ADD is--oooo, shiny! · Film · I like cats · Television

Twirl her tiny mustache

Did you ever see a TV show where the alarm goes off and the person shuts it off and immediately gets out of bed? Are there really people like that, or is it like TV gifts that are fully wrapped and you just take the top off ?

I used to think those Xs on the bottoms of Christmas trees were a fake TV thing, too, till I moved to LA and that’s how they give you a Christmas tree. Also, you haven’t experienced weird till the sun beats upon you while you’re getting a Christmas tree. With an X on the bottom.

Also, why do you guys let me do math? Why do you leave me alone with math problems?

Yesterday I said there were 108 lives in my house right now, and that I took forever to do that math. Today I woke up, by smacking the alarm and lying there forever like a normal not-in-LA person who has to cram her Christmas tree into an absurdly difficult Christmas tree stand, and figured out I did the math wrong.

Okay. Cats have nine lives.

I have three regularly scheduled cats.

Then I have a mom and seven kittens.

3 + 1 + 7 = 11.

9 lives x 11 cats is 99.

Right? But I said 108. And also, I kept thinking okay, there are 12 cats here (there aren’t) (I don’t think. Hell, if one slipped past the bouncer, who could blame me for not noticing at this point), so it’s 99 + 12.

But it wouldn’t be. It’s be 99 + 9.

Oh my god, hoooo care.

So, hi.

I have kittens.

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Today at lunch I am going to scream down to the pet supply and get a bottle and mother’s milk. Like, from a cat, not from my own mother. I worry about this one, who is like a tenth of the size of her (his? her. Because tortoiseshell, right? They’re always girls?) siblings. Her name is Elizabeth–the youngest Walton. Look at her little mustache! It’s not so cute when I have one.

I tried to put all the other kittens in the carrier last night and give her alone with mom time, but she was so not into it. She wanted to wobble around and look at things teensily. Twirl her tiny mustache. And so on.

IMG_7486.jpgThere’s a lot of competition for food. Not to be obsessed with LA today or anything, but it’s like trying to go to brunch in Santa Monica.

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IMG_7475.jpgSo that’s the update on foster kittens. The Foster Report®.

I wish I had some sort of…Foster Grant to cover the costs of this.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Really, you have sent tips, kitten tips, and that is magnificent of you. Thank you.

Lottie Blanco, m’coworker, brought me cans of kitten food, which I am feeding to the mom. They told me to feed kitten food to nursing cats. And it’ll be a matter of days before they all start eating that food.

I took down my tip jar ages ago, when I put UP that link to shop with Amazon. It seemed annoying to have both. Maybe my problem is I’m not ambitious.

Anyway, I still have a tip jar, it’s just not up. The link to send tips, just the tip, is still

https://www.paypal.me/JuneGardens.

Or,

Tips.

$10.00

But don’t leave a tip if you can’t afford it. I’m mentioning it now because a few times in the comments these past few days, people have wondered where the tip jar is, and that’s the answer. Maybe I should just put it the hell back up.

But we have other important details to discuss. Today we have:

Another poll.

Photos of my coworkers.

A rundown of the silent movie I saw last night.

And info on my high school boyfriend.

Oh, boy, June. Lemme get my coffee and we can get started. Even though you’ve already spoken for 626 words already.

Another poll.
You know my boss, fmr., whose clothes we vote on when she gets her StitchFix? She’s come into a little money as of late, a little pin money. Some hat money. Oh my god June shut up.

Should she:

…I just want you to know I can NEVER FIND where to add a poll to this blog, and I will not say the struggle is real but oh my hod. (Hod. What is WRONG with me? Oh my Hoda Kobe.)

Photos of my coworkers.
I have recently taken two coworker photos I’ve enjoyed. Here they are.

IMG_7188.jpgThis coworker came over to show me her cat mug, because she thought I would enjoy it, and what I enjoyed were her pink earrings, pink shirt, pink lipstick AND her pink mug, all at once. So a photo was born.

IMG_7448.jpgMy coworker Molly was excited about her new t-shirt, and I was taking photos of said shirt for her, but I like this blurry one best. Which is the story of my life.

Slivent Movie.
Slivent. What the hell is wrong with me? Have we discussed yet?

Last night, my old movie theater showed the silent film Sunrise, which I knew nothing about, but I did see the sequel, Sunset.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, June. Lemme get a tissue.

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We have the original organ at my theater, from when it opened in 1927, and they have a guy come from Chapel Hill or somewhere to play it during the silent films. He’s really good. I mean, what do I know? But he adds to the suspense and so on with his playing.

Also, who knew this old movie would have me at the edge of my seat, barely able to concentrate on my peanut M&Ms?

There was one scene where some vamp-ish city folk, a word they kept capping in the subtitles, (“Come to the City.” “She was a fast City girl.” You know how lighthearted I am about things like this.) wanted to redo the hair of our country heroine, up there, and she had a fit and didn’t get her hair done. I was over there screaming, GET YOUR HAIR DONE, FOR GOD’S SAKE. I mean, silently. Because silent movie. Plus, peanut M&Ms in my mouth.

It really was a stupid hairdo. When she finally drowns at the end her hair looks way better.

Spoiler alert! You only had 91 years to see this movie, so I understand if your pressing schedule kept you from it.

I act like I didn’t just see it 12 hours ago.

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yu annoy

High School Boyfriend
My high school swain, fmr., Cardinal, is in North Carolina, and we are getting together tonight. Naturally there’s something, like, dead in my house. There is this smell. I cannot figure it out. It’s not cat litter, although you’d think it was. The kittens don’t use a box yet, and I’m changing mom’s box twice a day and my OWN cats’ box twice a day.

I took out the trash and the recycling.

It’s driving me insane.

Anyway, this has become less about Cardinal and more about the dead thing that dwells under my house, but there it is.

I’ll talk to you tomorrow, when I hope to cover an equally dizzying array of the pressing topics of our time.

Shutting off the alarm and getting right out of bed. Also going to someone’s house to visit before work, like they do on TV shows and never anywhere else in life,
June

 

 

 

46 thoughts on “Twirl her tiny mustache

  1. I love Elizabeth and her ridiculously bigger than her body whiskers. Mama has such beautiful gold eyes!

    I hope the mother’s milk works for Runty McRunterson. Don’t know if you talked to Robyn, but I would swear that she also gives her runtish kittens (human) baby food. Chicken, I think?

    I think I mentioned this before, but my Grandma played the piano/organ for a theater in the Big City when they would show silent movies. Well, back when she was a teenager, they were all silent movies, so they just called them the movies. That was her job for many years. I always thought that was cool.

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  2. Maybe June should photoshop the sex book out of the background before she submits that photo anywhere. Or maybe leave it in there as a reminder that the wages of sex is kittens.

    I too noticed Molly’s arms. I am so jealous.

    Lovely post, June. Lovely kittens.

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  3. Oh, how I enjoyed this post today! Everyone else is right–that photo is the perfect photo! You could get some printed at the Ol’ Walgreens and make some Mother’s Day cards and become the richest in the land. Seriously.

    I think all of my guesses for the stinky smell have been mentioned. That potato smell–that is a hum-dinger. I found out the hard way on that one.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  4. Well,

    I was going to let Joon’s “math” slide, but let’s do this.

    “A cat has nine lives. For three he plays, for three he strays and for the last three he stays.”

    Number of lives in Joon’s house = (Number of cats x 9 ) + (Number of other sentient beings in the house who supposedly only have one life)

    = 11 cats x 9 + 1 (for Joon) + 1 (for Edsel) = 101 lives (not counting other living creatures, of course).

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  5. I want Molly’s arm definition (without having to work for it), and I hope baby runtlet is finally taking the supplemental milk. Because the stress is causing me to lose sleep.

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  6. Hoping for the best with dear little Elizabeth. We, too, had a little runtie kitten named Bug who had to be bottle fed for awhile. Oh, my, she was tiny, but she grew to be the largest of our cats, and quite the demanding princess (as in, “I used to be the runt, you know, so I deserve to have your food as well as mine.”)

    I wonder if Steely Dan still has all of his 9 lives left.

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  7. Did you check your washing machine for the smell? My Big Book of June Events shows that was the cause of a mysterious smell about a month ago.

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  8. Oh, just put it the hell back up. I have spoken.
    Also, stinky smell might be a rotting potato. I had one at the bottom of my pantry and it drove me nuts trying to find the stink.
    Señor Elizabeth is adorable.

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  9. Thinking of Elizabeth—she probably needs lots of reassuring cuddles. (Like a tiny puppy I had once, who grew up fine and very affectionate.) Perhaps you could keep her in your shirt all day at work.

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  10. My husband is one of those ridiculous morning people. He either wakes up BEFORE his alarm goes off or immediately when it goes off & gets right out of bed. NEVER hits the snooze button. Some of this behavior has been ingrained by his 20 years in the Army, but I think he would get up early anyhow. I am not this person & set my alarm 30 minutes ahead of when I need to be up so that I can hit the snooze at least 3 times.

    The smell? Pour white vinegar (the gallon jug is cheap @ Wal-Mart) down all your open drains, including the kitchen sink, bathtub, & any floor drains. I know that our old house used to periodically have weird smells from the drains because of too much rain & sewer gases.

    Also, could SD have left the remains of a snack for later in your attic?

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    1. Often the water in the P-trap evaporates and allows the sewer gases to float back into the house. If you pour water into the sink, tub or drain, it will stop the smell. This was a terrible problem in the women’s rest room in the new building where I worked. I was always taking water in there and pouring it in the drain in the floor.

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  11. I have to set my alarm for 45 minutes before I actually need to get out of bed because the snooze button is my best friend. Getting out of bed is the worse moment of each day for me.

    Momma cat must be exhausted.

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  12. To possibly solve the math conundrum, you mentioned yesterday that you had 12 ANIMALS (not just cats) at your house now. So, I just assumed it was Edsel-as-a-cat math, as 12 x 9 = 108.

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  13. One of our cats, Charlotte, was a feral born in our backyard. So was her mom. Both were the runts. Like, about 1/4 the size of their siblings. It took Charlotte FOREVER to gain enough weight to get her fixed. She’s a big girl now. Hoping your runt has this same success. I like that you will be supplementing with formula. If she likes the formula I would continue supplementing once she’s eating kitten food. Good luck!! Also, thank you for fostering!! It changed my life. I hope you’re having the same experience.

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  14. Sink drain? I swear my sink can stink up my whole house. I love the picture with the baby kisisng the mama. I wish we had a close theater that did old movies. I think there is one an hour away, but..too much effort.

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  15. This night owl has NEVER hoped right up when the alarm goes off, in fact, I keep hitting the snooze until the snooze times out and no longer alarms. When I retired I told my husband 1) don’t ever ask me to see 5:00 a.m. again, 2) I got up first for the first 35 years, now he has to get up first.

    Regularly scheduled cats. All the kitten photos are great. I have been sharing those with my husband because he’s a cat person too.

    If you have a crawl space you might want to look under there to see if there is a dead critter under your house, or did SD drag in a critter, or it might be Iris that brought you a present. Or a dead critter in the attic. We had the same problem in the workshop. We think some critter chewed the electrical wires under the shop and died, because the electricity started acting up, then finally there was no power to the shop at all.

    Put the tip button back up. It’s an option, not an obligation for your readers.

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  16. I second the opinion that baby kitty kissing mama should win an award. Please submit it to…I don’t know, but somewhere. Best picture ever.

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  17. I am one of those annoying people who turn off the alarm and pop right up. Been that way my whole life, not really sure why.
    Love the sweet muffin headed kitties! Can’t wait to see more pictures! Hope you find the source of your smell.

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  18. once i found it was my trash can. under that floral smelling trash bag. wooeee. i hope you find it because that is annoying. oh. also? if i forget to run the garbage disposal. yuck. on the way to work this morning i was mulling over your post a few days back about life being unfair. not as planned. it was a very moving post. it’s worth reading more than once. love the kittens. for fmr., the best thing is memories.

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  19. I do the alarm thing. Actually, I generally wake up five minutes before it goes off and just get up.
    Nuestra señora de los gatitos.

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  20. I used to be that sickening morning person who sprang up out of bed happy. I also never had coffee or tea in the morning until I was twenty-three and got a job with a god awful seven-thirty AM start time. I despised that schedule. Before that I just had a glass of OJ in the morning. My husband enjoyed my cheery morning self, he’d seen my sister who was the opposite (our husbands were roomates). She scared him. I now have allergies and other things and hate the morning. Being forced to fast for bloodwork, etc. gives me a caffeine withdrawl headaconl The only good part of rising quite early is the quiet.

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  21. Forgot to mention that I adore the picture of Mama Walton being kissed by the looks-just-like-her kitten. An award-winning photo in my opinion.

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  22. What really annoys me is people waking up looking all cute and without morning breath. The open their eyes and start close talking to the person in bed with them and make out like they don’t smell like they had a dead mouse in their mouth all night.

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