A whole post literally about nothing

Photo on 3-7-18 at 8.01 AM.jpgHang on. I’m strappin’ on Laila Ali.

Photo on 3-7-18 at 8.05 AM.jpg
Girl, you hot

Do you think every time I say I’m strapping on Laila Ali that the real Laila Ali gets a little thrill and doesn’t know why? “Ooo, what is that? Always happens around 8 a.m. Eastern.”

Plus also, do you think the fine folks at The Green Bean coffeehouse will give me cash money for product placement?

Just now, when I linked to the coffeeshop, JUST NOW, after living here TEN YEARS, did I get the name. All this time, I just thought I meant they roasted the beans there or something, and so the beans were green when they got there, but it’s because Greensboro. Right?

Because Greensboro.

Nothing gets past me. If you give me 10 years.

It’s been almost 10 years to the day that I bought this house, and I know I have a really cute picture of me with puppy Tallulah, with her pink leash and leopard collar, standing in front of this house the day we decided to buy it, and I’d like to frame it, but can I find it? I cannot. I KNOW IT EXISTS.

This is also a picture from that same day. Oh, THIS boring picture, I can find. Sure.

My iPhotos allegedly have a search feature, but here’s what all I got when I searched “puppy.”

img_2525.jpgViolet the puppy, chewing Talu. Also, this was before I had a good iPhone camera.

Not a puppy. A GOOF, but not a puppy.
Lu with a 12-year-old-looking Ned

Did I tell you about Ned’s crisis during the Academy Awards? I can’t recall.

Youthful Ned
Youthful Mark Hamill

Apparently, when Ned was young–way way back when Ned was young–people told him he looked like Luke Skywalker all the time. So for some reason, Mark Hamill was all over the ding-dang Oscars the other night, and does anyone really know why? He wasn’t nominated, was he?

Screen Shot 2018-03-07 at 8.26.39 AM.png

May the aging be with you.

When Mark Hamill appeared on the Academy Awards, Ned was all, “OH MY GOD, THAT’S WHAT I LOOK LIKE.”

“It’s really not, really. Not exact–”

“IT IS! I LOOK TERRIBLE! Oh my god. I look like aging Mark Hamill.”

I mean, a little. Okay, a tad. But not really. There was no telling Ned this, however.

“Oh, god, there he is AGAIN. Oh my god I look TERRIBLE.” Ned acted like he was looking in a mirror every time he saw Mark Hamill.

And speaking of which, as you know from your Big Book of June Events, about a month ago, an electrician came by and fixed the fan in my bathroom. For 10 years (see above) I been livin’ with a bathroom that has no fan, and as a result it got steamy in there when I showered, and as a result the ceiling paint was peeling, and as a result Alf my ridiculous handyman got mad at me and said CALL THE ELECTRICIAN.

So I did. And it was easy to fix. Then Alf my ridiculous handyman chipped and sanded and painted my ceiling, which I’ll bet was a good time.

The point is, for the first time in 10 years (see above), when I get out the shower, I can see myself in the steam-free bathroom mirror, emerging from the tub.

Remember that scene in The Shining?


Aging is not for the faint of heart, man. Sometimes I cackle at myself just to add to the effect. Jack Nicholson’s reaction to this old lady is probably his reaction to any woman over 30 who hits on him.

Fucking men.

I see I’ve talked for 600 words now about precisely nothing, so let’s call it a day and look at whatever pictures I took yesterday. See if there’s anything worth mentioning.


Ah, yes. While I’ve no idea who “Karen Sommerfeld” is, and that joke never gets old, I created a poll yesterday to ask about Edsel’s looks. It would appear “goof” is winning out over “handsome.”

Eds resent.

IMG_5796.jpgAlso, my feet were so freezing at work yesterday that I finally just put my mittens on my feet. I figured THAT would be the moment the owner of our company wanted to come to my desk and talk to me, but that did not happen. A shit-ton of regular, nonowner people wanted to discuss what the eff was up with m’feet though. Whatever. Get to work.

I had a harrowing day, work-wise, with people asking if I was busy, me saying yes and them saying, “Well, here are six articles, all due tomorrow” RYAN, so why ask me if I’m busy since that didn’t matter RYAN.

My point is, as soon as work was done I screamed to a coffeeshop named Geeksboro–and see, I get that name, because Greensboro, and they have video games there or whatever you geeky kids call them now–and the point is I met someone there and we had intense talks till pretty late, and then I had to scream home and feed all the pets who hated me for being late, and when I finally got to bed I noticed in my Shining mirror how hagged out and exhausted I looked.

Don’t fuck with me, fella

I swear I was smoking zero gange. I had also had zero alcohol. I guess those are proofreader eyes. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU WORK ME TOO HARD, RYAN.

Next dating profile pic

IMG_5810.jpgIMG_5808.jpgI leave you with photos I just took of The Needy Committee, and you see how Edsel is staring into my soul? That’s every minute of every day. When I’m at work, I’ll bet he stares in the general direction of work. No one finds me more riveting than Edsel. In fact, no one FINDS me riveting except Edsel.

Seeing as that’s true, I will go now.



76 thoughts on “A whole post literally about nothing

  1. I love posts about nothing. This was the best post about nothing I have ever read. Edsel? Is adorable. I love that dog. Your stories, be they about nothing or something, always cheer me up. Thanks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m one month younger than you and I routinely ask myself why I’m so tired. I used to have buckets of leftover energy. Or worse, I’ll feel good, then look in the mirror.


  3. LEAVE RYAN ALONE. LEAVE. HIM. ALONE. I’m sure Ryan is a wonderful coworker.

    I adore that picture of you and Eds. The look on his face is pure bliss.

    I laughed hard at the picture of The Shining. So hard in fact I was getting looks from people in the parking lot.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh, my goodness, there is a strong resemblance between Ned and Mark. Tell Ned not to worry. I think Mark looks pretty cute. Speaking of cute, I love the older picture of Eds and you where Edsel is smiling. What a heartthrob. Love the new photos, too. I just love the Eds, period.


  5. That shining picture! I always think about this story my sister told me about when she was first married. She was in a ratty old bathrobe, makeup smeared and mostly gone, bedhead, etc. She starts telling her husband what she needs him to do that day and he looks her up and down and says “you’re tore up” Makes me giggle every time. The difference between date ready and….not. That’s a big difference for most of us!


  6. I wish I looked like you in your “Don’t fuck with me, fella”, photo. When I’m tired, I look more like, “Go ahead, kindly but distracted EMT guy, just pull the zipper all the way up on the body bag”.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Mark Hamill looked better than Ned then. But, Ned looks better than Mark Hamill now, so Ned wins. Besides, he looks more like Nancy now.


  8. “Nothing gets past me. If you give me 10 years.” Plunk. Welcome to my life.

    The photo of you and Edz, just under Lu and Violet, just makes me happy. He has the biggest smile on his face and the happiness just gushes.

    You always amaze me with your writing, you can make boring life so funny and interesting. That is the mark of an excellent writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Eds is such a handsome boy.

    The only thing young-Mark Hamill had over young-Ned was the Farrah Fawcett hair feathering.


  10. As usual, today’s post was entertaining, and we were gifted with the pet pictures, which always makes me happy. Edsell has the best face.


  11. Now if you had put up that last picture of Edz and asked if he was handsome or goofy I would have chosen handsome. Look at the chest and face!

    Thanks for such an entertaining post about nothing. Beats my nothing day to pieces.


  12. I bought myself a small space heater to keep under my desk. It’s effing cold here all the time and I simply won’t work under those harsh conditions. It’s completely illegal, but whatever. I’M A RULE BREAKER. Best $15 I ever spent. There are days where I would just go home if I didn’t have my little furnace. Not that your mitten feet aren’t a good option, too…

    I’m always shocked how much other people age, but when I look at myself I’m like “still not lookin’ a day over 29.” Clearly I need medication.

    Lovely post lovely June!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We had Fire Marshall inspections on the regular and the division manager’s admin assistant would come around to make sure there were no heaters. So, I got me a little foot stool with a slight slant and found a heating pad at a yard sale for a quarter and was able to get through the winter without frost bite to my feet. The admin assistant never figured out what I was doing. I won.


    2. Exactly, like I was over at a building I used to work at and saw a ton of people I haven’t seen in 7 or 8 years and thought, they all got old. Then it hit me…they were probably saying the same thing about me!


  13. So I requested from mom, and received, the Laila Ali dryer for Christmas. My hair NEVER looks like that. Please to share what products you are using, because mine is either frizzy or crunchy and doesn’t move. Pretty.


      1. Can you tell us all what the Curly Girl Method is? And give a step-by-step demonstration, please.

        Yeah, I went there because I’m feeling sassy!


      2. DUDE…I know. I have been a CGM convert for two years. I need specifics on what you use – just styling stuff. I have the whole co-wash/condition/moisturize thing down pat. I have experimented with about seventy million styling products and still haven’t found a combo that works with the Laila Ali dryer. I can still get a decent result using my car vents (yeah, seriously.) But I YEARN to sit and let my hair dry under m’bonnet while I lounge and leisurely apply my makeup.


        1. I pretty much use all Deva products all the time. The shampoo and conditioner (the green bottles) and the gel and mousse and the styling cream. I use some kind of protein mask once a week or whenever I remember. That stuff for black people, what’s it called? Shea Moisture? I think it’s for black people. Maybe I’m making that up.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Well. I use a bunch of the Shea Moisture stuff. They have a bunch of different lines, and I have probably tried all of them. I do have the Deva gel and I like it. I love the As I Am co-wash too. OK. I will keep experimenting. My hair dreams of being as pretty as yours.


  14. Every time you you mention the Laila Ali and how you’re going to strap it on, I think, WHOA!

    I always get it confused with the Lela Ino.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. ***do not google Lela Ino at work***
      ***do not google Lela Ino at work***
      ***do not google Lela Ino at work***
      ***do not google Lela Ino at work***
      ***do not google Lela Ino at work***


  15. But, but–June! Bing/Google Green Bean Cafe. It’s not exclusive to Greensboro. I had to check because I remember visiting one somewhere in Delaware (or Maryland).

    Goofie may be Edsel’s schtick, but he’s also a cutie pie.


  16. “May the aging be with you” – that’s just the best cutline ever.
    I love this blog every day. And Eds.

    I did not need to think about Laila Ali’s tingles, however.

    Every person alive needs to feel as adored as Edz adores you.


  17. Remember the Friends episode where Phoebe is standing outside the Central Perk coffee shop they all hung out at, looked at the sign and exclaimed “Now I get It” or something similar.


  18. The first picture and two sentences underneath about did me in, I laughed so hard. Just had to come here and write that and now I will go back to reading the rest. Joob, you are on fire lately!


  19. Girl, you look like you just did the nasty in that picture, and liked it. A lot.

    Another awesome post. How do you do that? You’re so pretty!


  20. Is that a flower behind Ned’s ear in the photo of him smoking with his legs crossed?


  21. Your face says haggard but your hair still looks great. I am envious.

    I got mine cut yesterday and we were talking puppies and I was showing her photos and perhaps that was a bad idea. I feel like she was distracted and cut a wee bit too much.


  22. BAHAHAHAHAA the picture from The Shining made me cackle out loud at work and I just know everyone here thinks I’m nuts. Also, I adore your phone case. It’s a PHONE. I lived in Greensboro when The Green Bean opened and I did not get that until I JUST NOW READ IT ON YOUR BLOG, so I guess that’s like, what? 14 years it took me and I still needed help? I’m hopeless.

    Is it just me or have you and Ned grown so accustomed to each other’s idiosyncrasies and quirks (are those the same thing?) that now you get along better?


    1. Oh, we get along fine as long as we’re not a couple. It’s when I start expecting crazy things like loyalty and commitment that all hell breaks loose.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Any pic of Edsel makes me smile. If I could vote, I’d choose goofy Edsel.

    Love the phone case.

    If anyone can add me to the Facebook page, let me know. I’ll email June my FB info.


  24. It cracks me up that *someone* created a poll about your dog’s appearance! Hilarious!
    I love this post about nothing.
    I know you love photos, but on the off chance you would like something else, there are lots of artists on Etsy who paint pictures of houses. Your darling house is a perfect candidate. I have a painting of my old house, and I treasure it. (I tried not to make that sound bossy, as in…Well, what I’D do is…) (not sure i succeeded)
    Also, your fittens are funny.


  25. Surely the photo w/Lu and the house is the next one or the one before THAT photo. Or in the same general area as that one.


  26. You know, your hair holds up great during the day! Mine is frightening by the time evening rolls around.

    And, yeah, Ned does still look like Mark Hamill. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing…


  27. Hi June, I decided to rread your archives. January 2008: ” Oh, and if anyone else is on Weight Watchers online, I have a little profile on there and Ativans or whatever those little icons are called that you put up to tell about yourself. Mine are books, yoga and S&M…Okay, there is totally not an S&M icon on Weight Watchers. Maybe on Welt Watchers…”

    Haha … you are a joy to read! In the old days, WW had open an open Forum. I bet you were hilarious (if you posted). Now WW is all business and “no fun” in the Forum section… which is one of the reasons i dont want to rejoin.


  28. 1. Sometimes, when I see a picture of myself that I hate (i.e. all of them), I imagine it as a mug shot.

    2. When I was much younger, many people said that I looked like Carrie Fisher. Sadly, this similarity never showed up in my mug shots.

    3. Lovely post.


  29. This is a comment about nothing in hopes people will find this is the MOST INFLUENTIAL non-blog of the universe.

    Lovely post, Joon!


  30. I have been sick for days. My teenagers have lost their minds. My boss is a dick ..a big dick. I spent 4 hours at med aid to be told I have a virus. My husband is currently unemployed. We got a foot of slushy snow in the last 24 hours. And my first laugh … true laugh from the gut came from you and this post and these hysterical pictures and your insane ability to make me laugh at life. Thank you. I mean it.


  31. Re-reading yesterday’s post and re-looking at the pictures and I just noticed the cuffed jeans and slouchy socks. That photo must have been taken early 90s? I’m fairly certain I have a similar photo of my husband with the t-shirt, cigarette in hand, legs crossed at the knees, with cuffed jeans and slouchy socks.
    Great post, lovely Joob.


  32. OMG young Ned was hawt. I just noticed the flower on his ear.

    That’s it. I just had to cougar all over young Ned. Lovely nothing post, June.


  33. When my husband was a teenager, people told him he looked like Donny Osmond. As an adult, he was told he looked like Geraldo Rivera. Now 30 years later, someone one I work with told me he looks like George Carlin! My response was, “Isn’t he dead?!?” My husband is very alive, thank you very much!


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