Faithful Readers · My pets

Catch up on June’s…animals (ya got all weekend?)

Before I begin delighting you all with pet speak, lemme tell you what just happened.

These past two days, I’ve been tryina keep up with reading blog comments, but it’s not easy. I tried looking at them here, not in email, and one thing that’s irking me is the comments are in order from oldest to newest. So every time, I saw the same comments and had to scroll endlessly.

From my phone, I tried to mess around with my comment display on WordPress, and you’ll never guess what I found.

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Apparently, there is someplace on my blog (not blog) that tells you, a faithful reader, that if you click here you can send a personal message to June, and that June will know this and read it.

Except I never knew this place existed till an hour ago. If you sent me a message there and you were all, What a bitch, you were right, but not about the part where I didn’t answer you. (And in fact, even if I had read these as they came to me, there’s no Reply button.)

I sat here for a whole hour reading messages y’all have sent me since day one of me being here on WordPress. And with no Reply button, I had to sit here going, “No! I didn’t block you on Facebook” and “I’m not an admin on Facebook of June!” and so on. Oh my god, it was like a nightmare! There were sweet comments and mean ones.

My favorite was the person who said, “Are you ever coming back? Because frankly, I’m getting tired of checking here all the time.” Well, if I wasn’t tempted to return before… Apparently, it’s right up there with brick-laying, checking over here.

What most of your messages were about, though, were why I’ve blocked you or refused to let you comment or go on my Facebook page. Every single person who wrote was someone I (a) didn’t actually know and had no hard feelings toward (2) did not block in any way from any portal of my life.

One lesson I offer is to not take things so personally. Because I left Facebook months ago of my own accord, and I stopped writing here months ago of my own accord, and it was not about you, 50+ people who assumed it was.

“JUNE. Why did you block me on Facebook?!”

“JOOON. I can’t see new posts. Did you block me from your blog?”

“JOOOOOB!!! Why won’t you let me into Pie on the Face? Why did you kick me off Pie on the Face? Why can’t I find Pie on the Face?”

So, in summary:

  1. I can’t block anyone from seeing this blog, or new posts on this blog.
  2. I am not on Facebook at all. I did not block you personally; I blocked myself from the whole organization.
  3. I am not on Pie on the Face, I was not an administrator of Pie on the Face for a very long time before I left, and it’s not called Pie on the Face. It’s called (Face)Book of June.

Good gravy.

Oh, and

4. Don’t contact me via that Contact Me thing, wherever that is, because I don’t know if I’ll ever find it in the bowels of WordPress again! That was nightmarish, seeing all those messages I blithely didn’t respond to!

I suppose I should figure out how to remove that, along with the Amazon link that no longer works. Oh, June. Blogging was supposed to be fun.

Okay, onto my pets.

When we left each other, handing each other our yearbooks and swearing we’d be friends forever, 2 Good 2 Be 4Gotten, I had Edsel, Lily and Iris. Steely Dan was missing.

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Still have Edsel
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yuuu will alwayz haff edzul

And he still has that loose tooth.

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Still have Iris. She still has approximately .025 of an eyeball.
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resent
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And I still have the Delta Burke of cats, big giant rotund yet lovely Lily.
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fek yew

Steely Dan is still missing.

I can’t even stand it. I left a note for the woman who bought my house, saying if an all-gray cat wanders onto her roof, he’s mine. I’ve checked the shelter 900 times because of course, I’m at the shelter 900 times a week. Or I was. For I was still fostering up until the very, very last minute of my move (they were kind of dicks about that, which I’ll tell you about further down).

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In June, and who isn’t. Hrrrrrr. That was supposed to be a June’s hot love life joke, but IN JUNE, the shelter had me foster three ferals, and they broke my heart the most of all my fosters.

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God, I don’t miss that damn floor

Because they started out terrified

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o fuq

and ended up being the sweetest three kittens you ever saw. They were so nice!

And how it works when you foster is this: You take them home for a week or two and medicate them if they need it and also fatten them up, like veal, then you go back to the shelter and they get booster shots. If they weigh two pounds, they’re officially adoptable. And for these three little shy muffins, they made it to two pounds way too fast for me. I was just getting them to trust me and then they were back on that adoption floor. I was haunted by the idea that they’d go back to terrified, but fortunately, you can refresh the shelter’s “adoptable cats” page like an obsessed person, and as soon as they’re adopted they leave the page, and they all found homes REALLY FAST THANK GOD.

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wee totleee populur

So that ended well, but it was a rolly coaster, as one of my relatives would say.

Then at work, one of my favorite coworkers died very suddenly, in her sleep. It was awful. I’d been kibitzing with her on Friday and she died Sunday.

So my response? I got a kitten and named it Leonard, which is her last name.

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hullo

And you remember the part where Edsel adores kittens? And how NINETEEN KITTENS that I can think of have passed my door this year alone? And he’s lived for them all?

He hated Leonard. I mean, he wasn’t mean or anything, but the first thing he did when I brought Leonard home was hide behind the toilet. He spent the next 10 days behind the toilet. I kept “giving it a few days” and there was Edsel, Eau de Toilette, getting tanked. He was flush with fear.

He was Kohl toward that kitten.

Eventually, The Copy Editor Who Sits Behind Me came over, took one look at Leonard and took him home.

And guess what. Leonard CONSTANTLY bites her dog. Like, he’s just a terror to her dog. She’s tried everything and is hoping he gets better with age. Not biter with age.

Eds knew.

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it were a diffkult time

As soon as Leonard was gone, I heard a screech in the night.

SQUEEEE!

MEEEEE!

SKEEEE!!!

“Did you hear that?” I asked my neighbor, fmr., who has a very cute cat named Oscar that Iris basically tried to kill.

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eyeriss fury not be contain

“Was that a kitten?” asked my neighbor, fmr.

‘Twas. And for the next 87 nights, we sat outside of bushes and kneeled under his deck and carried on trying to get this bitty kitten to come to us, as it was clearly under duress, because did I mention

MEEEEEEEEEP!

It was so sad. I eventually put an ad on NextDrama, asking if anyone had a humane trap, and met a very nice retired math teacher who did. You can imagine the lively math talks he and I had.

Night after night I’d put canned kitten food in there like an asshole, and night after night I’d watch that slip of a kitten go in, eat the food, and walk right back out because he was too light to trip the trap.

The happy ending to that story, much like my massages, is that kitten never did get trapped but got totally friendly and up close and personal, and my neighbor, fmr.’s brother took that kitten and he’s a big friendly gray cat now. I mean, he always was a gray cat. You know what I mean.

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why do I try to do art shots?

The summer ticked by and right when I was in my OH MY GOD MY HOUSE SOLD IN A MILLISECOND drama, the shelter called. They had three two-week-old kittens, and could I take them, and bottle feed them, and teach them to poop and pee, and

I

SAID

YES.

It was about this time that I convinced self that I am chaos junkie.

IMG_7812.jpgThey were so boopy and teensy at first! I put them in a laundry basket and they slept next to my bed. At first I’d get up in the night and try to bottle-feed them, but then I read if you feed them a bunch during the day, you can sleep through the night and I said Oh thank god.

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Their mother had been hit by a car, so I had to be their mom, and that involves stimulating their pee parts till stuff comes out, and it’s not necessarily as tidy as you’d like that process to be.

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Now, DEESE kiddens okay

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After weeks of mixing up formula and bottle-feeding them 20x a day and making them poop and keeping a warming disc constantly warm and JUST TRYING NOT TO KILL THE KITTENS, they stopped being personality-less lumps and started being fun.

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rully. deese ones rully do be okay.

Edsel’s such an asshole.

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For six weeks, these three were at my house, just getting more adorable by the minute. Meanwhile, I’m tryina pack shit, and having three teensy kittens in the way was not great. I kept them in their concrete floor room when I packed, but eventually, I had to pack that room.

And that’s where the shelter sort of disappointed me.

Because often, in fact, every other time, if I took my fosters in for their booster shots and they weighed, you know, 1.8 pounds, they’d take them from me and make them adoptable. I was maybe a week from moving, I’d spent SIX WEEKS feeding and pooping and socializing and caring for these kittens DURING A MOVE, and when I

STEPPED

ON

THE

YELLOW

ONE

I called the shelter. And when I took them in, they said, “They aren’t exactly two pounds yet. Can you take them back with you?”

I had a friend at work who was definitely taking at least one. And I really couldn’t take them back. A mover was coming to get furniture out of that kitten room the next day. The boxes were sky-high in my house. It wasn’t safe there anymore, really, and I had too much to do.

So instead of saying, Oh, thanks for the

SIX WEEKS

of paying for food and litter and bedding and formula that cost $900 a can and for not sleeping, instead of saying thank you for all that? They took the kittens and huffed away.

Honestly, I felt horrible.

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I felt terrible for the kittens, and I felt like I let the shelter down, even though that was by far the toughest foster I ever did.

They were ready for adoption in like two days. And my coworker took the yellow one and the black-and-white one, and someone snatched up that tortoiseshell, thank god.

Which brings us to today.

I can’t foster here at this house, because there’s not a good room with stupid concrete floors that I can shut off, and after that last experience I’m a little…reluctant to help the shelter.

So last weekend I found myself missing kittens, and I went to the shelter just to visit. I’ve done that quite a bit, actually. Just go say hi to cats, pet them, get some strange and come home.

But on Sunday, there was one I really liked. He’s buff. Not that he works out. He’s buff COLORED. And he was so chill. He has a little white tip on his tail.

I left him at the shelter, figuring he’d get adopted that day.

When I looked at the June’s OCD shelter website on Wednesday, he was still there.

So I drove there Wednesday.

Turns out they were having a sale. Kittens are normally $75, but they were $13 that day. According to my maths, that’s 900% off.

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fer sale. cheep!

And that is why I am the proud owner of an 11-week old kitten named Milhous. Get it? Do you? Milhous? Cause I live in a…mill house?

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Edsel does not fear him, for he is a sweet puddin’ of a kitty, who is sweet.
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injoy my white tip. dat nother nod to mom sex lyfe.

Iris and Lily’s souls died months ago. They’re like, nother kidden. hooo care.

So now you’re up to date on my animal sitch.

We’ll talk soon. Be sure to write in and ask why I blocked you from Pie on the Book.

Furrily,
Juan

55 thoughts on “Catch up on June’s…animals (ya got all weekend?)

  1. I can’t even BEGIN to tell you how happy this makes me!! My mornings at work just weren’t the same! I check, check, checked this notblog ALL summer and I think I had finally given up! Then I missed the instagram post and saw someone comment about a BLOG POST and I SCREAMED over here to see what was going on. Milhouse is perfect. I’ve had two buff muffins and they were the best cats. Welcome back, June!! We missed you so.

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  2. Thank you for sharing. Those kitties are SO CUTE, I am jealous. Milhous is super cute. I’m glad Edsel approves of him.

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  3. Love that regal pose Milhous is striking on the back of your chair. And that adorable tiny white tippy-tip-tip. I shall await the resurrection of Lily’s and Iris’ souls.

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  4. I’m just impressed that your phone was at 96%.

    Those shelter people should have to sit in a cage and poop in a tin foil cake pan. Jackasses.

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  5. Couldn’t sleep, for coughing my ass off…oh thank you to the person who passed this cold along to me. So, I come into my office to see if my computer will keep me company while I can’t sleep, and lo and behold a Saturday post from Joob! I really am so happy you’re writing to us again. It’s not an overstatement to say that I LOVE reading your writing. You have a true gift. All of your animals are so fortunate to have such a loving Mama, and Milhous is an absolutely beautiful boy. What a unique coloration he has! Dick move by the Shelter. They really owe(d) you a debt of thanks. OK, I will stop prattling on. SO glad you’re back. Much love to you.

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  6. Joooooooooooon, why did you block……oh, never mind.

    Mulhouse is an adorable little fluffy muffin! I’m happy to hear Lily, Iris and Edz are doing well, too. I’m convinced SD is living the good life in one of the many houses he used to visit.

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  7. Joooooooooooon, why did you block……oh, never mind.

    Mulhouse is an adorable little fluffy muffin! I’m happy to hear Lily, Iris and Edz are doing well, too. I’m convinced SD is living the good life in one of the many houses he used to visit.

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  8. Joooooooooooon, why did you block……oh, never mind.

    Mulhouse is an adorable little fluffy muffin! I’m happy to hear Lily, Iris and Edz are doing well, too. I’m convinced SD is living the good life in one of the many houses he used to visit.

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  9. So glad you are back, that you have Milhouse, that Edsel gets along with him, and that you have posted an update. We all missed you, even the lurky ones like me.

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  10. Thanks for not letting all those past “What about ME?” comments dissuade you from sticking with the blog! It takes a patient person to wade through that stuff and still continue to write, and be so hilarious on top of it. Comments on the pet photos always slay me! That was amazing how Edsel just knew… about Leonard. Little Milhaus is a proud-yet-sweet looking little punkin and it’s easy to tell that he already loves Mom.

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  11. I hope your terrible experience was just one holier that thou shelter witch that all the other shelter bitches are ashamed of. They should be.

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  12. You are a great foster mom and also a great pet photographer! I’m glad everyone got to their perfect home—just like you did!

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  13. He’s gorgeous! Congratulations! I’m glad he’s a sweet kitten. My cream tabby, would that also be called buff? is the sweetest, meanest cat I know. Super sweet, lap kitty one moment, and then BOOM, chases me down and attacks if I don’t do something he thought I should have done for him. He’s my Cato when I’m home. (Pink Panther reference y’all.)

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  14. Oh my, all the adorable felines! Milhouse is precious and I love his name. Creative genius on the name. So glad to see a post on a Saturday.

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  15. Adorable kitten overload! So many cuties.
    Edsel, Iris, and Lilly (aka Delta Burke hahaha) look wonderful, too. How interesting that Edsel went into hiding while bitey Leonard was in residence. Milhous is gorgeous.

    So glad to see a Saturday post. With pets!

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  16. A Saturday post full of KITTENS! I can die happy now. Thank you for all the sweet fuzziness. I’m sorry to hear about your coworker–holy crap.
    One of my cats, fmr., who went with the ex after the divorce, was a buff female. Her name was Miss Lemon, which morphed to Lemonette, then Laminate.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Congratulations on the new addition to the family. He is a cutie. So glad the tooth is still there. I was afraid it would be gone before you came back to us! Also, I can’t believe you got a new kitten on Wednesday and didn’t tell us until Saturday. How in the world did you keep that in?

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  18. Great post. Milhouse is fabulous Edsel, Iris and Lily are fabulous. Your new house is fabulous. You look fabulous. So glad you’re back.

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  19. I’m still dying over gang-shed (Insta-ref for all the un-initiated). You haven’t lost a beat. If anything you are funnier than ever. If that’s even possible. And your photos skills have reached new heights.

    Lovely post lovely June!

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    1. Also, too all the weirdos searching the internet for “lots of pussy” will find themselves right here. Holy kittens!

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  20. Happy to see you on Saturday and get the pet updates. I did really think you’d keep that tortie girl, as she was so pretty, and photographed so nicely.

    *** Also, I need HELP! ***

    I have a new cat that I got at the end of May, after I lost my beautiful Lucia. However, this new grey girl, Cora, hangs out under my bed, for the most part. I haven’t been able to touch her since I brought her home. Having an Invisible Cat has been humorous, but to a point. Now I want her out and about, being a kitty, and one that I can interact with. She’s good about eating, and I have her food station right next to my bed. She does fine with her box, and plays at night by herself, since I see the toys scattered about in the morning. She just looks up at me with terror on her sweet little face, and I just want to love her. I’m so unhappy, but don’t want to give up on her.

    Any ideas???

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    1. You should ignore her and don’t even try to interact with her. Do things around her and make yourself available. When she is ready she will come around. Let her approach you a few times before you respond or react to her. Good Luck!

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I know it is difficult, but you can do it. It’s possible she was feral. We have three ferals and they’ve been with us since 2003. It took the better part of 10 years before they became truly comfortable and now they’re just like all cats: asshats. Please be patient with your kitty. She may not be feral, but may be a little damaged in some way from a trauma or fear, etc.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Mil (can I call him Mil?) looks like a sweetie. He’s such an unusual color. I like your art shot and Eds’ still-loose tooth.

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  22. Just like Anonymous above, my first thought was you named your kitten after Nixon. I was not creative enough, though, to create Kixon. Bravo.
    Love your pet update. Welcome to Milhouse. And don’t forget to tell us the Nancy is a beyotch story.
    Lovely post, lovely Joob.

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  23. Saturday post? Oh how you are spoiling us! All of the kittens were cute and the torti with the white chest was just beautiful. Glad everyone got adopted.

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  24. Okay, so newest comments are at the top of the page now, got it!

    Awesome post what with all the cute pet pictures sprinkled between the funny. The art shot made me laugh. Husband looked over from the ball game and asked what was so funny. It would have been way too complicated to explain so I just shrugged my shoulders.

    Milhous is absolutely gorgeous! I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a cat that color. Edsel looks so distinguished in his pictures now, a right handsome lad he is.

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    1. I don’t know if other people had a hard time getting their comment to post but it made me log into my wordpress account before I could comment. It didn’t make me do that yesterday or the day before.

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  25. Milhous is adorable and hope he and Eds remain buddies. Wonder if he will want to join the Needy Committee or perhaps he is too independent. Will he be dressed in pink for Halloween? You know, since you live in a pink mill house.

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  26. I hope third time is a charm. First: I read and thoroughly enjoyed catching up on your petzez adventures. Now every time I’ve tried to comment, my “precious” youngest grandson (the con man) interrupted me.

    Anywho, thank you for brightening my Saturday (Caturday?). I was so glad to read that you had finally found a cutie kittie that you and Edz could agree upon. You made so many others happy with your fostering successes and now it is your turn. And a happy clog dance for getting that sweet muffin for a bargain.

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  27. I love this post! You have such a kind and tender heart for all those kittens, you absolutely saved their life. Milhous fits right in the color wheel of animals at your house. He is beautiful. Now I want a kitten.
    Tee

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  28. Sounds like you had a bichin’ summer. (TM my yearbook c.1972). Milhous is such a handsome! I ended up getting an abandoned cat in July. Turns out she is a Turkish Van. And about 20 lbs with giant paws. She is very bossy so is named Calliope, the head honcho of all the mythological muses.

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  29. He’s a very handsome cat, and obviously meant to be yours. I’m so sorry Steely hasn’t made his way home. If I ever got a cat (wish I could, but unlikely for myriad reasons) I would get a tortoiseshell after seeing your foster pictures. Fell in love a little.

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  30. Holy cats! That’s a lotta cats!
    The shelter was rood, rewd, rude. They should have been incredibly grateful to you. I’m giving them the side eye all the way from Texas.
    Milhous is cute! He’s a whole new color category for you.

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  31. Whew…just read the pet saga and the house saga…
    (iPhone just auto-capitalized “house.” Not THAT house saga, iPhone!)
    Anyhoo, amazing…and I’m worn out now.
    HAGS

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