Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!

I never did make it to work after I wrote you last. The road in my neighborhood was too icy, so I worked from home. And, annoyingly, there was once again a ton of work. I literally worked from home.

And that is why I’m writing to you on Tuesday night. I still have much to do Wednesday morning, and I’m worried I’ll write for too long tomorrow and be late for work and miss my deadline.

To add to my angina, I have an 11:00 doctor’s appointment, so I really have to get my work done around that. I’m asking my doctor about that new migraine shot to see if I can try it. I called to see if I could just ask my doctor on the phone, but they were all No, you have to come in. THANKS.

I suppose I could have sneaked this all past you and just pretended I’m writing you on Wednesday morning. But what if I write my usual lighthearted and uplifting pith and set this to publish and then early Wed. morning The Wicked Witch flies through the sky with some ominous message and then there’s my post acting like nothing’s happened because for me nothing HAS happened yet but you wouldn’t KNOW that and you’d think I was insensitive.

“She never once mentioned that Dorothy is gonna have to surrender, not once in that whole post.”

No, I haven’t been smoking endo and sippin’ on gin and juice. I have no idea what’s wrong with me.

At the end of my work-from-home day today, I had an appointment to meet with the woman who owns my home, fmr. I called and told her I wasn’t sure if I could get out my neighborhood or not but if I could I’d be right over. Then I pulled on m’boots and trudged outside.

My front yard was pristine and I hated to ruin my snow look, but I did. It’s the kind of snow that has that layer of ice over top, so each step was

CRUNCH

crash through.

CRUNCH

crash through.

Oddly, my car did something I’ve never seen. This…dome of ice formed from the top of my roof to the front of my hood, like a snowglobe shape, and it covered my car but mostly didn’t touch the actual surface of my car. I got to pull the ice and snow off in large, thin icy chunks. It was really weird.

I’d planned to go out there and clean the car off, maybe warm it up, then go back in and change from the LUDICROUS ensemble I had on, which was fleece-lined yoga pants and a giant braless sweatshirt.

But have you met me? I forgot.

So I arrived at my old house

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House, fmr.

looking like an EEEEEEDIOT.

I rang the bell and thought, Aw, there’ll be no bark when this doorbell rings. And then

BAR-RAR-RAR-RAR-RAR!

There was a dog.

The owner of my house, fmr., has a beige shaggy dog who is cute, and he matches the walls, because she painted everything beige. “This is the same color it was when I moved in,” I told her.

She’d had the horrendous shed removed from the backyard, which is good, and she replaced the attic pull-down thingy, which is also good because it was never flush with the ceiling and I’m certain leaking cold.

And?

She replaced the terrible concrete floor.

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I managed to take a quick photo of it while, yes, looking like an

EEEEEEDIOT,

a braless eeeeediot, but it looks better. I mean, of course it looks better. That goddamn floor.

I thought it’d be really sad to be at my old house, but I wasn’t. I did get to see my old tree, my tree, fmr., in the backyard, as opposed to in the bathroom or whatever. I told her how when I moved out, I held it together till it was time to say goodbye to my tree.

Anyway, I got my mail, and my Amazon box that had come for me, which is why I went there. All the mail was super-scary stuff that came to the wrong goddamn address and Dear Post Office, What was the point of telling you my address had changed if you didn’t forward stuff to my, oh I don’t know, CHANGED ADDRESS?

There were bills there dating from September. There was mortgage and new insurance info there. I got all sorts of terrifying things that I thought I’d probably taken care of on my own even without a letter, but I wasn’t sure.

I was kind of sick till I got home and went through each letter and called or looked online to make sure everything is copasetic and I’m not sitting here with an uninsured house or car.

Jesus.

Anyway, I guess I’ve adjusted to my new house, and I’m not as sad about leaving my old house as I worried I’d be. Today I saw my neighbor two doors down whom I’ve not met. She was out shoveling. She waved at me, but I only saw the tail end and by the time I waved back she wasn’t looking anymore, so now she probably thinks I’m a fucking B.

Now Ima have to walk back and forth in front of her house like I’m picketing till she sees me and we can redo the wave.

I guess that’s all I have to tell you, other than since I’ve been snowed in and didn’t go anywhere from Saturday through Tuesday I did my end-of-the-year video. I tried to sneak it onto YouTube because according to what it shows there I have ONE subscriber, so I thought who’s gonna know I put it there.

Apparently six of you in the first half hour. That’s who. WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU CREEPING MY VIDEO?

So since six of you already saw it, here…

Talk to you in 2019. Or tomorrow. Whatever.

47 thoughts on “Good heavens, Miss Sakamoto, you’re beautiful!

  1. Loved the video. Am I the only weirdo that cried? I tell myself it’s the music that made me verklempt, but then somehow these days I seem to be a hair trigger crier. The photo of Milous and the lamp shade made me smile. Thank you as always for sharing, lovely June.

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  2. Lovely video. I signed up for Instagram to follow you but never quite got in the habit of it, so many of the pictures were new to me. There are so many of your coworkers that I didn’t recognize, so it was even more fun to see your Stitch-Fix boss, the Poet, and the cutie who now has a beard whose name I can’t remember (A something?). And Ned seems happy now. I hope he is. I got sad seeing the SD pictures and happy at all the foster kitten ones.
    Another year come and almost gone. Sigh.

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  3. Loved the video too. Newer music that I really like?! Wow. Thanks for that. It was an excellent production and I have to say Ned looks very good in those pictures. You and everyone else in it looked great as well. The idea of your old house being beige makes me sad but then it doesn’t have you either so it’s bound to be less exciting.

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  4. Ohhhh, I love the year-end videos! I always watch and feel like, “That June sure has a rich life,” and I smile. Isn’t it a weird feeling when you go back to a house you’ve sold and see all these changes accomplished in what seems like a microsecond?

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  5. Redo the wave!
    I love the video. Did I see a picture in there of banana o’clock? Hilarious.
    This was my first time to hear that sad song by the priest. It was good!

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  6. So the beige dog of the owner, crnt., of your home, fmr., is in that photo but we can’t tell because he blends into the wall?

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  7. OHHHHHHHHHH awesome veeeedeo, Joob! Most of the pictures were new to me since I don’t do Instagram. So cool! Saw Father John Misty in St. Louis when he opened for Alabama Shakes. St. Louis, man. Talk about things that have changed over the last few decades, the population decrease is astounding. I am always intrigued reading about the decline of large cities, especially cities that were built and thrived greatly due to the midwest work ethic, blue collar jobs that had excellent benefit packages, abundance of affordable housing and community engagement. I will not google fucking those midwest cities, I won’t do it, won’t go down that rabbit hole, gotta get work done today. Hey, that reminds me, I was going to mention Detroit and Cincinnati among others and I still giggle when you told me I could not say Cincy on your blog. I think I have attention problems today.

    You’re so pretty, Joob!

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  8. I would totally do the picketing thing. Oh something like missing the wave would keep me awake at night. Saving the v d o for the wait at the orthodontist office!

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  9. The video is great. I don’t know why, but each year I gasp when I see all the great photos and KNOW who the people are. The one of Ned in the chair with the cats on each arm made me laugh.

    How long had the lady that purchased your house, frm., been holding the important mail? Seems to me she would have realized it was from the mortgage and insurance companies and called, CAN SHE NOT READ. Sorry, as you can see, I am very mail delivery sensitive. Pet peeve.

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  10. Hey Jude, great video as always! When you have time, you must tell us all the things she changed at the old house!

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  11. Everyone else is raving about your video and I’m over here howling at the line about picketing your neighbor. So Seinfeldian of you!

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    • That made me laugh out loud! It gave me such a visual, I can just see her marching back and forth in front of the neighbor’s house walking like Harpo Marx. Most of y’all are too young to understand my Harpo reference.

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  12. After watching your end-of-year video, I feel like I just found the hidden Christmas presents and opened them early, not that I ever did that. No, really, I found a wrapped one once, but didn’t open it then, but did today! Great job, as always.

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    • P.S. Also too. The post office sucks. All the mail they deliver is worthless but the important stuff? Can’t get it right.

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      • Don’t get me started on the post office!!!!!!!!!!!!! My carriers, fmr., could NOT READ NUMBERS, obviously, because they delivered by mail to the wrong box AND MY NEIGHBOR OPENED MY BANK STATEMENT, MY IRA ACCOUNT AND VARIOUS OTHER ITEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously, the neighbor can’t READ!!!!!!! All I ask from the PO that my mail be delivered to MY mail box. Oh, I could go on about the steps I took…I have a file folder an inch thick with correspondence reference these incidents. Okay, I’ll get off my soap box.

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        • Same thing here in Michigan, Tee. What’s with the post office? They get the house number right but the street wrong. And we don’t get our magazines. Complaints don’t help. We are forced to cancel our magazine subscriptions because we don’t get them probably at least half the time. Sounds like it’s a widespread problem, not just local then.

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        • But that’s how we meet the new neighbors! I got someone else’s package the other day and was pulling out of my driveway to take it back to the post office when someone drove up and said “Are you [Roxie’s Mom]?” I said “Are you Deborah?” And we exchanged packages and introduced ourselves and it turned out she had just moved in to a house at the top of the street.

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  13. Good luck with the migraine shot! I have a friend who did it and it changed her life. She used to get migraines in the 20/month range, now she’s dropped to 2-4. Total game changer.

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  14. The year end vee d oh is great! You have some really great pictures of Pam too. Great job with it Coot! insert winkie hearts here.

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