June's stupid life

I’m taking a drive with my best friend (name that band)

by June

I’m in Michigan, blogging from my phone. With Edsel. I mean, he’s not blogging. Now I picture him tapping his dog phone with his dog claws. edz blawg from iBone.

We’re having the season’s first real snow today, as it always does on or right near my mother’s birthday, which is today. She is 100 years young. I’m Willard Scott. Enjoy Smuckers.

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Edsel has discovered the squirrels outside. This is not good. My mother has some sort of feeder situation going on out there, and he wants his own feeder situation. If you’re picking up what I’m putting down.

Anyway. We drove here Wednesday and Thursday, the dog and me, and stayed at a dog-friendly hotel. It was dog-curious.

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We drove six hours Wednesday night; as soon as I got out of work we got on the road. It was pitch black the whole drive, and boring AF.

I hadn’t eaten dinner, and when we got to the hotel, they told me the kitchen had just closed. Son of a bitch. I got up to the room, and they had a cute little welcome kit for Edsel.

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Edz feel welcomm 

Oh, sure, they had food for the dog.

Anyway, I called downstairs for a glass of wine to be sent up. “We just had last call, ma’am.”

Son of a bitch.

Eds was very good at the hotel. I worried he might bark at people walking past our room, but he never did even once. He was also good in the car. He was mostly a letter C, I have no idea why.

I’m here for my mother’s birthday and also because there’s the film festival in town. Last night, we went to see The Wife, not that I’m married, and it was at this old movie theater I went to 100 million times when I was a kid and haven’t been to since I saw Wayne’s World in the early 90s.

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It’s like I’m at Sundance. Saginaw dance.

When I was a teenager, we lived right near that movie theater. In the summer, they would show dollar movies. I must’ve walked down there three or four times a week, because it was cheap, it was entertainment, and most of all it was air-conditioned. This is probably why I still go to movies all the time today. Anyway, it was cool as shit to be back in there.

I have to go get a card for my mother. Look, I was planning a lot to get here. I asked her if she had any spare cards and YOU KNOW SHE DOES cause she’s a mother, but she refuses to give me a spare card. So now I gotta traipse out in this BLIZZARD. God.

Talk to you later. My mother won’t stop talking to me even though I said I was honing my marvelous craft here on my phone.

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just want to eet skwirl. Dat so wrong?

42 thoughts on “I’m taking a drive with my best friend (name that band)”

  1. Happy birthday, Mother! You must be thrilled to have your little girl home.
    I had to zoom in on Edsel, I thought for a second he had gotten that squirrel!
    Also, Massimo! Was it an Italian greyhound?

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  4. Happy Birthday to Pam, beautiful mother of June! Now we know where June got her looks from. Snow this time of year would freak me out. Well, at almost any time of year here in central Alabama.

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  5. Dog-curious. Saginaw dance. Blizzard.

    What a good boy Eds is for not barking at the hotel. Good boy, Eds! Also that he was so mellow on the drive. He’s a great wingman!

    What the actual heck with this stupid stupid weather in the midwest! (MIdwest?) I get itchy scratchy about this with Joob and other grammar peeps around here, I lower cased typed midwest but the red squiggly line appeared and said it should be capitalized. I am so confused. I’m also confused cause it should be 45 degrees and we should be crunching leaves and sticks under our shoes and bitching about the neighbors burning their leaves, creating a flareup with allergies even though I love the smell. We should not be crunching snow under our boots already. It’s all wrong!

    Lovely post, Juan! Lovely pictures, lovely captions. BIG BIG Birthday Greetings, Mother!!!!

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  7. Happy Birthday Pam!

    Edsel is such a good boy. Who’s a good boy? Edz is a good boy!

    Have a great trip! We were on our Montana this time last year and as soon as we hit the Montana border it came a blizzard. We had 5 feet of snow in an hour. Okay, maybe not 5 feet but close.

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  8. Happy birthday to your mama!! Happy hunting to Edsel!

    I am so jealous of your snow. It’s Texas here, which means it is hot, cold, wet, humid, hot, almost cold, but never consistently good fall or winter weather. Enjoy!

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  10. It just occurred to me that the PAM semi truck you saw on the way to Mother’s was full of birthday cards. The card count must now be in the thousands.

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  11. I love you and Edsel’s expressions in the photos, I live vicariously through June’s photos. I am drawn like a moth to a flame. Happy Birthday to June’s mom!

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  13. We travel with snacks and drinks too, even on shorter trips. There is also the most kick a$$ Wawa convenience store half way to Philadelphia. We always stop there for a potty break, and snacks. Philly has a big soda tax now so I get two coke Zeros or Diet Dr. Peppers for the trip. They have all kinds of great special candies and snacks. It’s all about the food, why so chubby indeed.
    We had dollar movies too but never in walking distance. That is very cool.

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  15. Happy Birthday, Mother!
    When is the official Counting of the Cards?
    Cheers to many more birthdays and many more cards!

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  16. Happy Birthday, Pamother!

    The thing that caught my attention most in this post is the fact that you don’t travel with snacks. I can’t go to the Big City which is 2 hours away without packing a bag of snacks or stopping at the convenience store on the edge of town to get a Slurpee and a bag of Cheetos for the road. Also, why so chubby, Geeky? I am in awe of the fact that you drove all that way without sustenance. It never occurred to me that I might be able to take a road trip without food.

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  20. Happy birthday to beautiful Pam.
    A road trip with Edz sounds perfect. The best companion to have for the drive.
    Enjoy your visit!

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  21. Happy birthday, Pam. What a perfect gift to have June home to celebrate.

    June, I was thinking of you in the snow when I saw the national weather map this morning.

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  22. Happy Birthday Mother! (Will she count these amongst her many happy birthday greetings today?) I would like to say all mothers have a box of spare cards, but I’m a mother and I don’t so apparently I’m failing at some fundamental mothering requirement. I’m not much of a card person myself, is my excuse. I’d rather have the 5 bucks.

    Have a wonderful day with Not Even Close to 100 Years Old Pam!

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  23. Can I confess to weather envy? Snow!!!! We are having Santa Anas and are on fire again. Happy birthday Pam, you are beautiful. Hope you find the perfect card and share it with us.

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    1. I do not miss the Santa Ana winds. “Oleander time, she said. Lovers who kill each other now will blame it on the wind. ” Janet Fitch, White Oleander

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  24. Glad to know you made it safely. Happy Birthday to your mom. We have a bit of snow here in Madison, Wi., but it will be gone soon.

    Enjoy your visit.

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  26. Happy birthday, Pam! Your mom is not 100, she’s my age. She looks great! Maybe I should have said I’m her age.

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  28. You make me want to go to Saginaw, which is a sentence I never thought I’d type. Happy birthday to your mother. She won’t give you a card because she’s being a mother and trying to teach you independence and how to plan better (winky-eye emoji)

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    1. We stayed in Saginaw last year on a trip to Frankenmuth….which is a Christmas town. I highly recommend. And I was like, June lived here the entire time we were at the Hotel!

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  32. Happy birthday to Ms Pam.
    No, it isn’t wrong to eat squirrel, Edz, but Humphrey caught one once and spit it out faster than you can gag. Apparently it was nasty. Cute, but gamey.
    And why couldn’t that darn hotel at least throw you a crust of bread and an apple. Geeze.

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