Despite another busy day at work, I called the animal shelter Wednesday.

“Yes,” I said, because it’s my signature move to begin all my business-y calls with “yes.”

“Yes, I’m fostering seven kittens and their mom, because am self-loathing nincompoop, and I have two people possibly interested in adopting one kitten each. How should they do that?”

I wonder if my mother would pronounce that word “nincom-go-to-the-bathroom.” Do you remember when she said Ned should “Go to the bathroom or get off the pot” re marrying me? Harsh words from a stern taskmaster.

“What are the names of your kittens?” asked the poor recipient of my “Yes…” call.

Their names? They had names?

The last two batches of kittens I received came with paperwork, but these did not. So I had to go home and make up names for them, which is how I came up with Cora Godsey and the seven Walton children, although let’s face it, I always call that one big one Donald Trump and that runt “Runty.”

But all along they had regularly scheduled names?

Using my name and date of birth and social security number and ATM PIN and password to my 401(k), we figured out which kittens I have, and the nice “Yes” recipient gave me the shelter ID number of the mom cat, for future identification. Then she told me how my potential adoptees could get their potential cats, potentially.

The point of my telling you this rather tedious tale is that when we hung up the phone it occurred to me, she’d grown up just like me. My “Yes” recipient was just like me.

AND THE CAT’S IN THE CRADLE AND THE SILVER SPPON.

You’re welcome.

IT OCCURRED TO ME that I could go on the shelter’s website, where on their homepage, in blue, they’ve written “See adoptable animals” and then in BLACK they’ve written “Click Here,” which is just about the most cockamamie link design I have ever seen.

Or, is my mother would call it, genital-amamie.

Despite this, I realized that with the mom’s ID, I could find all the first-day-at-the-shelter mug shots of the mom and all her teensy babies, ALONG WITH THEIR REAL NAMES, and I am dying and also I feel I must show this to all of you.

The level of thrilled I was with this discovery was not nearly commensurate with reality, but that about sums me up. That and, “I hate everyone except people made of glitter.”

Without further ado, I present you my foster kittens way back four weeks ago when they arrived at the shelter, naked and afraid, and an accompanying photo from this current moment in their lives.

Mom Cat/aka Nikita/aka Cora

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Mug shot. Wanted for being tawny and prolific with the chillins. No man could resist her tawny stare. It was arresting.

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yuu shud be arrest for dis chippy floor.

Nikita is my coworker Ryan’s girlfriend’s name, so this kills me extra particularly.

Rembrant/aka Donald Trump
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dis dark kittee a immigrint. must abollesh.

I AM DYING. Oh my god, I love that I discovered their mug shots from kitty jail. And they’re all getting so big big big! They got to the shelter April 20, and I got them April 21. So they looked like these jail pics when I picked them up. I can’t even remember them being so bitty!

Claude Monet/aka JimBob (two names you often mention in same breath)
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Yuu want kittee to do wat…?

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…no. not gooeng to paint you like french gurl. zzzzzzz…

Andy Warhol/aka BenIMG_8699

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do dis be kiteee 15 minnit of fame?

Edgar Degas/aka JasonIMG_8698.png

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Did not lyke to be pick up fore week ago. do not lyke now. to put down degas jason. spready toes on degas jason. get hint. do degas jason need to paint pictur?

Caitlyn/aka Elizabeth/aka Runty/ aka Runtis Americanus
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do not have room to tat-two all dese names on kittee

Blythe/aka ErinIMG_8701.png

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wate. do kitttee be Gwinnith Paltrowe mom? son of BITZ.

Azra/aka MaryEllen/aka FR LaUral’s soon-to-be kittenIMG_8703

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wyy kittee gotta share screen tyme wif Ben Warhol? Dis bullchit.

So there they are, my foster kittens’ mugshots. I hope I was not alone in being delighted I discovered these. I know Hulk, at least, will be happy to see more cat pics.

Also wondering what the fuck an Azra is,
June

63 thoughts on “Shelter pics of my kittens. Aka Riveting June.

  1. Anonymous says:

    They are all so beautiful. You did a wonderful job fostering them.

    Like

  2. Joan in NV says:

    Things that wake me up at night…

    Like

  3. Joan in NV says:

    I figured out why you start your phone conversations with “Yes.” It’s because you assume that when someone at a business answers the phone, they’ve asked “May I help you?” Of course, no one does, but that doesn’t stop the string in your back from being pulled.

    Like

  4. Beth says:

    News about FDA Migraine Drug
    bing.com/news
    Migraine (© Provided by Business Insider)
    FDA approves new drug to prevent migraines
    Business Insider on MSN.com · 12h
    The drug is called Aimovig, which is made by Amgen in partnership with Novartis, and It will cost $6,900 a year.
    I heard it is a once a month injection you can give yourself with like an epi pen

    Like

    1. June says:

      I saw that. Affordable! But I will still look into it.

      Like

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hilarious. Frida Kahlo. I am sure one of these clever ladies can make something of that.

    Like

  6. MissusB says:

    The runt is my favorite, with her little “you must pay the rent” mustache. But they are all so cute.

    Like

    1. June says:

      YOU MUST PAY THE RENT!!

      >

      Like

  7. Becky says:

    I bet if the shelter had YOUR pictures, those babies would all be promised out within the day. They’re all looking so healthy and happy. You’re a great foster mom. Thanks for the fun post!

    Like

  8. Darla says:

    Look at how teensie they were. And runty is really growing. I love orange cats. And black cats. And white cats. And grey cats. And and and.

    Like

  9. Megsie says:

    I can’t believe how much they have grown! They are adorable, with their perky ears and wide eyes…I want to snuggle them, but–cats. Cats don’t like the snuggling unless it is their idea.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

  10. Donna says:

    Oh my gosh, this post cracks me up! Great writing June!

    Like

  11. KAinTX says:

    I love every single thing about today’s post! Pics, captions, comments …ALL of it. Made my day!

    Like

  12. Anita says:

    They are all so cute and healthy looking! Little Runty is catching up. She really knows how to pose.

    Like

  13. PJ says:

    Great post and fantastic photos, June. You just turned my frown upside down. I love spready toes up there.

    Like

  14. Lisa from Texas says:

    I’m not a cat person, but your little runt captured me. I always look for her in the pictures. And I am enjoying the kitty photos. Glad you found their mug shots!

    Drove me nuts to change the theme. Google female artists for heaven’s sake! There are many more well-known males but look it up. Keep all the babies in one theme.

    Like

    1. June says:

      You people are so linear.

      Like

  15. Fay says:

    must abollesh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beverly says:

      That was my favorite caption in this post.

      Like

  16. Katie says:

    So fun! It was like the kittens were in witness protection this whole time.

    Like

    1. June says:

      Yes! They were undercover. Or, technically, on top of my covers, which they have now ruined and made into An Official Foster-Kitty Quilt®.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. The Poet, who knows this only because of an artistic relative says:

        Pleese tell me they haven’t interfered with your magnificent peacock. (OK, OK, that’s what she said.)

        I wanted more artists too. Sofonisba Anguissola would be an excellent name for a cat.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. June says:

          Oh god, no. I used a Target bedspread I bought in 2009 when I had a houseguest and was appalled at the condition of my linens so I went out and bought a Target bedspread. And now IT’S appalling.

          Like

        2. Florence says:

          I would love to hear June calling THAT cat. Sonofbitz.

          I was going to suggest Mary Cassat because of all the child washing, but I am too late to the party and all the great names have been suggested.

          Like

          1. June says:

            Mary Catsat!

            >

            Like

  17. Just Paula H&B says:

    These pictures are killing me, but guess, GUESS, what is killing me more. Yep. PICK A THEME. The artist theme was great and possibly my art history education is so poor, I don’t know Azra, Blythe and Caitlyn. And I would have spelled it CLAWED Monet.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. June says:

      CLAWED MONET I AM SCREAMING.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sadie says:

      CLAWED Monet for the win!

      Liked by 1 person

    3. debwhosbacktobeingdeb says:

      Pawblo Picasso

      Like

        1. debwhosbacktobeingdeb says:

          Litterboxo da Vinci

          Like

  18. Koala Raspberry says:

    I like the name Azra a lot too. I was thinking it was a cartoon witch name. Nope Thanks for the clarification,Beth. I need to learn how to respond to comments and about Bing obviously. It would have driven me crazy today.

    Thank you for the bitty kitty pics and the updated ones, Joon. Your photos are splendid. This is the most delightful group of kitties ever, orange tabbies and torties, oh my! The runt is the heartbreaker with that orange patch and bitty body.

    Like

  19. L.in CA says:

    Awww so darn cute! Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  20. Tee says:

    Great post!!! Who would turn down an opportunity to see kittens, Hulk? I like your names better. LaUral your kitten needs her cute sibling, those two are so cute together. June, you have done an outstanding job socialize all those cute babies. They must be handled while they are really young. I know that is such a hard job, but it can be fun at the same time.

    Like

  21. Jeanie says:

    I like the name Azra.

    Like

  22. Sadie says:

    You struck gold with the mug shots and your captions.

    wate. do kitttee be Gwinnith Paltrowe mom? son of BITZ.

    I am dead. Dead is what I am.

    Like

  23. Beth says:

    Azra = Lion King Azra is Scar and Zira’s eldest daughter . Binged it …instead of Google.

    Like

    1. LaUral says:

      But since the other kittens are named after artists, who is Azra the Artist?

      Like

      1. June says:

        Honey, the girls are not named after artists. You’re clinging to this idea like a pit bull on a mission, you are.

        Like

  24. Barbara says:

    What a great job you have done. They are all precious.

    Like

  25. Kim says:

    I loved this! Allergies=no cats but I would love to and the kittens are wonderful. The captions made the post though.

    Like

  26. LaUral says:

    I still haven’t found out who the fuck Azra is, despite Googlefuckingit.

    OH!! THIS is the place I should come to for naming suggestions! Husband Gumbo and Girlspawn are … not good with the names. I have not struck gold with anything myself, either.

    Yes. So. What should we name AzraMaryEllenMyNewCat?

    Like

      1. Just Paula H&B says:

        Fiona.

        Like

        1. June says:

          Ooooo, FiONa!!! Yes. Paula comes up with good names.

          Liked by 1 person

          1. LaUral says:

            One of the Girlspawn’s good friends is named Fiona, so that’s out. Endora (Samantha’s aunt?) is a possibility, though…

            Like

            1. June says:

              Endora was her mother.

              Like

              1. Just Paula H&B says:

                Damn. Ok, let me think.

                Like

                1. Just Paula H&B says:

                  Beatrice.

                  Like

                  1. June says:

                    BEATRICE! Or, in honor of the day, Meghan.

                    Like

                    1. Beth says:

                      Purrl

                      Like

                    2. Beth says:

                      Purrl Bailey

                      Like

  27. kelincol says:

    Grandma Moses. But not a great name for a cute little kitty!

    Like

  28. Oh I love this. So cute!

    Like

  29. Joan in NV says:

    Too fun! Too cute! That’s a job I could love — naming kittens. Nikita is gorgeous, too.

    Like

  30. Genesa in NC says:

    My goodness, you have done such a fine job growing your kittens! They look so happy and healthy. And if you ever need another kitten socializer, I would happily volunteer. I never turn down the opportunity to play with kittens.

    Like

    1. June says:

      I may take you up on that!

      >

      Like

  31. AnnNanandAmy says:

    Why did the shelter not continue the artist naming convention? Caitlyn/Elizabeth/Runty would be a fine Frida Kahlo.

    Like

    1. June says:

      I agree. In fact, that is what I’d name her if I were to keep her like a crazy person. Then there’s Georgia O’Keefe and…and…Oh, hell. Name another woman artist.

      >

      Like

    2. muffin top says:

      That’s exactly what I was thinking!

      Anyway, the kittens have grown so much! They look so different than when you first brought them home.

      Mugshot pics. *dead*

      Like

  32. gopg8r says:

    you must feel so proud! Look at how well they are doing under your care!!! I hope they can update their pics with YOUR pics so they have a better chance at being adopted! My favorite is Caitlyn!

    Like

  33. Cheryl says:

    That is really fun. I feel like they will be more adoptable if they update the photos. They are so much cuter now!

    Like

  34. Artist Formerly Known as Pam says:

    This. Is. The. Best. Thing. Ever.

    Fabulous way to start my day!

    Like

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