Untitled

Today, I got up, took my stupid Prilosec and started my half-hour countdown, fed everyone (I let Iris be a bad girl today, because Steely Dan hadn’t deigned to come home yet after a night out, so Iris got to eat up at SD’s dish like a rebel.

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Eyeriss so bad. She need spank. heeeee.

Then, of course, SD let himself in and looked up at his dining establishment, astonished, but he did not kick her ass as I’d feared. I can never figure this cat out. Instead, I fed him over by Lily, and they both took that in stride), showered (she says, after the world’s longest parenthetical), made sure my stupid half-hour had passed and got my coffee all set, sat down here and was like,

Wow. I have nothing to say today.

Oh, I know!

Photo on 3-22-18 at 7.48 AM #2.jpgI got my hairs cut!

I think it might dry while we talk, it’s so short and shortie now, but let’s see what happens. You won’t BELIEVE what happens next. Click here.

My coworker did that to me yesterday. He didn’t cut my hair–I might have led with that. He works in our New York office now, but he’s back this week to do stuff in our studio, and he was all, “Oh my god, you guys, who has a banana? I learned the COOLEST thing about bananas.” No one had one.

We were all, Do you mean the thing where you hold it by the stem. We all said that with the enthusiasm of a tree sloth. Because Oooooo, Mr. New Yorker’s gonna burst in, thinking he’s all big city. With his banana stem thing we all learned years ago. We’re not in Papua New Guinea, dude.

“No, it’s something different! My brain literally exploded!”

“Your brain did not literally explode,” I pointed out, and quest for world’s popular-ist coworker rages on.

Anyway, he built it up in such a “click here” way that I swear 200 people are gonna stop working so we can watch Camilo and the Banana today. I mean, he built this shit up, so it better be good.

“Maybe he finally realizes you eat the inside,” my boss’s boss, fmr., said to me, as we strolled away.

…I’ve been scrolling through my photos, because I know I have a nice one of a bunch of coworkers holding up their bananas at some point, when it was Banana O’Clock at work one day. I can’t find it, of course, but I found a buncha racy ones of me in a pink bra, and who was I trying to impress, I wonder.

Anyway, I also found the following…

IMG_3307.jpgMy grandfather and me, petting a dog. That dog was Sam. I believe he set the template for me liking a medium-size, yellow mutt.

My grandfather would have been my age in that photo. I mean, he wasn’t three. I was three, and he was around 52. My age now. Just eat your banana and stop being clever.

IMG_6115.jpgMe, househunting for a place in Greensboro in 2008. We hadda take Talu on the search, because she was just a baby. She would’ve been four months old then. Lu.

The two-year anniversary of her death is tomorrow. Yay.

IMG_6117.jpgLu and me at this house. I remember walking in and going, “Ooooo!” like it was covered in diamonds or something.

We’re seeing a lotta Lu anus today.

img_6114.jpgThere’s the front of our Lu! Even back then she stood the same way. That Pitty way.

IMG_1455.jpgWhy’d Lu have to up and die? Like Mr. Bojangles’ dog? I hate everything.

When I was trying to find that banana shot, which really, I need to get over, I looked in the category of “people” and this interesting Brady Bunch board came up.

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Here’s an interesting June quiz. Well. “Interesting.” How many of June’s people can you identify? We’ll label them 1–25, going from top-left across. So, the mystery figure in blue, with the buildings behind him, is number one. The mystery figure in the lavender sweater, looking down, is number 25. The winner gets…

cat-bonnet-tabby_650x

a cat bonnet! And by “gets,” I mean I’ll say you’ll get it and I will never send it. Start playing now!

Don’t you love days when I have nothing to tell you?

IMG_6237 2.jpg

Sadly, I’ve discovered my computer allows me to muck with my photos, a thing I hadn’t discovered previously, and now every photo you see will be all mucked. You’re welcome. Also, I took this in the romantic light of the screen. I do not have a skin condition. But there’s my nearly dry hair.

I gotta go. Ima take Edsel to daycare today, and here’s the link.

Talk at you.
Juan

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

92 thoughts on “Untitled”

    2. 1. Ned
      13. Dick Whitman?
      That’s all I know, except 16 is a cutie patootie. Hot. I’d do him. Does he like fat, 50-year old ladies?

      Like

  5. I guess I put off commenting on your blog. After I read it I think of something I would say then question it, rewrite it, put it off, then never post it. I get reminded the next day when I read your newest post that I will put off replying to

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  6. I know…..the banana thing?? I never comment, yet I’m riveted about the interesting banana trick enough to break my silence.

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  10. OH HELL YEAH!!!! This bitch is gonna play the guessing game and win!!!!! Gotta go find a pad and paper and come back with my WINNING ANSWERS!! I don’t know anybody from the Tiny Town era so let’s hope none of them are on the board. Back in a few…sharpen your pencils, bitzes…

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      1. [looking over the top of my reading glasses at you after just posting my list] Never underestimate ol’ AA’s ability to remember weird stuff from Joob’s blog. Jan did remember Ryan’s name though. I did remember to yell at Jan to get off him, though.

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  11. Oh my! I think I’ve got at least half! Devoted reader or stalker?
    1. Ned
    2. Your step dad
    3. Aunt Kathy
    4. An Uncle (I cannot think of name)
    5. Ryan (hi Ryan!)
    6 & 7. Alexes
    8. RBF Alex
    9. Kelly (same maiden name as me!)
    10 & 11.Alexes
    12. Lily (??)
    13. Dick Whitman
    14 & 15 idk
    16. Austin
    17. Marty Martin
    18. The Poet
    19-The end…. I recognize a few but I don’t know!

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  12. Speaking of dog anuses, I hope puppies grow into them because Harper’s is huge. I fear she will get teased by the other dogs in the neighborhood.
    Wil look at said photos when I’m not on my phone and can actually see them without having to squint or zoom.

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  13. Waiting with bated breath to hear the banana trick. Also too, please tell us the one about holding a banana by the stem. I’m in the dark, here. Was glad to see Talu, and I like your haircut. I’m getting mine cut tomorrow, finally. I know that info just made your day.

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  15. I know Ned and Aunt Kathy and that’s about it, but I’m sure there are at least five Alexes in there somewhere.

    Love the shorter hair, but I liked it longer, too (fellow curly-head here).

    Going to look at dog video for the rest of the day.

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  17. I remember the banana photo. Was it here or on the Face? Waiting anxiously for the banana secret/trick. That warrants BREAKING NEWS!

    Your hair looks great!!!

    I think 21. is LaUral. I need to just shut up, because AA is over there with pencil and paper trying to win! I hope you post the RIGHT answers to the quiz.

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  18. 1. …friend, whatever, Nnnnnnn Nnnnnneeeeeee…oh you know who I mean
    2. June’s uncle
    3. Aunt Kathy
    4. June’s uncle. Hey uncle, how YOU doin?
    5. Hottie Alex…GET OFF ALEX, JAN!
    6. Um, crap, I’m gonna lose now I think…don’t know
    7. Griff or Giff
    8. Alex who crafts
    9. Wedding dress Alex who always looks happy and cute
    10. B&B friend… coworker, fmr.
    11. Alex who you sat with at a baby shower
    12. Dang! Can’t remember her name at the moment but she has the haunted house and a cute squatty dog.
    13. Dick Whitman
    14. Cute IT guy. Obviously just guessing now although he is cute and looks super smart.
    15. You’re tripping us up with this one cause I think it’s a second photo of Dang I can’t remember her name but she has a haunted house and a cute squatty dog.
    16. Jerome or something like that….he’s the coworker with the cute, nice wife and cool old home with vintage wallpaper.
    17. Marty Martin!
    18. My favorite in all of Joobland…THE POET!!!!!!!
    19. Is she from Tiny Town days cause I gots nuttin’ on those days, before my time here.
    20. Alex who recreated all the creepy high school graduation pictures.
    21. LaUral
    22. Coworker but can’t remember which one…
    23. Boss, fmr?
    24. Marty Martin’s partner
    25. Peg

    Maybe I shouldn’t have been so cocky in my previous comment.

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      3. Dear Joob,

        For an hour now I have been wondering how I could get someone named King Kamehameha wrong, like, is that someone from Tiny Town days cause I know no one from there. I was also questioning my devotion to this here blo…er…website when I couldn’t recall King Kamehameha ever being referenced even.

        Right then I knew,
        AA

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      1. We simply must address him as Jerome from now on.

        AA, I’m flattered. I mean humbled. And anyway, your annotated list is entertaining whether it’s the highest score or not.

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  19. Kayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! Marty Martin’s partner is named Kayeeeeeeeee with all the eeeeeeeeees. Dang it!

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  20. Hair looks great! I love the picture game, but I’m too lazy to play. #1 is Ned. The rest are Alexes (girls) and The Fireman. I don’t know. You have an amazing cast of characters, June – you should have a video that plays at the top of your blog that would be like the intro to Gilligan’s Island, only with all the blog characters. Also, a screenwriter needs to discover you so that some big company will option your blog for a TV show. We all get to pick who plays what character, though.

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    1. Here’s the latest page of the Book of June
      (the past may be a blur).
      She has 19 dogs and 30 cats
      and amazing curly hurr.

      Her day may be a tragic one
      but hilarity ensues
      with a cast of wacky characters
      on a fig-ur-a-tive cruise . . .

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Just went to the Doggie Day Care and there’s Edz in all his curly-tailed glory! Then a dog peed on the red stairs thing and a man with a mop was all over that in seconds. Very impressive! By the way, what a zoo! But the dogs all look so happy!

    Love your hurr.

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  22. i like the new cut! sassy. i miss ‘lu. i’m already sad about the anniversary.

    was it last year on her anniversary you spread ashes? because if so, holy heck that year went down the draino drain.

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  24. BUT WHAT HAPPENED WITH THE BANANA?!? (Just kidding).

    I love your short hair. Makes me want to cut mine again.

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  26. others beat me to it but I got Ned, some Alexes, maybe a Griff? I’m so not competitive…

    I bet the banana trick is you write on it and the next day (click here!), the skin has retained the words and “leaves” you a message.

    I got nothing to say today, either. It snowed in DC yesterday and I got a “free” WFH day, and I am annoyed about having to come to the office today. Bc my husband also stayed home yesterday, and ruined my solitude vibe.

    Like

  27. I like your hair.
    I knew the banana revelation was today.
    I will not play that game, I will fail. I can’t keep TV characters straight on some long watched shows. Remembering names is not my forte. I know NED, your mom, your aunt Kathy, your dad and The Poet, as major characters. The boss (or frmr) with the Stitch Fix modeling. Is she there? I didn’t study it well enough. It gives me a headache. I need more caffiene. Yes, I am called the Queen of excuses by my loved ones. Excuse me, that is Empress now. I elevated myself. Did you know NED means No Evidence of Disease and is the best thing ever in the cancer world? Who else might need Ritalin? This is how my brain bounces around sometimes and why I can “get” you, lovely, bouncy haired June. PS. Sad about two year anniversary of Talu.

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  29. 2. Step father
    4. Uncle married to Aunt Kathy
    Five women on 2nd row are all Alexes (I think)
    15. Tina Doris
    19. Molly
    22. Renter, Fmr.
    24. Kaye
    25. Friend from Tiny Town with the Tiffany box.

    I’m only listing the ones that I thought others missed.

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      1. No. 12 is a coworker. Did she help June paint or was that another coworker? Or maybe she is the coworker who gets up super early to take ballet. I’m guessing on here. Can someone help us?

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  30. I love the boss, FMR comment about the banana trick guy realizing you eat the inside.

    I can’t even get the names right of people I know in real life so I will tell you that I love your hair, I love that Steely Dan did not assault Iris for taking his spot.

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  32. I will lose lose lose at the picture game so not playing. Isn’t it funny that your grandpa was you age now, but still looks like a grandpa when other guys you meet around your age just look, cute? It always throws me. My grandma at my age looks….like a grandma. Not like my friends.

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  33. I love your hair! Mine is about the same length right now, but with a terrible cut, so my curls look clinically depressed. You.give me hope.

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  38. You are the only person I don’t literally, or otherwise, know who has a dog anus magnet on her refrigerator.

    Great hair, picture. Lu. Sweet Edsel, etc.
    Pictures:
    1. Ned
    2 through 25 Oh! That’s…a…a…oh…um. ..what’s her name. *stab finger toward screen and snap fingers several times*. I know who that is…it’s…oh shoot…it’s right on the tip of my tongue. You know…He/she used to…etc. I give up.

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      1. Any animal anus seems pretty normal on a fridge. Now if it was human, that would just be plain weird.

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  39. I love your hair. What’s with all the long hair anyway? Does it go back to the “caveman drags women by their hair” mentality? Too many women look like floppy ear dogs with no style. It hangs there looking like they don’t really care. Maybe they don’t.

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    1. I agree with you completely. Can’t these women (especially the ones on TV) see that their hair is doing nothing for them? Fay Dunaway comes to mind.

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  40. I know Ned, Aunt Kathy, Dick W, and The Poet. I think Marty is in there but unsure. I guess Alex for all the rest! I do think being certain about identifying 4 of your friends when I’ve never even met you is pretty good!

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  41. 1. Ned
    13. Dick Whitman?
    That’s all I know, except 16 is a cutie patootie. Does he like fat, 50-year old ladies?

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  42. I see Edsel! (I think, those ears are hard to miss) but what is he carrying? A cloth? He seems to be dodging everyone else!

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    1. Nevermind, the staff took it away so it must have been contraband.

      That chocolate lab isn’t being very kind though…. I’ve apparently appointed myself webcam sheriff of doggie daycare.

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  43. Apropos of nothing (well, actually #22), am I the only one who pronounces her as La Ural instead of Laura L?
    I knew a bunch of Alexes, the Poet, Ryan, Ned, and Dick W. Not bad for someone as face-blind as I am.
    Your hurr looks fabulous, lovely june.

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  44. Joon,
    lol that still makes me laugh…

    you are THE *swear words here* FUNNYASS-IST person/chick I pretend/WISH I know/knew

    I wish you lived next door.

    keep going, pleez

    lynn

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  45. Your hair is fabulous! So is that picture of you! I didn’t even try with the pictures. I don’t like to play if I can’t win. (Which isn’t remotely true, but, hmmm.)

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  46. In Way To Bring The Room Down news, two deaths came in to my world today. One of them was my friend’s dog Mora, who was my birthday buddy – July 5th. Made me think of Lu & you. And other words rhyming with oo…. The other death was a friend’s partner. I’m now of an age where me & my friends can just dun died. He was a sexting scoundrel, but a hugely entertaining guy who she loved. Two empty spaces on this 🌏 And I’m reading Elinor Oliphant is Completely Fine, so my emotions are shredded & sprinkled over a turd today. Exit stage left.

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    2. Am also reading it. Sounds like I am not as far as you are but I know where it is going I think. Very well-written.

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  49. LU.

    Your grandfather was a handsome fellow. Today, well yesterday, when you wrote this, was my dad’s 81st birthday. Another handsome fellow. Yay for my dad!

    I guessed about 15/16 out of 25, including #2!
    Too lazy to type them out, but am patting self on back.

    LU.

    Like

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