Please don’t say “Snowmageddon”

My eternal debate: Remove color-clashing alarm sign and risk death and sodomy so my house front looks better?

There are two kinds of people during a snowstorm: Junes and Neds.

When I found out we were getting a foot of snow, I was delighted. I got a bunch of stuff to make pumpkin chili, and some white grape juice because I have a white grape juice ISSUE, and also some orange Milanos that are mysteriously gone already.

I stayed up late looking for the first snowflake, then slept only six hours because I was too excited to sleep. I LEAPED out of bed and squealed at our 11 inches, and stop already, seventh-grader. Then I made a list of things I wanted to get accomplished since I was snowbound, and I did them.

(Inside-out dresses mean less cat fur when I finally put them on. What I am is appealing.)

I wrote my Christmas cards.

fuq it cowld

I also frolicked with my dog, who apparently has zero Husky in him because he is not appreciating falling through the ground with every icy step. Also, when he tried to drop anchor (TM LaUral), he had serious difficulty. Everywhere he went was icy. 

I’ve figured out why his tooth isn’t falling out. I’ve been observing it. When he eats or plays with Blu, those bottom teeth stick out so far that he doesn’t really use them. So there’s nothing to make that tooth go. And if I try to touch it he writes his Congressman.

Anyway, I kept self busy all day and was DELIGHTED when I heard more snow and ice are coming. Like, for me, this is as good as it gets. No one expects me to do a damn thing. I can hole up here and eat chili all I want.

Then there’s Ned. And the people like Ned.

Oh my god, Ned is bored.

“I wish I’d ridden my bicycle Saturday, knowing this storm was coming,” kvetched Ned, in his first of 47 calls to me yesterday. “Maybe I’ll go out and take a walk in this.”

Take a walk. In the foot of snow with its icy layer for added crunch. For HER pleasure.

And you know what he did? He took a walk.

“I actually just did some work,” Ned said, in call number 104. Meanwhile, whenever the phone rang I was all WHAT, because I could not have been more content in my cozy home with my books (finished one, started another) and my Christmas cards and my organizing. I even started my end-of-the-year blog video!

Today no one has to go to work, but now with stupid technology we all have to “work from home.” I have two meetings this morning and I already looked at some bluelines.

That doesn’t mean I just stared at a blue line. It’s when something is at the printer and it’s REALLY DONE and REALLY SUPER READY to be printed, so I get one more look at you, as Kris Kristofferson would say, before it goes to print and if I find a mistake it’s like $50 per mistake we have to pay and guess what?

Just like Kris Kristofferson, when I take one more look at you, I find a flaw. Always. Every time. It’s like my psychology is different once it’s a blueline and I find something I didn’t see before. They should just lie to me and tell me the first round is a blueline and I’d find everything wrong straight away.

I think if Sir Leslie Ward, up there, is so bored, he could teach himself how NOT to take an old-man selfie. A grumpie. A curmudgeonlie.

Anyway, I just got something to review and WHY CAN’T WE HAVE A REAL SNOW DAY? Would that be so bad? God. I gotta move somewhere like Spain where they never do anything but drink wine and have bullfights and sleep for three hours in the afternoon. Step one: Learn Spanish. Step two: Develop a taste for olives. Don’t they eat a lot of olives in Spain?

I’ll talk to you later. I’ll talk to Ned before I talk to all of you, though, I’ll bet.

Contentedly,
Snow June

40 thoughts on “Please don’t say “Snowmageddon”

  1. I’m thinking that since snow is a rarity there, you don’t have those ‘shovel your sidewalk within 24 hours or ELSE’ laws. Actually, do you even have a sidewalk there? I can’t tell from the outside picture. Very pretty pictures, of snow, cardinal, and Eds.
    Did your internet get ‘accidentally’ knocked out, or did you have to work from home all day?
    Lovely post, June.

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    • This is Linda in CO, btw. it appears that I have to click on Change to get the different name, even if I don’t change it.

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  2. OHHHH, cat fur! THAT’S why your clothes are inside out. Well. aren’t you clever?! I would have never thought of that.
    You have cats??

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  3. The snow is beautiful. The cardinal photo could easily be a Christmas card. How could it be a real snow day if you have to actually work? I love the snow, except I get so nervous that our power will go out that I can’t really enjoy the snow.

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  4. My eternal debate: Remove color-clashing alarm sign and risk death and sodomy so my house front looks better?

    Not just death but death AND sodomy. Just can’t. Spitting laughing. Eyes watering. Good lord.

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    • Hints from Heloise: simply take a small paintbrush and touch up the offending sign so it doesn’t clash. Perhaps not worth the trouble if we were talking mere death, but with death AND . . .

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  5. Ooh I have never seen that one. I have only seen 1938 and also the 70’s version with George C Scott. I’ll have to see if I can find the 1951 version somewhere!

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  6. You are living my dream day over there. We’ve already had one snow day this year – earliest ever! – but we have to make them up in June, so it’s a bit of a good news/bad news thing. Ned needs a hobby over there.

    Your closet turned out great! Good job!

    This morning we had hoarfrost – BOTH of my daughters took a picture of it and sent it to me with the caption “made me think of you”. HEYYYYYY! Funny just like they momma. It was so pretty!

    Lovely post pretty June! That cardinal picture could have been your Christmas card!

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  7. At my place of employment, when it snows you can either come in or use a vacation day to not come in. And they enforce that policy even if they “officially” close the office (meaning you can’t come in, even if you wanted to risk life and limb). Salaried people don’t have to use a vacation day but are expected to work from home. No snow days here!

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  8. I have sacrifice t-shirts hanging on each end of my low-hanging tops to keep the dog fur off my clothes as my dog hides in my closet when I leave the house. Also, I wrote low-bar-hanging and that didn’t sound any less dirty so there you go. Can’t believe I’ve never thought of the inside-out clothing solution, though!

    Also, I’m the same as you when it comes to potential snowfall. I will stay awake all night, checking checking checking.

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  9. Happy Snow Day! Your Pumpkin Chili recipe looks tasty. I think I’ll incorporate it into my typical version. Yum. In my close-in area I can walk to 3-5 places for coffee and treats, if needed.

    We rarely have snow days, as it’s just the norm. Yeah, spend an hour cleaning off your car, then still be somewhere on time. Easier just to call in and say you can’t get out of the alley.

    My brother had two collies that lived in Texas. When he’d come back to Iowa for Xmas, they *loved* going for walks and rolling around in the snow. Were truly delighted. Only thing missing was sheep for them to herd through the neighborhood.

    Glad that fat Mr. Cardinal is not a birdsicle (ha!). They are so cool to watch when it’s snowy out. Definitely my favorite bird.

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  10. We too are having us a snow day here in Virginia. Let me just say, we moved here nine days ago and it has snowed twice. What the hell! Let a girl adjust to weather below 85 before doing all of this, Mother Nature. Unfortunately my snow days are spent holed up in the Marriot without a kitchen. I swear, I thought about buying a crockpot to make it in our room.
    I pictured Eds writing his congressman about the tooth touching. He’s like my 11 year old who doesn’t like his loose teeth bothered with. We just have to wait until it falls out in the middle of a restaurant while we are eating. Have kids they said…

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  11. You are so very Laura Ingalls Wilder over there in your snow covered shelter. I imagine you dressed in calico and stirring that pumpkin chili in an iron pot over the fire. Did you make some cornbread too?

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  12. Don’t move to Pennsylvania. When it snows 10 inches, we all say, “Well, THIS is annoying, now I’m going to be late for work!” And then we proceed to go out on the highways and drive the same speed we always do, crash into each other and gridlock every highway in the area. Good times!:

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  13. I like the idea that the alarm sign may deter serial rapists, although Edsel would probably by more effective. Also, that poor cardinal is saying, “WTF, where am I supposed to get a drink?”

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    • Today, I traipsed out there like an idiot, with my robe and winter coat on, brushed all that snow off and added warmish water to the birdbath. Iris, meanwhile, wants a birdsiscle so bad she can’t even stand it. Just not enough to go out there and actually hunt one. I should get her a teensy parka and kitty shotgun.

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  14. Team June for snow! Ned knew this was coming; he coulda/shoulda done his bike thingy.

    A friend of mine texted (text) me yesterday to say that her husband had taken the kids out of town and up to the mountains to snowboard and wouldn’t be back until today at the earliest. She had the whole entire house to herself. Sounded like heaven!

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  15. Snow, when you have nowhere to go, is heavenly.
    I too enjoy white grape juice. I cut mine with seltzer to be festive and because I have the “sugar” as someone I know insists on calling it. I have tried to correct that but to no avail. I think she likes sounding like Medea. Also, we would both raise our bloodsugar for orange Milanos. Chocolate and fruit is food of the gods. I have yet to partake of pumpkin chilli. Is it less spicy? My wuss palate needs to know. My friend makes Weight Watchers Turkey Chili and she makes it mild. It’s yummy.

    Those pics of Ned were cracking me up and your comments just sealed it. They look like the selfies people delete. Not very vain, is he?

    Great post. Enjoy your snow. We only had snow showers last week. It’s strange when the South has a lot of snow and the Northeast has none.

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  16. Your snow day sounds perfectly lovely (except for the bajillion Ned calls.) Ned is obviously NOT a Midwesterner. 10 inches of snow? Piffle. Snort.

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  17. First? I am so June for snow. Coffee, movies, that’s it. Watched Christmas in Connecticut, 1938 version of A Christmas Carol yesterday and did laundry. And Greenville only got snow that turned to rain. But still!

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