June's stupid life

June’s dramatic day. Oh, that sums it up.

Yesterday put the ridic in ridiculous, and say, June, I don't think you get how that little wordplay works. It did, though. It put the ridic in ridiculous. First of all, I have a friend passing through a crisis, and I love to say that: passing through a crisis. It's just so dramatic. So I… Continue reading June’s dramatic day. Oh, that sums it up.

June's stupid life

Edsel’s DNA is here

Taaa-daaa. I put this on Facebook yesterday and called it "The day we all said, 'PUG?'" Also, on Facebook, some people were like, "This isn't true" and I was all, it's, you know, pretty science-y, y'all. Do you also think there weren't dinosaurs? Anyway, Pug. Yeah. I went home and spoke German to Eds, but… Continue reading Edsel’s DNA is here

June's stupid life

Theme from White Castle

I didn't watch the Oscars. I don't have TV. I called a couple people and I was all, "You watching the Oscars?" and they were all, "Yep." And then I waited pregnantly for my invitation and none was forthcoming and goddammit. Then I tried to get it on my phone. ABC, not friends. But get… Continue reading Theme from White Castle

June's stupid life

How to stop hating people

Last summer, we had a food truck at work. We have them a couple times a month when it's warmer, and people from our whole building frequent said food truck, not just my offce. (Also, as an aside, some days I'll get something from the truck and return to my desk with a Styrofoam container… Continue reading How to stop hating people

June's stupid life

June Gardens’ Day Off

I have today off! Because Wednesday is the traditional day to take one vacation day. A faithful reader sent me two passes to the Biltmore, a mansion in the mountains that the Vanderbilts used to live in. I wonder if they still own it. Like, can Anderson Cooper be all, "Everybody out. I want this… Continue reading June Gardens’ Day Off

June's stupid life

Good-boned nincompoop

Would you like to know what annoys me (vol. XI4a)? When famous, spectacularly beautiful women get asked, "What's the secret to your beauty?" and they say, "It comes from within" or "It comes from being surrounded by love." Oh, go fuck yourself. Everyone on earth adores me and I still look like an almond with… Continue reading Good-boned nincompoop

June's stupid life

June & Flashy

I've been waiting till payday, which was, mercifully, on Friday. I had a list of things I've been waiting to get, which included: Shampoo and deep conditioner for 2C/3A, low-porosity hair.Face serum that Hot & Flashy recommends. Yes, I AM obsessed with Hot & Flashy, and who wouldn't be? Look at her! Good gravy; she's… Continue reading June & Flashy

June's stupid life

Fun. Dip.

I got a message from the place that's doing Edsel's DNA. They're typing with someone named Geno or something, which, I guess I'm glad to get updated but just GIVE ME THE RESULTS. GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT. Do my movie references bug you? Anyway, it was Valentine's Day yesterday. FYI. I see that something… Continue reading Fun. Dip.

June's stupid life

To the people who’ve disappeared because they didn’t approve of my love life

I have learned the most from the not-so-joyous things that have happened to me in life. Happy times? I learn nothing. If things had always been happy, I'd be starring in the remake of Forrest Gump or something. But like Forrest Gump, I do know what love is. Especially now. The last seven years have… Continue reading To the people who’ve disappeared because they didn’t approve of my love life

June's stupid life

Kitty Karry-All was the Mrs. Beasley of The Brady Bunch

I guess my most thrilling news is that they changed the light in the vending machine at work. "Hey, Griff, did you see the new light in the vending machine?!" I asked Griff, my coworker, and I guess this last part of this sentence was unnecessary. Also, how horrible must it be to deal with… Continue reading Kitty Karry-All was the Mrs. Beasley of The Brady Bunch

June's stupid life

News flash: Death is sad

The thing about death is we always think it's not going to happen, when in fact it happens to everyone. It really will happen to everyone, you know. Do you know anyone who's 6,000 years old? I mean, mornings after I eat many potato chips, I look 6,000 years old, but that's beside the point.… Continue reading News flash: Death is sad

June's stupid life

Spend June’s money

It's Thursday night, and a train is rolling by, and I'm in my pajamas writing you tonight because I got a notice that I have a meeting early tomorrow. So here's my latest quandary. Last year, I didn't do any freelancing at all. I just got tired of coming home from a day of work… Continue reading Spend June’s money

June's stupid life

Special guest star, Marvin Gardens

In September 1985, I was starting my second year at Michigan State University. It was the very first week and classes hadn't even begun yet. They had this very stupid thing called Welcome Week. Welcome Week. Pfft. Shut up. Why did we need that, anyway? Let us continue our jobs or our summer romances till… Continue reading Special guest star, Marvin Gardens

June's stupid life

The white underbitey

When I got Edsel, he had normal teeth. maybe just hint of unnerbite. I got Edsel off a website, like how you'd order pornography or books or a bride from overseas. It was a "rescue" site that I now sort of suspect, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I… Continue reading The white underbitey

June's stupid life

Advice Day.

In the comments recently, someone came up with a great idea, and I'd love to credit the person by name but here's my scenario: Comments usually come in the morning, once I've posted, until midafternoon. Then everyone seems to get over it. I'm work work work working during that time. I'll see I have an… Continue reading Advice Day.