Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the saints, help George Bailey.

That line above is from It's a Wonderful Life, which I saw last week at my old theater. Every time I see that movie I'm an It's-a-Wonderful-Life-quoting asshole for the next month. That line is from right at the beginning when all you see is George Bailey's roof but you hear everyone praying for him. … Continue reading Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and all the saints, help George Bailey.

June’s major purchases

Last night, I went to our outdoor mall five days before Christmas. Hey, let's send this Hindenberg up. And other good ideas. I needed a calendar. I also needed wrapping paper. At said outdoor mall, there were literally traffic police in the road with whistles. Two of them, on one road, directing traffic. I ran … Continue reading June’s major purchases

In which June suggests it’s that time of the month for St. Francis

It's Sunday night. Does 6:48 p.m. count as Sunday night? In 12 minutes, The Wonderful World of Disney would be coming on if this were real life, because 1973 is real life and I don't know what the hell this is. Anyway, it would be coming on, and my mother would be preparing a Swanson's … Continue reading In which June suggests it’s that time of the month for St. Francis

Mrs. June Butterworth takes her own sweet time

I didn't MEAN to steal breakfast, but I did. We had a thing at work where, if you brought in cans of food for the less fortunate, you got a free breakfast that they'd ordered in from somewhere. But, see, we had all these snow days and I literally didn't leave my house for four … Continue reading Mrs. June Butterworth takes her own sweet time

Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!

I never did make it to work after I wrote you last. The road in my neighborhood was too icy, so I worked from home. And, annoyingly, there was once again a ton of work. I literally worked from home. And that is why I'm writing to you on Tuesday night. I still have much … Continue reading Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!

Please don’t say “Snowmageddon”

My eternal debate: Remove color-clashing alarm sign and risk death and sodomy so my house front looks better? There are two kinds of people during a snowstorm: Junes and Neds. When I found out we were getting a foot of snow, I was delighted. I got a bunch of stuff to make pumpkin chili, and … Continue reading Please don’t say “Snowmageddon”

Special Snowy Sunday…Sost. I wanted to be alliterative.

St. Francis has a snow collar. Or a ghost is ass-raping him. One or the other. Happy Sunday! Merrrrrrry Christmas! It's snowing here. wat fuk? Depending on what weather app you look at, we're going to get anywhere from 8 to 194 inches. They're telling us to stay home, because while this is just a … Continue reading Special Snowy Sunday…Sost. I wanted to be alliterative.

June and her ADD get ready for a party

Every year, at Christmas, my workplace has its annual holiday party. How much do you hate me for that redundant-ass sentence up there? I should really write a book. Last night was my workplace Christmas party, and yes they call it "Christmas party," as opposed to when I lived in LA and it was the … Continue reading June and her ADD get ready for a party

Come and knock on our…oh, cut it out, June

Would you like to know what annoys me? "Overdramatic." You're dramatic. That's enough. It already means what you think "overdramatic" means. Stop it. People are also seeming to have trouble with their prepositions. I love the Long Island Medium, I'm sorry but I do, but in every episode, she says, "Before I begin I like … Continue reading Come and knock on our…oh, cut it out, June

Important things June has bought lately (aka Prose hair products update)

Now that I'm not destitute --and could I take this time to once again thank the people online who said they were "so sick" of hearing about how destitute I was before? That was kind. You're kind. Be proud. Also, going on a website to complain about bloggers means your life is full. Yep. Anyway, … Continue reading Important things June has bought lately (aka Prose hair products update)