June's stupid life

Come and knock on our…oh, cut it out, June

Would you like to know what annoys me?

“Overdramatic.”

You’re dramatic. That’s enough. It already means what you think “overdramatic” means. Stop it.

People are also seeming to have trouble with their prepositions. I love the Long Island Medium, I’m sorry but I do, but in every episode, she says, “Before I begin I like to talk on how I read and receive messages…”

About. You like to talk ABOUT how you read and receive messages. Every time she says that I get the shivers. “I like to talk on…” STOP.

I realize “about” is an adverb. LEAVE IT. LEEEEAVE IT. Good reader. 

Speaking of which, this morning I was playing Two Blu with Edsel in the backyard. He won’t fucking fetch. You throw Blu and he runs around joyfully–he smiles on how he receives Blu–but he won’t give it back. He runs up to me and then runs away. But one day I discovered if I have BOTH Blus, I can throw one and when he runs back, I throw the other, and then we’re golden. Two Blu is an excellent game.

Edsel fekking loves Two Blu. It’s the happiest he is all day.

Today?

I threw Blu into the neighbor’s yard. I felt weird about TRAIPSING into the guy’s yard unannounced, and even weirder about knocking on his door before 7 a.m. Come and knock on our door. We’ve been hatin’ on you.

Come and knock on our door. Eds is waitin’ for Blu.

Come and knock on our door; we’ll play music at 2:00.

Anyway, you can imagine. Edsel could SEE Blu just on other side of metal theeng, mom. it ther. it rite ther. go get, mom. stop singeeng 3 Compnee, mom.

So now he’s curled in World’s Most Dejected Ball behind me, a thing I’d photograph for you but I’m charging my phone.

In my room, I have one of those long pluggy things with all the plugs in it. What’s that called? Anyway, it’s next to my bed, because a lot of the plugs in this 1932 house have the two-hole situation, and all the things I own need three holes to plug in, and let’s not delve into the 7th-grade humor we’re all dying to delve into.

Come and knock on our door. We’ve got three holes for you.

POWER STRIP. I have a power strip next to my bed, for the lamp and allegedly to power my phone at night, but all of a sudden my phone won’t charge there. I have no idea what’s wrong, but I discovered it when my phone’s alarm didn’t go off one morning because it was dead

Come and knock on our door, we’re dead.

Come and knock on our door. Work’s been waitin’ for you.

So now I use a regular alarm clock like it’s 2005 or something, and if I don’t remember to charge my phone at night I have to plug it in in the morning, in the kitchen, and what this blog is is fascinating.

Come and knock on my blog. I’ve been boring to you.

In other news, today is Tallulah’s birthday. She would have been 11. ELEVEN! Can you imagine? I can’t.

Everyone in this photo is dead, except for Edsel who will never ever ever die ever.

Goddammit. Why did Tallulah have to get sick and die? She was my favorite thing in the world. Look at her square head. I can’t stand it. I loved that dog.

Anyway, that sums up today. Things annoy me and my dog is dead.

Come and knock on my–OH MY GOD STOP,
Joon

44 thoughts on “Come and knock on our…oh, cut it out, June

  1. Great post, per usual but now I’m mad. I wanted to steal the picture you used this morning of the weird couple in front of the even weirder Christmas tree. I could swear that I saw it when I rolled over in bed and looked at your post early this morning. Was I dreaming? Was I hallucinating? HELP.

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  2. Happy birthday, sweet Lu. I’m so glad you were able to retrieve Blu, we don’t want Edsel to be worried or anxious. I don’t think snakes are a problem this time of the year, because if they are, I’m not going to rake another leaf in our yard. Snakes love to hide in leaves.

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  3. I have a coworker who says “somewheres else” and he says it frequently. Yesterday, I heard same coworker say “the submitation”. I wanted to scream “SUBMISSION. The word you are looking for is submission!” but I didn’t say anything. I just judged him silently.

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  4. “what this blog is is fascinating”
    You, my dear, have used ‘is’ correctly, as you surely know.
    What I keep noticing everywhere is people adding an extra ‘is’ following ‘The thing is … ‘ and I simply can’t figure out why.
    They say “The thing is, is my mother was there.”
    “The thing is, is I really wanted that balloon.”
    What’s up with that?
    -Kate

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  5. My condolences on your square-headed Tallulah. I had a square-headed Tallulah of my own – a Boston Terrier. Lost her five years ago to congestive heart failure and it still hurts. If the film “Pet Sematary” hadn’t scarred me for life when I was younger, I would have considered having her reanimated.

    Come and knock on our door, we’ve got zombie Talluuuuu….

    Now I have to go home and watch Three’s Company all night until I pass out drunk. Like I don’t do that every night!

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  6. Ah, Lu and her big pittie head. I never got to meet her, but I know I would have wanted to kiss that head so much. And she would have wanted nothing to do with me and my squeals of delight.

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  7. Oh, thank goodness you retrieved Blu so Edsel could smile again.
    Partway into your story I thought you were going to slip your dead power strip through the storm fence and prod Blu back within reach.
    With June, anything can happen.

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    1. This drives me insane! One of my coworkers does that and there is an ambulance chaser commercial here who does as well. “Whenever I was driving back to my hotel room I was hit by a truck.” First of all, it’s not whenever. Second of all, you probably could just say you were driving to your hotel, but hotel ROOM is very specific.

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  8. Awwww, sweet Lu! She shares a birthday with Harper. She is one today! I’m hiding away until this black eye goes away some. I can’t seem to even cover it with makeup. She and I will do some online shopping today. I’ll let her pick out a new collar. Any good Etsy venders for dog collars? Maybe I’ll try making some doggie treats.

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  9. Happy birthday, Tallulah. If she is like 11-year old SadieDog, she would have a white face by now. I’m sure Peg is celebrating with Lu by having a party in her honor.

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  10. Happy Birthday, Lu. She was the best.

    We lost our dog in September. He was the best too. I miss him every day. Now we have a geriatric dog and a puppy. And this puppy is outsmarting us every single day.

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  11. So many words misused, so many words. I’m not coming up with the exact phrasing, but when a sentence needs to have “of” used, and it’s not. I can always hear it, they slide it right through, and it sounds sloppy to me. Have even heard it on NPR, and they should know better.

    I think about Lu each year, as she passed on my birthday. Now I have a new association with April 11th, as that’s when my dear, sweet Lucia went on to kitty heaven. I guess sitting here under the SAD light therapy box is challenging me today. I think I should go out for breakfast this morning. I feel the need for waffles and bacon…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I just received an email to wish Talu a happy birthday. In my head, I did. You know what bugs me, and I know some of you will disagree with me: When people say try AND instead of try TO. So glad you were able to retrieve Blu for the Eds.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes! Try AND get this done.
      I see this in professional publications too. Jesus. I guess it’s become accepted language now, like using “hopefully” in stead of “I hope.”
      -Kate, don’t wanna be word police but can’t help noticing

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  13. Sometimes one of the plugs in the power strip will go bad. And that does not make me worry at all about an electrical fire when it happens.

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        1. Is that considered the plug? I mean the hole where you stick the plug in. Anyway, I just flipped it over and used the hole on the other side. Is it considered he outlet? Oh well, hole will do.

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  14. Happy day that Lu would have been 11 day. I, too, love her square head. And her all-knowing face. “Lu knows mom gonna get stuck with Edsel. She will rue the day.”

    I’m glad you didn’t get shot by your neighbor. That would make things awkward. Like with my new neighbor who has accused me of stealing his garbage can (I didn’t) and letting my dog poop on his grass (she did, but not where he thinks she did, so I wasn’t really lying when I said it wasn’t her). All this accusationing makes for bad neighbor relations. Every time I see him out there I wonder what I will get accused of this time. “The plow knocked over your mailbox. I swear – it wasn’t me!”

    I have a whole list of “overdramatic” phrases that annoy me. “Very unique” leads the list. “Literally” is not far behind.

    Lovely post June!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. VERY UNIQUE OH MY GOD YES.

      I’m sorry to say that once I heard Barry Gibb say, “Quite unique,” but I’m going to let that go because he is my husband.

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    1. When I left for work this morning, as opposed to originally when I was in the back yard in my fuzzy Muppet slippers, I sneaked back there and got it. God, it was at the VERY BACK of the yard, and I was so worried I’d see a snake or get shot, in that order.

      It went without incident.

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Smotimes you make a good point. Harrr. But the lamp works, so it’s not that. I think maybe the cable that hooks to my phone is broken. I could go get a different cable, such as the one in the kitchen, and try it out, but asking me to take a cable from the kitchen back to the bedroom without being distracted by something else is a huge ask.

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