June Doles Out the Special Banana Post

Were you worried I’d slip and forget the banana story? Did you think I’d peel out of work Friday and forget you? That I’d split and forget about the banana?

What a fruity idea.

June’s readers. Finding June unapPEELing since 2018.

IMG_6300.jpgAs you know, from your Enormous Banana of June Events, my ridik coworker Camilo–whom I’m certain I’ve blog-named in the past but who can remember what I called him. I must be low on potassium.

Anyway, Camilo, my coworker, mashed in from New York all flambé about some shit he learned about bananas. “You guys wouldn’t BELIEVE it,” he said. Look, he’s still green. Banana things excite him.

I don’t know where this news stemmed, but he had something thrilling he learned that was banana-related, and he needed an ACTUAL banana to show us.

No matter how you sliced it, he was making this a huge deal. So after he’d plantain-ed the seed, we were all into learning what the news was. I set up an actual meeting on everyone’s calendar, in an actual meeting room, and every chichita in the place gathered to see what was up.

You could say we were a banana republic.

Dear June:
You’re fired.
Love, All readers everywhere.

So without so much as a yellow, he showed the BUNCH of us the banana.

IMG_6305.jpg“Is it the thing where you peel it from the bottom,” an unenthused coworker, who had a deadline, asked. Clearly she had not been on the banana boat earlier, when he’d already assured us it was WAY BEYOND the old opening-it-from-the-bottom trick.

IMG_6309.jpg“You know how sometimes you have a banana, and you want to share it with others?” he asked.

No. No I don’t. But I’m an only child.

IMG_6310.jpg“Watch this,” he said, about to serve us a banana shakeup. Camilo stuck his thumb in the top of the banana, and pressed down.

Voila. Or, waa-laa, if you want to be …rotten.

IMG_6311.jpgTurns out, if you press the top of a peeled banana, it automatically divides into three sections. “It’s like it’s MADE to be shared,” he said. He wasn’t monkeying around. He handed banana sections to the whole bunch of us.

I know I already used “bunch.” Why don’t you try to think up this many melon-farming banana puns?

So. There it is. I don’t know what kind of bread you can make from this info, but now you have a party trick that’s…bananas.

Daylight come and me wanna go home,
June

P.S. Tuuuuuune in Sunday for “the grid.” I have a migraine. Too many banana daiquiris last night.

43 thoughts on “June Doles Out the Special Banana Post

  1. 1. Naturally, I don’t have any bananas in the house to try this out on.
    2. Since I’m all OCD about people touching my food with their bare hands, how do I get past this if someone presses their naked thumb on the top and then tries to give it to me? (Maybe this is more of a trick that should just entertain me, not feed me?)
    3. I can’t wait to see how many I got wrong on the grid.

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  2. Ewwww! SO unappeeling! But here’s me rushing off to try it.

    Hope your head feels better. I’ve been dealing with vertigo with my bad head. THAT’S a fun, nausea-inducing development. I just love being a girl…

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  3. You fostered a real sense of joy with all of your banana puns.
    I have overly ripe bananas, waiting for fresher ones to try this. Can’t share with my dogs. They don’t like bananas, the furry little fools! Husband is allergic.
    This made me long for Key West and their frozen banana daquiris in to go cups. Drinking on the street is legal there. No one here makes the delight of the frozen banana daquiris anymore except Red Robin. They have a limited, lousy food menu but very good old school frozen drinks.

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  4. 1. SHARE a banana? WTAF? (also an only child)
    2. TOUCH something I’m about to eat with my bare hand/finger(s)/thumb? Not happening. (I eat pizza and brownies (not together) with a fork. Also apples. And grapes. WHAT?

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  5. You lost me at touch the peeled banana with his bare hands. Whatever happened to just offering the top half of the banana for someone to break off a portion for themselves using their own hands?

    However, the puns? Very nice, Coot.

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  6. BTW, my earlier comment up there is a total joke! However, when you split the banana in 3 it is a perfect representation of the father, son & holy ghost!!

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      1. It would be bananas if it were true but it’s a joke! It is however what the story of the 3 Pigs was based on!!

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      2. ARGGGGH! You used STEMmed too. I give up now, you’re too good SLIPping in all the banana references.

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  7. There are over 1000 different varieties of bananas growing around the world, subdivided into 50 groups. Some are sweet, like the Cavendish variety, which is the most common and most widely exported.

    Banana cream pie! Enough said.

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  8. And now I wanna eat banana boats and play Bananagrams with my Nana.

    Well done, Camilo. Thanks for not literally “literally” exploding your brains all over the banana. The hands were enough.

    And now I wanna see whatelse we can split into threes. I’m thinking cucumbers and zucchinis. Camilo, please get on that, stat.

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  9. That banana looks more like a penis…
    I too awoke with a migraine today. So my brain isn’t working well enough to come up with any banana-y puns at the moment. My apologies.

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  10. Share a banana. I’m not an only child and I have never in my life of 52.75 years ever considered sharing a banana.

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  11. I don’t like bananas, but this would have been good information when my kids were little. I have three kids. It would have worked out.

    Lovely bonus post, lovely June!

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  12. Back in my former life when I had to go to many a conference/training, there was typically fresh fruit in a bowls by the coffee table. At one conference, all the bananas were cut in half. The organizer explained, “Sometimes a whole banana is too much of a commitment.”

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    1. Cheryl, Cheryl bo Beryl Bonana fanna fo Feryl
      Fee fy mo Meryl, Cheryl!*

      Thanks for reminding me of this song. Now it will be in my head all day.

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  13. My mother – the intrepid food sharer – ALWAYS cuts her bananas in half and then tries to pawn the other half off on unsuspecting bystanders. Who wants a banana with a brown, rubbery top? Just eat the whole thing! It’s a banana, not a whole cake for heaven’s sake! She always has half sticks of gum in her purse that she offers up to the grandkids – who learned the hard way that those half sticks pick up lint and tobacco from the bottom of grandma’s purse. Even though she hasn’t smoked in 30 years, she still somehow has tobacco floating in the bottom of every purse she owns.

    Thanks for sharing June. My brain must be too old to explode – either literally or figuratively. Or perhaps it’s because I learned bananas do this years ago. I would not, however, consider this evidence that a banana is made to share. It’s not a Twix bar. Or even a Mounds, for that matter. Perhaps Camilo should go by the name Harry Belafonte in the Land of June.

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  14. My 16-year-old son hates bananas. Haaaaaaates them. Even when he was a baby and we’d try spoon a dab of mashed banana in his mouth, he’d gag and carry on like we were feeding him broken glass that was macerated in karosene. He’s always been dramatic.
    Anyway, a few years ago he started referring to bananas as “Satan berries.” As in, “Don’t sit next to me; you’ve been eating Satan berries and you reek.”
    I told him they were neither Satan nor berries, but it turns out that they ARE! Well, they are berries. Botanically.
    I still hold that they are not the product of the prince of hell.

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  15. Thank you for the weekend post and explanation. I’m with the bunch of you who would decline the hand-divided banana.

    I’m literally splitting my sides over your banana puns.

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  16. I have never shared a banana even with four younger siblings. My diabetic grandmother had a banana with her insulin shot every morning. I adore banans, and all of your lovely puns.

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  17. I have never shared a banana even with four younger siblings. My diabetic grandmother had a banana with her insulin shot every morning. I adore banans, and all of your lovely puns. I hope your mograine is better, lovely, stylish June.

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  18. I do try to only eat a 1/2 banana at a time because diabetes, but I’m not sharing that shit (is bananas B-A-….oh, AA already did that).

    Did anyone ever offer a banana to their cats? Mine act like you just insulted their whole blood line when you hold it in front of their face. They actually recoil from it (even though 1 second ago, they were sure they wanted to eat it).

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