them all. Love the Reese’s peanut butter eggs too but it isn’t Easter till I’ve had a creme egg and a malted milk Robin’s egg.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Just spent 30 minutes ogling the new Doc Marten line. I like how they make it look like you don’t have to tie a bow at the top, they just slide on with faux laces. Can’t be. Please post photo when they arrive!

    Like

  8. Oh, the white chocolate Reese’s eggs! We have butter cream eggs here by a regional company called Zitner. They are to die for. Even my husband who is less in to some candy these days loves them. They make other varieties, double krack with coconut, etc but I am a butter cream fan.

    I like your Doc Marten’s way better than the black ankle boots so popular in the nineties. I remember younger coworkers wearing those with dresses. I guess it was the look back then.

    I had an ulna nerve reduction surgery with carpal tunnel at the same time in the nineties. I had it on my dominant arm and had carpal tunnel surgery on my other hand. I was on worker’s comp for five months. I missed Christmas in retail. That part was great at the time. Lots of PT after and I lost a lot of strength in that dominant hand, sixty percent I think. I learned to compensate with my left for things requiring strength. You may need that test with the needles on the arm and electricity to test how bad it is. I can not remember the technical term, so helpful. Wait, EMG?

    Like

    1. I was a slip dress with tights and black Doc Marten shoes wearing fool in the 90s! I LOVED that look. Wish I could still pull off the slip dress look in my late 40s…

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I fear I am going to be run out of this notblog with torches and pitchforks, but I can not abide any chocolate with peanut butter. Blech, ptooi. I will eat chocolate and I will eat peanut butter, but not together. I have an even worse reaction to anything marshmallow. Also not fond of caramel or its thinks-who-it-is cousin, butterscotch. (Dear Butterscotch: Get over yourself.) I bet you all think I’m waifishly thin now. HAHAHA. I WISH. (I also don’t like donuts. Go figure.) But a coconut egg? Or a peppermint patty? GET OUTTA MY WAY, YOU.

    Like

    1. Paula,

      No one will run such an entertaining commenter out of Notblog while I’m sheriff. I will gladly give you all coconut eggs that cross my path, and overlook our differences to focus on our shared likes, June and peppermint patties.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Never knew how to spell ptooi. Thank you. I can see you would not like Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food ice cream. I would kill for it.

      Like

  10. Paula, my husband hates peanut butter, jelly, jam, curd etc. He also hates all beans and peas. It’s a texture thing, he says. I think he is crazy but I despise tuna fish in the can, black pepper, (and red and white), plus bell peppers so we all have our things. I bet your family eats your sweets of those varities. He will eat a Reese’s once in a while.

    Like

    1. KR, I don’t hate jelly or jam, though I don’t go out of my way to find it. I will eat beans and peas. But not with chocolate, obv. OH, I will eat chocolate with raspberry jam, though!!

      Like

  11. I have a friend who always buys me Russell Stover for my birthday and Christmas. I think because you can buy bags at the 99 cent stores. Lemme tell you, though, coconut will never pass through these lips. For Easter I prefer See’s chocolate cream eggs; for any old time, give me a plain old Hershey’s bar.

    Anxious to see those Docs on you.

    Like

  12. Oh dear…am I the only one who does not care for the shoes? My shoe of choice is a 3-inch heel with toe cleavage. I can’t remember a time I didn’t wear heels…including a week before my daughter was born. In September, I, too, broke a toe…my fourth toe and it was excruciatingly painful. I walked into the couch, saw stars and the moon and even the Starship Enterprise, and when I looked down, it was clearly crooked. I knew it was broken and figured I better put it back in place while it still hurt like crazy, so I aligned it and taped it to the toe next to it. Because it was a warm September, I was still wearing summer sandals with a 2-inch heel (quite a compromise, I know). When it cooled down and I slid my feet back into my 3-inch, open-toed heels, I actually said out loud, “I feel like I’m home.” I once worked with a woman who was quite hefty and she pranced around the office in high heels. Every time I saw her, I thought of the dancing hippos in Fantasia. She’s my sister-in-law’s boss now and when I told her about that, she snorted coffee out her nose and can no longer take her seriously.

    Like

    1. My sister-in-law is a big gal and she rocks the heels, she looks stylish in them and walks with immense confidence. She works in the legal profession and when she enters a room, people pay attention.

      Your SIL should get another job since she can’t take her boss seriously any more. Too bad her boss isn’t aware she feels that way, especially at evaluation time. I don’t think you have any idea how horrible you made your SIL sound.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Hi June, sorry to hear about your toe. When my daughter had bunion surgery, she was required to wear “hard soled shoes” (at age 28, she was horrified).

    We went to a local store that carried SAS brand. Which is the only brand that I wear now. https://sasshoes.com.

    Like

  14. Those are cute shoes. Much better than an old ugly boot. That egg looks delish.
    I’m like Jan, I often think about my grandmother and the fact I am older than she was, by five years now, when I got married and I thought she was really old. My mom was only 48 when my dad died and she never did date after he was gone.

    Like

  15. That last picture looks so natural, June. Did you accidentally take a selfie when you opened your phone? That happens to me sometimes, and I look just that dewy and lovely.

    Like

  16. .com = Commercial
    .edu = Education
    .gov = Government
    .org = Organization
    .net = Network
    .tv = Tuvalu [Really!] With exceptions for com.tv , org.tv, etc, it isn’t the abbreviation for Television

    The DMs are scrumptious – I am looking forward to the photos! Tell Edz those shoes are not for chewing, in case he has those tendencies.

    Great post, Coot!

    Like

  17. It’s all about the Cadbury mini eggs for me. I ate my first bag 2 days ago … in about 2 hours. Yes, all of them!

    When my MIL’s 2nd husband died, she was 57. She told everyone she was done taking care of men and she has lived by herself for the last 36 years. I don’t see this happening to you at all. You just haven’t met “THE” guy yet!

    Husband and son had bilateral ulna nerve surgeries. 2nd son has same issue but no pain yet. It’s a pretty easy recovery, but you will have a drain and limited movement for a while.

    LOVE those shoes!! Can’t wait for pics!

    Like

  18. I’m more of a savory girl but I love me any candy with coconut in it. I rarely eat candy so when I do, I feel like I’m a rich person of leisure just casually nibblin’ on some Almond Joys. Am going to look for that coconut egg at the store today, yum!

    Like

  19. Since I just finished a box of chocolates from the Valentine’s clearance sale, I’ll have to wait a minute or two until I’m ready for some Easter chocolates. And yes to the Reese’s peanut butter cups and the malted milk Robin’s eggs.

    Hope you love your new shoes and that they fit well. I can only wish to look as pretty as you do in your early morning selfie.

    Like

  20. Coconut Easter eggs. Ew. I am not overly fond of the peanut butter ones either, because they’re so sickeningly sweet. Every church in my area makes homemade pb and coconut eggs this time of year. Not my thing. But I can eat me some Cadbury eggs and malted milk ones too.

    I join the DM love. They’re both girly and badass in one shoe (well, two shoes)!

    Also, I suppose I was a “widow” at your age, too. I was 50 when my fiancee died. Not legally married yet, but I lost my longtime partner, all the same. It’s been 5 years, and although there are times I miss having someone to do the heavy work at my house (I can’t say “It’s too haaaarrrrdddddd! It’s too heaaaavvvvyyyyyy! to anyone now”) I’m generally OK with being unattached and I kind of like being in charge of my own life and home. Of course, my nephew and his kids live with me now, so things are never lonely or boring in my house. I might feel differently if I lived alone for many years, althiough I was alone for 3 years and was fine with it. So who knows? Maybe the perfect man for all of us unattached women is out there somewhere. Maybe not. I’m Ok, either way.

    Like

  21. My friend’s lovely grandmother was widowed in her forties. She also never was interested in another man. She lived around the corner from her only daughter and dined with them many nights. She worked full time. She traveled to California and Hawaii with her daughter to visit her older granddaughter and family. As teens we asked her why she didn’t have a boyfriend. She told us she didn’t need some old man farting in her bed. She lived to be 97 and only spent the last year of her life, when her heart was failing, living with her daughter and son-in-law.
    I am a Cadbury mini egg fan too. Cream eggs not so much.

    Like

  22. Ooooo – can’t wait to see those shoes on your feet! You must get out your Hello, Kitty bag to go with the shoes.
    I like coconut eggs just fine, but my two favorite, must-have Easter candies are Whopper Mini Robin Eggs and Cadbury Mini Eggs (must be the MINI ones, NOT those big ones filled with semen).

    Liked by 3 people

  23. Oh yes! Those Cadbury mini chocolate eggs are my downfall. I have been known to buy a bag for “public use” and then hide a few and eat them all by myself in stealth. I know that means I have an eating disorder, but screw it. Like you never did that. Please. Those things are the best. Peeps are only good for exploding in the microwave. And don’t get me started on the non-Jelly Belly jelly beans. Barf.

    Only time will tell if those shoes are a siren call to the lesbians. Keep us abreast.

    Like

  24. Those are cool shoes!

    Russell Stover discontinued my favorite one a few years ago. Strawberry cream with a pink strawberry-flavored shell. I had to make a business run to Sam’s Club today and saw the huge bag of the small, crispy-shelled malted milk eggs. It took much self control to pass them up.

    Several years ago, I was scheduled for carpal tunnel surgery on both hands. That nerve conduction test was awful! After my chiropractor suggested it, I tried acupuncture. After 5 treatments or so, I was able to cancel my surgery. You might look into it.

    Like

  25. I love both those shoes! But my feet only seem to find Danskos acceptable. I was one of those black-ankle-Doc-Martens girls. I wore them all the time…but I remember, they were so unbelievably heavy that it felt like I was wearing bricks on my feet, as if the mafia were readying me to swim with the fishes.

    Like

  26. YES, to Russell Stover eggs! And Reese’s, Cadbury Cream, Jelly Belly, Peeps, Malted Milk, Church Fund-Raiser Buttercream Bombs and those marshmallow-filled-hard-candy-shell eggs made by Brach’s but available almost nowhere these days…. Also, YES to the Doc Martens. Wish I could pull them off, but that thick sole is not for me. Even in pink with cute flowers, my size 10 galumphers would just look like Frankenstein feet.

    Like

  27. Love the shoes but I scoff at your coconut egg and raise you a Russell Stover Orange Cream egg. I’ve only been able to find them at Walgreens some years; I’ll make a point of hitting them up tomorrow for a secret stash.

    Like

  28. I lived in the Kansas City area where Russell Stovers is headquartered. There are factory stores that sell the candy discounted. I am sure I have friends that I can get the hook up too. I prefer the Holiday shaped reece’s. I can’t eat them at home-because of a peanut allergy child. I think your glam picture looks like Taylor Swift. I haven’t read the comments yet so I’m not sure if that is what everyone else thinks too.

    Like

Comments are closed.