June's stupid life

Important things June has bought lately (aka Prose hair products update)

Now that I’m not destitute

–and could I take this time to once again thank the people online who said they were “so sick” of hearing about how destitute I was before? That was kind. You’re kind. Be proud. Also, going on a website to complain about bloggers means your life is full. Yep.

Anyway, now that I’ve moved into this marginal neighborhood and my mortgage is practically nothing and so forth, I am able to buy things like a normal person, such as bread and hair gel and a handgun. Here’s a rundown of my latest conspicuous consumer purchases:

Blueberry hummus.

See. You thought I was making that up, didn’t you? Just like the reader who said I made it up that someone put Violet in my car.

I don’t know why I’m so bitter today. I guess I woke up this way. And by the way, the first thing I did this morning was punch Iris when I went to shut off the alarm. Maybe I’m bitter because too many goddamn animals sleep with me. When I was a kid, I slept with my 79 stuffed animals. I had no idea I was training for real life.

Anyway, blueberry hummus.

I went to the grocery store last night for my regular shopping and saw this on the shelf. There was a man also similarly looking at hummus. “Should I try blueberry hummus?” I asked him, pulling if off the shelf. “What have you got to lose?” he said. He was a jovial type.

I mean. $4.99. That’s what I’ve got to lose. But I got it, and as I walked away the man yelled, “See? I’ll try black bean hummus! We’ll report back to each other!” 

Like black bean hummus is such a stretch. Come on. Clearly I am the adventurer in this relationship.

The point is, I got home and tried it immediately because have you met my impulse control? And blueberry hummus

is

delicious.

Oh my god, I adore blueberry hummus! It has a definite tang to it, and I ate it with crackers–regular rice crackers, not graham crackers as they suggested as I am not a toddler. Well. Other than my impulse control.

Prose hair products.

About a week ago, I told you that I fell for an ad on Instagram, and really I fall for ALL THE ADS on the Instagram. They know my thoughts. Just this weekend I mentioned I’d like to buy another paint-by-numbers, and lo and behold, Instagram gave me a paint-by-numbers-for-adults ad.

I don’t mean it was a paint-by-numbers dick. It was a nice impressionist painting. I want one.

But the ad I fell for that I’m talking about here is Prose hair products. You answer Qs and they MAKE THE PRODUCTS just for YOU! You know how I am. I’m Donald Trump. I love things about me.

I told them about my hair (worrysome) and they came up with shampoo, conditioner and a hair kabuki mask, which by the way is not the same blend as they came up with for Rebecca, up there in the photo. “Outdoor athlete.” Usually, when people describe me, that’s their first descriptor.

Anyway, at first I was on the fence about Prose, but that was before I used the hair mask. The hair mask made the difference.

I think I like Prose. My hair looks more normal-person-ish.

“It’s like your hair is a whole different texture!” my hairdresser exclaimed, ‘ere she drove out of sight.

Happy hair products to all, and to all a good night.

Coffeemaker.

As you know, from your Big Book of June Events, which I guess is just “this blog,” I purchased a small Cuisinart coffeemaker when I moved in here, as my previous one conveniently died right when I was moving. I was all, Good. One less thing. But that new coffeemaker VEXES me. It’s fussy, and half the time won’t brew because it’s not in the mood or it’s taking a mental health day.

So this weekend I was buying a padlock for my garage (see above re marginal neighborhood) and I saw coffee pots were on sale at the Target, and I got a programmable Mr. Coffee for like $18. WOOOOO! And when the alarm goes off and I punch a pet each morning, I can hear the coffeemaker already workin’ for me.

i not fuzsy!

My life has been transfigured. I put that French high-maintenance bastard Cuisinart in the cupboard, for coffee emergencies, even though I also have a french press for the same reason. I got a backup for my backup. What addiction?

That sums up m’purchases, although while I’ve been writing this, my (hot) mailman (of color) just dropped off three pair of reading glasses I ordered, as I have gotten more blind and have to, you know, read every day for work. I wonder if I can deduct these? 

I’m a 2.25 strength, if anyone wonders. And yes, my eye doctor does blame my career choice for why my eyes are bad, although my mother practically wore glasses in the womb, as did my Aunt Mary. My grandmother that I’ve turned into always felt so guilty, because she took my young Aunt Mary to the eye doctor, and Aunt M put on her new glasses and kept squeaking, “I can see! I can see!”

Anyway, I can’t wait to get to work today and copy edit something that I can actually see.

Hello, supervisor who reads my blog.

What have you bought lately? Should I try it? Should I wait till Instagram advertises it to me?

Consumerly,
Juun

71 thoughts on “Important things June has bought lately (aka Prose hair products update)

  1. When I finally got my daughter Rachel some glasses (I guess she was 10? 120 months), she was walking back to the car and saying, “Oh, wow! Look! I can see all the leaves! They’re all separate!” for all the world as if she were some 19th-century, long-suffering child in those books I read as a kid: “Oh, Mother, the world is so beautiful! I didn’t realize until now!”

    Yeah, I felt bad. Why do you ask?

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  2. Oh.my.lord…I hate shopping so bad, like really really hate it! Brick and mortar or online, t’aint matter, it makes my skin crawl and I get in a real foul mood, it’s horrible! I love shopping antique, vintage and junk stores though, there’s something poetic about them. I could spend all day in them. Those and used book stores. Give me a blanket and a day’s supply of hot coffee and I’ll never leave unless police escort is involved.

    Having said all that, I have discovered Home Goods is The Devil. That freaking store takes a morose un-shopper like me and grabs me and makes me love all the stuff in there, all the end caps, all the shiny stuff, all the pillows, all the possibilities of lighted reindeer and festive wreaths and waving Santas. It is The Devil. And I pull out my credit card like a zombie and pay The Devil so that I can walk out with a car full of holiday decor I would normally never buy. Ever!! Who AM I, even??? When did I become THIS person??? Why don’t they carry those craptastic tins of “Danish” buttery cookies??

    Liked by 1 person

  3. “a handgun” HA!
    I have a thing about buying books that I don’t have time to read. My latest two are “How Humans Learn” and “Reader, Come Home.” I am dreadfully aware that book titles are not to be put into quotes, but I don’t know how to italicize nor underline…so there you go. I also am dreadfully aware that these two books probably are not on anyone else’s books to read list… occupational hazard.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  4. Internet ads freak me out. The other day I was talking to my husband about things to get me for Christmas. I had mentioned a shelf with grow lights for my indoor plants. I told him about Gardener’s Supply and showed it to him on my iPad. Not 20 minutes later he gets an ad for that very thing ,from that very store, on HIS tablet. Freaky, man.

    I haven’t bought anything new and exciting. I want blueberry hummus now. But my Fab Fit Fun box is supposed to be here today. It is almost 7 o’clock and it’s not here. I’m about to get all Shirley McClain if it doesn’t get here soon. FedEx is not as fast as it once was.

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  5. I saw a Doctor Who quilt that was gorgeous in a Facebook/Instagram ad and clicked right over to it and found that if I bought 2 quilts they were the price of ONE! So I selected 2 quilts and waited and waited and waited. And eventually got pissed and then suspicious. So I went to Paypal and disputed the charge. My quilts were delivered within a week. They are NOT the quality I thought they would be, but they are serviceable and my grandkids think they are magnificent to wrap up in on the couch and watch t.v.
    Oh, and late one night I was on my favorite band Boston’s website and went to the Merchandise area and now am the proud owner of 4 Boston wine glasses, a new Boston t-shirt, Boston boy short underwear and new Boston sweatpants. I promptly forgot all about that late night frenzy and was so surprised when it all arrived.

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  6. The online ads I am susceptible to are cat toys. I feel guilty because my cats have to stay indoors (tiny yard on very busy street) except for a very small outdoor enclosure that I built for them a couple years ago. So I buy toys for them that they Never. Ever. Like. But then some shiny new thing catches my eye and I think, “Maybe this time it will be different.”

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  7. I don’t succumb to online ads often, but I did just buy LUS shampoo, conditioner and crème for curly hair. So far the jury is still out, but I’m captivated by the Facebook ads!

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    1. Oh yes, add LUS products to my list of things I’ve purchased based on Instagram ads. I thought it was just…okay. It really didn’t do anything for my curls.

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  8. Recent purchases? Bah! I know why I’m so bitter today.

    Back in mid-November, I ordered some gifts for a Christmas exchange with 5 friends scheduled for December 3. Plenty of time for stuff to be shipped. Right? Wrong. It didn’t come, and every time I politely inquired, I got “Your shipment is on its way!” Right? Wrong. The last promise was delivery by the end of the day December 1. That would have been fine. But it didn’t come, and the next prediction was “Um, maybe by December 5.” Days after what would turn into a no-gift exchange. No bueno. I had to run out to the stores Sunday morning at 8 a.m. and race down the aisles tossing stuff in my cart, and wrap it all up Monday December 3 to have it ready to go by 4 p.m. As I am leaving my house for the dinner, FedEx delivers the package.

    When I got home after the dinner, the company had responded to my complaint of December 1 by sending an email saying “Well, our records show it was just delivered! Lucky you, you valued customer!”

    Now I get to schlep the box back to Federal Express. Any bets this company is going to charge me a return delivery fee?

    [And I, too, bought a very inexpensive Mr. Coffee to replace a fractious Cuisinart and am very happy I did.]

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      1. June, if you bought a defective electronic item with a debit or credit card, you may be able to use the statement as a receipt to return to the store or manufacturer. Or use the Visa/Mastercard (or other card vendor) purchase guarantee and dispute the defective item, using the statement as proof of purchase. I would try!

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  9. I’m not sure why the “as I am not a toddler” line made me laugh so hard, but it did.
    Which is unfortunate because I was supposed to be paying attention in a meeting!

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  10. Right now I am really Jonesing for an air fryer. Costco has one for $99 and Kohl’s has one for $74 and I have to read up on them both to see which one is better. I don’t know when it worked up the hierarchy from want to need, and the last thing I really need is another countertop appliance in a house with limited (almost non-existent) counter space, but I really really want one. If anyone has one and uses it for anything besides French fries, let me know.
    Also, I was another of those people whose parents felt incredibly guilty when I got my glasses in 4th grade. I remember going home with the glasses and looking at the fir trees as we went home and being able to see the needles on the tree for the first time.
    I am so happy you found your lovely house, somewhat because it helps you financially, but mostly because you seem so happy in it.
    Lovely post, June.

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    1. Ditto. I didn’t get to see an eye doctor until my fifth grade teacher held me back after class one day and asked me if I could read what was on the blackboard. Shame on you, Mom and Dad! The hazards of being the youngest of 4 children. They just stop paying attention.

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  11. Okay, I am a SUCKER for those Instagram ads. Things I have bought because of those damn ads:

    Temporary paste hair color. It took a few months to get it because it came from China even though the ad claimed it was an American company. LIES! Anyway, the stuff is sticky and gooey and dries really, really stiff, like glue. It smells good, though.

    Underwear that comes up to under your boobs and flattens down your belly. It really works!

    That ridiculously expensive “Skinny Fit” Tea. I’m still embarrassed I fell for that one.

    The latest one I’m giving a shot is something called Splendid Spoon. It’s a meal delivery service of smoothies and soups. I read multiple reviews and they were all very positive. My first order doesn’t arrive until next week and I’m really hoping it’s worth the money.

    Lovely post, CootJune!

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      1. The Tata Towel? I forgot I had bought that as well. Damn, I buy a lot of stuff from Instagram ads, don’t I?

        Anyway, the Tata Towel is worth every penny. So far, it’s the best thing I’ve bought from IG ads. I cannot recommend it enough.

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  12. Someone should have told me your secret to financial security. I reversed your strategy and moved from my crack-house-down-the-block neighborhood to a condo with a view, and now I won’t be able to retire until I’m 97.

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  13. Aunt M or Auntie Em? Just saying what came into my head. My daughter is deaf and she kept insisting she needed glasses. I swear I thought she was just Jonesing for more attention and ignored her on this for a COUPLE OF YEARS. I basically suck as a mom. She was very nearsighted. Sometimes I just reach my limit on what I think my kids need. Sight? Come on. I got ya hearing aids already!

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    1. When I was in 3rd grade, I was rummaging around in my oldest sister’s bedside table and found an old pair of her glasses. I put them on and was all, “WOW! Everything is so clear!” Until that point, I had no idea that things weren’t supposed to be fuzzy and out of focus because I didn’t know any better.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. “Someone put Violet in my car.” I wonder how Mary would have responded if George Bailey had tried that excuse.

    For any doubters out there, someone really did put Violet in June’s car.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Someone really did. Someone also put a kitten in my locker in 11th grade, and my mother refuses to believe me. But it’s true. That was the prettiest little kitten I ever saw, all fluffy with huge eyes. My mother REFUSED to let me keep it, so I gave it to my boyfriend Cardinal’s sister, and that cat fetched poker chips. That was a magnificent cat. And I didn’t get to keep it.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Maybe Milhowz is talking the others into getting into your path to the alarm so they can be punched. I bet he is snickering under the cover as that happens every morning! He seems like a prankster.

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  16. Personally I like hearing about people and money woes… Who wants to hear about rich people while we’re slaving away looking at your blog- I mean working? Why would someone even complain about that? And also that hummus guy was totally hitting on you, so do tell, was he cute? I’m guessing not . OMG, was he cute, I am 16. Dear Diary……

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  17. I am similarly susceptible to on line ads. I bought some perfume (well, a sample set, but I paid something silly like $30) that I hate, and I am keeping an obsessive eye on some shaping leggings.
    I also bought a pair of magnetic fake lashes. I can get the left side on just fine, but the right side refuses to cooperate. So the only person who has seen my fluttery-lashed self is my 9-year-old daughter. I fuss with them while she gets ready for bed, then we snuggle while she tells me how great my one eye looks.
    It’s almost worth the money, really.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. “…such as bread and hair gel and a handgun.” I am dead. I’m so glad your move has made your quality of life so much better. It really was a great move for you and the house is adorable and your yard is wonderful!!!!

    I haven’t purchased this yet, but I’m about to buy another pair of fleece-lined jeans from L.L. Bean with the money I got for my birthday. I bought a pair last winter and they are great. The extra layer of fleece keeps my legs warm without having to wear tight fitting silk underwear, because regular jeans are not warm. I also bought another pair of Brooks Ghost 10 running shoes. I don’t want to wear any other shoes, but running shoes aren’t always appropriate in some situations.

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    1. Tee, I bought some fleece lined leggings from Amazon that I love. If it isn’t too cold I wear them with a long tunic and under my jeans or skirts if it is cold (well, “cold” as it is in middle Alabama).

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    2. Tee, I have 2 pair of LL Bean flannel lined jeans from back when I lived in Minnesota and they are so darn warm. I love them. I get to wear them maybe 1 day a year down here in Texas. Oh, and they weigh about 12 lbs. Just don’t ever wear them near a scale if you don’t want to have an attack of the vapors.

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  19. They have chocolate hummus at the grocery store that I frequent and I gag every time I look at it. Perhaps I should try it after all?

    So glad you are back blogging, June. My morning coffee was just not the same while you were gone.

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  20. I don’t shop much but I got a new car in April (After 20 years!) and it has heated seats that I am in LOVE with. I even use them in the summer with the A/C because it feels so good on my back and legs.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I tend to agree with Paula about hummus.
    I just bought an Instant Pot for 50% off!! and it arrives today. Already looking for things to stuff in it and cook to oblivion. I’m considering jamming the cat in there if he doesn’t stay off my damn counters.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. An Instant Pot is like an electric pressure cooker. Every one I know that has one loves it. My niece was telling me she boils eggs in it, my question to her, didn’t the eggs explode, no they didn’t, and she said they peel perfectly. I understand you can cook all sorts of things in the pot in a short period of time. I don’t have one, but would like to try using one.
        Tee

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        1. I do so love my Instant Pot! One pot meals are my favorite thing! And yes to the hard cooked eggs. I don’t eat them, but my husband loves them in salads and deviled eggs and I HATE peeling them. In the IP they are magically cooked so they peel like a dream every time!

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        2. Tee, will you share your niece’s egg instructions? I tried boiling eggs and they didn’t cook all the way! I’m no sure if I need to increase the pressure cooking time, the pressure release time or what and I don’t want to mess up a bunch of eggs with trial and error.

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          1. For hard boiled eggs, you can try: eggs in a colander with 1/2 a cup of water, then 5 minutes on manual (high pressure, because I’ve never yet used low?!?) and then let them sit at pressure for an additional 5 minutes. After that, do a quick release to vent the pressure. Remove the eggs and dunk them in cold water for a minute, then dry off & refrigerate. Tee’s neice might have an even better method but this works really well for me.

            Liked by 1 person

      2. June, just think with an Instant Pot you too could make spaghetti and meatballs in less than 30 minutes. Or a pot of beans. They could be pintos, black beans, white beans or even garbanzos to make hummus out of!

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  22. I have a bone to pick with hummus. Where the hell does hummus get off having so many damn calories? Isn’t it a health food? Isn’t it ground up garbanzo beans? It should owe YOU calories. Or even out to zero on each cracker. The nerve of hummus having calories. And don’t Good Calorie Bad Calorie me either. A calorie is a calorie and I’d rather use it on something more exciting than a mushy garbanzo bean on wicker furniture (triscuit). Why so Chubby? TM June.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. My most exciting purchase lately was a door draft stopper. I live in an old drafty house where a couple of the doors were cut too short. Unlike all the other ones I’ve tried that are made of cloth, and you have to keep readjusting after you open the door, this one was a roll of rubber that you cut to the width of the door then pinned on. IT’S MAGNIFICENT. Thank you Amazon lightening deal.

    Also I’m leery of those Instagram/Facebook ads. I bought a couple things and they were cheap and made poorly so now I don’t trust anyone.

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  24. “Anyway, now that I’ve moved into this marginal neighborhood and my mortgage is practically nothing and so forth, I am able to buy things like a normal person, such as bread and hair gel and a handgun.”

    Can I tell you how happy I am that I found this blog? You absolutely slay me, woman!

    Like

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