Food and Drink · Health · I like cats · June's stupid life

Keto, day four. Am I thin yet?

Oooo, man, I did NOT feel well yesterday. They warn you of this when you do the damn keto diet, that you might get what they call the keto flu. It’s when your body is switching over. For some reason your body gets annoyed.

I had a bad headache, I was exhausted, and most important: nauseated as hell. Not barf naus; the other kind. But I had read about this so I drank stupid bone broth and took some Advil and, most important,

Saying “most important” is big with me today.

I drank something I’d never in a million years have dranken: Powerade Zero. I’d never have dranken it, and June please keep saying that, because I abhor diet sodas. I think there is nothing I hate more than the taste of diet soda. Diet sodas make me shiver like a kitten when its formula is too cold.

Perhaps I should use a more universal simile.

But Powerade Zero I purchased, as it has no sugar or carbohydrates in it, but it replaces your electrons or your electoral college or something, and

it

was

delicious.

I couldn’t believe how delicious. And most of the agony went away, although I could barely lift self off couch most of day.

But it did give me time to enjoy the following:

IMG_7912.jpgIMG_7876.jpgIMG_7925.jpgNow that the kittens are nearing six weeks, they can not only walk, which is better than I was doing yesterday and I’ve been alive 52 years, they can also run. I have toys in there for them, but most of the kittens also want to explore.

So when Steely Dan is out (Lily and Iris don’t care), I let one or a few out to explore. And since I was lying on the couch motionless yesterday (or dashing to the bathroom. That was my cardio), I got to observe Edsel the Kitten Prodigy.

If it’s a playful, curious kitten, he walks right up and sniffs it and lets it bat at him and so on. One of the kittens kept playing with his pointy old lady–looking feets, and Eds HATES his feet, his pointy old lady–looking feets, touched.

So every time the kitten would touch him, he’d do the gentlest jerk back with his foot, but he’d never leave. He’d just sit beleaguredly and jerk gently. So to speak.

But if it’s one of the more timid kittens, and I love how quickly they have teensy personalities, oh my god you should see him. He lies in the bed, unmoving, and follows the kitten with his eyes. His dog eyebrows move to and fro, and he stays as still as he can to not scare the kitten. Eventually, they all sniffed Eds and said, “o, dis dog totul wuss. thank bastet wee not puppees.”

2000px-Bastet.svg.png

Thank Bastet. Just when I thought love for self could not grow deeper, I pull self back in.

Anyway, clearly this dog has found his calling. I can’t believe how good he is with them. And he’s so proud of his dog self.

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it edz calleeng

The other thing that happened yesterday, while I was here feeling horrific, was I went outside and sat listlessly on Peg’s Adirondack chair that she gave me. I was like what’s-her-name, in Beaches, when she’s near the end.

beaches03.jpg

Anyway, there I was, nearing the end in my yard, when Lily, LILY, of all people, came running

I’ll give you a moment to gather yourself.

Lily came running across the yard, which is like watching Totie Fields do the 100-yard dash, and the reason she was running was not because I’d left potatoes au gratin on the other side but because she was chasing a mouse.

I will give you another moment to gather yourself. You’re all over the place. Clean it up.

The poor mouse, who can’t have been high on the survival instinct spectrum, given that he decided, oh, this house with

ELEVEN CATS

is the yard I’m going to summer in. Anyway, this mouse ran across the yard, with old John Tuxedo Tabby Belushi chasing after him, and he dove into a clump of foliage.

This was about the time I got my Barbara Seagull Hershey ass off the Adirondack chair and got the camera. For some reason Ned can never remember the name of those chairs, and he calls them hurricane chairs and now I almost do, too. He also recently insisted Edward R. Murrow’s sign-off line was, “Be careful.” “He wasn’t on Hill Street Blues, Ned,” I told him.

But I digress. Because here:

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action shot

You’re gonna have to trust me that Lily was in that bush, and also so was a mouse. She was leaping and hopping on a moon shadow, and I don’t know what was taking her so long to just murder the damn thing.

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wat all the hullbaloo?

But then Edsel caught on that there was drama in the bush, which ought to be my epitaph, so he wandered over to help.

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Eds heer. you SO DED, mowse.

Eventually, I heard rustling in there that lead me to believe Lily got it. I didn’t dare go OVER there for fear it’d leap on me or something.

But then?

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dane to come home. heer it actually intristing heer.
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ware it be. steeeelee kill.
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got steelee mind on steeelee murder and steeelee murder on steelee mind
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Lily: goddammits. Why you let Steelee rooon?

But, given that SD quickly lost interest, I can only surmise mouse was taken care of already. By Lily. That or it escaped and is telling all its mouse friends about its dreadful afternoon.

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intrist wane.

So I got to see that unfold, like I’m a photographer in the wild. Like I work on Wild Kingdom or something.

Tonight, a coworker is having a party and I’ll be there with my delicious flavored water, and parTAY. The roof, the roof, the roof is, well, it’s just fine. Thank heavens, because who can afford a new one?

Then tomorrow I take Josie and the Pussycats, here, to the shelter for a checkup and their shots. It is just now dawning on me that I have to wrangle eight cats into a carrier. Hey, relaxing.

Maybe Edsel can help me wrangle. Maybe he’s like a kitten Border Collie. With his borderline personality.

Further reports as developments warrant,
June

37 thoughts on “Keto, day four. Am I thin yet?

  1. This post literally made me LOL, and that is my least favorite acronym of all time. Well, maybe second least. Right after STD.

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  2. June,

    Every time I’m reminded of your writing style, I picture you sitting in a coffee shop. Not a Starbucks, but maybe a Starbucks-wanna-be, typing your blog entry on your laptop, holding your mouth a certain twisted way. A wry, critical, about-to-crack-myself-up smile. Then your head flies back in a silent laugh and you squint your eyes at how clever it was (and it WAS!).

    I could name so many things that tickled me in this post, but I’ll just be lazy and say “all of them.” [Period inside? Period outside? I always wonder if you’re judging my punctuation.]

    You crack me up, June-moniker. Always did.

    — Just Might Pee

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  3. Beware “Disaster Pants” – least favorite part of dieting. Maybe that’s why they call them “elimination diets.”

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  4. I am amazed by Edsel. I love that he’s so smart to be able to figure out the needs of each kitten!!

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  5. I was thinking Edsel is the Kitten Whisperer. I sort of tried Keto for a day, because you’re just so inspiring, Joon; but I came to the conclusion that carbs taste better than skinny feels.

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  6. I love everything about this post (except your ‘flu’). That first picture looks like Edsel is taking a selfie, the way his head is half showing. He is SO proud and he should be. What a great kitten fosterer he is.

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  7. Yay for Lily! She has a little bad-ass in her. Your whole photographic story was hilarious.

    I am sorry you felt so awful yesterday. I hope you are feeling better today!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  8. “The roof, the roof, the roof is, well, it’s just fine. Thank heavens, because who can afford a new one?” <—-killed me dead!! Love this whole post today.
    Very nice, Coot.

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  9. Loved your post and pictures. The one of SD in the bushes is calendar worthy and Edsel, the Kitten Whisperer, melts our hearts.

    Comparing a running Lily to a running Totie Fields killed me dead. I can hear that mouse telling his family, “You won’t believe the day I had. If that cat had been any faster, I wouldn’t be here now.”

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  10. Great post! The photos were wonderful, next thing you know National Geographic will be contacting you for your photo skillz. Hope you feel better today.

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  11. Lovely post, June. Thanks for all the jokes and pictures and making the start of our days sweet and homey.

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  12. I loved this post so much. I’ll be laughing about these captions all day.

    Good for you for sticking to keto so far. I’d have eaten a loaf of bread by now.

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  13. Your color commentary kills me dead. Loading Josie and the Pussycats (also, dead), put the carrier on its end with the door to the ceiling and then just drop kittens through the hole. Easy peasy, unles Edz wants to get in too. Keto flu? Why can’t there be chocolate flu?

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      1. Put mom in last, then slam the door. I have always had to put my cats in the carrier this way because they would all do the spread eagle on me and it was impossible to stuff them in the cage any other way.

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  14. The nose-to-nose shot of Eds and the wee kitty is so touching and almost heartbreaking in its tenderness. Big, goofy, loveable Eds. Love that guy.

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  15. Lovely post, lovely June. I may try that Powerade stuff, what with no sugar and all. Not for Keto, but for the diabeetees. I personally like Diet Squirt, but that’s just me. I see Good Boy Eds still has his snaggletooth.

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  16. I’m giggling like a fool over this whole post.

    If I was to attempt doing Keto, can I have a smidge of sugar occasionally? Like once a week? Or will that cause the 58lbs I will undoubtedly lose in the first two days to immediately be back upon me?

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  17. Pretty Steely in the leaves! I am embarrassed at how portly my cat, Cloudy, has become. She is HUGE. Any suggestions on putting a cat on a diet? Can they do Keto???

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  18. I said to myself “did she just say bastet?”. Only you love yourself more than I do right now.

    Lovely nature shots June! What action! What drama! All in living color! And can I say Lily is the second most inspirational one on this here not-blog. If Lily can catch a mouse, who knows what I can accomplish today?

    Good night, and good luck.

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    1. Also too I’ve meant to come back all day and say “YES YOU ARE ALREADY THIN!” So thin I saw that bastet and thought it was a photo of you in profile. Keep up the good work!

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  19. again, doing well for breakfast and lunch. then i get home and then…yeah.

    today was my first day of no sugary creamer. i will (i just typed wiss) survive. and conquer.

    edz super step mom.

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    1. I never liked Gatorade type drinks so when I started keto I was dreading those but I was so surprised with how good they are! I like the blue and the red best. Every once in a while Publix does BOGO free on the 8 packs and I try to stock up then.

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  20. Sorry you’re feeling poorly…poor? Sorry you feel like crap.
    That last photo of SD et foliage is gorgeous!
    Lovely post, pretty Keto June.

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