I hate everything

The good, the bad…

As you know, from your now-oversized Book of June Events, my washer has been broken and I just went on a trip.

So selecting clothing for the workplace has been my own challenge. I have an inspirational poster about challenges above my increasingly empty closet.

But yesterday, as I listlessly perused my offerings, I found OH! How EXCITING!

My poncho.

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We were pretending to be mannequins. Or maybe a JCPenney catalog. I forget. The point is, our hilarity never stops and for that you are welcome.

I purchased said poncho last year with my Aunt Kathy, at Thanksgiving, when I was visiting home and we popped into a Basic Girl Shoppe.

“Oooo, I forgot I had this,” I said to myself/Edsel/it’s sad. Also, let’s review the part where I forgot I had it when I (a) purchased it less than a year ago, (2) packed it into a box in August, (r) unpacked it a month ago.

Excited, I slipped on said poncho, added jeans so once again I could avoid looking like Porky Pig

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Porky Pig is big with me lately.

and added my brown boots. I was a legend.

Photo on 11-14-18 at 1.07 PM
Maybe I’m amazed at the way I love me all the time.

So, in my cute surprise ensemble, I headed to work, where I immediately ran into a coworker I’ll call NotPatrick.

I really like NotPatrick. I’ve worked with him at other locales, and his wife has worked with me for years here at this job, then NotPatrick joined up awhile back. He and I voluntarily worked on an ad idea together that got chosen from a bunch of other people coming up with ads.

If you work with me, I certainly have made it a mystery who I mean, here.

Last year I tried to arrange a happy hour with the people at work who were older. I was trying to have a place we could gather and discuss Ruben Kincaid without having to explain who that was.

No one came. EXCEPT NotPatrick and his wife.

So, there he was yesterday, seeming likable, and he said, “I like your poncho.”

“Thanks,” I said, swirling like Stevie Nicks.

“You look like…well…” he trailed off.

I whipped back around. I know when a man fears me. Men fear me often. He was going to say something and then he feared me.

What,” I said in my Linda Blair voice, a voice that would also have to be explained to people under 40.

“No, nothing, it’s…” he tried to walk away. HE ATTEMPTED ESCAPE. Suddenly, NotPatrick was a bug and I was Iris.

“YOU HAVE TO TELL ME,” I said.

“You sort of look like, I don’t want to say it. You sort of look like Clint Eastwood in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly,” he said.

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Goddammit.

Awhile later, I saw my other coworker, Frapdorf, who adopted one of my kittens this summer, that really cute orange one, if you follow my endless parade of kittens on Instagram. One of the ones I had to bottle feed. He also took the orange one’s brother, the black and white one.

Anyone who (a) hates cats and (2) isn’t on Instagram is 100% over me at this juncture.

“Nice poncho,” said Frapdorf.

“Yeah, thanks. NotPatrick says I look like Cli–”

“CLINT EASTWOOD!!” he finished. What’s with men and that movie?

For the rest of the day, Frapdorf would sing…

any time I strolled past.

“You have not gone ahead and made my day,” I told him, and by the way, he HATES the blog name Frapdorf and I had at one point told him I’d change it but NOT TODAY, WHISTLER.

I’ve never actually seen The Good, The Bad, and The Aging is a Natural Process. What’s it about, and why is Clint Eastwood wearing that fruity poncho? Is he on his way to Burning Man after?

Anyway, that wraps up yesterday. Get it?

Pashmina,
Joop

 

44 thoughts on “The good, the bad…

  1. Is that the movie where Eastwood’s character forces sex on a woman (i.e. rapes her) and then she adores him? Some of those old movies can sure suck the big one. Yet so popular. It’s no wonder society has these stupid attitudes. Or do the movies take their attitudes from the society of the day?

    You’ve reminded me that I, too, bought a poncho this summer. It was brand new at a garage sale for $10. I brought it home, tried it on, admired myself in the full-length mirror, and looked forward to wearing it. Then forgot all about it till your photos. Now it’s too late. Snow season in Saskatchewan (Nov. – April) requires a parka. And, for me, ski pants.

    Maybe I could just wear it around the house. Yeah!

    -Kate

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  2. Ponchos are the best. And yours is lovely. Also, in the movie The Good, Bad and the Ugly, Clint Eastwood is the Good. So, any comparisons are meant to be positive.

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  3. I think I had a poncho back in 1970..blahblahblah. Warm but incredibly shapeless on me. I need to have something that shows off my boobs and arse. Two of my three best body assets. Rawr.

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    1. Thanks! I was fucking around with the theme and photos and font earlier. The Poet was telling me what font to use, but once I happened upon that ’50s one for the “Book of June’ part, I was in love. The poor tasteful Poet sauntered off, appalled.

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  4. I always look longingly at ponchos and even though I, too, am short a big-ish busted, I am going to buy a poncho and rock that shit. You’ve inspired me because your NotClintEastwoodPoncho looks so cute on you. I don’t even care if I look like a Hobbit, I’m going to pretend that I look like June. So there.

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  5. The Good, the Bad and The Ugly is one of my all-time fave Clint movies. I can’t decide between that and Unforgiven (I blame my dad for my love of Clint Eastwood westerns). But, you look nothing like Clint and the last thing I think of seeing you in that poncho is Clint! All I can think is that I wish I was taller so that I could wear ponchos and not look all little-person-in-a-tent.

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  6. Oh my god. I think I hurt myself trying to stifle the giggles. So funny. AND that poncho is fabulous. If it were mine, I’d wear it every day. That’s an everyday poncho.

    Lovely lovely post lovely June!

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  7. Never made it through the entire movie because it is so very long and has little dialogue, much to the chagrin of every man that has passed through my life. If you need a good nap, try to watch The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

    I have been thinking about getting a poncho for the winter as I hate driving a car in a heavy coat. I also am short with giant boobs but I think I’m going to do it anyway.

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  8. Love the poncho, it looks great on you. And the cute shoes. What do those guys know about great fashion? Whistler! Make me snort. Another hilarious post. I really missed you, June.

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  9. That was hysterical, Joop. You even made Distinguished laugh out loud and he, too, knew Clint Eastwood and his swingy thingy. Oooo, that sounded like something I didn’t mean at all.

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  10. Ah. The Poncho. I have a couple of ruanas (ruani? ruanae?) that are like ponchos but split open in the front. Try and wear that gracefully while you’re constantly grabbing at the two sides or trying to casually and artfully fling one side over your shoulder. Sigh. I should just stick to cardigans and be done with it. I can’t do anything fashionable.

    Case in point: I am wearing a pashmina today and despite watching hours of YouTube videos on how to creatively tie scarves, I just have it hanging around my neck on both sides like I’m about to say mass.

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    1. Maybe, and I’m not being snarky here as I am also short and big-busted, there might be better proportioned ones in petite sizes? (There needs to be a whole store just for short-big-busted-but-not-plus-size people.)

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  11. I haven’t laughed this much since your visit. Thanks for a good start for the day. You looked great in that poncho. BTW, don’t pump gas in that outfit. There may be sparks from the fur trim.

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  12. I don’t think they realize how heavy those coats are. I have two that belonged to my mother and when you put them on you feel like someone sewed barbells into the lining.

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  13. I asked my husband “What do you think of when I say poncho?”

    Clint is the only “poncho” reference in the male lexicon. They should learn
    June Gardens. Because June Gardens could model a poncho in any catalog ever.

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  14. The fur on your poncho reminds me – has anybody besides me read articles saying that now millennials want to wear their grandmothers old mink coats instead of all this faux fur because it fills up the landfills? I love me some real fur, just say’in……

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