The stitch has been fixed. The eagle has landed.

I ended up getting invited to two things last night, because apparently Tuesday is the hot night now or something, and the point is that over the course of the evening, I had a glass of Prosecco and then two glasses of chardonnay, because I’m a girl. Then at my now-usual wakeup time of 4 a.m., I had a splitting headache and slept in this morning.

There was a time I could have three drinks in preparation for my workday. When did I get so wimpy?

So write fast I must, but I hated to leave you without the stunning results of our StitchFix polls yesterday. It would appear that about 355 of you voted, which is a pretty good turnout when I had (lemme go see) 1,430 readers yesterday. According to my maths, 407% of people participated.

img_6725A stunning 88% of you voted that my boss, fmr., keep that bird shirt. I hope she perches on that decision and spends some bills on this shirt.

The distressed jeans caused some distress, and oh, lort, June, are you gonna do this throughout? Only 55% said to keep them, which distresses me out. June stop.

IMG_6717We were double-breasted on the coat, too. It was pretty much half and half (49% yes, 45% no) on whether it should stay or should it go, now. If it goes it will be double (breasted) and if it stays it will be double (breasted, still).

That’s it, June. I’m leaving.

IMG_6731At least we were all in agreement that we hated a wrinkle in time, over here. A weird 1.36% voted she should keep this. I’d like to hear from this elusive 1.36%. Do you also hate chocolate and Tom Hanks?

IMG_6722And, finally, we didn’t link to this cuff much. 58% said to unhand the cuff.

Oh, June. You shoulda stuck to waitressing. For you were a stellar and unharried waitress with the patience of Job and the focus to remember what your tables wanted.

Did I ever tell you about the time I cried because the soup changed? Remind me.

Sometimes I have nightmares that I’m waitressing again. I’m at some soda gun going, How did I get back here?

Anyway. Thanks for participating, you 355 or so who did. Why didn’t you others? What a bunch of cranks. Perhaps the rest of you are men.

Yesterday, my boss, fmr., and I were discussing her photos on my blog, and the reactions we were getting to the clothes, and my boss’s boss, also fmr., happened upon us.

“I’d rather…go to the dentist, yes, go to the dentist, than have a bunch of people tell me what clothes to buy,” he said. Keep in mind this was the guy who gave me the eagle calendar. All of a sudden we gotta listen to THIS guy.

Boss, fmr. and I stared at him blankly.

“Well, then how do you shop?” we asked him. Pretty much at the same time, like those twins in The Shining.

“How you shop is, you decide you need something, and you go out and get it.”

We stared at him blankly some more. Kind of like those twins in The Shining. Still. Occasionally, after that stunning announcement, I’d kind of see my Eagles-Loving Former Boss’s Boss and then an elevator with blood pouring out of it would cross my vision.

“Now, what now?” I asked.

“If I’m shopping alone, I at least take a selfie in the dressing room and send it to someone for their opinion,” I told him.

“Yeah, of course,” agreed my boss, fmr.

“You’re kidding,” said my boss’s boss, former, lover of eagles. And their calendars.

Later, I asked Ned about this.

“How you shop is, you say, wow I’m out of blue jeans (Ned always calls them “blue jeans” like he’s Grampa Joe or whatever) and then you go out and get the same kind of blue jeans you’ve been buying since 9th grade,” said Ned.

Blood. Elevator. Somewhere in Florida an old man is having a vision under a painting of a naked woman.

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“How is it that we even exist on the same planet?” asked Former Boss of All Eagles.

Anyway, I gotta go. If I’m going to have a wine headache, I’m going to have it at work, where I can complain about it to the world at large.

Givingly,
Joon

43 thoughts on “The stitch has been fixed. The eagle has landed.

  1. I really liked the bird shirt and actually liked the jeans she had on with that shirt, but I sure am not known for my ability to put an outfit together.

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  2. I don’t understand how men buy anything. I also don’t understand how that wrinkle in time shirt was produced, much less sent to someone for approval. It was hideous!

    Even with a wine headache, you wrote another stellar post!

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  3. Oh dear. I’m such a dude. I absatively hate shopping, so I don’t want anyone around this cranky mess. And get the approval of others? Oh hell no. If only they kept girl stuff the same like they do boy stuff. Please? May I have the bra and panties that were perfect in 2002? I also yearn for that pair of shoes I wore out in 1997. Fixated in the Stitch. Hoping you “poll” through yer bad head.

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  4. Once again I am in agreement with Ned. Seems like a level headed guy. Why again did you break up? 😉

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    1. Utilitarian woman who hates shopping represent!

      I’m also in agreement with Ned. Need a new pair of black pants => go to Amazon and purchased another pair exactly like the one I ant to replace.

      Curiously, I work for a startup and have fashionable people complimenting on my outfits all the time. A gay friend keeps asking me where I shop and looking at me suspiciously when I say “Amazon, first thing I find that looks like it will fit me.” I probably have a good eye for colors and shapes, but definitely hate shopping enough that I’ll spend the least amount of time possible in this tasks. Also, I’d never consider sending a selfie to someone to ask how I look in an outfit. Either it fits or not.

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  5. I cannot drink wine during the week. Terrible headache. I mean I also get a headache on the weekend if I drink wine. I just don’t have to get up for work.

    The bird shirt was my favorite, followed by the distressed jeans.

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  6. I am with the guys on this…….hate shopping would wear the same thing every day as long as it was clean.
    Hence the seven pairs or singles of everything. Shoes as well. If I find something I really am comfortable in and like I will buy multiples.
    I am not a patient person, I can’t go anywhere with my mom, she says oh we will be an hour or so and it almost always is 5 …so she no longer enjoys my company much. Because , I don’t go.

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  7. I guess I am a bit of a guy because I don’t need anyone else’s input. I feel confident in my choices. I can enjoy shopping with someone, depending on who it is, but I really like doing it alone the most. I can take my time and focus on what I like. Shopping is right up there with food and sex. Very few men I’ve met feel that way about shopping.

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  8. Thanks for posting the results of the polls. You are too good to us.

    Count me among the prefer-to-shop-alone peeps. After having been talked into buying something I never wore, I now avoid that scenario.

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  9. I also abhor shopping and prefer to do it alone. The other day I needed a white shirt for an outfit, I was in and out in less than 10 minutes with my white shirt. I hate shopping with other woman. When I was wedding dress shopping one of my friends insisted I try on a mermaid style, which I did, but letmetellya, a mermaid style on my size 20 did not look good. This friend insisted it did, I wonder to this day if she secretly hates me.

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  10. I voted in yesterday’s poll, but don’t usually put my opinion out there on stitch fix stuff. I just don’t have much fashion sense and would rather leave it to the experts. But the bird shirt was so cute, and the wrinkle one so ugly that I was proud to actually have some opinions.

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      1. I think its because of the quilt block icon that she gets when commenting here. See…it’s almost solid blue with only a few bits of white on the edges…it’s like a weirdly lazy quilter cut out a few triangles and then gave up.

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  11. I hate to shop and when I do I don’t want or need any help. I can see in the mirror if something looks good or not. When I find shoes that feel good I always buy at least two pair, in different colors. Right now I’m on my third pair of Brooks running shoes. Actually, I just bought my fifth pair, but the style has changed a bit. It took a couple of pair to get the right size and width, but now I’ve got the comfortable running shoes (I don’t run) that is part of my daily uniform of jeans and t-shirt.

    I understand the nightmares about the job. I have them about wedding photography. The.most.stressful.job.ever.

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  12. I didn’t vote in the poll. I’m a jeans and T-shirt person. I didn’t want to skew the results., or inflict bad fashion advice on anyone.
    Great idea, Tee. We should all chime in about recurring nightmares. That would be quite interesting.
    Nice poll, Coot!

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    1. I used to have a recurring nightmare when I was a kid, that a lion was looking through the window of our garage, and I was inside. Someone analyze me, please.

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      1. I have a website I use to look up dreams. Here’s what it says about the lion:

        To see a lion in your dream symbolizes great strength, courage, aggression and power. You will overcome some of your emotional difficulties. As king of the jungle, the lion also represents dignity, royalty, leadership, pride and domination. You have much influence over others. You also need to exercise some restraint in your own personal and social life. Alternatively, a lion represents your need for control over others. You have to be in charge.

        Dreaming of a dead lion refers to your fall from power or status.

        To dream that you are attacked by a lion suggests that a force may be driving you to self-destruction. You need to overcome these challenges and obstacles.

        To see a black lion in your dream represents a negative force. You or someone else is using their position of power to do harm. To see a white lion in your dream highlights your majestic power. A white lion may also indicate sudden awareness of the power you hold.

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      2. Garage:

        To dream that you are in a garage signifies a period of inactivity and idleness in your life. You feel that you are lacking direction or guidance in achieving your goals.

        To dream that you are pulling your car into the garage represents security and stability brought about by your accomplishments and efforts.

        To dream that you are opening the garage door denotes that you have made a decision about a matter. You have decided on the path you want to take to reach your opportunities and goals. On the other hand, if you are closing the garage door, then it suggests that you are putting off your goals for the sake of others around you.

        To dream that there is a homeless family living in your garage indicates that something is missing in your life. Perhaps you are headed in the wrong direction. Your current path is leaving you unfulfilled and unsatisfied. Alternatively, the dream means that you need to be more resourceful and make the best of an undesirable situation.

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      3. Window:

        To see a window in your dream signifies bright hopes, vast possibilities and insight. The size of the window is reflective of your outlook; a small window suggests that you tend to not get your hopes up too high when good things happen, while a large window symbolizes your openness to new experiences. If the window of a house is dark, then it indicates a loss to your perception or vitality.

        To dream that you are looking out the window signifies your outlook on life, your consciousness and your point of view. It also refers to your intuition and awareness. You may be reflecting on a decision. Or the dream is telling you that you need to go out into the larger world and experience life. Consider the significance of the things you see when you look out the window. If you are looking in the window, then it indicates that you are doing some soul searching and looking within yourself. It is time for some introspection. To see another face in the window in your dream suggests that you are feeling emotionally distant and physically detached. Also consider the emotion depicted on the face.

        To see shut windows in your dream signify desertion and abandonment.

        To see a shattered or broken window in your dream represents your distorted view and skewed outlook on life. It also refers to a state of vulnerability.

        To dream that you are fixing or replacing a broken window indicates that you are reassessing your view and outlook on life. You are gaining a new perspective on things.

        To see a tinted window in your dream represents your need for privacy. You are keeping some aspects of yourself hidden. You also want to remain ambiguous.

        To dream that you are washing windows suggest that you need clarity in some matter. Something is not clear.

        To dream that you are entering or exiting through a window suggests that you are involved in some secretive or underhanded activity. Alternatively, the dream means that you are creating your own opportunities. You make things happen instead of waiting for them to happen. If you fall or are push through a window in your dream, then it means that you are unwillingly going along with a plan. Perhaps you feel pressured into doing something that you really do not want to do. Your own vision is in conflict with someone else’s. Dreaming that you are hanging from a window implies that you are trying to influence the opinions and views of others.

        To hear a knock on a window means that you will have many good opportunities ahead for you. There are a lot of things to look forward to in the near future.

        Dreaming of throwing something out the window implies something significant that you no longer have due to your carelessness and lack of attention.

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  13. Solitary shopper here, too. And tend to buy multiples so I don’t have to go back any time soon. Also, I “groom” but do not primp, preen, obsess or selfie.

    Lovely post, Juan! I had hoped that your 2 jobs-for-one-day yesterday had earned you a day off (or least a late start) today.

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    1. However, I did watch the “smoky eye” makeup video you posted. Still trying to convince myself I want to spend 20 or 30 minutes every morning on that.

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    1. I don’t even LIKE to shop since I got fat (I’ve lost 8 pounds, though, BTW, so I’m almost at my exciting 10 pounds I lost last fall before Chippygate made me eat my pain and gain it all back), but I DO like asking other people. I also like them to pick stuff out for me, because I would wear black leggings, a big black top and a long sweater every day of the year if left to my own devices. Ask me what I’m wearing today, in fact. But since about 1989 when a friend suggested I try a babydoll dress AND I LOOKED FABULOUS [disclaimer: that was 40 pounds ago], I’ve treasured other people’s input.

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  14. I hate hate HATE shopping for clothes. Thank God my standard work uniform of black yoga pants from Target and a Target V-neck t-shirt (I can never have enough of the V-neck t-shirt) makes shopping for a new work outfit a breeze. The benefits of working from home.

    I also don’t go clothes shopping “just because.” If I’m shopping for clothes that aren’t yoga pants and t-shirts, it’s for a specific reason and of course I never find what I want/need. God help me if I have to go to a wedding because I would have to go shopping for a suitable dress and I will end up with something crappy because I get frustrated and annoyed and just pick something to get it over with and I’ll never wear it again because it wasn’t quite right so it will go into the “donate” pile. Good thing I’ve been to one wedding in the last 10 years.

    And don’t even get me started on shopping for new bras. That is a nightmare I dread.

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  15. Ok sorry but I’m with Ned and the eagle guy. I buy clothes when I need them because I hate shopping for clothes. And I would never pay the prices they charge for those boxed subscriptions. The bird shirt was cute but it wasn’t worth the price they were asking. That’s why I didn’t vote. I’m stuck in another time. If any article of clothing costs more than $19.95 then it’s too much.

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  16. yetanotherkelly, I totally agree with you on bra shopping! I will buy multiples on that item when I find one I like and is half way comfortable. Hate, hate, hate bra shopping!

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  17. I want to know why bras and bathing suits are so very expensive.

    Ned is getting better looking with age for sure. Also attractive about him is his cat parenting. Treatment of June cancels all of the above in terms of Ned-crushing by me. But he does have his redeeming qualities.

    I also find clothes too expensive, the prices on some of that stitch fix made me gulp. This may be because I still have offspring to cloth, so the only time I let the cash flow freely for me is LuLaRoe. All bets are off there.

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  18. I couldn’t care less about anyone else’s opinion of what I buy or wear. It’s my opinion that carries the day. I hate shopping for clothes, too; actually it’s trying on clothes that I hate.

    It’s like when I’m trying on eye-glasses and the person working there insists on giving me her opinion. I don’t give a shit about her opinion! Buzz off and leave me alone to make up my own mind, thanks very much.

    -Kate, not a man

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  19. I don’t enjoy shopping in person. I marginally enjoy shopping online and then furiously cramming everything back into their boxes to be returned. And you all know that I tend to favor black, but actually today I am not wearing black!! Gray pants, cranberry top, gray/white tweedy jacket. Oh, wait, my scarf is mostly black (with a gray and cranberry blootch here and there) (and tassels!!), but I took that off in a huff and tossed in my desk because work is stressful today. My shoes are grey snakeskinish. My purse is cranberry. OK, my raincoat is black, but that’s in the closet so it doesn’t count. Gold jewelry. I am a veritable rainbow of color today!!

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  20. I had a Boss, fmr., who never said he went “shopping.” He called it “restocking.” (Note the masculine pronoun.)

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  21. Add me to the “don’t make me go shopping” crowd. My oldest daughter is my personal shopper. She comes home with the perfect thing for me every.single.time. I can buy my own yoga pants and t-shirts, but she gets me when it comes to work clothes and dress up stuff. She’s the one who converted me from gabardine pants and fugly cable knit pullover sweaters in hideous shades to wearing dresses every day for work. Her selling point – it’s one decision every morning. Don’t need to pick the pants AND the top AND MAYBE the cardigan, but maybe not. Also dresses allow for more flattering styles for my body type. Once I figured out that I was a fit-and-flare girl, I’ve never gone back. And the interesting thing was how many more women at work started wearing dresses again once I did. None of the men though… weird.

    Lovely post lovely June! All my picks won in voting – I think the Stitch was Fixed.

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  22. Hate hate haaaaate shopping! I am a huge clothes horse, but I order everything online, including shoes. Always from Zappos. If they are uncomfortable, I just send them back for free.

    I especially feel tortured the few times I’ve gone shopping with my Mom and my sister. I usually split off from them, buy my purchases and then go find somewhere to sit down until an hour passes and they’re finally done. A few years ago, my sister, Mom and my niece went to lunch together and they all decided we should run to Walmart to “pick up a few items”. 3 hours later, I actually laid down in the aisle and refused to get up until my sister and Mom agreed to leave. I couldn’t take the pain anymore! I would rather have had God-only-knows-what Walmart germs all over me, than shop another minute. Since then, strangely, they don’t ask me to go shopping anymore.

    I don’t want anyone else’s opinion on what I’m buying, unless it’s something major, like a wedding dress or something on that level.

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      1. I know, right?!? And 3 hours is a conservative estimate. I actually think it was longer than that. I love them dearly, but my sister and Mom are the worst people ever to go shopping with.

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  23. I think you must be more social than I am June! I too just want to get in and out if possible. I’d rather sit to talk with my friends than shop with them anyway. Maybe I am too scared to know what they think of my taste.

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  24. Sorry I didn’t vote although I read. My votes were with the majority. And I like to shop. So sue me. Although I got a job a year ago where my clothes were provided-hospital scrubs- and now I fin I rarely need to. All the clothes I’ve had work since I only need to get dressed in them twice a week. I’m just a little bored with them.

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