June's stupid life

Miscellaneous

Do you think the Tracy Anderson mat workout I did last night has been negated by the four Girl Scout cookies I just had for breakfast? I feel like Kate Middleton never sidles up to some S’mores cookies at 7 a.m.

Oh, and yes. In answer to the poll I gave you awhile back about what workout I should do, I opted for Tracy Anderson because she was there. I still don’t know if that’s my final answer, but that’s what I’ve been doing.

I’m complementing that workout regime with Girl Scout cookies. I should write a fitness book.

Anyway, today I have a bunch of crap on my desktop that I keep meaning to show you at some point, and today is that day. I really know how to make things fascinating, don’t I?

Here’s me trying Perrier strawberry water. I was hoping I’d try it and carry on about it so much that I’d become the Perrier spokesperson. Surely they want some chubby old lady in Greensboro to be their spokesperson.

Okay, great. You’ve seen that. Now I can take this off my desktop. Hang on.

Next?

BABY KITTY IRIS!

Okay, Iris was not the most perfect little kitten you ever saw. I mean, first, she lacked actual eyes. And then she had a bad ear infection so she always had medicine on her temples. Really, since day one, Iris has had the cards stacked against her. But look at her little smile. She’s always been plucky. And murderous.

BABY KITTY IRIS AGAIN! And an afghan with 6 tons of dog fur on it. You know what I do now? I put the afghans up between uses. I know. What a Tidy Tess I’ve become.

Okay, now I can throw away the baby Irises on my desktop. This is so Mary Condom or whatever her name is. Why can’t I ever remember that tidying up woman’s name? I finally watched the first episode of that, with the couple who call each other “Babe” 497 times a day. Then after I hated them, I moved on to

THE

WORLD’S

MESSIEST

COUPLE

who made me so angry and nervous I almost couldn’t watch. “Well, I have three rooms of Christmas decorations out all year because I like Christmas.”

Dudes, she had nutcracker soldiers on top of her dining room hutch. ALL YEAR.

I can’t get behind people who have that much crap. Mostly because there’s no room to stand behind them. But really, I threw out some stuff when I moved in here that I was like, Wow. You have no heart at all. Some of it makes me feel bad, in retrospect. But everything I gave away or threw out was stuff that moved in a box from one house to the next for decades.

Why? Why keep that? I get nervous about having things around that I don’t need, and I suffer not a bit from the “but what if you NEED a piece of chicken wire one day” disorder.

Anyway.

I’ve gotten rid of most of the doodads on that bookshelf.

Edsel and Tallulah when I hid a treat under the chair. Man, that chair was in better shape then. That was 47 foster kitten claws ago. I have big plans to recover that chair once I’ve saved my dollars.

I miss having an Edsel and a Tallulah together. Eds still tilts his head when I say, “Tallulah.”

I only have one thing left on m’desktop that I have to show you, and it’s a fascinating video of my latest pet.

Milhous is RIVETED by ice. I found this out the hard way when I spilled ice out of the ice maker. Now anytime I push that lever for ice, he runs over with this high-pitched meow he reserves only for ice. It’s his ice meow. Anyway, here he is being riveted.

Maybe he’s part otter. We should do his Ancestry DNA profile.

I should also offer the caveat that Milhous is riveted by everything and I personally look forward to the day he slits his eyes disdainfully at the world the way a cat is supposed to. I don’t know about you. But that that’s my hashtag goals.

Outside of home and my 48 pets, we had Maker’s Day at work yesterday, which isn’t as good as if it’d been Maker’s Mark Day, but still. Everyone at work who is creative (aka everyone at work) was encouraged to bring in a sample of what they did (“I make situations awkward,” I said, “can I bring that?”), and we displayed it all on the pretty, exposed-brick floor they don’t let me up on very often. Oh, it’s nice up there. Huge windows and so on.

Anyway, I managed to tell people I made all the food, all the art, and even the keg of beer one guy brews. What I like are the people at work who still give me the benefit of the doubt. “Did you really?” And someone else will pull them aside and be all, Don’t notice June. She’s an asshole.

Anyway, which I already said but there you go, there’s one very quiet guy at work who makes this incredible chunky jewelry, and I tried every single piece on because you know how I am. I am haunted by one ring that’s silver with a honey-colored piece of amber in it. I never ever wear amber, but it was so pretty.

Should I get it? I don’t think it’s cheap. Every piece of amber jewelry I buy is one step further from my goal of recovering my chair. It has no impact on my goal of Milhous getting bored by life like the rest of us, however.

Oh yeah, life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone,
June

72 thoughts on “Miscellaneous

  1. Jack and Diane! Now I will be singing that song for the rest of the day. I had that John Cougar album back when they were albums on turntables.
    My favorite part of all the pictures and videos is the look on your face after your first sip of the Perrier. Very “I can’t decide if I like this or want to spit it out”. And I love looking at pictures of little Iris and being happy that she’s home and not sad that she’s not.
    Lovely post, Joob.

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  2. My husband has a theory that couples who call each other Babe ALL the time are compensating. His very unscientific theory has thus been proven correct, as the two couples we know who did this are now divorced. ( uninteresting aside: I have never, in all my 52 years, 2 marriages, and gazillion and eleven boyfriends, called one of them Babe.)
    Also, plus – GET THE RING. Supporting local artists and all that 😉

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  3. Ice Mountain Summer Strawberry is my go to, here in the ‘Burg. Perrier flavors tend to be a bit peppery tasting, for me. On another note, you look great! Perrier would be foolish not to use you as their spokesperson.

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  4. Hilarious post! And comments. I love the videos and all the photos. Baby Iris! How sweet that girl was and is. I’m so glad she came home. All of you are making me NOT want to watch the declutter show(s), I would end up screaming. I have clutter, but all that hording I don’t get.

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  5. I am FASCINATED with hoarders although I cannot watch the show “Hoarders” because it’s too depressing. There used to be a show with Niecy Nash called “Clean House” and oh, that show was my guilty pleasure. On one episode, the daughters had the show come do their mother’s house and hoo boy, it did not go well. The mother was absolutely furious that people came in and threw all of her things away and the daughters also had hoarding tendencies. They would sneak into the dumpsters themselves and pull things out.

    I know I have that Marie Kondo book somewhere in my stack of books. Maybe this weekend, while my husband is out of town, I’ll watch the show.

    Anyway, love the pictures of Baby Iris, your comment about Ben-Wa balls but mostly, I love your comment about making things awkward.

    You are the best!

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  6. And what’s with all the hugging? Every single time, every minute Marie and the translator come to the door, looked at something, went to leave. You could tell the last thing that teeny tiny thing wanted were those slobs manhandling her. Plus, how did someone that small ever give birth? I wonder if the baby came out all folded up in a neat little square, like some human origami.

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    1. Have you noticed how she walks through the door? She has to make a long, drawn-out greeting sound that annoys the fuck out of me. That long overly excited hello is why I don’t like women. Also because I’m my grandmother now. [Lights a More.]

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              1. Our BIL is staying here outside in a camper. His shitter was full for real. They came to empty it yesterday. It was too frozen to pump. They ard back today, when it has warmed up. My siblings and I have been peeing ourselves laughing over this.

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                1. My brother begging me to make him a video but I refused. BIL and I are just learning to get along. I’m sure he would not appreviate it.

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  7. I am obsessed with Deer Park’s raspberry lime sparkling water. I hope it’s not bad for me because I can’t quit it. Also, I so love that chair. Still.

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  8. So glad you bought the ring. I love Amber jewelery and still don’t own one piece. Is that really how you spell jewelry? Wait. Now it spell corrected without the third e. Whatever.

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  9. You’re so pretty, June! I loved this post. The videos make me laugh so loud I woke the cats up. Their eyes slitted and I laughed harder. You should make videos more often trying different stuff so that we can live dangerously through you. Also, I did that keto diet and that water made life a little more tolerable.

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  10. I watched the whole season of the Marie Kondo show over the long weekend. I thought they did a nice job choosing diverse families/couples for the episodes. The first couple definitely said “babe” too often; I think they were nervous, especially the wife.

    I used to watch Clean Sweep on TLC years ago and what I liked about that one is that Peter Walsh (who you know doesn’t have one single extra thing in his house) was always compassionate with people. He’d ask, “So why do you have this old vacuum cleaner that doesn’t work,” and then actually listen to the person whose eyes lit up as they spoke about it being in their grandmother’s house when they were a child. In the end, the vacuum cleaner would go away, but maybe they’d take a picture of it and add a picture of the grandmother and a little note telling the story and put it in a frame or something.

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    1. I used to watch that too Laura! I remember one episode where a young woman had kept a bunch of her late grandma’s clothes and as he was convincing her to give them up, he said “do you trust me?” and of course she said yes. He had the clothes made into a quilt that she could keep on her bed and I did not cry one little bit when he presented it to the young woman (yes I did. I sobbed as if it were my own grandmother). I thought that was so sweet and thoughtful.

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      1. I have seen that a lot now and I am saving some of my husband’s clothes to make a throw and maybe some pillows

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  11. Oh, I’m so glad you got the ring! I was feeling all angsty about it for you. I have missed out on a few handmade pieces of jewelry over the years that I still long for. So, good for you!

    I am with you on the couple with Christmas all over the house. Who goes through life just letting stuff stack up like that? And her clothes – my god woman. She still had SO MUCH STUFF even when it was over. But maybe that’s the mental part of it that I can’t relate to. Like you, I have anxiety over keeping too much crap in my house. I’m a tosser and a donate-r. If I’m not actively using something, I want it gone. Did you notice how the husband literally came back to life as that process went on? That’s the part of the show that intrigued me more than the tidying up – how much hanging on to stuff can destroy our relationships with people. We’ve gone through this with my mom – I think she fills her house with crap to keep from realizing how empty her life really is. And it sure keeps people away if that’s your goal.

    “I make situations awkward. Can I bring that?” – ha! Me too, June. Me, too.

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    1. If I’d been that man’s wife, I’d have shoved those baseball cards straight up his ass. HOW CAN YOU LIVE with baseball cards in your bedroom for THIRTY YEARS?

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      1. Same here. But her problem was bigger than his. It was almost like she had crammed the whole house with her junk and he just had that one giant stack of shoe boxes in the bedroom. And their son? You could feel him wanting this to work for his parents – I bet there’s a whole history there we didn’t see.

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        1. But once they started cleaning together, they didn’t seem stressed or irritated. I was totally expecting one of them to lose their shit. Instead they lost their baseball cards.

          Oh, and also, that woman had terrible taste in clothes. She was all, Shopping is my stress relief. Where do you go? Forever 61?

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        2. Also too – ben wa balls. BAH! My father in law bought a set of them in Chinatown many years ago. The woman explained what they were for and he completely missed the point and believed they had some kind of healing power. Well, maybe he didn’t completely miss the point…

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  12. Can I just say that I am so old, that when you said you had stuff on your desktop to show us, I was somehow expecting you to show us items sitting on a desk. DUH

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  13. I’m glad you bought yourself that ring . Let it be a special gift from you to you, a symbol of your wonderful post yesterday that men are no longer the upermost objective in your life. Every time you look down at it you can remember the moment you had that great realization, and celebrate it quietly in your heart and soul.

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  14. It looks like you already purchased said ring, so I will say “Congratulations!” If I keep thinking about something, I know I really want it so I go back and get it, even if I’m saving for a new sofa (which I am. I’d still buy the ring.)

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  15. Buy the ring! If you don’t it’s ghost will haunt you till your dying day. That will be your last thought….”why didn’t I buy that damn ring”?

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  16. Don’t you HATE couples that call each other “babe”? That’s my husband’s number one pet peeve. If I want to annoy him, that’s all I have to do. I would at least ASK about the ring and find out how much it is . . . it might be amazingly affordable. Or maybe he would want you to wear it for free, seeing as how you’re a major influencer. You never know.

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    1. I just watched the first episode this morning and that couple made me want to throw things at my television. I had to turn it off about ten minutes before the end because I realized it was just putting me in a terrible mood to start the date.

      I mean, I love a good hate-watch as much as anyone, but even I have my limits!

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        1. I did like how you could tell how much animosity was still just seething between the two of them while they were allegedly falling back in love with each other. It was like every time they called each other “Babe” what they really meant was “Asshole”.

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  17. Buy the ring. Can you imagine how you would feel if someone else bought it and you had to look at them for the rest of your life wearing “your” ring?

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  18. I say buy it! I’m no expert on your life, but I say confidently that you’re very unlikely to recover that chair anyway. Don’t you still have fabric to recover a different chair? Or is the fabric for this one? Anyway. Buy the ring if you’re haunted by it. There’s nothing worse than retail (didn’t buy) regret. I’m haunted by boots that I decided were too expensive so I walked away, and I have never found another pair as comfortable.

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    1. Oh and I just reread that, and I don’t mean to be bitchy about the chair! I was projecting, because there’s no way I would recover a chair. I would buy the ring though. I stand by that.

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    2. I recovered my wingback chair a few months ago. That’s the green patterned chair you see in my living room. Not that you’re there now. …are you? If so, would you make me some avocado toast?

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      1. If I was there I would be too busy petting all the pets to make toast. But I would try to admire the recovered chair too, because that’s just manners. Good for you for doing it though! That’s exactly the kind of project I pretend I will do but never follow through.

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        1. When I was moving, it was easier to have someone come and take the chair and the huge roll of fabric and finally pony up the $500 than it was to, you know, move the chair and fabric myself. That was really my only incentive.

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