Friends · June's stupid life

Wingdog

Edsel is my wingman. We’re going on a road trip together tonight. I have never actually understood what “wingman” means. He’s going to eat my leftover wings? Because Edsel will surely do that.

Anyway, tonight after work, once it’s dark and dangerous, The Eds and I are getting in the car and heading to Michigan. We have a reservation, under his name, at a very nice hotel in West Virginia for the halfway point. I stay there every time I head back, and I know I have many photos of me posing under the bad art in the bar there, but I do not have time to Google that for you right now, as I have to get old Mutt and Jeff to the daycare, where he will be getting bathed, and that is fortunate for all involved, except maybe Edsel.

Also, that was a beautiful and concise sentence, up there.

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wate. wut about mill howz?

A housesitter is coming to make sure Iris and Lily do not bludgeon the kitten.

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O. okay. Back to regular sked dual.

In the meantime, careful readers will note that I have the kind of mail slot that comes in through the door (squeee! Have always wanted. See? Wishes really do come true.) and also that yesterday I told you I had to get my washer fixed.

My reliable and not-ridiculous new handyman, who we will call Not Alf, called me midday. “I’m sorry to call you during work,” he said, because he’s reliable and not ridiculous. “But I’ve been watching YouTube videos all morning to try to figure out what we need to do with your washer. Did you really wear a wedding dress to work today?”

See. I don’t even remember telling him I was going to do that. But you and I both know it’s one of my signature lines. Maybe I could’ve whipped out the Matt-Rick-teal-homecoming-dress new material I developed for y’all yesterday.

Also, stop calling homecoming “HoCo.” Just stop, before I bludgeon you like I’m one of my cats.

Anyway, what he decided was, the washer might be shot, but he’s gonna order this one part and we’re gonna see if we can get one more year out of that thing, and meanwhile he said I can USE my washer, it just won’t, you know, churn the clothes like it ought to.

Well.

I HAD to wash clothes because I was so out of clean items that I wore my wedding dress to work.

I’ll give you a second to stitch up your split sides.

But really, I leave for this trip, nothing is clean, it was worrisome. So last night when I got home, I was laundry speed queen. I was meeting The Other Copy Editor, fmr., at 7:00, and I managed one and a half loads before I got up with her.

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“I really ought to be home laundering.”

We had a beer and watched election returns like they were sports, except neither of us would be caught dead watching sports. TOCE, fmr., is the one who owns that nice old bed and breakfast on the same street where I spent my year abroad. She and her husband used to wander down and sit on my front porch there.

I texted her before we met up. “I know you live on the same street as he, but just so you know, this is a No-Ned November, possibly segueing into a No-Ned ’19, so there will be no Ned talk tonight.”

“Oh, I got plenty of my own stuff to talk about,” she said, and she did.

…I don’t know that you can tell, as I was unable to really capture this on …not film. I was unable to capture it on phone. But I just looked up, and the sun is shining on the rain, fmr., on my den window, and it looks like someone pressed a zillion diamonds on my screen, which, that person should maybe look into other hobbies.

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I wonder if this diamond-presser is related to Jack Frost? Jack Frost always freaked me the fuck out. Stay away from my window.

Stay away from my back door, too.

Disconnect the telephone lines.

Relax, baby, enjoy that wine.

Me and my important ’70s lyrics must leave you now, but I’ll try to write you from the road. With m’wingdog.

Wanderlustily,
Joop

37 thoughts on “Wingdog

  1. HoCo makes me absolutely INSANE!

    About that adorable mail slot – does the post person actually use it? If so, I want a mail slot now.

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  2. The art photo with the diamonds on the window made me think of those commercials with the jingle that said diamonds are foreverrrrr. Ack!! DeBeers? I want a beer now. Itty bitty witty kitty looks so handsome on that beautiful colorful rug. Also I love it that you use the afghan the faithful reader made you. It looks so soft. Almost as soft as like Milhous and that pretty rug.

    Apparently the wearing the wedding dress joke got lost on me many times before because I laughed like it was the first time reading it.

    TOCE’s hair is still gorgeous. How does she do that?

    Diamonds and Joop are foreverrrrrrrrrr.

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  3. Wingman – a pilot whose aircraft is positioned behind and outside the leading aircraft in a formation. Didn’t you pay attention to Top Gun? I mean, other than the deliciously sweaty volleyball scene. Iceman tells Maverick, “you can be my wingman any day”. It’s an Airforce, pilot-y thing, that bro-culture adopted in an attempt to talk to women.

    and now I think I need to find that volleyball scene on Youtube because it’s been a crappy day and I need some sweaty glistening muscles to brighten things up.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Funny post. Washer problems are the worst. I can hang my clothes out to dry, I just don’t want to have to scrub them in the tub circa1900. I noticed the mail slot, that is cool. Safe travels with your wingman.

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  5. My dryer broke last week. Just stopped drying. I would pile the clothes in there, turn it on and nothing but cold wet clothes. Maybe I didn’t rub it the right way or blow in its vent just so, it would not heat up. Since it also was left by owners fmr, it is from the 1980s. My Kahuna ordered a part then promptly went out of town. For days my neighbors got to look at my laundry hanging from my porch. Thank God for handy men. Kahuna got home Saturday, bing, bam, boom it had that dryer heating up like ladies night at the Disco. Also and too, my dog is my wing-dog everywhere I go. The other day Kahuna, my dog and I were in the Wal*mart and a woman said “you can’t bring that dog in here”, my Kahuna acted all offended and replied, “don’t call my wife a dog.” She shut up. (PS don’t get your pantaloons in a wad. He is a service dog, bonafide and trained.)

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I just took a road trip from Austin to Albuquerque with my wingdog. It was fun except for the really bad motel in Clovis. I don’t recommend any part of that town(hope no one lives there).

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  7. A new sofa? Can we see it? The rug looks great in this picture. So very glad you and all the commenters are back. Michigan has been nothing but cloudy for days on end, and now the cold is coming for the rest of the week and weekend. Have a good visit and safe trip. So nice Edz is going with you.

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  8. A roadtrip with the best wingman. Jelly! No, seriosly, enjoy. I would be all over Long John Silvers. I miss that and Arthur Treachers. Why do the best fast food places go away? I am envious of going to cooler weather too. It’s too warm for November here.

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  9. Having you back in my morning reading life is the best thing about this year, except for finishing Big Work Project. Other than that, you’re it. Congratulations!

    If you hate, abhor and detest abbreviations, living with a teen would make you bonkers. I’m fairly neutral about abbreviations, and it still drives me bonkers. Bonks. IDMB, because we live in the Age of Initialism.

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  10. HoCo? SERIOUSLY? Are we THAT busy that we need to abbreviate everything? Excuse me, abbrev e’thing? UGH. People who say “HoCo” also serve “appies” and “veggies.” And should be shot.

    And I only use “fortch” and “sitch” (1) ironically and/or (2) to annoy my kids.

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    1. I really abhor “apps” for appetizers. They’re not on your phone. Also? Cab for Cabernet, or any other shortening of wines. Stop. You’ve just made an elegant thing tacky. Note no one shortens Mad Dog. Oh, wait, yes they do. MD. MD 20/20. Hindsight is MD 20/20.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Don’t even get me going on “totes” and “adorbs” and if you refer to California as “Cali” then I will be forced to deliver a roundhouse kick to your throat.

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  11. I am sitting here in a hospital cafe because I brought a friend for day surgery. Sitting here all byself like some awkward girl in middle school, waiting for my gourmet breakfast sandwich. And I checked my emails, like you do and I saw your name and I was so happy to read your story and not feel so crazy about my overly dog oriented busy life. So, just wanted to say..welcome back, I missed you when you were gone… Katie

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    1. Ooo, what’s ON the sandwich? Signed, June, who gets excited about hospital sandwiches. And also the knowledge that there is a Long John Silver in West Virginia, where she will be driving tonight.

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  12. We always wondered why our dog hated the mailman so much. One day we were home when he came and the dog ran over to the front door barking like crazy. When he put the mail through the slot it all landed on her stupid head. Right then, we knew . . . She was being attacked by letters everyday!

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  13. Word of warning to those with crazy dogs…..

    We had a door with a mail slot too (note past tense) – which protected our mail wonderfully during Canadian winters – until my husband thought it cute to get our barky Bernese Mountain Dog to take the mail from the inside as the carrier was pushing it through the slot.

    Not long after she learned this trick, we got a flyer from Canada Post refusing to deliver, and had to set up an outside mail box. Booo.

    Have a safe trip.

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  14. “A wingman, dear, is the man that sits on the wing in your airplane.” -Pam

    My washing machine crnt. is leaking, but not every time I use it which apparently makes it far too mysterious to diagnose, making me hope it will soon be washing machine, fmr.

    Had to pull my tights on this morning in Illinois so I’m thinking it’s a good guess it’s cold in Michigan. Bring your long johns. To wear under your wedding dress.

    Safe travels June & Edsel! The Thelma and Louise of our day!

    Liked by 2 people

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