Don’t fence me in

When we last left each other, flush from our reunion, I told you that Steely Dan was injured and I’d taken him to the vet. It turns out, it wasn’t a cat fight. It was a rock lobster.

No.

It was a fence or maybe a tree. They think he got caught in a fence. Like he’s a steer or something. Anyway, in his endless quest to be mysterious, it turns out Steely Dan is really easy to pill. Affable Iris, the second-most cheerful cat on earth (after Winston, fmr.), is an

ASSHOLE

about taking a pill. Evil Steely Dan, who’d just as soon cut you as cuddle with you, is all, Oh. Okay. You can shove that thing in my gullet. Fine. Is there any port?

IMG_7084.jpg
dreeem of ouwt

But here’s the thing. He really. Really. Really. Wants to go out. And the vet has him on antibiotics for a week and wants him to stay in.

IMG_7087.jpgHe wants out. Though. Is the thing.

And I have to remain ETERNALLY VIGILANT, because he can figure out doors as long as they’re not deadbolted (at least he hasn’t figured out deadbolts…yet. Now he has all this time on his paws to Google it), and so far this has happened twice…

IMG_7078.jpg
God da–GET BACK IN THE HOUSE
IMG_7088.jpg
Where’s the–GODDAMMIT

So that’s been relaxing.

Other than my endless parade of animals and their animal drama, today marks 10 years that I moved into this house, and to celebrate, I’m getting a crown.

Taaaa-daaaa!

Dental work scares me. I don’t like it. I’m getting the gas, so I will be fairly oblivious, and that’s for my sake AND the poor dentist’s. I’ve got a new dentist after the whole hygienist-who-never-stopped-prattering fiasco at the last place (if you just got here–heh–I got up all my courage to ask for the other hygienist, and I saw her once, and then the next time I came they gave me the chatterbox again, so I got up my courage and asked AGAIN, and they scheduled me with ol’ Chat Room AGAIN. The End), and he seems pretty highfalutin’ with his equipment and so on, so maybe my crown won’t be so bad.

Other than that, since we haven’t talked in a coon’s age, let’s go see what my photos can tell us about what the HELL I’ve been doing lately…

IMG_6980.jpgDo I even wanna know what I was thinking when I took this?

img_6984.jpg
Why must all my screens be useless?

I went to Home Depot, then Lowe’s, then Home Depot again last weekend, because no one else ever thinks to go there on weekends, so it was like a big relaxing cavern, really. I picked up these succulents because I fall for any novelty.

Really I was buying paint and switchplates, but that never stops me from a pink succulent impulse buy.

I also tried to go have tea with my coworker Nefertete, and TEA with NeferTETE was almost too much for me on the cute level, but guess what.

IMG_7038.jpg
And yet? You’re not.

They were CLOSED.

IMG_7036.jpg
Portrait of a Bereft June

We tried to go to a coffee shop and I want you to gird your loins. CLOSED. Had the world ended? It was Monday at 5:45 p.m.

So we ended up at a bar in a restaurant, and the bartender kept insinuating himself into our conversations, probably because Nefertete is young and hot. And then I choked on my wine, as I am always choking on liquids, and careful readers will recall that I’ve already been knocked out and had a tube down my throat to see why and there’s no reason BUT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. So.

IMG_7014.jpgOooo, and I went to the farmers market this weekend and got my annual plants. These are called frrrrr-deeee-glloooo-de-harbels, and they need pretty much zero care. They feel kind of hard, like a succulent, and apparently it rains just enough here that they thrive in front of my house like this.

I get them every year, and they last April through October.

Then at some point in November I look up and they’re all dying and brown the same way I am, and I throw them out unceremoniously. The way the world has with me.

The point is, while I was marketing like a farmer, the woman who sold me my flowers was young-ish. I can’t tell the difference between 22 and 35 anymore, but she hovered in that general age range. We’d been kibitzing a bit while she rang me up, and she rolled her eyes when she said, “You wanna get hit on by men over 50, this is the place.”

I hadn’t expressed an interest in being hit on, by the way. She said that in response to ANOTHER saleswoman having been hit on.

And right then, it hit me.

Fuck you, men over 50. I mean, really. Fuck you.

Men who are 55 are always going to try for the woman who’s 22. Or they’ll claim they like women their own age but have a leering eye that tells another story.

I know I said a few months back that I’d given up, but right then, at the farmers market which really does not get an apostrophe so don’t get your knickers wadded, right then, I King Kamehameha gave up.

It’s not that I’m not interested in men my age. It’s that I don’t like them. They’re kind of horrible people. And maybe that seems, oh, a tad general, but I’ve been out here tryina meet them since 2015 and have not met very kind men.

They were kind when we were all 32. They were! But I think the kind ones got swooped up in committed relationships. For the most part, what’s out here are men who aren’t good. They’re the evil leftovers. And I guess the same could be said about me, but while I’m flawed, I’m not addicted to porn or leering at 23-year-olds like I actually have a chance.

IMG_7049.jpg
How I feel about men, on the inside

So that closes that chapter.

I’ll talk to you later, post crown.

Royally,
June

Advertisements

Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

38 thoughts on “Don’t fence me in”

  1. “Then at some point in November I look up and they’re all dying and brown the same way I am, and I throw them out unceremoniously. The way the world has with me.” This made me chuckle and choke on my water.

    On the men front, once I absolutely gave up on meeting one, I did. A friend threw us together one night, after being told “No, thanks” about ten times. That was 2010 and we haven’t killed each other yet.

    Like

  2. Good luck keeping SD in the house. You might have to put the cone of shame on him to keep him inside. If you go that route, please record it so that we can all enjoy the hilarity!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel like woman over a certain age become invisible and I think this happens even earlier if you are deemed unattractive or overweight.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. 1 1000% agree with this. I know for a fact, I became invisible around the age of 50. Not that I want men leering at me all the time but it’s sort of weird when you realize they don’t even glance any more.

      Like

      1. I also agree!! I am 47, overweight, and not the cute girl I once was. I can’t even remember the last time I got a knowing glance from a guy. My husband, on the other hand, is 49 and slim and attractive and gets those looks ALL THE FREAKING TIME. I’m kind of offended that he gets to be the attractive one in this couple.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw, thanks, that’s nice. I mentioned this in the comments yesterday, but maybe I should just put the tip jar back up. Look at me, missing cash action opportunities. Anyway, the link is: paypal.me/JuneGardens

      Like

  4. Well maybe there is some guy out there who is a widower… I don’t know. I hate hate going to Home Depot. I walk in for a lightbulb and end up dropping 100.00 at least on…nothing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Well they might as well have told you to put the genie back in the bottle. Good luck with that one.

    It’s sad, but I think your assessment of men our age might be right. What if you found a good, solid married one and murdered the wife? What could go wrong? Although, from the outside looking in, a man may appear to be a good catch but who knows what goes on behind closed doors? It would be a shame to do away with a perfectly nice woman only to find out the husband is not all he was cracked up to be. I’ll keep thinking…

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Dating is so frustrating! I’m back to online dating and it seems that all that’s left is just the bottom of the barrel leftovers. And they’ve given up as well. Barely anyone takes the time to even write anything in their „about me“ section. I’m on match, they give suggestions on what to write and it seems like most men just copy paste it and feel like they’re done. Add a shaky unflattering selfie they took in the car or their dirty bathroom mirror and they expect women to respond to that?

    Like

  7. I keep thinking I’ve met some really nice, decent, kind, man and then after a bit of time passes I find out their truth which only makes me feel like I have terrible skills at judging men/relationships and then I doubt myself. It really pisses me off….why do I end up doubting myself because some asshole hides the fact that he’s an asshole for some bit of time? (Current status: dating a couple of guys who both seem like REALLY nice guys and I’m just waiting for the truth to come out. Although one of them is a guy Fay went to high school with and she tells me he really is a decent guy so I’m remaining hopeful.)

    Liked by 2 people

  8. OMG girl! I am so with you on the 50-something men. They need to grow the F up. Their profiles state they’re looking for women between ages 18-35, The they say they are “young at heart” and state ignorant things like “no fatties”. They themselves have shitty credit and big fat guts.

    I have been on dates where they complain about how women lie on their profiles and yet they are total jerks. And don’t get me started on the 50-something’s with young children..

    Every picture has them either holding a fish or some other dead carcass or they’re on a motorcycle that is more expensive than to the shitty house they are standing in front of. Yeah, I give up too. I’d rather be alone than deal with these sad, stale leftovers of the dating world.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Normally I don’t take comments personally but… I resemble that remark.

    As a 50+ year old who enjoys flirting with women half my age I just want to say that I have zero interest in dating anyone half my age. What would we talk about? OK the sex might be great but the pillow talk afterwards would make me question my life choices.

    My divorce will be final soon and I may start dating (shudder) but I will look for woman around my same age who share similar interests. (Sorry June but that means watching Musicals)

    Not all guys are jerks. (But some truly are. And some woman too. See reference to getting a divorce)

    S

    Like

    1. I’ve said this before, Enormous Member Steve, but you ARE one of the good ones. You’ll be reattached in no time. The good men are not out there for very long.

      Of course, this means you’ll have to find a woman who likes fucking musicals. But you will.

      Like

      1. I’m feeling bad for detached Enormous Member Steve – one thing you don’t want to be when you’re an Enormous Member is detached.

        Like

  10. I’m with you on hating the dentist. This is the result of having a brutal dentist as a child. My brother and childhood friends are the same way because of the same dentist. Now? I always tell my dentist I am allergic to pain, but he should know that by now. I have been his patient since 1970.

    Poor SD. He just wants to protect his territory even though he has a hurt leg.

    My heart goes out to all you peeps that are single and want to date. I would hate to think about dating at my age. These men that want young, sweet things are not even thinking about the future and the gap in age. It might be okay now, but it DOES make a difference when you get older. I see this with my brother and sister-in-law. He is ready to retire and she is no where near retirement age.

    Like

  11. “As a 50+ year old who enjoys flirting with women half my age…”

    The younger women I’ll “leer at” tend to remind me of someone else that I knew back when I was also her age. What I (we?) really want when chatting them up at the dog park or in the aisle at Lowes is for them to be inspired enough to consider arranging a fix-up of some sort with her age appropriate single/divorced Mom or that fun Aunt or maybe a co-worker or neighbor.
    (well, so long as she doesn’t have a house full of cats)

    Similar seems the best use of OLD meets.

    Like

    1. @Susan in Atlanta

      Thanks for recommending our product, we really appreciate it!
      We get all sorts of feedback of customers using our door knob covers for reasons other child safety- including Alzheimer’s patients, pets, and who knows what else.

      Thanks,
      Sarah
      Jool Baby

      Like

  12. Now see I found that men in their 30s were assholes. All into themselves. I hated dating in my 30s. It was all “hey I took you to dinner and blew $50 the least you can do is blow me”. Yeah, No Thanks. I had so many bad dating stories it isn’t even funny. My mid 40s I swore I was never going to have another relationship then in sauntered Kahuna with his kind manner and entertaining wit and well so much for that. My point is he wasn’t all into himself. He was mature and settled and it wasn’t all about the (whispers like my Aunt Ima) s-e-x. It was hey why don’t we get to know each other, let’s be companions, want to travel and see some things. I honestly just got lucky.

    Like

  13. Steely Dan looks like he’s set a trap to bonk poor Lily on the noggin with a pot. Keep your ass inside, evil kitty.

    Like

  14. Steely, try to stay out of trouble, ok?

    I have no experience with online dating so have no comments to offer on this issue.

    Like

  15. Now that you’ve been crowned, your royalty status beat Meghan’s by a month. Well deserved, your highness.

    Like

  16. i feel you so much on this post. i have to take a xanax to just go to the dentist let have ANYTHING done. y’all remember i recently had a tooth pulled? from inexpensive dentist? i think something is wrong with what he did. sigh.

    and 50 year old men? yeah. no. i don’t expect to have a serious relationship any time soon. i have been known to date down, tho.

    Like

  17. Your photographs of your family of cats are so lovely. You capture each of their personalities so well. Poor SD. STAY INSIDE. Geez.

    I got married way too young, so I just smile and nod when the online dating conversation comes up. I do think that if I were single, I would just prefer to stay single. But, who knows? I haven’t walked a mile in those moccasins.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

Comments are closed.