Books · Proofreading/Copy editing

For you, June, are a slob

I have many topics, the fresh topics of our day, to discuss with you, and all of them are dull. Read on!

Just so I won’t forget them, because you know how I am, they are:

  • Work
  • My eyesight
  • My winter jackets
  • Turning into my grandmother, Vol. XIV

Did I not TELL you they were all dull? Let’s begin.

Work.
I read a book once, by Stephen King. Or is it Steven King? That guy who scares you. Anyway, he wrote a good book on writing, and he said one thing people love to read about is other people’s work. To which I said, hunh.

Is that true? Did you see that was one of my topics and thrill to the idea, or were you all, I’ll take Winter Jackets for $200, Alex, and by “Alex” I mean all the Alexes at June’s work?

So. Work. I’ve been at my current job for seven years, six months and 15 days. So, I guess you could surmise I must like it, and I often do. But some days? Ridic.

For the first five years, I worked on one account. Then they switched me over, and it’s like that account never existed. Once I was off of it, I was off of it. A clean break. Like the one I had with Ned.

So you can imagine my surprise at 4:59 last night when–bloop!–my computer did what it used to do two and a half years ago, which is pop up with a little assignment from this account.

“You have a task due from [fancy client you’ve heard of]!”

I do?

So I opened it. Yep. There it was, looking just as fine as it did in Two Aught 15. I realize that’s not really how you say 2015. Calm down.

Without having any idea why I was getting this, I just started, you know, copy editing it. It was like riding a bike, except I can’t ride a bike.

Then–bloop!! An email.

“Hey, Juan, here’s the task. Let me know if you have any questions.”

…..

Let me know if I have any questions? Okay. How about, is it 2015? Did I just return from some kind of “I’m in the future” amnesia, where I thought I lived for almost three years working on other stuff? If so, did I really move? Who are my pets? I’ve no idea who Ima go home to.

When is this due?

Am I copy editing it, or are we in that six-month period where I edited instead?

Do I have any questions.

Then–BLOOP!–I get another email from another person. “Thanks for working on this!”

Who ARE you? Do you work on this account? Do we know each other? Do you even work in my company?

Then GRIFF shows up. Griff never left that account. “I hear you’re working on our stuff all day tomorrow.”

I am?

“Yeah. I won’t be here, though. Just use your common sense.”

My common–oh dear god we’re all doomed.

Finally, FINALLY, I get an email from a ninety-seventh person who asks, “Dear June, Would you have time to work on [insert account you’ve so heard of]? The regular copy editor isn’t available. It’s all due tomorrow.”

Sigh. So I guess I’m having a Flashback Friday today, working on my old account, and if Ima do this, can I go all the way and sit at my old desk, on my old floor, kibbitz with my old ridiculous boss who’d get me on tangents about Ode to Billy Jo? Cause that would be magnificent.

If you could flash back to, say, November 2015, what would you be doing?

Eyesight
I’m glad I did that list, above, because I’d already forgotten what else I was gonna talk about.

Yesterday was my annual eye exam, and man, was I excited to go. First of all, I can tell my eyes are most def worse, and so is my vocab. Plus also, the last time I bought glasses was in 2015, and 2015 is a big year with me today. But in that time, my prescription has DEFINITELY changed, and don’t you hate people who write “defiantly” instead of definitely? Plus also too, in those three years, since the apparently magical year of two aught 15, those glasses have been skidded across the floor by cats, ridden at the bottom of my disgusting purse, been stepped on, etc.

I take terrible care of my things.

So they’re uncomfy and twisted and scratched, and I was so excited to order new ones. I never wear my old glasses, even though they’re black cateyes with diamonds and technically I love the IDEA of them, but it feels like I have a bobcat on my face when I wear them.

You know how THAT feels.

My eye doctor is a jovial sort, and very large. I mean he’s tall and has an enormous frame. He’s just a lot of man. But I like it there because they have equipment that makes it so they don’t have to dilate my eyes, which is crueler than April, the cruelest month. April totally texts about you after you’ve gone.

“Well. You are one nearsighted young lady,” said my eye doctor, and it’s now at the point where when people say, “young lady,” they’re being ironic, like Willard Scott and his 105 years young thing.

“But your eyes are great. They’re strong, they’re clear, you’re doing great. No change.”

No…NO CHANGE? But I was CERTAIN they’ve changed. Not even close up? I can’t read the shampoo bottle close up anymore.

Nope. Same.

Goddammit.

But you know what I did? I used my insurance money to get new glasses anyway. I tried on approximately four billion pair, till the glasses guy started tying a noose, and I decided on these sort of rosy tortoiseshells that I will show you when they get in.

I can’t wait to take terrible care of my glasses.

Coats, Soothes and Relieves
Which brings me to my winter coats. [Everyone scoots chair up, as we’re finally getting to the good part.]

Cold weather is upon us here in North Carolina, and for the first time this season, I reached for a winter jacket recently.

Almost every winter frock I own has something fucking wrong with it. Why don’t I take care of my things? So now I have a plan to fix all of the things I can fix. For example…

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My leopard coat, which I believe one of you sent me, has a missing snap. Oh, snap. I am horrific today. Why?

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Also, every time I got a coat out to photograph for you, ridiculous Milhous came over and posed with it. Yes, his eye IS red. He got in a fight. With a cat. He deserved it.

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The fabulous orangey-red coat I got at Kit’s store is missing a little sew-y piece of thread of the cuff of one arm, so instead of turning up saucily, it droops and flops over.

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Blue raincoat: Steely Dan chew mark. Also, fur.

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Pink raincoat? Coffee AND lipstick stain. I don’t even know if the pink raincoat can be saved.

I should just wear black garbage bags in winter. It’d be cheaper.

Grammy
Now I’m late of course but my last topic is this. You know how I’ve turned into my grandmother? When she was living alone, she had a fabulous book holder, so she could sit at her kitchen table and read and eat all at the same time, but not have to hold up her book. Yesterday at lunch I was tryina eat something healthy [Burrito Supreme] and read my book and you know what I craved? A book holder. I know the right answer should have been kale, but there it is.

But I’m having the kind of schedule lately where I’m running from one thing to another and haven’t had time to look, although of course I had time to photograph my coats. Anyway, if you find such an item, please alert me in comments so I can go get one.

Oh my god, I have to be at work in literally two minutes.

Efficiently,
June

45 thoughts on “For you, June, are a slob

  1. 2015? Oh please, do not make me go back there. It was the WORST effing year of my life. Too many deaths, an affair and my sister’s cancer diagnosis. And now, you’ve reminded me that I need to make an appointment with the eye Dr. I haven’t had my eyes examined in 43 years. I think it’s time.

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  2. I was surfing the web, and happened quite by accident to find this blog. What an interesting blog. That I’ve never seen or read before. Or written a comment on. Because I just saw it for the first time.

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  3. I use a leather book weight all the time. It’s not a holder upper but I like it. If you don’t have one I’ll send you one through Amazon. Just tell me whether to click on June or Karen–which one has the new address?

    Loved this post.

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  4. I have 3 coats to my name. One is a hand-me-down from the lost and found way back when my kids were in middle school. One is my go-to coat for 90% of all occasions. It is a London Fog trench coat with the zip out lining and it is comfy, pretty and warm and makes me feel glamorous. The third is a cream color mink coat that my mama gave me. I hardly ever wear it because I am afraid someone will throw blood or paint or something on it.
    So I am a bit envious of all your pretty coats.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thanks so much for blogging! You brighten my day so much. If it wasn’t so far to drive, I would go to your eye doctor. I hate having my eyes dilated-it’s the worst!

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  6. My husband and I went on an anniversary trip to Disney World (I can’t help it – I love all the rides!!) and in every single picture, I have a stain on my shirt where I have spilled my food at some point during the day. Every. Single. One. So . . . I use a combination of Shout spray, Oxyclean gel and Dawn and that usually gets out most stains.

    There’s an alterations place in High Point – Nabil – that’s run by the nicest Middle Eastern man. He reminds me of an ideal grandfather. He does a great job and could fix all the sewing projects for you.

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    1. We must be twins. I’m so bad about slopping food all over when I eat, my daughter once bought me a Tide-To-Go pen. Subtle much?

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  7. The idea of the RAINcoat not being washable is irking me. I get it, but still. It is a RAINcoat. It is supposed to GET WET. Ergo, it should be EFFING WASHABLE. This is similar to one of my shower curtains which has a label stating, “Dry Clean Only.” What crust. First of all, it’s a SHOWER CURTAIN and second of all, IT’S GOING TO GET WET EVENTUALLY. “Dry Clean Only,” my butt. That shower curtain got over itself damn fast when I told it its two choices were “machine washable” or “trash.”

    Not to be confused with a slicker-style raincoat because DUH. And my raincoat is washable but the wool lining isn’t, so there’s a fun afternoon lining the sleeves, zippers and buttons back up when I wash the coat but not the lining. And if you think I’m thanking LLBean when I’m doing that, your lip reading skills are off.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I wash 98% of items that say “Dry Clean Only”. I use the gentle cycle, cold water, only a tiny bit of detergent, & hang to dry/use my drying rack. I have done this for years without issue.

      I do dry clean my ball gowns, but that is only because they don’t fit in a normal washer & I don’t want to steam or iron them.

      This all started with being too poor for the dry cleaner… now it’s a frugal behavior because it’s ridiculously overpriced IMO.

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  8. I was going to volunteer to fix your coats, but SC is much closer than GA and I don’t have a book holder. That’s a great idea about the faux fur on the SD eaten sleeve. I suggested using Dawn liquid detergent to get the stains out of the coat. Make sure the coat is washable. If the label says dry clean, you can wash it in cold water, if it says dry clean only, DON’T wash it. Ask me how I know.

    When I meet new people I always about their work. I find it very interesting.

    I hate going to the eye doctor. Not as bad as the dentist.

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      1. Or regular Dawn dish washing detergent. Just squirt it on those stains, let it soak in for while, maybe rub it with your finger, then wash the coat. I’m assuming the coat is washable. Dawn is a miracle stain remover.

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    1. I agree… I use OxyClean Laundry Spray all the time!

      Dawn dish soap works great on grease (so I think it would work on lipstick).

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  9. So jealous! Wish my eye doctor had a fancy machine which required no dilations. Have to drive home about twenty miles trying to peek through “animal eyes”.

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    1. Oh, they have really up-to-date, fancy stuff there. Half the time I don’t even know what the hell they’re doing, but there’s also no puff in the eyes anymore either!!

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      1. No Puff? Now that is a game changer. After the first eye, forget doing the second. I know the puff is immenient and cannot open that eye enough to do anything.

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  10. I, too, never have any decent winter coats to wear. There’s the black wool one from the thrift store that I love, but the lining is hanging in shreds, there’s the Lands End purple snow jacket (the jacket is purple, not the snow, although now I’m wanting a Purple Rain jacket) that makes me look like a roly-poly caterpillar trying to imitate a human, and the pink rain jacket that is always on the closet floor and usually has weird stains on it (because, hey, closet floor). So then I default to 2 sweatshirts, which make me look homeless (just like ponchos do). That’s okay, I’ll just walk quickly to stay warm.

    I checked my blog to see what I was doing in November of 2015, and the answer is the exact same things I’m doing now: eating leftover Halloween candy, cooking for my kids, trying to clean house, and dealing with winter-onset hypochondria. I swear, I am the most boring person alive.

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  11. If you and Eds are up for a road trip to SC, I will do the sewing fixes for you. Maybe add a faux fur trim to the devoured cuff? I also have a book holder you can have. I think it’s for a cook book but same concept, hold book open without touching. Lovely post, pretty Juan.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. It was the cook book factor, right?

        Seriously though, happy to help if it’s not too far, just let me know. Sewingwise, anyway – I shop exclusively at thrift stores and still don’t buy light clothes since we’re a spilling family.

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    1. I love the faux fur idea! I was thinking that maybe a wide coordinating ribbon to cover the edges of both cuffs with contrasting decorative stitching?

      I love your leopard coat!

      I found a local Alterations place that does repairs too. I took them my dresses with the broken straps & the zipper that kept giving me issues that I had kept meaning to repair (but never managed to find time to do). He fixed them all & I picked them up the following week. Worth every cent of the $7-8/dress that I paid, since the one dress had been waiting for repair for at least 2 years. I wore all the dresses this summer regularly. I have a few more things to be hemmed/fixed & I just have to get some ribbon (to fix some cat chewed dress straps) first. I read an article somewhere about spending money for someone else to fix it so that you can enjoy your items (& it was very true in my case).

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  12. If Spray and Wash or Shout doesn’t get the lipstick and coffee out, try spraying it with a lot of hairspray and let it soak in for several hours. I’ve had this work in the past for ink.

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