June's stupid life

June whips out the Air Supply

I don’t sleep with Milhous, because bestiality is illegal, but also because he’ll run up and down the bed all night endlessly and I’ll have to snap his neck.

But last night I was all settled into bed, I was a settler, with my iron skillet and my loin sack or whatever, when I realized I’d forgotten to brush m’teeth.

Goddammit.

So I FLUNG the bedclothes aside dramatically even though no one but Edsel was there to appreciate it, and WHIPPED open the bedroom door annoyedly.

And there? Was Milhous.

He was leaning against the door, all splayed out like the Sphinx.

i be mill hawse

Little Milhous! All forlornly leaning against the door all night. I mean, I just assume he’s forlornly out there all night.

That run-aroundy bastard still isn’t getting in, though.

Other than that, I’m trying to think of anything else that’s happened that’s remotely interesting. My throat is starting to hurt, and if I’m getting a cold Ima be annoyed.

Ah. Here’s something relatively interesting: I noticed someone at work has little toy soldiers in yoga poses, which I thought was charming.

Also, it’s nice to have Iris home. Also also, I have got to fix that dresser that I ruined. Also also also, don’t tell me that my chair is at an odd angle; I’m using it to uncurl the rug. I’ve had this rug nearly three months and one side of it still sort of curls up. Does anyone have any hints, or is anyone fairly hefty after the holidays and willing to lie on one corner of my rug for a day or so?

Speaking of audience participation, I did move some stuff around and get rid of things on my bathroom cubbyholes, but I haven’t finished yet. I like the idea of raiding my china cabinet for containers.

Oh, hell, I have to go. I realize the best part of life is the thinner slice and also that I had nothing of note to say to you today.

I have to go unbutton my shirt past my ribs.

Lift your eyes if you feel you can. Reach for a star and I’ll show you a plan,
Juun

P.S. It’s January 9. Does anyone still have remainders of Christmas around? I have all the X-mas-themed cookie tins out because my mother wants me to mail them back, MOM, and also one Christmas card displayed that came later, as it is really a thank-you card from my mother. I guess the only reason I still have Christmas remnants is because of mom.

63 thoughts on “June whips out the Air Supply

  1. I can plop my lard ass on your rug. It’ll be down in no time! Christmas is all put away. I usually do a million snowmen after Christmas for winter, but this year i refused. Keeping life a little simpler.

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  2. You know you can’t fool me
    I’ve been loving you too long
    It started so easy
    You want to carry on…

    Thanks for the ear worm, old lover.

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  3. Dude! Oh my gawd! Most of my outdoor lights (and remember, I live in the country), stay up but not lit until June or July when my mother in law begs to take them down for me….on the loooooong picket fence, off the barn, off the house porch, off the rusty old garden gate…

    Christmas lights are like that box of Goodwill sh** (Hi Sadie!) that sits on your stairs for like 20 months because after a few days you stopped noticing that the box was there and even though dust is collecting on it and the cats gave up a year ago laying on top of it, the box still sits there cause you don’t notice until one day the husband says do you want this stuff still and I ask what stuff. He says this sh** in this box on the stairs. I gander over at it and say huh, had no idea that was still there.

    That’s kind of like my outdoor Christmas lights.

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  4. I still have one lonely garland up on the front porch rail. It’s coming down this weekend. Maybe even tomorrow. The inside of the house is clear of Christmas. However, I left a string of small lights in the shape of stars draped over a window in the kitchen. They’re white and I’ve decided to call them year ’round lights. When I need some water in the middle of the night, they light the way and make me happy.

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  5. One of my cats is super sweet and mellow at night. The other is the devil incarnate. I could actually kill him one of these nights, I think.
    I don’t do Xmas so…no pretty decorations, but also no packing away.
    You guys… 5 newborn foster kittens on cam 24/7:

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  6. Oh, oh, oh, I bought myself those yoga soldiers for Christmas. I love them even though they were stupidly expensive and just more crap to dust. I’m sooo happy to see Iris. All my Christmas crap is put away, and I’m already starting to dread next Christmas.

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  7. I have one Christmas blanket out and the Christmas card basket. The tree and stuff went downstairs this past weekend. Good riddance.

    Franklin sleeps with whoever he feels like sleeping with–but usually with my oldest daughter. Last night, however, he bugged her until she brought him downstairs where I was working. He disappeared and bugged my other daughter until she brought him down to me about 2 AM–I was just heading to bed. Once he was with me he went right to sleep. He is weird. And it’s his birthday today! He is eleven.

    You know you can’t fool me, I’ve been lovin’ you too long. It started so easy, you want to carry on…

    Lovely post, old lover!

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  8. Christmas all down in a day long marathon New Years day while binge watching Downton Abbey and longing for servants to help. Just yesterday realized wreath still on front porch, dang it!
    Our crazy cats insist on sleeping on/in bed with us. They will be 4 years old in March, 2 brothers – Chico & Panda (Chico is our all black lucky cat, Panda is black & white just like a panda, my huzband is quite literal) rescued/adopted us the day they were born from our backyard wisteria where their terrible mother left them. We were not cat people….at all…we hand raised them, bottle feedings every 4 hours round the clock for weeks, now they are more loved and pampered than the actual children we gave birth to – read “they have completely taken over our lives/home”. Panda sleeps on top of the covers, right between my huzband’s legs, basically pinning him to the bed. Chico insists on sleeping under the covers, curled up against me with his cold feet pressed into huzband. Now that it’s winter and extra cold, his new trick is to sleep under the covers, between my huzband’s legs, literally curled in a ball, pressed to his crotch….but before crawling under the covers, he has to sit, full weight on huzband’s chest, flicking his tail in his face until he lifts the covers for him to climb in…..it cracks me up every time, it wakes him up every time. The cat’s sleeping habits basically torture him all night long, pinned to the bed. I like to think of it as his karma for me having to do all the schlepping around this place!

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  9. We have pretty much de-decked out halls. The tree is resting comfortably in the driveway until the recycling truck comes for it. Yesterday we gathered the other decorations into a pile for the Waiting Period to make SURE we have it all before we pack it away. I didn’t decorate as much as usual this year, so the putting away part has been a snap! I think I’m just down to one small red poinsettia in the hall bath, so, all good.
    We are currently petless, but past pet parenting tells me that I canNOT sleep with a dog in the bed. There is no acceptable scenario in which the mooches (pets) keep the breadwinners (us!) awake hogging the bed and marching around and so forth. Big no.

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  10. I put everything away on Sunday. I’m big into Advent, so Christmas isn’t really over on Christmas, it’s just beginning.

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  11. I came home at lunch and just noticed I still have our Christmas doormats out. I usually forget about them for months, but I’m determined to get organized this year!

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  12. I’m going to be honest here. I HATE dealing with the Christmas tree. I hate Hate HATE putting the lights on it because it’s a pain in the ass. Nobody helps me schlep the box of ornaments out of the deep recesses of the closet and nobody helps me take everything down and haul the dead and highly flammable tree out of the house. One year, hand to God, I only put lights and ornaments on the front of the tree and left the rear portion unadorned. If I could get away with a tiny little tabletop tree I would but the rest of the family would get their panties in a wad.

    And getting an artificial pre-lit tree is absolutely out of the question. Not only would I not have any place to store it, it wouldn’t have that lovely pine scent that you can only get with a real tree. Plus my family would rise up against me. Fake trees are of the devil, according to them.

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  13. On a completely different note, did you ever get the new migraine medication? I got mine and… it’s working! I took the first set of two injections 12/20 and had bad migraines the next two days(way too early for the stuff to have done anything). Since then, though, I’ve only had 2 others. I used to have them almost every day. I took so much Imitrex I thought I was bound to have a stroke. Now I haven’t had any since the 1st. Hope it works for you!

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    1. My doctor won’t give me the shot till I fill out some goddamn headache diary. Fortunately I am almost done with that and I see her next week. Since December 13, I have had 7 migraines, one that lasted 36 hours and one that lasted all day. So I’ve lost three days to migraine. GIVE ME THE GODDAMN SHOT.

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  14. Husband undecorated the tree earlier this week (and dropped the poor angel on her head — R.I.P. angel). It is now my turn to put everything away. I am avoiding this like the plague. I go in the living room and pretend I don’t see the ornaments lying on the table, however I’d better force myself to do it tonight before something else gets broken.

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  15. Christmas decor is gone. Makes me sad for only one day, then I like that all is cleaned up and I can look forward to decorating for Spring.

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  16. Ok… I am done with Christmas. Wrote a longer comment but hey, I just found you once again and can’t seem to get the password right. lol…. sigh…

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  17. I have been super sick for three weeks. I managed to get the decorations off the tree on Saturday. I got them mostly packed up on Sunday. I still haven’t completely packed them up and I need to get them down to the basement without falling down the stairs. I have some company coming to stay with me this weekend so I really need to get it done. But I’ve had no energy from whatever this is I’ve had. These are the times it really does suck living alone.

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    1. I’m sorry you’ve been sick. Let your guests carry the decorations to the basement for you. That’s the least they can do to prevent you from falling on their behalf.

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  18. I have Christmas cards out. Seeing as how I got two. Or maybe it was one. I put decorations on Nov 11th and I was ding dang tired of them. They were banished to the garage Christmas weekend.

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  19. I can’t say enough how much I adore your header picture of Tiny June gazing up at the sculpture/mobile thingamajig while in mid-stride. That picture is Art with a Capital A. Heck, I’d hang it on my wall in a Place of Honor.

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  20. Noticed I forgot to take down one red tin star, so now I’m debating whether to keep it somewhere in the house where I’ll forget it next year, trek it out to the storage bins in the garage, or move to Texas. Christmas cards are also still up but may be discarded today.
    One cat peacefully lies in the hall and the other runs track, meows randomly, and generally annoys at night. Sometimes I wake him up when he’s napping during the day so he knows how it feels.

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    1. I wake my cat up during the day as well so that he knows how it feels. If it would not give me a mouth full of fur I would jump on him and bite him and run away to show him how that feels!

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  21. I put away all of Christmas by myself the day after New Year’s day including wrestling the tree into its coffin ( no body bag for us, it’s a big box thing) and it is a twelve foot tree. A huge Christmas as village and everything else including vacuuming and mopping. Nobody in my family noticed or commented on it. So I took it upon myself to tell them how great I was and how they should thank me and give me a medal. I only did that for an hour or two though.

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    1. I guess one nice thing about living alone, other than ALL OF IT, is that when I do these tasks, I don’t have anyone to resent for not helping me. Sometimes it dawns on me that Eds could get off his lazy ass and take a few things to the garage, but not often.

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  22. I still have all my Christmas decorations up in the house. Maybe we will get to it this weekend. We did unplug the outside lights Monday morning. Don’t want the neighbors talking about us!

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  23. I’m like elsiejb with loving my Christmas stuff and leaving it up as long as possible.
    Especially this year. I barely had time to enjoy it before dog sitting for my friend. Three weeks of barking and shedding. I love Calvin but was so done by the time she came home on Monday.
    I bought more Christmas stuff at the sales which need their display time before I pack it all away at the end of the month.

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    1. I like the years I buy something on sale, pack it away immediately and then get surprised the next year. It’s like, Ooooo, where did I get THIS? One year, Francis got his tail caught on the end of the ornament bag and ran, panicked, through the house, breaking all the ornaments in one setting. I had to run to Pier One, back when I could go into Pier One without my throat closing up due to the smells in there, and buy all-new ornaments on sale.

      That next Christmas was magnificent. I still have some of those Pier One ornaments from The Great Tail Disaster of 2004.

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      1. Poor Francis!
        I’m loving my new additions and now wish I’d gone to Pier One.
        Puts Boxing Day reminder on calendar.

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  24. I have everything piled in the spare room waiting to be packed up properly. It’s depressing to have that to do yet. The wreath on the front door is wintery, so it can stay.

    Alex sleeps with me but has to have the door open at all times so she can patrol the house. When it gets light she stares at me to see if my eyes are open. If she sees any part of my hand she starts digging at it for me to pet her.

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    1. I had a cat named Andrea who would sit on my chest while I was asleep and when she decided it was time for me to wake up, she would very gently touch my cheek with her paw. If that didn’t work, she’d bat my cheek. And if that didn’t work, she’d stab my cheek with her razor sharp paw all while purring with satisfaction.

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  25. I have put everything away other than the tree itself. I started to take it down and my husband said “oh, so soon?” That was all I needed. It will go this weekend. I do still have the wreath on the front door, but that’s more winter than Christmas so it’ll stay.

    I, too, do all the decorating myself and then have to hear it from all my now grown kids if I choose to change something or just not put something out. A few years ago I decided I was done with all the mismatched ornaments we have collected over the years and started buying myself the pretty glass ones from Costco – they’re cheap but oh so lovely. Now I have the tree of my dreams – all coordinated and sparkly – and I’ve apparently ruined Christmas for my (did I mention GROWN UP AND LIVING ELSEWHERE) children. Get your own tree. Oh wait – YOU DID!

    Aunt Kathy with her Christmas butter dish – now THAT’S commitment.

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  26. All Christmas decoration have been put away since the day after Christmas. Glad that’s over. Put a heavy book on the corner of the rug. All my cats, fmr., have been allowed in our bedroom. Currently, as of Saturday morning, I am out of cats. Trudy has disappeared. She was acting strange Friday night wanting in, then wanting out, then wanting back inside. She ate like crazy Saturday morning (was she gassing up?) and we haven’t see her since. We have looked all over yonder for her. All I can do is wait and pray she comes home. My husband thinks she may be leading a double life.

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  27. I normally have everything Christmas packed away by now, but not this year. I’m still working on packing away the millions of tree ornaments. That’s a slight exaggeration, but it feels like millions when I have to carefully pack each one. I plan to finish the job this weekend. Of course, then there’s the job of carrying the many bins of Christmas ornaments and decorations to the basement along with the tree. It will eventually get done.

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  28. I have no holiday themed decorations anymore but I am planning for Singles Awareness Day decorations soon. I really just came here to comment on your use of color in your living room. I didn’t notice before, maybe I paying attention to your animals, but I really like how colorful your living room is!

    Also, did any of you read the article about how women get better sleep when the sleep with dogs?

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    1. No! Edsel now refuses to sleep with me, since his gramma got him an extra-swank bed. He sleeps in the ROOM, but he finds his bed far superior to mine.

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      1. Love, Jimmie (don’t be jealous, old lover June), the article should say women get better sleep when they sleep with dogs WHO ARE SLEEPING. Titi settles down behind my knees, but Minka prefers to walk around the bed for a while, seeking she knows not what, and if she finds one of my hands or elbows she will lick it for up to 25 minutes. They haven’t worn away–yet.

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  29. Except for the Christmas hand towels in the kitchen and bathrooms, all of the Christmas decorations are still up. I absolutely love Christmas stuff and enjoy it as long as possible. The wreath on the front door is viney things with a gold bow, so it can stay up until time for the spring/summer thing to go up.

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  30. I took down all the Christmas decor on Saturday. By myself. Where’s my medal? I am so tired of being the one person doing a two- or three-person job. Call the wahmbulance. Anywho, my husband worked Saturday and then was consumed with an all-day project on Sunday. I can’t carry the bins back downstairs and certainly not the tree, so we’ve been skirting around said bins and Christmas tree body bag ever since. Irks. Although, to be fair, when my daughter came home and saw the naked tree she decided that would not do and as she is younger and stronger than I am, she wrestled the tree into parts and the parts into the body bag. So I really didn’t do ALL of it by myself. I am willing to share my medal with her.

    I have had previous cats sleep with me/us or at least allowed to have access to the bedroom, but my current cat population does not enjoy this freedom. Phyllis hides in the basement unless my daughter’s boyfriend is visiting, then she nearly breaks a stubby leg running to see him. She is such a whore. Albert is allowed in the bedroom early and temporarily, but it never lasts. Sometimes he is so in love with me he can’t help himself and as he is already nestled on my neck, he loses all control and starts nipping my face. MY FACE. And has, on occasion, gotten a sharp cat fang hooked in my nose. IN MY NOSE. Or he is just completely disruptive and jumps from piece of furniture to piece of furniture, ending on the top of the mirror, FTLOG and then sailing from there onto the bed with a resounding WHOMP. Not conducive to sleep. So he is generally banished.

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  31. I just changed out my Christmas butter dish and sugar bowl for their regular stand-ins this morning. I do still have this beautiful lighted garland down my staircase, but that will wait for Bill to take it down this weekend. This is very late for me.

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