June's stupid life

Aw, nuts

I decided to sit outside with my coffee this morning and watch the sun rise.

6:48 a.m.
Yes, I, too, wonder what that light is across the tracks. It’s only visible when the trees are bare.
6:58 a.m.
Sunrise. Now with Edsel ears.

The whole time, I could hear my neighbor’s rooster, a thing other people here hate but I just love it.

I went out there intending to sit at the table the old owners left behind but forgot I’d heaved all the backyard chairs into the garage when we had a hurricane, DURING the hurricane. That was a relaxing time. Did I tell you guys about that? It was raining sideways and blowing so hard I thought the chairs would blow into the house, so I had no choice but to take them in. Halfway through, I noticed Edsel, squinting in the sideways rain, following me back and forth to the garage. Faithful cur.

Anyway, instead, I sat on my back steps this morning. Cement steps. It’s January.

Oh, wait! It’s now February! (Which, by the way, didn’t make the cement steps any warmer.) We get to see my NEW FEBRUARY CALENDAR PICTURE!

Aw, nuts.

Nuts. Seriously? What makes calendar makers say, Oh, she’ll want to look at shades of brown all month. Because February is such a cheerful month anyway. Nuts. Of all the…

Speaking of which, I went to see a movie last night about Laurel & Hardy. Remember the scene where Oliver Hardy is in the hospital and Stan Laurel brings him hard-boiled eggs and nuts?

Why were Laurel & Hardy movies always on? Does it seem that way to you? And why aren’t there really good TV channels anymore where they show just old random movies? I guess there’s a…movie channel, isn’t there? But they make such a big proDUCtion out of old movies, and you have to sit in a room with that one guy and some other movie star like Alec Baldwin, hearing about why they loved that particular movie.

Oh my god, shut up shuttin’ up. Just show me the Werewolf or whatever.

I enjoyed the old days, when you literally had to go over and pull on the TV, then stand there like an idiot and

CHUNK

CHUNK

CHUNK

the channels over till you come across the first few minutes of Stella Dallas, but you don’t even know you’re watching Stella Dallas because you’re 10 and you have a bowl of Sugar Pops in front of you and you aren’t even thinking about carbs.

That’s what I miss. Because I saw some really great movies that way, without anyone telling me what I was about to see and why it was great.

Anyway, the movie last night was a movie about Laurel & Hardy after their heyday. Apparently, their manager or whoever he was really dicked them over and they didn’t make much money. Why are people such greedy assholes? So it was about Laurel & Hardy in their 60s still trying to earn a buck.

The guy who played Stan Laurel sounded exactly like him.

I’m seeing red

The damn movie theater I go to USED to be called the Carousel, and it had an unfortunate, you know, carousel theme when you walked in. But they showed really weird movies in the side rooms, and I liked it.

Then some ass bought up a bunch of property all along this part of town and he named it Midtown, which no one calls it except him, and he changed the name of my theater to Red Cinemas, and as you can see he went to town on the goddamn theme.

Also, you have to sit through 29493420230 previews and TWO–TWO!!–commercials for the theater, where you already are. AND they closed down my weird side rooms where they showed weird side movies. Well, they didn’t close them down, they turned them into rooms where kids have parties.

You can imagine how this sits with me.

When I was married, and I’m sure I’ve told you this before. But when I was married, Marvin had band practice on Sundays with his nice friend Ron who is Southern, and I remember being mad about something or other and coming into the room saying, “Fuck fuck fuck fuck” and I literally saw him flinch. I think he was not used to people like me.

Anyway, they’d have band practice and I made myself scarce so I wouldn’t be Yoko. I’d always head to the Carousel to watch one of my weird movies in one of the side rooms. Later, when I met Ned, it turns out he went to weird movies on Sundays, and often the theater would have only one or two other people, and we think that some Sundays we’d be watching a movie together without knowing each other, then I’d go home to my husband.

Weird, right?

A friend of mine told me that her mom lived in a building right next to where her future husband lived, and it always gives her a tingle to think, “HE WAS RIGHT THERE” that whole time.

Plus also too, Marvin and I lived in the same dorm, knew all the same people, but we never met till the next year when he lived in that unsanitary pink house he lived in with 949402040202 other boys. I never peed there, not once.

The point is, how many times did we reach for the same bacon tong in the caf without knowing we’d be married one day?

I love to think about shit like that. And I have no idea how I went from sunrises to nuts to Laurel & Hardy to standing right next to someone you’ll eventually love, but you know how I am.

Disjointedly,
Joop

45 thoughts on “Aw, nuts

  1. omg, the comments are as good as the post! When I was a young’un I would look at the night sky and know that somewhere my true love was doing the same. Little did I know he must live in another universe. I am also one of those people who would actually buy a house that had a carousel themed bedroom, or kitchen, or bath.

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  2. I have a dear friend who moved to Atlanta from a village just outside of Amsterdam. She met a guy from New Orleans, married him and they moved here to Atlanta together. They were in a bar watching a soccer game and the husband went to the bar to order them another round and heard a guy sitting there with a Dutch accent. The husband struck up a conversation, asked the guy where he was from. “Amsterdam.” “Where in Amsterdam?” Turns out this guy grew up in the same village as his wife so he took him over to their table to meet her. The guy had lived across the street from her in a village outside of Amsterdam while they were kids and they never met until they were in a bar in Atlanta watching a soccer game. They became great friends.

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  3. Current husband says I used to cut his hair a hundred years ago when I still did that. I don’t remember that.

    When my mom was growing up, she had an old makeup vanity she painted white and carved her initials in. One day her parents sold it. Eventually she started dating my dad. She was at my dad’s house one day and saw the vanity in the hallway (my grandparents put stuff in weird places). She squealed and ran down and looked and there were her initials. They didn’t know each other when her parents sold it. I have it now.

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  4. I don’t think I ever crossed the path of my husband prior to meeting him in the Strand one warm night in late summer – September I think. But the next day I got at least 10 phone calls from girls and friends – saying things like… wow – do you know who HE is? No I didn’t know that I had just latched onto the supreme catch of Saginaw, MI. lol. I guess I lived under a rock? Anyway – the rest is history….

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    1. That must be you, dear SIL. I miss you. Wish you’d make the trip to Saginaw again. Who knows whom you might meet this time around! I miss Deb too.

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  5. My daughter and son-in-law have SO many of those times when they were in the same place and hadn’t met each other yet. There is a photo of her with a friend and cousin; future son-in-law is behind her with his friends. There is video of a high school football game where she is cheering on our side and he is playing QB for the opposing team, a team we only play about once every ten or twenty years. He also went to college in our town during her last two years of high school and they had something like fifty facebook friends in common when they met. They finally met on a blind date.

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  6. My husband and I went to the same high school, but he was two years behind me so we didn’t know each other. We became friends in our late 20s, and only found out we had gone to the same high school because he told a funny story at a party one night about the long-haired “rocker guy” that all the girls were hot for at his high school, and how much he hated this guy because of it.

    I jokingly said, “Long-haired rocker guy? If his name was ________ ________, then I probably slept with him, but you and I didn’t go to the same school, did we?”

    He said, “That is actually the name of the guy I’m talking about.”

    And yes, I had totally slept with that guy.

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  7. There is no way to explain this, but my husband and I met on a blind date and when he came to my house for the second date, he admitted he already knew my parents!! THAT’S CREEPY. My parents, upon seeing him, realized they knew him, too.

    Maybe it’s not all that difficult to explain. He owned a local home improvement shop at the time and he and one of his cousins had recently installed a new kitchen floor. What was truly horrible was when he remembered our family from years before, when I was the little kid playing on the carpet samples and he was the too cool younger cousin working. (He is only three years older than me, but I was 12 and he was 15, so a very important three-year difference at the time.)

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        1. And wait, there’s more (I’m at work and had to post quickly). When he got to my house for the second date, then I had to own up to the fact that our dog had the same name as him. This is what happens when you give your pets people names. Sooner or later your dog and your boyfriend are going to have the same name and it is not fun. (That dog was a dalmatian. Thankfully not some yippy yappy ankle-biting asshole dog. No offense.)

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  8. I think that green light is from a railroad box.
    My husband used to meet friends at the store in front of my neighborhood, I went to that store every day. Then he was married to my dad’s best friends sister. He lived across the highway from me at one point, then ironically we both moved and were one street away from each other. Then after all that and 7 years later we both moved across the lake, still haven’t met. But one night I went out to the parish I moved from and there he was. It’s crazy that we haven’t met with all of those close encounters, but then again he is 15 years older so that may have been a little creepy.

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  9. We lived in Germany during my grade school years, and every Saturday my brother and I would go to the movies. I loved those old Beatles movies, seeing the Sound of Music and Mary Poppins on the BIG screen (as they should be), so that kind of cemented in me the whole ‘going to the movies’ as a thing.

    We have a vintage mid-50s theater, with beautiful decor, originally-built stadium seating, and it’s the discount theater to boot. It has the most lovely pink, cat-themed wallpaper in the ladies lounge. I want that wallpaper.

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  10. I just had a flashback. One probably sunny beautiful day that I should have been outside playing, I was instead in our dark basement watching TV, and came upon what was likely a made-for-TV movie called Sunshine, I think. It was the true (“true”) story of a young hippie woman who had, like, leg cancer, and chose to not amputate but to die looking pretty instead.

    I remember watching it and afterward desperately wishing I had leg cancer, and could stand around looking wan and dramatic. And sort of lean-y.

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        1. Two very important things: Judy Blume had something to do with that book. Also, they showed other books, including OH MY GOD LISA BRIGHT AND DARK! I adored that book. I also dearly wished to be bright and dark.

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      1. DO YOU? Oh my god, they had that dumpy apartment. I remember sweeping our kitchen floor and pretending I was sweeping that dumpy apartment floor, with my cancer leg. I remember sighing heavily because my leg cancer was bothering me. You’ll be stunned to hear no one noticed. I imagine dramatic sighs had already happened a lot in my 8 years of struggling on this earth, as I had.

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        1. I LOVED THAT MOVIE! Oh the drama! The romance of that dirty, hippy life in the woods! I thought it was a cabin in the woods, no? Cliff DeYoung! I thought he was sooooo dreamy! I fell in love with John Denver after watching that movie.

          Imma limp around a bit and see if anyone notices!

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          1. Add me to the list! I loved the movie and read the book and thought it was so soulful and dramatic. I watched so many TV movies in the 70s–remember ABC’s Friday Night at the Movies? There was one with Sally Field, a few years before Sybil, where she was a runaway hippie who came back home and saw her younger sister start to go all hippie and druggie. Not as romantically sad as Sunshine but it stuck with me, too.

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  11. All of you old theater lovers need to read Virgil Wander by Leif Enger. So good!

    That green light is very Gatsby-esque. Maybe Daisy lives over yonder.

    I, too, miss the days when you just had to turn the TV on and flip through the channels. It seems it was easier to find something good to watch when you only had four choices than it is today with the 86512458745 channels and streams and whatnot. I consider it a victory if I manage to turn on all the components required just to get the TV to work, let alone remember “was that on Hulu? Amazon? Netflix? YouTube?” Generally I just read a book instead.

    Lovely post lovely Jooooon!

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  12. One of my many fantasies is to hit the lottery and own a theater like the one you are describing beore that idiot and his red brothel lights ruined it. Let the children have parties at Chuckie Cheese where they belong. We don’t have an older theater here. That would be so cool. The seniors have fought for it and they have gotten some older movie screened in our regular theaters. If it’s not digital that is a problem with some of the independant films.

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  13. June, in regards to the movie intros (which I also can’t abide) how do you feel about book forwards? Certain non-fiction irks me too. Too much padding and I wish they’d get to the damn point. Many of those books would be just a few pages if I were editing.

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    1. My favorite writing professor told me to always skip the intro and forward. So I do. He also said people who use the word lifestyle rarely have either, so I never use that word. I wish I’d kept my notebooks from every one of his classes.

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  14. I agree about that old movie channel. They just need to shut up. By the time they finally zip it, I forget what it is I was trying to watch.
    Next time you go to that movie house you might want to carry your sunglasses.

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  15. Some of my best memories are of watching old movies with my mother. Double Indemnity. Back Street. Imitation of Life. I didn’t understand the sexy parts until I was much older. Kind of like that dirty joke I heard in 5th grade.

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  16. What a lovely start to the day. Much more relaxing than the Red Cinemas where I couldn’t enjoy sitting through any movie no matter how good it was. Is the lighting as bad as it appears?

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  17. I have lived where I live now for 37 years. But when I was a child and we moved around A LOT, I lived here from 5th grade to 8th grade. My husband and I have talked about how we probably crossed paths at least once and never knew that umpteen years later we’d be together.

    Also, it was -3 degrees here this morning so that whole beginning up there where you talk about sitting outside and having coffee? My brain couldn’t process that for a minute or two.

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  18. I love the disjointed posts, actually, my brain thinks like this. It, my brain, jumps from subject to subject, and if I’m stressed, oh my, I can not stay focused. You should see me clean house, ADD with a broom. I love the calendar and you look beautiful. I must agree with DeDe, that red lighting is stressful.
    Tee

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  19. My husband and I have talked about that and he had said it’s the one reason it would be cool to have trackers on people since birth. Then after you meet “the one” you could review the data and see if/where your paths crossed before you met.
    The redness of that theater stressed me out just looking at the pictures, don’t you get all ragey being there?
    Great post, Joop!

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