Royal with cheese

I got my crown.

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Bow down, bitches

Of course I took a flattering selfie at the dentist. What are you? New? I feel like I didn’t look that bad in real life, but what do I know?

They have a procedure there where you get the whole crown in one visit–no horrific temporary. No mold where they stick the goop in your head. They built my crown on the computer and made it in the other room and stuck it in my head. I believe I took this while I was waiting for my crown. When AMN’T I waiting for a crown? “Amn’t” is a good word that I made up when I was like two.

Anyway, technology. It’s not just a good idea. It’s the law. Say, June, why don’t you try to make some sense?

Afterward, I thought it was okay. I went to the grocery store and got dog food, cat food, Steely Dan canned food (like he’s not also a cat), and coffee. All the staples. Then I came home and walked Edsel for half an hour, fed everyone, and considered watching another rousing episode of Parenthood (Kristina Braverman is an asshole) when

ow.

Oh my god, ow.

OW.

It really started to hurt. I mean, he told me it might be “sensitive,” but mother of god. And of course I own zero ibuprofen. Migraine people don’t even bother with it.

And this is why it’s a problem that Ned is four minutes away. Ned, who owns enough ibuprofen to reduce SpongeBob’s inflammation. When he sees a hot sponge girl.

Ned is an old man, who continues to insist upon the gym, so as a result something always hurts on Ned. Not his conscience. Don’t be silly. But the rest of him.

IMG_7112.jpgSo he came over. Brought me meds. And all the cats rejoiced throughout the land. Well. That’s not entirely true. Steely Dan mostly ignored him, after an initial minute of attempts to have THAT guy let him out, since The Girl is not budging on this matter.

“He’s just looking up at the doorknob,” Ned noted.

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so fekking bore
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Even when he’s “resting,” he keeps whipping his tail angrily.

IMG_7080.jpgAnyway, Ned’s delivery of meds went without incident, and the ibuprofen did work, and maybe I’ll take more today, because while it’s certainly better, it’s not 100% pleased with this coffee hitting it.

IMG_7107.jpgThe rest of my evening pretty much went like this. Poor Iris and her lack of eyes.

…I just saw an email that work wants me to come in right away and get started on something, so I’d better go early, but while I was convalescing yesterday, I had a thought.

What if Princess Diana isn’t really dead? What if the royal family was sick and tired of her bullshit, and she was sick of attention, so they made up a scheme where they faked her death? No, I’m not smoking the pot. But I have been watching The Royals, that stupid show on E (Exclamation Point).

Did I ever tell you when the economy was booming and I lived in LA, they called me, E Exclamation Point did, to offer me a job? They called me at WORK. I don’t even know how they got my number. But they needed a copy editor, and they wanted me. It wasn’t “Come in for an interview,” it was “Come in for the job.”

And this was all very exciting and flattering, till they asked what I made. I told them. “Are you willing to be flexible on that salary?” they asked. The TELEVISION NETWORK asked. I was working for an independently owned court reporting agency at the time, proofing depositions. Who do YOU think had a bigger budget? Give me a break.

“I’m willing to be flexible about my salary going UP, sure,” I said. And that was the end of my relationship with E Exclamation Point.

And see? I could be starring in the very intelligent The Royals right now. Or I could be proofreading it.

I gotta go.

Achingly,
Joop

P.S. My yard is pretty and I keep forgetting to show you. (Oh my GOD, June, you’re supposed to get to work.)

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Peg’s tree, at the front, here, has both white AND pink flowers.

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And my drag-queen-colors bushes are in bloom

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Okay. I’m really going to work now.

Joob

hey. GuRl leef compewter onn. dO someWon come to leT steeeelee out? miSTEAK been maade. STeeeleee need owet. OWT. OWWT.

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Author: June

At one point, I was sort of hot, in a "she's 27 and probably a 7" kind of a way. Now I'm old and have to develop a charming personality. Guess how that's going.

68 thoughts on “Royal with cheese”

  1. Love the Spring pictures but I am in a mood today and they are just making me bitter as we are supposed to get snow today. I know I live in the Buffalo area but this isn’t normal for us, it should be in the 50s at least here. You know, shorts weather.

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  2. every time it’s spring and you show us the beauty of your place i miss the south.

    love the bookends up there.

    you’re the crowning glory.

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  3. It’s still gray and gloomy here. Loved your gorgeous pictures. Why didn’t I take a travel assignment to NC? Damn!

    Love the pic with Ned surrounded by cats. He’s like the Hugh Hefner of the cat world!

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  4. They look like big fluffy bodyguards!
    So are you actually getting warm weather?? We have another freeze warning tonight. In Virginia. Which apparently has moved to the North Pole.

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  5. Don’t you LOVE Parenthood? You’re right – Kristina is not fun! But I love Amber and Drew! I watched the whole series last year in a week . . . it was so good!! Now that you’ve mentioned it, I see I’m going to have to watch it again.

    Beautiful pictures!! We need to find you a house with an equally beautiful yard.

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  6. I was going to comment on the beauty of your flowers and home and then complain that we still have snow (yesterday) but the folks in the mid-west and north of me have it worse, so I’m shutting up now.

    OH MY GOD THE BRAVERMANS. BRAVERMEN? They are ALL assholes, not just Kristina. (Fun Fact: the only other Kristina I know that spells it that way is having twins (boys, I think) by C-Section this morning, a scant ten months after her daughter was born, a scant nine months after the wedding. She needs a TV in the bedroom. And possibly a taser.) I routinely wanted to smack Crosby. And Sarah. And Adam is insufferable. Who was the other one? OH, Julia. And the grandkids are The Worst. Great show to hate-watch.

    I think you can combine two ibuprofens and two acetaminophens, for the pain. And I plan to name my next two cats Ibuprofen and Acetaminophen.

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    1. I took another ibuprofen and I’m fine. And for everyone with the

      ADVICE,

      I have had crowns before. It generally hurts me the day after. This feels normal to me, this ache.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Sorry about the tooth pain. You are supposed to get drugs when they hurt you. Tylenol with codeine or something. Damn this drug paranoia from all the addiction.

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  8. If you did feel slightly better from the ibruprofen, the pain is probably from all the yanking and messing around. If you keep taking the ibuprofen and feel better that’s it. If you feel worse though – which I realize is relative to a person who has migraines – I would definitely call that dentist. Also, even with your described pain I now wish for a dentist who would do a crown all at once.

    I’m sick of rainy, grey, crappy weather (again, today!) and am jealous of your beautiful flowers. Thank you for sharing.

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  9. Hope you feel better! Peg’s tree is beautiful. I have white dogwoods in my yard but always envy those who have pink dogwood or tulip trees, they are so pretty. The girls posing with Ned remind of the lion statues you see outside alot of old buildings and museums.

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  10. I just realized yesterday was my day in the pool for Kate to have her dang baby. June gets the crown, Kate gets the princess. Dang that woman.

    We have yet to see spring and I fear many of our usual signs will pass us by and it will be 90 degrees and humid by May 1. Now they are telling us the robins are dying because they don’t eat birdseed. They only eat worms and berries and what not. One more thing to worry about.

    “Ned, who owns enough ibuprofen to reduce SpongeBob’s inflammation.” killed me DED. I have started taking two ibuprofen with my vitamins in the morning. Like vitamin C, vitamin D, vitamin E, and vitamin pain. Or vitamin old.

    You are so pretty June!

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        1. You know what sounds good? Zingers, from Dolly Madison. When she wasn’t busy being first lady, she was whipping up some excellent processed treats.

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          1. OMG I LOVE vanilla zingers, they have them in the machine here at work and I consider it a personally victory every day that I do NOT buy them. Like my own personal safety record. I have gone 7 days without buying zingers….

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          2. I craved those things when I was pregnant. I happened to get my hands on a free pink coconut one. Um, not so much anymore.

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          3. Do they not make raspberry Zingers anymore? They were my favorite junk food, ever, and I can’t find them anymore, just the yellow ones, which I hate.

            Looking at Iris and Lily on either side of Ned, I can see why I always can’t tell one from the other. It’s not my fault.

            Poor SD. And you, with the crown pain. Hope you feel better soon, pretty lady.

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          4. When I was in junior high, I ate vanilla/yellow Zingers every ding dong (see what I did there?) day. And then stayed on that sugar high for the rest of the day.

            Good times, man.

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            1. In high school I ate a Twinkie and drank one carton of chocolate milk and one carton of white milk, mixed together as my lunch. Every. Single. Day. And on Fridays I would splurge on an ice cream sandwich. And weighed a continuous 108 every day for four years. How did I not die of scurvy or some wasting disease is beyond me.

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  11. Love the photo of Ned and the cat statues. OH MY LORT, it just occurred to me that he looks like Zuul and her dog/gargoyle statues from Ghostbusters!

    I love that Peg’s tree has both white and pink flowers. So very pretty.

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  12. Hope your mouf feels better today, Joon. That’s a great picture of Ned. He’s actually smiling, in case no one noticed. Wish my yard was as beautiful as yours, with all the blooms.

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  13. Ned is smiling! Who wouldn’t smile with those two cats surrounding them? Your yard is beautiful.

    Your hair is beautiful, even though you are suffering and stressed at the dentist. This is NOT advice, but my dentist told me you can take three ibuprofen, which is actually the Rx dose. I’ve always taken three at a time for them to be effective for any type of pain, from teeth to feet.

    “hey. GuRl leef compewter onn. dO someWon come to leT steeeelee out? miSTEAK been maade. STeeeleee need owet. OWT. OWWT.” This just crack me up!!!! Poor baby.

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  14. You deserve to be living right in the middle of all that loveliness. Your picket fence entry to your yard is charming. Hats off to Ridiculous Al.

    Love the idea of the one visit crown. May it continue to spread to a dentist’s office near me.

    Everybody else took all my good lines. I hope your poor little traumatized mouth is healing quickly.

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  15. For anybody heading in for a crown in the future: my dentist told me to always take 3 Ibuprofen before you leave to come in. If you forget they will stop and bring you some mid process.

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    1. Everyone just needs to take my approach and take them every morning. One never knows what pain awaits.

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    2. I have to take antibiotics before my dentist visits, because I don’t want any cooties to get on my crystal hip (total hip replacement). Can I add the Ibuprofen to the antibiotics?

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  16. Bravermen and -women. Gah! Agree Kristina was worst, with her “oh Max you’re so brave for making these people uncomfortable and treating them like dirt, and I will too!” and her “I’m going to host a dinner party right after my chemo!” But the others were just sitting around that big table panting for their chance to make a life-changing stupid decision. And when I did start to like someone, they would whirl around and become stupid and horrible (I’m looking at you, Crosby’s-wife-whose-name-I-can’t-remember). Or incredibly “understanding” when the other person ruined everything. I thought these personality disorders only happened in soaps.

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  17. And on my favorite topic, I had a glorious opportunity recently to choose a fancy piece of cake at a ritzy “tea” place, and how could I pass up the raspberry-lemon-coconut? Which turned out to taste just like a raspberry Zinger.

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  18. I still want to BE a Braverman! Tough crowd.
    Camille is my favorite.

    I feel like you have a teenage human, trying to keep Steely Dan in for his own good. It is that much of a pain in the ass to corral a human for their own good.

    Spring isn’t here either, so the yard pics are enjoyable!

    I need one more crown and my dentist just can’t figure out why I’m not clamoring to get it. “Your insurance approved it!” she says joyfully. Oh honey. That means I only own $350, which is a lot of money, and then I pay you to torture me. I wish they’d just yank it. Why dentists have to be so holier than thou about leaving teeth in.

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  19. How does that tree DO that? Pink and white on the same tree? Those dang azaleas make me so jealous. They don’t grow here. Our soil is too alkaline. I hate all dental work. It isn’t enough that you are in pain, you are supposed to feel vaguely guilty too about not taking better care of your teeth. Or is that just my hygienist? Pain with guilt seems like extra unfair punishment.

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    1. I think she kind of grew two trees right up next to each other so they’d fuse. On the other hand, maybe she didn’t even do it and the person BEFORE her did. I act like Peg was a reagular Johnny Appleseed or something. Also, I like how it’s still “Peg’s” tree, when it’s Oscar’s Dad’s tree now.

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  20. I can’t take NSADS due to chronic reflux plus two dueodenal ulcers before the age of 25 GI history. That is why I take the tylenol with codene. I was on Vioxx for a herniated disc years ago before they pulled it off the market. I ended in the ER and staying for a night of observation for a heart attack due to the chest pain. Being a diabetic ups the chance of heart attacks quite a bit. If I were opening my mouth for a big dental procedure there needed to be gas, numbing shots and a pain killer prescription involved. I hope the uped dosages did the trick.

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  21. One of the greatest things about living with animals and not people is that you can control the remote and decide what you want to watch when you want to watch it.

    Your garden is lovely.

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    1. I often hear myself asking Edsel if he’s ready to, say, watch Victoria with me. “Are you ready for another episode of Younger, Eds?”

      Disclaimer: He always is.

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  22. Loved this post. And what a great picture. Well, many picture,s but especially of Ned with the Shining twin cats. Baby that I am, I try and weasel any sort of drug/gas/tranquilizer combo from the dentist that I can when I get crown(s). And then they still hurt me for up to a month after. Every damn time.
    Ned’s conscience! Great post June.

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  23. Your old aunt needs a joint replacement! Me. I’m the old one. Found out today that the ball of my left foot can and needs to be replaced. I call it my ball joint, which Bill points out is on a car. I’ll need a walker after surgery and will have to have antibiotics whenever I have teeth cleaning. On the positive side, the surgeon said that he looked at my birthdate three times because he couldn’t believe it.

    Aunt Kathy

    >

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    1. You must look great then. Sorry about the foot thing. My mom had something done last year and was off her feet 6 months. Feet are no joke.

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  24. Camille was the best Braverman. What I want to know is how that spoiled little rich girl Haddie scored Michael B Jordan as her boyfriend.

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    1. Oh, also? While we’re up? Must Sarah Braverman cry IN EVERY EPISODE? Must she? And the actress always gets this puff-her-lips-out, flared-nostril face when she’s weepy. She got the same face on Gilmore Girls. Makes me want to smash her face with a pillow.

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  25. Fun Fact! The Kristina I know that was having twins today? Not boys, it turns out. Girls, and weighing in about six pounds each. (That’s a lot of baby.) Want to guess the names? Go ahead, I’ll wait. Clue: Neither rhymes with Braden, Jaden, Aiden, Frayden, Krayden, etc., AND they are not cutesy twin names like Dora and Nora or Kelly and Shelly.

    Fun Fact! Adam on Parenthood and Sarah on Parenthood are siblings on the show, but in a relationship in real life. And they were when they show was still on the air. Ok, maybe that’s an icky fact.

    Fun Fact! Not advice, and probably not a good idea, but if you wash your pain pills down with vodka, they’ll work faster. (At least, according to Susanna Kaysen of Girl, Interrupted, who did that when she had a headache. See where that landed her.)

    Fun Fact! Every pregnant woman due in April has already had their baby(ies) and what in the bloody hell is Kate waiting for? MAY? Ooooooh, maybe she lied completely about her due date so she can have the baby on Meghan’s wedding day. BTW, Meghan’s outfit yesterday would’ve landed her on the last page of Glamour with her eyes blocked out. A fashion don’t.

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  26. Ibuprofen…works great, but I had to give it up, because it makes GERD a lot worse. Not advice, just telling you what can happen.

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  27. I love the cat gargoyles & Ned picture…all the pictures actually.

    I hope your mouth feels better!

    I haven’t seen Parenthood or The Gilmore Girls. My daughter and I started Gray’s Anatomy from the first episode and we have been binging on that in short spurts all year. I haven’t watched anything else really, unless you count Cheers to fall asleep at night. (Or Friends, or The Office…it depends on my mood…sometimes it is even Love Actually…)

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  28. Our azaleas are TRYING to bloom up here, but for some reason temps have plunged again and it is way too cold for spring. I mean, I look out the window and all the trees are flowering (because it was warm, briefly, last week) and the sun is shining and I’m all “Oooh, look, it’s nice out!” And then I walk outside without my coat and it’s like I’ve been sucker punched, it’s so cold.

    NICE JOKE, SPRING

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