It was laundry. That was the smell [see yesterday's post, ya boob]. Apparently I washed a load of clothes back when I was on the phone with Martha Washington, and I'd forgotten to put those clothes in the dryer, so for 8 centuries they were festering there in the damp, and it's been warm out.… Continue reading The dodgy tip
There's a weird smell in my house, and I took out the trash hoping that was it, but I just noticed it again as I came in here, and I can't help but think, What did a cat murder and bring in here? Like, somewhere the circle of life has circled, and I've yet to… Continue reading She lost her youth and she lost her Tony. Home perm.
I am sorry to make Faithful Reader Paula tense, but I don't have much time today. We have a first-thing meeting at work today re our annual evaluations. Our choices were a lunchtime meeting (no, not with free food. We'd have stampeded to that) or a first-thing-in-the-morning shindig. I opted for first thing. You know… Continue reading NedTalks
I am sitting on my couch, speaking into my phone today, because I am icing my arm. I have a very serious medical condition. You know how this delights me. Yesterday afternoon, I went to my doctor. Fortunately for me, he's right across the street from work, so I can just pop in there any… Continue reading Disease Du Jour
I realize the best part of life is the thinner slice, and it don't count for much. https://youtu.be/1bG_zk6FwU0 What is wrong with me? I realize I was supposed to write you Sunday for two--yes, TWO!!--special June weekend posts, but on Sunday I got into a weird cleaning frenzy and never did it. The good news… Continue reading June goes off the grid
Were you worried I'd slip and forget the banana story? Did you think I'd peel out of work Friday and forget you? That I'd split and forget about the banana? What a fruity idea. June's readers. Finding June unapPEELing since 2018. As you know, from your Enormous Banana of June Events, my ridik coworker Camilo--whom… Continue reading June Doles Out the Special Banana Post
We have many items to cover today, so let's get right to business [straightenss her papers the way Walter Cronkite did]. Just so I don't go all over the place, as I'm wont to do, Ima tell you right now I wish to address the asshole on a dating site, my cool new manicurist, and… Continue reading The Oddly Psychic Señor Kittens
Today, I got up, took my stupid Prilosec and started my half-hour countdown, fed everyone (I let Iris be a bad girl today, because Steely Dan hadn't deigned to come home yet after a night out, so Iris got to eat up at SD's dish like a rebel. Then, of course, SD let himself in… Continue reading Untitled
I had a friend who, with her husband, went through some shit. When they were going through said shit, every time a bill came they just threw it in this one black garbage bag. Threw it in there and didn't acknowledge it. Just the thought of that makes me nervous. Eventually, they got their lives… Continue reading What are you putting off?
My father used to have this trick egg. It seems like such a dad thing to do, and my father doesn't do a lot of those dad things, like have elbow patches or put memes up about how he's going to murder all my dates. Those always seem creepy to me. Same as the shrill… Continue reading Bonne Bell. Bewitching me since 1976.
I'm writing you on Sunday night because I have to call the IRS in the morning to figure out if I owe money or I'm getting money back, a thing TurboTax can't seem to tell me, which makes my ass ache mightily. Yes, June, that's a shame. So, what'd you do this weekend? Well, mostly… Continue reading June’s delusional world
Yesterday was a day of intense highs and lows. Okay, yesterday I had a high and a low. But everything with me is intense. I've already done my stupid taxes with TurboTax, and I owe every year because freelance. What I parTICularly love is paying taxes and having to pay TurboTax on top of that.… Continue reading Soaring highs, devastating lows
"I have an all-day meeting and I'm getting out of work early," said Ned, and "early" for Ned means "a normal time to leave work" in my world. Remind me to never be the president of anything. Except this nonblog. "Would you like to have dinner? I'll be early, so you can eat like the… Continue reading Ned and June Put Edsel to the Test
"Beep!" "Beep!" 12:50 a.m. it was, and some DAMN beep from some DAMN alarm was going off last night. It'd almost be better to die of the carbon monoxide or the intruder than keep getting awakened with these damn beeps. They always have to be "damn" beeps. I threw the covers off and got up… Continue reading It’s Pi day! This blog no longer has “pie” in its title! So now I’m just berserk!
It's a cold, rainy, miserable Monday following stupid daylight saving, which is the perfect punctuation to a cold, rainy miserable weekend. Later today, it's going to snow! In March! So then it'll be a cold, snowy, miserable March Monday. In 11 years of living in NC, I have yet to encounter snow in March. Right… Continue reading June is generally cranky.
I am 52 and single (see above). The longer I am single, the less that bothers me. Sort of. The single part? Okay, fine. Although my nightly pet orgy is cause for concern. But the 52 and LOOKING 52 part? Okay, that rankled. Fortunately, I've had a blog (WEBSITE!! IT'S A WEBSI--oh, who are we… Continue reading I had Ultherapy. Volume I.
I took yesterday and today off. I'm running various errands, including rushing out the door right now to take axle to the vet. Edsel. Stupid phone. Anyway, when I get back, I will tell you about yesterday, when I had Ultherapy. Tune in again in a few hours.
Hang on. I'm strappin' on Laila Ali. Do you think every time I say I'm strapping on Laila Ali that the real Laila Ali gets a little thrill and doesn't know why? "Ooo, what is that? Always happens around 8 a.m. Eastern." Plus also, do you think the fine folks at The Green Bean coffeehouse… Continue reading A whole post literally about nothing
You know how when you call a place now, you never, ever get a person? I'm in the rare and elusive crowd who finds that annoying. I know most people adore it. What I hope is that when I'm having my...exchange with these automated systems that they are not, in fact, recording my responses, because… Continue reading Press One for I Hate Automated Operators
I've got the ADD. I'm just glad my doctor officially diagnosed me last year. One has to have a written prescription for ADD meds. They're addictive, or something. A few weeks after my initial appointment with my new doctor, in which we discussed everything, he called. "I called in your migraine and GERD prescriptions, but… Continue reading What it’s like to clean your house when you have ADD