The dodgy tip

It was laundry. That was the smell [see yesterday’s post, ya boob].

Apparently I washed a load of clothes back when I was on the phone with Martha Washington, and I’d forgotten to put those clothes in the dryer, so for 8 centuries they were festering there in the damp, and it’s been warm out.

Guess what’s going now. Is it the washer?

The other news is that for the past three weeks or more, I’ve had a dilemma that I couldn’t tell you about.

Another company wanted me. They desired me. I was IN DEMAND!

It’s a publishing company I’ve freelanced for since 2012. I’m certain you recall March of 2012, when I had a giant project due for them.

Ah, yes, June. That giant–GET OUT’CHER OWN ASS AND CARRY ON, JUAN.

Anyway, I’ve worked for them on and off ever since, and several weeks ago the executive editor wanted to meet in real life, finally, so we got up one night and I thought, “I wonder if she wants a job at my company.”

People are always trying to work at my company. People were always crossing rooms to talk to Maxine (When Harry Met Sally™).

But she wasn’t. She was trying to get me over to her. She wanted me to be a senior editor, and be all fancy, and so on.

So for three weeks, I’ve had that opportunity in front of me, and I had to think about where I work now, and what it’d be like there. So these past few weeks, when I’ve been being hilarious

Let me try that sentence anew.

So these past few weeks, when you’ve smiled wanly at me every once in awhile, I’ve been consumed with the idea that I might switch jobs. I even considered moving to Winston-Salem, where I’d be closer to said publishing house.

But in the end, I stayed at my company. For I like it there, and I’ve been there seven years, and it’s six minutes away. I fit in. Kind of.

Then once I made my final decision, I had to take work home this weekend. Taaa-daaaaa!

For it IS the weekend, for me. We have Good Friday off, and THANK YOU, WEIRD BIBLE BELT. We even got to leave at 3:00 yesterday, although I stayed till about 3:45 to try to get more work done, and THANK YOU, WEIRD JUNE BELT.

As he was leaving, my boss’s boss, fmr., tried to out-Easter-pun me. He’s known as the pun MASTER at work, but walked away, defeated, when I came back at him with,

“Why are you so cross? You’d think it was Maunday, not Thursday.”

Nailed it.

So because I’d had a stressy, thinky several weeks, and because it was warm out, and because we were out at 3:00, I headed downtown. To drive all the old men crazy.

Dear June: GET.OVER.THAT.LINE.

img_6534.jpgI like to go downtown, so to speak. First of all, the mental status of old men is important to me, and also because it keeps growing and changing, so to speak. I can make anything dirty. What is wrong with me? Perhaps the old men have driven me crazy.

On the drive to find parking, I saw two coworkers and then also two young girls kissing against their car, a thing that likely did drive all the old men crazy.

IMG_6531I admired the sites beyond young-girl love, and I also shopped and didn’t buy anything. You’re welcome, fledgling downtown Greensboro!

IMG_6532IMG_6535They have all these cool new stores now over in the once-dodgy end of downtown, a place I never went unless I was desperate to get to the bakery that was way down at the dodgy tip. But now none of it’s dodgy anymore!

I stopped at store (not the store above. That place above is super cool) and had The World’s Worst Tarot Reading®, where I was told my Workers Comp claim will come out in my favor (??) and that I feel trapped in my marriage (??) and won’t move from Greensboro due to my four kids (!!?!).

So.

Do you feel it’s possible that tarot cards are bullshit?

Oh, she also told me three people are very critical of me right now and FUCK YOU, THREE PEOPLE.

IMG_6542Eventually I joined my coworkers for a drink, and I really had a good time, and then when I went home I saw other coworkers on Instagram, drinking at another downtown bar, and I was all, Was there a cooler, subversive happy hour that I was not privy to?

FUCK YOU, OTHER SUBVERSIVE COOLER DRINKERS.

Anyway, now that it’s my day off, I have to go to the grocer, as apparently I need to shop in 1930s London. Maybe I’ll even go to the greengrocer.

My alarm went off today, because I have it set to go off M–F and this is F, but I shut it off and said to Edsel, “You know what we get to do today, Eds? We get to sleep in.” And I swear to you he did his dog sigh/moan and put his snout on my neck and we slept like that for another hour.

IMG_6550.jpg
Eds need to unwine. Need dis day off.

Anyway, I hafta go to the grocer because am seriously out of ERR’THANG. I have no beverages. Well, coffee. But that’s not a bev so much as an addic. But last night I had no bottles of water, no soda, no V-8. The only thing in my fridge was a disgusting black beer that Ned left here when he came to get his cat, which is NOT A EUPHEMISM.

The point is, I tried to drink it. So desperate was I. I realize I have a, you know, TAP, but blech.

IMG_6544

IMG_6546That was not a successful jaunt. June’s Legend of Blackbeer.

I like how I have my earrings on with my pajamas. I’m Aladdin, over here.

I will leave you now, and wish you a good Friday.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

heeeee [is risen]

June

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

27 thoughts on “The dodgy tip”

  1. I don’t blame you for staying at your current job. I wish I had a job at a place like yours!

    Your city looks cool too! I actually thought about taking a travel nurse job in that area because it looks like a great place! Alas, I stayed in New England because nobody wants to go there so they pay travel nurses top dollar! I still watch for jobs when I get fed up with the snow !

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  2. This is going to sound like I dont know how to talk to people (accurate), but anyway I wanted to say your hair looks really nice in the beer tongue picture.
    Happy weekend.

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  3. You might not carrot all about my opinion, but you were having a great hare day while drinking that beer wearing your earrings. Those were bad puns, but omelette-ing them slide.

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    1. *that beer WHILE wearing your earrings* That would be some kind of beer indeed if it was wearing your earrings.

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  4. He is risen indeed!

    So much for the tarot cards. I have things in my house from Greensboro. We purchased all out door latches from The Weather Vane that was in Atlanta. During construction of our house that business moved to Greensboro so we made several trips to that shop after they moved. As I recall they were on Elm Street right in the middle of downtown. Greensboro has been a fun place for a long time.

    Job decisions are so stressful.

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  5. Hallelujah! It’s the weekend. Have a good Friday.

    You’re Easter puns have me hopping with laughter. Hope you don’t find arisen in any of Easter candy or cookies.

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  6. I am NOT one of the three people critical of you right now. You are relieved I’m sure.
    I gotta lot to do today before going to the requiem at church tonight, including a trip to the greengrocer. See ya there!

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  7. I’ve been worried about this ever since you mentioned it many months ago, but do you feel like your coworkers like you now? It really bothered me that you felt like no one there liked you. Has the situation improved? (I’m assuming so, since you turned down the high-falutin’ fancy job, but you know what happens when we assume…)

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  8. Of course another company would want you! I can see why you’d want to stay put, I guess…but then, no one’s knocking down my door and offering me a job.

    Your hair looks amazing.

    All of these puns are killing me.

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  9. You DO have a cute downtown! I am glad you got up with your coworkers, I am certain that YOU WERE AT the cool party.
    The Easter puns are….hilarious. See, I couldn’t think of any. I guess I will just hang around here to read more.

    Really, it is my cross to bear anyway.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  10. Everyone should wear earrings with their pjs. So formal!

    Awwww, sweet Edz snuggling with the Mom on sleep-in Good Friday.

    We have a lady at our church – you know the kind; bossy, bitchy, bossy and bitchy, and not too terribly bright, plus bossy – who always does the announcements at the beginning of each service, because SHE. IS. IMPORTANT! (Can you tell that she seriously annoy?) My Mom and I usually sit in the front pew, right in front of bossy, because Mom is the Choir Dir. and I’m the accompanist. We usually just roll our eyes at each other the whole time, but lately, we’ve paid attention because she has been talking about “Monday-Thursday Services”. Yep, that’s how she pronounces it. And then we snicker reverently, because we hate her. What not very Christian attitude? Sorry, Jesus. Trust me, He probably rolls his arisen eyes at her too.

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