At Two With Nature · Faithful Readers · I like cats · June's stupid life

Toasted since 1964

I just timed how long it takes for me to take care of all the current animals: 15 minutes. I didn’t get any time to just sit with and pet all the kittens, so without, you know, being kind to kittens, just basic feeding and scooping and changing water, it’s 15 minutes.

I guess that’s not so bad, except the whole getting-ready-for-work thing is always something of a rush, especially if you’re someone who also says, Hey, I guess I’ll sit down and write about my life to a couple-thousand people before I dash off to work.

Anyway, here’s what I did this dang weekend. What about you?

Friday.
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My coworker had a partay, and do you wish I’d stop saying “partay” already? Anyway, she did, and careful readers will note I go to this party (partayy) every year at this time, as it is this coworker’s birthday but she never says that.

IMG_7954.jpgI’d planned to stay maybe an hour or two, then get back to my 97 kittens, but careful readers will see that day turned into night, night divides the day. Try to run, try to hide, break on through to the other side.

And yes. That is a coworker with a light balanced on her head. It seemed to be the thing to do.

img_7943.jpgI left that to the younger crowd.

IMG_7961.jpgI got home to my kittens and their kitten crumbs pretty late, and the mom was waiting for me with a rolling pin.

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“ware you bin?”
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“yuu haff any ideeee wat time it be?”
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“it okaaa. mom do it all herself. she fine. …SYYYY.”

Saturday.
When my high school swain, Cardinal, was here a few weeks ago, he told me about this really cool cemetery in Milton, NC, and you know what sounds good are pastries from Milton the toaster. Hey, June, how’s keto going?

Still on it. But I’d slap your grandpappy’s half uncle for a Pop-Tart.

So I drove there. To Milton. Hoping to meet Mr. Toaster. Tell me I’m not the only person who remembers Milton the Toaster.

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He always seemed to have a touch of the rosacea.

I remember this one just bitch of a reader, who couldn’t wait to say mean things to me whenever she could, and what is that? What makes your life so empty that you take time to find a blog, then hate what the person wrote, and stick around so you can be angry?

Anyway, I had some makeupless picture up and she commented, “Is that rosacea?”

I’m tryina think of the other bitch-ass things she wrote over the years till I blocked her. But that’s the only one I can recall now.

I also recall in my first year of being separated, dating someone for, like, a week, and it didn’t work out, but that same weekend of deciding that torrid one-week affair wasn’t going to work, going on another date and kissing that second date goodnight, and coming back here to tell you all that it went well, and someone said they’d never read again because “all the drama” was “dangerous.”

Good lord with people. Good lord with my short sentences like the one above.

But back to my cemetery.

IMG_7999.jpgBefore I got to get in the car and head to the dead, I had to take Cora Godsey and her seven Walton children to the shelter, for their checkups and shots. Steely Dan didn’t join us. But I like this photo of him. When he’s indoors, he’s just longing to go out.

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ruk roff. eeeting.

So he can do this. He caught some sort of rodent Saturday morning, and what berserk eyes of murder? Good lord. More delightful updates on that in a moment. Stay tuned!

Anyway, I took the 2,000 kittens to the shelter, and they’re all doing well. I go back in two weeks with them for another checkup, and I would not be surprised if by then they will be adoptable. That’s also the day of the royal wedding, and also the baseball thing here (Official Name®) is giving away Prince Harry bobbleheads to the first 1,000 visitors and of COURSE I’m going, so two Saturdays from now will be big with me.

After I got 101 Kittmations back home and situated, I got on the road to see the dead people.

June, knowing how to throw down. June, toasted like Milton the toaster, since 1964.

The drive there was all country roads, which I love.

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And the town of Milton was cute!

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Keep scrolling. BAHAHAHAHA.
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I guess I should’ve, you know, stepped back, but these are trees growing out of an old building.

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IMG_8030.jpgI even met goaties!

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“You come here often?”
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I promised I’d send them this after I took it and still haven’t.

Anyway, finally I found the cemetery.

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IMG_8060.jpgIf you ever want to be horrible to me, like if that “Is that rosacea” woman is in charge of me after I depart the earth, put me in a treeless cemetery with fake flowers on the graves. THAT would be horrible, to me.

Sunday.
On Sunday, I acknowledged the 900 animals here.

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IMG_8083.jpgIMG_8107.jpgFaithful Readers Happy and LaUral both came by to see kittens, and you know, I CALL them faithful readers, but I have no idea if they actually read my blog/not blog or just saw kittens on Instagram or whatever. Hoooo care.

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[Potentially] FR Happy, whose philosophy is, Why photograph a kitten when you have your thumb?
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[Maybe] FR LaUrual, who is not going to be IGNORED by Eds.
Anyway, LaUral was somewhat in the market for another cat, because you can never have enough cats, just ask me. And she landed on MaryEllen.

Not literally.

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MaryEllen is brave, and seems to be good with dogs, which is good because LaUral has a giant white 4,500-pound dog, so.
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And they have similar coloring.
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Family portrait. It’s Olan Mills at my house. That’s a fake bookshelf behind them.

Once I take the kittens back to the shelter, I’ll tell them I have a person who wants to adopt one, and they’ll set it up. Just six to go, plus a mom!

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kittee feeel confident she find home. look at all dis.

IMG_8140.jpgThe rest of the afternoon was quiet, and as evening approached, I headed to the grocery store to buy more damn keto food. Steely Dan was hunkering over by the trash cans, which isn’t like him. I petted his velvety head and left.

I ran into my doctor at the store, of all things, and he was glad I was going keto. “It really burns fat if you stick with it,” he said, as he reached for skim milk and I reached for heavy whipping cream.

When I got home, SD was still by the trash cans. Was he injured or something? I had to take the trash cans out of there, anyway, so I went over to talk to him and he seemed fine.

Then I rolled the first totally full recycle bin. I rolled it

OVER

A

BABY

CHIPMUNK.

That’s why that jerk was stationed at the trash cans! For at least 45 minutes! That’s why! And I FINISHED IT OFF FOR HIM with my trash can!

Oh my god, I was devastated.

You shoulda seen that evil cat, poking at the poor thing. he really ded? 

That cat practically high pawed me. Gave me the high four.

We’re like Bonnie and Clyde now.

Goddammit. I will never get over that. I feel horrible. Also, this is three dead rodents in a weekend, and they may all have been chipmunks, and is there some kind of chipmunk colony in my yard? If so, they picked the wrong yard.

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Edz didn’t get to eet any chipmonks

I gotta go, but I guess I’ve filled you in on all the happs over here. Also, Dear June: Don’t say “happs.”

Happs,
June

37 thoughts on “Toasted since 1964

  1. How I love the kitty pics and I’m so glad one of them is already spoken for. I too love cemeteries, but I’m always so sad to see children’s graves. I’m constantly smashing lizards with my recycle bin; not sure why they sit under it…..a death wish?

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  2. You’re like Almanzo in Farmer Boy, June, with all the livestock chores in the morning! Next thing we know, you’ll be going out on the nearest lake to harvest ice. Or teaching Lily and Iris to “Gee!” and “Haw!” You’re rocking the Little House vibe, is what I’m saying.

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  3. Now I have that “strolling along country roads with my baby” song in my head and you didn’t even mention it. Uggg.

    If you’re ever up in Boston, go to the Mount Auburn cemetery. It’s just beautiful.

    I always think rosacea makes people look healthy. Now, a gin-blossom nose, well, that’s something else entirely.

    Poor, poor chipmunk. But maybe it was suffering and you put it out of its misery.

    If you get a minute, tell me how the migraines are reacting to the keto diet. Maybe I need to start eating meat again.

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  4. Poor beleaguered mama cat. She couldn’t look any more like, “what the hell happened to me??” I think you’ve now posted several pictures where she’s in that stretched out position along the wall, sourly pondering her lot in life. Does she ever look comfortable? Poor thing.

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  5. That gravestone for Our Little Rosa broke my heart. I love graveyards but have only been in them during the day. I wonder if they would be really creepy after dark.
    Your weekend sounds lovely. Parties, friends over, drives in the country, graveyards, kittens, kittens and more kittens. Living la vida dulce, Juan is.

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    1. There’s an old cemetery near here on top of a wooded hill over a river. I have a picture somewhere of an old headstone for 3 children lost over several years. It says “Plucked from Earth to bloom again in Heaven.”

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  6. I want to be buried in that cemetery. It is so peaceful and old. You don’t even have to wait until I’m dead. I’d like to enjoy the quiet for a while.
    Wonderful post, June.

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    1. Leeuna Foster your comment made me bust out laughing. I think we have all been in that boat at one time or another.
      Great post June.

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  7. Fun packed weekend. Give SD a medal!!!! Chipmunks are cute little critters, but they are so destructive. Something has chewed the edges of our wood shed and it is Hardi plank, which is basically concrete. Oscar Snuggles, my cat, fmr., was the champion critter hunter, we had no chipmunks, rabbits, mice, nothing. But I could not stand to hear them squeal when he would catch them, I had to go in the house and Oscar wanted to bring them inside!!!! He would play with them until they were so close to death they couldn’t move. Does SD kill squirrels? If so, I need to rent him.

    Those little kittens are so cute. Yay, LaUral for picking out your kitten. They all are going to make such great pets. I love the books for the steps up into the litter boxes.

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  8. I don’t feel so weird now that I love old cemeteries.

    Can you lend me SD for a few days? The squirrels have ruined bird-feeding for us by eating the bird seed and chewing a hole in our screen patio to get the seed that we had stashed. (the nerve) I need some muscle around here.

    Your weekend was way more exciting than mine!

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  9. The cemetery on my hometown is pretty much treeless. Many years ago some small evergreen trees were planted along the little roads but they have pretty much all died by now and been removed. So it is a rather barren cemetery on the top of a small rise so it is very hot in the summer and very cold in the winter when you are there for a funeral. But that is what we are used to on the prairie. I think it is peaceful. I inherited my love of all kinds of old cemeteries from my mother. She would tell us kids stories about the people buried there. Though she never shared really risqué stories. She was way too conservative for that. Ahh. Fond memories.

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  10. My mom had to stop by my house yesterday morning for something and when we went outside as she was leaving she suddenly starting saying over and over and getting louder and louder, “Oh my gosh! OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH!” Turns out I had a dead snake in my driveway (which is the best kind of snake to have if there’s one in your driveway). I’m pretty sure I ran over it and killed it when I got home Saturday night. I had a date last night and politely asked him what his feelings are on snakes. He got rid of it for me. Fay, it was the guy you know. He got some big brownie points.

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  11. This was just perfect. The weekend of perfection for you. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

    Our weather was perfect this weekend. But it was PACKED. My husband’s mother died right before Christmas, and her funeral was in a small town 3 hours away on Saturday. That was the organizing part of the weekend. We left Friday night and were home Saturday night. Yesterday my children had a choir concert. One kid (not mine) fainted in the middle of a song. She was standing on the top of the risers. We heard her hit the riser and then hit the floor. Awful. THEN my daughter almost fainted during her song. She sat down, and then left the stage. Good lord. It was a stressful concert.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. Once one kid faints, at least half of the remaining kids get wobbly knees. Best to wrap it up quickly at that point.
      Your daughter showed remarkable wisdom by sitting down. My kids have always preferred to lock their knees and have an anxiety spiral about whether or not they will throw up.

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  12. I love that Happy came all the way to your house to photograph her thumb. Must be the perfect lighting. And LaUral found her matching kitten. Win Win for LaUral and MaryEllen.

    A party, faithful readers, Edsel, kittens, cats AND a trip in the country to a lovely old cemetery in a cute town. You had a wonderful weekend. We had visiting family so also had a lovely weekend.

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  13. I was driving back from hiking this weekend, and a cat darted out of the high grass on the side of the road and right under my wheels. I got out of the car to check– I was more afraid of it being horribly hurt but alive still. Poor thing was gone. At least it didn’t suffer. I sobbed all the way home.

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  14. Those sweet little kitten heads get me every time.
    I watched my neighbor’s cat with what I thought was a baby chipmunk. But my neighbor said it was a vole. Hey, go at it kitty, those fuckers mess up my lawn.

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  15. Chipmunks breed twice a year, so you will still have plenty of the evil damned things around. Trust me on this one.

    And yes, I read faithfully. I’m forever yours, faithfully. Highway run, into the midnight sun. Wheels go round and round, you’re on my mind. You and the KITTENS!!! And the sweetheart that is Edz.

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  16. Just nature’s way of sorting out the stupid chipmunks from the smart ones. Natural selection. Plus if you hadn’t killed it accidentally you would have ended up with a live baby chipmunk on your hands (or in SD’s jaws) and I’m not sure that would be easier to live with. So far this spring my little dog has killed a vole and dragged a hairless bunny out of the nest, on leash both times. I stuffed it back in but I did not have high hopes for it.

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    1. Very appropriate. Now I’m wondering what the other book is: Webster’s Dictionary, first edition? The Last Days of Pompeii? The Big Book of Bastet?

      Too many other wonderful pictures and words to choose from. Lucky Happy and LaUral!

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      1. I do love that heart-shaped black and tan kitten bundle, though. And may I add my own personal BAHAHAHA to Keep Scrolling!

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  17. I know it’s not funny, but I lost it over:
    “That cat practically high pawed me. Gave me the high four.”

    Will Ned be taking the mom? He could start a home for teenage kitten mothers…think of the visiting day??

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  18. Maybe it was already gone. I can’t imagine being able to roll anything over a live chipmunk. They are pretty quick.

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